Unwanted ~ Part 47

Khushi 

It had been the longest few hours of my life and I was exhausted, but as I held my new baby in my arms, it all felt worth it.

The nurses, along with Payal had helped to get the baby cleaned off and I too had had the chance to sort myself out a little bit before they had allowed Arnav to come inside. The nurses had started to clear out, only one hung back to help if I needed anything.

 

As I held my baby in my arms, I looked into their little slumbering face and the perfect name came to mind. I watched as Arnav slowly pushed the door open and stuck his head into the room.

Jiji smiled as she saw him come in and she excused herself to give us some private time with our new baby. He walked into the room and I watch as Jiji gave him a quick hug before she left the room.

 

“You okay?”

“I’m absolutely fine, come and meet Aarav.”

 

I watches as his eyes lit up as he took the name in and rushed towards us.

 

“Aarav?”

 

As he sat down beside me, he peered at our son in my arms.

 

“A boy.”

 

I nodded and handed our son over to him.

 

“Arnav meet Aarav.”

 

I watched as he took Aarav into his arms and peered at his little face.

 

“He’s so small.”

“Believe it or not, Arushi was actually smaller.”

 

I watched as his eyebrows raised in shock as he looked at Aarav. It was clear he couldn’t fathom how the baby could be smaller than Aarav is. The change of hands and our conversation clearly annoyed Aarav because he started stirring in his sleep and then slowly began to open his eyes. Forehead creased, he looked up at Arnav. I expected him to start crying, but he didn’t. Forehead still creased, he looked at Arnav’s face.

 

“Hi little buddy. I’m you’re papa.”

 

I watched as Aarav and Arnav stared at each other, it was almost as though they were sizing each other up, Aarav especially. The moments passed and I waited to see which one of them would react first, it was Aarav. I watched as the creases on his littel forehead smoothed out and as he gave Arnav a small smile before he closed his eyes again.

Arnav turned his attention back to me, a grin on his face.

 

“I think he approves of his dad.”

“I think so too.”

 

He shuffled up next to me, our slumbering baby in his arms. He kissed the top of my head as he gently stroked our son’s cheek.

There was a light knock on the door and Jiji poked her head round.

 

“Can Akash meet Arnav?”

“Yes, absolutely, come in.”

 

Jiji and Jijaji walked into the room and over to us. Jiji came and sat beside me once more and Jijaji came and sat beside Arnav and peered at Aarav.

 

“He’s so tiny!”

“He’s early, so he’s still really small but they checked him out, he’s completely healthy and we will be able to take him home tomorrow.”

“He’s gorgeous.”

 

Though we were all speaking quietly, it must have still been too loud for Aarav. He frowned in his sleep, his forehead creasing up once more. Jijaji noticed this and he smiled.

 

“You can tell he’s bhai’s son, look at that face.”

 

We all laughed and this clearly didn’t sit well with our baby who opened his eyes and started crying. I took him back from Arnav and cradled him in his arms. Jiji and Jijaji prepared to take their leave.

 

“Are you guys going to go home now?”

 

Akash nodded but Jiji shook her head.

 

“He’s going but I think I’ll stay.”

“No Jiji you go home too, it’s been a long day, go and get some rest.”

“Are you sure? You’re going to need to go and have a bath soon, so I can stay and watch Aarav with Arnav Bhai.”

 

Arnav got to his feet and shook his head.

 

“Don’t worry about me, I can handle Aarav. Honestly Payal, you’ve done so much. Go home and get some rest.”

“If you are both sure then I will go, but I will be back first thing with breakfast. Also, when should we bring Arushi. She’ll be asleep now but the moment she wakes up she’s going to want to know about her brother and she’s going to want to come.

“Well if you’re going to come back with breakfast, then maybe you can bring her then too. I will contact you and let you know if they allow any other family members to come and if they do then I guess everyone can come and see Aarav and Khushi. What do you say Khushi?”

 

I had just put Aarav down in his cradle and I looked to Arnav and Jiji. I nodded my head.

 

“Yes, by morning I think they will allow us to have visitors so everyone can come. I know Di and Nani ji will want to come as soon as they can. But if we are not allowed to have the extended family yet, then yes, please just bring Aru.”

 

Jiji nodded and gave me a last hug before they left. Arnav came and sat down beside me again, his arm draped around me. I tilted my face up to his and he caught hold of my chin as he took my lips between his own. It was probably one of our lightest kisses that I had ever experienced,  but it just felt so much more meaningful than all of our other kisses.

He broke the kiss first and pulled me into himself.

 

“I’m all gross still.”

“I don’t care, I just need to hold you.”

“You should get some sleep too, it’s been a long day for you.”

“I know, but I’m not even tired. The adrenaline just keeps me going. But you are tired so you should get some sleep.”

“But Aarav…”

“Don’t worry about him, if he wakes up I’ll sort him out.”

“Nappy change?”

 

I tiled my head and I looked at him, eyebrow raised. It took him a moment to respond, but he did.

 

“I’m sure I will be able to manage.”

“Have you changed a nappy before?”

 

He paused as he thought about it.

 

“I may have changed Shalini’s nappy once or twice. But how hard can it be. And if I’m really struggling then I will just have a look on youtube.”

 

I laughed as I snuggled down beside him again. I was tired, so, so tired, and as the moments went on, I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

 

*****

 

When I woke up, the blinds were up and there was light streaming into the room. Arnav was no longer sat beside me on the bed, but was sat in the armchair beside the bed, Aarav in his arms and he was feeding him a bottle of milk. I sat myself up, brushing my hair out of my face.

 

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. I see you two are getting along great.”

“We’ve been having a great time. After you fell asleep, he woke up and I gave him some milk. He also needed his nappy changing a few times so I did that too.”

 

I sat up straighter as I took in his words.

“You changed his nappy?”

 

He laughed at my shock, shook his head and put Aarav in the cradle before sitting beside me on the bed.

 

”I told you, there was nothing to worry about. I didn’t even need to check how to do it on YouTube.”

”I’m very impressed.”

”You need to start giving me more credit.”

 

I snuggled up to him and breathed him in. He smelt slightly sweaty, and his cologne was starting to smell musty, but he smelt like Arnav. My Arnav.

“I love you so much.”

”I know you do, and I love you too.”

”Thank you Arnav, for everything. For making my life the way it is. For convincing me that we should have another baby. Aarav is just so perfect and I…”

 

Before I could finish, the door opened slightly and a little human walked tentatively into the room.

 

”Mama?”

”Arushi!”

 

She came and stood beside the bed, and waiting for Arnav to lift her onto the bed. She came and sat beside me and gave me a big hug.

 

”I missed you.”

”I missed you too baby.”

 

She curled herself into me and an overwhelming amount of love for my little girl coursed through my body.

 

“I called home about an hour ago and said that they could bring Arushi. But you’re not allowed visitors until visiting hours.”

 

Arushi detached herself from me and shuffled to the edge of the bed and jumped down. She walked slowly over to the cradle and peered in.

 

”Is that my brother?”

 

Arnav got off the bed and over to the cradle, picking Aarav up. He sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space next to him for Arushi to sit down.

 

”Yes this is your baby brother. Arushi meet Aarav. Aarav, meet your didi.”

 

Arushi craned her neck to get a better look at her brother and then laughed.

 

”Papa he’s a baby! He doesn’t understand when you talk…”

 

She stopped mid sentence and gasped. I looked over and saw that Aarav was slowly opening his eyes. It took him a few moments to fully become alert, but I watched as he first looked up at Arnav’s face and then turned his eyes towards Arushi.

 

”Aru go closer to his face, he can’t see too far yet.”

 

Arushi moved in slightly and looked down at her little brother. I held my breath. I really hoped that he wouldn’t start crying because that would startle her. To my delight, a little smile broke on his face as he looked up at his sister. Before I could say anything, Arnav beat me to it.

 

”He likes you! He knows his didi.”

”Can I hold him?”

 

Arnav turned to me, his eyes wide. I gave him a little nod.

 

”Okay sit back and I will help you hold him.”

 

Arushi shuffled back slightly and then held out her arms. Arnav half placed Aarav in Arushi’s arms, half held him himself.

It was a sight to behold. Aarav and Arushi simply stared at each other. Arushi getting used to the idea of having a a baby brother, Aarav familiarising himself with his sisters face.

A few minutes passed and then Arnav took Aarav off of Arushi and placed him into my arms. I took my son into my arms and my husband came and took his place beside me, his arm around me and our daughter on his lap. And in that moment I realised my life was complete. I had everything I had ever wanted and so much more. I had my little family, my own little world.

 

In that moment, I couldn’t believe that this marriage was once unwanted, that I had almost not wanted to have another baby. My life was complete, and I wanted every single tiny aspect of it. I wanted it all…

 

***** 

 

Author’s note: 

I’m not sure how many people had read the note at the end of my last chapter but I had said I was going to wrap this story up. And as I wrote this chapter, I realised that this was the perfect organic ending for this story.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been on this journey with me. This story is probably one of the ones that has taken me the longest to finish because of the format I chose. I can’t even remember when I started and finished the first half of this story and how long it took me to start and finish the second half, but I know it’s been about 4 years at least. So again, if you’re one of my OG followers, thank you for staying with me for so long, your support means the world to me.

I was going to end this chapter with “the end” but I don’t think I’m ready to say “the end” to this story, because if I do, it means that’s it and I’m not sure if I want it to be the end. For now, I know it’s the end but I will always be open to adding another chapter to it here and there to follow Arnav and Khushi as they learn how to be parents to 2 children.

So this is the end for now, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end for good. ALSO!!! I will be picking “Wilted Heart” up again very soon and the first chapter will be going up within a few week. So stay tuned.

Unwanted ~ Part 46

Arnav

I sat on the bed as I waited for Khushi. She was in the bathroom taking a pregnancy test. A few weeks had passed since we had decided that we were going to start trying for a baby. And when I say we had been trying, I mean we were really trying.

I like to think Khushi and I have sex regularly any way, even before we had decided that we were going to start trying for a baby, we were at it at least 4 times a week. Now it meant that we were at twice a day most days. It was great.

I looked at my watch, she should have been done by now. Almost as though she had heard my thoughts, Khushi stepped out of the bathroom.

 

“Well?”

“Negative.”

 

She looked slightly disappointed but not too disappointed. She was only a couple of days late, and we also knew that part of the reason could have been because she was coming off the pill and it would take a while before her body started to find a regular cycle again.

I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

 

“It’s okay, we knew what the chances were, we’ll keep trying.”

“Yeah, we both pretty much knew what the outcome was going to be this time. But it’s still a little bit disappointing.”

 

She shrugged her shoulders and then went back to her wardrobe to pick clothes for the day.

 

“It’s okay, we just need to keep at it.”

 

*****

 

Six months had passed since we had decided that we were going to start trying for a baby and so far, nothing. I could tell that it was starting to take a toll on Khushi as she was noticeably getting more and more disappointed each time the results came back as being negative. I too was starting to feel more helpless. We couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. Neither of us had thought it would be so hard to get pregnant considering our age, but apparently it wasn’t going to be as easy as we thought it was going to be. We had seen the doctor two months ago and she had said that everything was fine with the both of us, but had recommended that both of us start taking supplements, just to booth our chances.

So now, I sat on the bed, waiting for her to emerge, hoping that this was our month.

 

She came out a few minutes later, tears streaking down her face. I went over to her, wrapping my arms around her.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. We tried and if it’s not working then, we’ll go see a doctor and if there’s something wrong then…”

“I’m pregnant.”

 

It took me a moment to comprehend what she was saying, but it finally sunk in.

 

“Wait, what?”

“I’m pregnant!”

 

I couldn’t believe it.

 

“We’re having a baby?”

“We’re having a baby!”

 

Lifting her into my arms, I twirled her as we both let the moment sink in.

 

*****

 

We decided not to tell anyone about the baby until we had seen the doctor and got the news confirmed.

When we saw the doctor and got the news confirmed, we decided to wait until the 20 week mark just to be on the safe side. But we decided to tell Arushi. We both knew this was stupid, telling a child so early when things could still go wrong, but we couldn’t hold our excitement any longer. So we decided to sit down with Arushi and tell her.

 

The evening we got back from the doctors, we both went up to Arushi’s bedroom and sat down with her.

 

“So a while back you told us that you wanted a brother or sister, do you still want a sibling or?”

“I do!”

 

I looked to Khushi and she smiled. We hadn’t decided who was going to break the news to Ari, but I couldn’t contain my excitement and decided to go for it.

 

“Well you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon!”

 

Khushi looked at me shocked, I think she had expected me to ease into it a little more but she didn’t care too much. I knew she was excited as I was to get this news out there.

Arushi looked between us, her eyebrows raised. She was confused. I raised my eyebrows at Khushi, gesturing her to take over.

“What you’re papa is trying to say is that in a few months, we will be getting a baby, meaning that you will have a little brother or sister.”

 

We watched as Arushi processed the news. It was evident she was still a little confused, she looked between us trying to comprehend. We gave her the time she needed to process the information and then finally she turned to us, a huge smile on her face.

 

“I’m going to have my own little brother or sister?”

“Yes!”

 

We watched as she rejoiced and then she came to hug us, expressing her excitement. The three of us stayed huddled together for a while, speaking of the future and what it would be like when there would be another one of us in the story, we couldn’t wait for the future.

 

*****

 

*6 months later*

 

Things had been going well. We had told the family that we were having a baby and everyone was excited for the wait to be over and for our new addition to join us. Khushi was feeling a little nervous. It had been a while since she had last had to deal with a baby and sure still was unsure about whether she was ready to go through all that again. But she was excited regardless and couldn’t wait to meet our baby.

At the 20 week scan, we had had the option to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl, but we decided against it. We wanted to be surprised. It didn’t bother us whether we were having a boy or a girl as long as the child was healthy. It would have helped a little bit as it would have meant that we could have started buying the right coloured baby clothes and we could have started to decorate the babies room, but they were in inconsequential factors.

 

Everything was going well, and then it wasn’t. Khushi’s water broke at 6 and a half months and we had to take her into hospital. We had always been aware that the baby might come early but we hadn’t thought that it would be this early.

 

What happened after her water broke was a blur. I can’t accurately say what happened. All I remember was a whole lot of hullabaloo in the house as we all realised what was happening and what needed to be done. I took Khushi to the hospital, while Payal stayed back to pack Khushi’s hospital bag and then she joined us. Di and Jijaji were responsible for looking after Arushi and Mamiji offered to take over the kitchen to make sure that everyone at home was fed but also so that we at the hospital would also get food, which was delivered to us by Akash. Everyone had their fixed roles and knew what was required of them, but I found that I was struggling to work out what I needed to do.

 

Khushi and I had discussed what we wanted to happen on the day of the birth and whether or not she wanted me in the delivery room with her. I had insisted that I wanted to be in the room, but she had been firmly against the idea. It was just something she didn’t want and although I wanted to be in the room with her, I respected her decision.

So here I was, sitting outside the delivery room, waiting for some news about my wife and our new baby. It wasn’t long before Akash joined me. He sat down beside me, his arm around me.

 

“Weird huh? Your second baby but your first time going through this stress, how does it feel?”

“Stressful.”

 

I wasn’t trying to be funny, but apparently I was because Akash laughed.

 

“Don’t stress too much, it’ll all be fine.”

“I’m just worried because it’s so early. What if the baby is weak and…”

“Bhai, don’t worry about it. Sometimes babies are born up to 5 months early and yeah, they need to be put in an incubator, but they still grow up fit and healthy. You’re baby is only a little bit early, so if all is well, they won’t even need to be put into an incubator.”

 

I know Akash was trying to calm me, but something about the talk of incubators freaked me out. I didn’t want to have to look at my baby through glass, I wanted to hold them in my arms.

 

 

Time crawled by and  I felt myself getting more and more anxious. Akash had resorted to sitting beside me in silence because he realised he was stressing me out more than comforting me. I had called home, just to check on Arushi. She was doing fine but she just wanted to know when she could meet her new sibling. I told her that as soon as they were here I would have someone to bring her and meet the baby,  but for now she should go to bed and get some rest.

I hadn’t even realised that I was tapping my foot impatiently until Akash put his hand on my leg.

 

“Dude stop, you’re making my brain vibrate.”

“It’s taking so long.”

“You know, Payal was in labour for a whole 10 hours before Akshay was born.”

 

I looked at my watch, we had already been there for about 4 hours. If Khushi followed Payal’s example, it would mean that there would be a wait of about another 6 hours. I don’t know if I could wait that long before I saw my baby.

 

I watched as Akash drifted off to sleep in his chair. I too felt myself starting to drift but I was bought back to my senses when I saw a nurse and a doctor come rushing towards Khushi’s room. I got my feet.

 

“What’s happening?”

 

The doctor didn’t stop but the nurse did.

 

“We’ve been alerted by the sister inside that the baby is coming.”

“The baby’s coming?”

“Indeed. Are you the father?”

“I am.”

“Would you like to come inside?”

“My wife said she didn’t want me to be inside.”

“Okay, then please sit tight and don’t worry.”

 

She nodded before she too rushed inside. I listened carefully, it was still pretty quiet inside. I nudged Akash awake and told him that the baby was coming.

He put his arm around my shoulder.

 

“Not long now bhai and then you can meet your new baby.”

“I’m so excited but so nervous at the same time.”

 

Akash looked at his watch and got to his feet.

 

“It’s been a while since we last ate anything, would you like me to get you a sandwich or anything?”

“Yeah if you could just grab me a cup of coffee and any sandwich, that would be great.”

 

He nodded and then walked off and I pulled my phone out and shot Di a text, telling her that the doctor had arrived and that the baby should be coming soon.

Putting my phone back into my pocket, I waited for Akash to return. He got back relatively quickly and we both tucked into our sandwiches. I hadn’t realised how hungry I actually was until I started eating. As we were sipping our coffees Akash turned to me.

 

“So have you guys thought of a name for the baby?”

“We have a few ideas but nothing is solid yet. I guess when we see the baby, a name will just click into place.”

“That makes sense.”

 

For what felt like the hundredth time, Akash and I fell into a comfortable silence as we waited for news. This silence didn’t last long though as the piercing cry of a baby flooded the corridor. I stood up and pressed my ear to the door. It was coming from Khushi’s room! Our baby was here! I wanted to burst in there, but I knew that I had to wait. A few moments later, Payal stuck her head out.

 

“Bhai, you’re baby is ready to see you.”

 

I handed my cup to Akash and then prepared to go inside.

 

“Good luck bhai!”

 

I came back over to him and gave him a hug. I didn’t need to say anything, he knew why I was giving him this hug. He knew how much of a help he had been this evening and how he had kept me from spiralling.

 

I went back to the door and slowly pushed it open…

 

 

*Author’s note*

Hi all, hope you are all keeping safe. This is just a quick note to apologise for any grammatical errors there may be in this post. I just finished writing this today, the day that the post is going up meaning I haven’t had the chance to proof read. As I write this note, there is less than 3 hours until this is scheduled to go up, so yeah.

As always, thank you all for the love and continuous support. I would also like to take this moment to say that this story is almost at it’s end. I have not yet decided how I will wrap the story up but I do know that the next chapter of this story will be the last.

Again thank you all for the continued support and patience you have shown me and I will be back very soon with a new story. 

 

Unwanted ~ Part 45

Khushi 

He collapsed on the bed beside me, breathing hard, sweat plastering both our bodies. Taking a moment to let his breathing regulate, he rolled onto his side and gathered me into his arms.

 

“Arnav let go na, I’m all hot and sweaty.”

“I really don’t care, I’m used to it.”

 

And with that he snuggled closer to me and I felt his eyes flutter shut. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. It wasn’t ideal and I was feeling super sticky, but once he got sleepy he would get off me again any way so it was fine.

A few months had passed since our renewal ceremony and everything was going well. Arushi had started school and she was settled in nicely. She had already made a whole lot of friends and wasn’t speaking about her friends from Mumbai as much as before. She had also got used to her new life here and wasn’t missing Raj as much as before either.

We were still in regular contact with Raj and he was doing well. In fact he was doing really well. He had finally agreed to marriage, and from the sounds of it, Veera mausi had found a girl for Raj and they had hit it off really well. So we were hopeful that there would be a wedding to attend very soon.

I felt myself getting sleepy and my eyes were drifting shut when I felt Arnav shift beside me. I thought he was moving back to his side of the bed to go back to sleep, but instead he propped himself up on his elbow.

 

“Khushi, I was thinking…”

 

I turned to face him and raised my eyebrow, urging him to carry on.

 

“Let’s have another baby.”

 

It took me a moment to realise what he was saying, but when his words actually made sense to me, I felt my eyebrows lift and I’m sure my expression showed how shocked I was feeling.

 

“You what?”

“I want a baby. Let’s make a baby?”

 

He came towards me again, his hand finding my waist and his lips closing on mine. I put my hand between us and pushed him away.

 

“You want another baby?”

“Yes, desperately.”

Pushing him away, I held the sheets close my my chest as I sat up.

 

“I didn’t realise you wanted another baby.”

“I didn’t either. But recently when I spend time with Akshay, I realised how much time I missed out on with Arushi and I want to rectify that. I mean I spend time time with Arushi and I am glad to be a part of her life now, but I really want to experience being the father of a baby.”

“You know that’s not a good enough recent. I mean, I understand that you missed out so much with Arushi, but wanting another baby just to make up for what you have lost isn’t a good enough reason.”

 

H sat up in bed and looked at me.

 

“Wait, I’m confused, do you not want another baby?”

 

I gathered the sheets around myself and sat up.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want another baby at all, it’s just right now, I don’t think I want another one. After years, I have this aspect of my life back. I’m a wife again, and I’m enjoying me time with you. Throwing another baby in the mix would just mean going back to full time mum mode. It would mean waking all hours of the night to feed the baby, to change the baby. Then during the day it would mean splitting time between helping Ari with her homework while handling a baby… It’s just a lot and I’m not sure if I am ready for that again.”

“That makes sense.”

 

I tucked myself into Arnav and stroked his exposed chest.

 

“We never really got the chance to be carefree newly weds. We never got that chance to just enjoy each other and we are getting that chance now. To throw another baby into the mix would just change all our lives again.”

“I understand, I get it, what you are saying makes sense.”

 

Arnav kissed the top of my head and we snuggled down into bed, letting sleep takeover.

 

*****

 

Despite Arnav saying that he understood my reasoning against having another baby, I knew that in his heart, he wanted another baby. He knew the implications that another baby would have, he knew that it would mean long days and potentially late nights. He knew that sex would probably be out of the question for a while. But I knew he still wanted a baby. He wanted to experience that stage of fatherhood and just generally, he just really liked the thought of having another child that looked part like him and part like me running around the house. But he respected my choice. After all it was my body and I was the one who would have to handle the pregnancy. He knew that I needed to be all in it and that I had to want this as much as I did, and right now I didn’t. So he chose not to press the matter further.

 

*****

 

Months had passed since the baby conversation had taken place. Everything was going perfectly. Arushi had fit into her new life almost seamlessly. One would never know that she hadn’t spent her entire life here or that she had only met these people in her life less than a year ago. Things were going well.

The baby conversation hadn’t come up again, but recently I had found herself really warming to the idea of having another baby again. Arushi was growing up and becoming her own independent little person. She was able to do most of her homework herself, she could dress herself and feed herself. She still needed me of course, but I was starting to feel a bit redundant and it made me realise how much I missed having a baby who was wholly dependent on me. But I still wasn’t sure if I wanted another baby just yet.

I felt her motivation behind having another child was selfish and I wasn’t sure if I wanted another baby because I actually wanted another child or if it was because I wanted to feel needed again.

But then I reminded myself of all the reasons why I didn’t want another child right now. It would take away from my time with Arnav and would have an impact on our relationship. It would mean that the kids would be at the forefront of my attention and Arnav would have to take a back seat and I wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet.

But then I also knew that my biological clock was ticking and if I wanted to carry a healthy baby that wouldn’t take too much of a toll on my body, then now was the best time. I was confused, there were so many different factors to consider. It was something that I really needed to think about and I needed to discuss thoroughly with Arnav.

I also thought about the implications that a new baby would have on Arushi. Did Arushi even want another sibling yet? Would she be okay with another baby coming into the picture. Almost her entire life it was just me and here and then we added Arnav to the mix and then the rest of the family. She had already experienced a lot of change and had to accommodate so many new people in her life, would she be okay with another baby?

 

There was a lot that needed to be considered and I knew that I should start thinking about the topic more seriously.

 

*****

 

It was almost as though god had heard my dilemma because that very evening as I was putting Arushi to bed, Arushi asked me if she was ever going to get a baby brother or sister. I was highly taken aback by the question.

 

“What?”

“My friend, Priya, she said her mama said that they were going to get a new baby soon.”

 

Tucking Arushi into bed, I cuddled up with my baby.

 

“Do you want a little brother or sister?”

 

Arushi thought for a moment and then shrugged.

 

“I have Akshay and Shalini to play with.”

“That’s true. But would you want another brother or sister to play with?”

“Babies are no fun, they don’t move.”

“When they get bigger they move though.”

 

Arushi thought about this for a moment and then shrugged her shoulders again.

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

Snuggling down into bed, I watch as Arushi slowly drifted off to sleep. When I was sure she was fast asleep, I got up and went back to my own room and found Arnav sitting in bed watching tv.

While getting read for bed, I thought about all the things I  had been thinking about all day and the conversation that I had just had with Arushi. Getting into bed, I decided to speak with Arnav about it.

 

“Arnav, I need to speak to you about something.”

 

He got into bed beside me and wrapped his arm around me.

 

“Go for it.”

“I’ve been thinking about something for a while and I just… I wasn’t sure if I…”

 

He turned to me, his eyebrow raised. I never was at a loss of words so he knew whatever I wanted to say was something major. I took a deep breath and started again.

 

“I was talking to Arushi and she… She wants a sibling.”

 

I watched as Arnav processed what I said. I don’t think he was expecting me to say that and the confusion on his face was clear.

 

“What?”

 

I filled him in on the conversation that I had had with Ari earlier and I told him about all the things that I had been thinking about. A smile started forming on his face.

 

“So what I’m hearing is that you want to have a baby?”

“I mean, I’m not sure if I definitely want a baby, but I think we should start trying. I mean I never realised I wanted a baby until I found out I was pregnant with Ari and then she became my life. And beside, just because we start trying, it won’t mean that we will get pregnant instantly and I…”

 

I couldn’t finish what I was saying because he silence me with a kiss. I felt my eyes flutter shut and I melted against him. I felt him take control of my body and lowered me down onto the bed, moving over me. I felt him start tugging at my close as his lips moved off of mine and to the side of my neck.

I held the back of his head and pulled him closer to me, parting my legs and letting him settle between them.

As he pulled my last item of clothing off and undressed himself, he looked at me and smirked.

 

“So should we make a baby?”

“Let’s do it.”

Unwanted ~ Part 44

Arnav

The big day finally arrived and I couldn’t believe it but I was actually feeling quite nervous. It was dumb, it wasn’t like we were getting married for the first time. We weren’t actually getting married again at all, it was just us saying our vows. But regardless, I felt nervous. I had made the mistake of expressing to Akash that I was feeling nervous and he and Jijaji along with NK had decided that it was a good excuse for us to go for a lads night out. I had refused, I just felt like we were too old to go for a “mad night out” but I think Akash and jijaji needed it more than I did, so for their sake we went.

Raj and Veera Mausi had also arrived earlier that day. When they had arrived, he was a little nervous, like the felt out of place. But with my family, that didn’t last long. We made him feel like he was one of us in no time.

In the evening as we were getting ready to leave, I decided to ask Raj to join us, he was more than happy to join us.

The night went as I had expected it to go, NK got completely drunk and hit on far too many girls and got rejected by almost all of them. Jijaji and Akash became the sad drunks that they always became and started moping about how they missed their single days. Raj and I chose to remain sober. I did so because I wanted to go home enjoy time with my wife. Raj just wasn’t much of a drinker any way and he wanted to keep me company because the other clowns were long gone. We sat and spoke about old time. He asked me about the things I did all the years I was alone, I asked him about his life before Khushi and Arushi. It was a strange conversation, he couldn’t remember his life before them and I felt as though my life didn’t start again until they came back, but we managed to find things to speak about regardless.

At the end of the night, with the help of Raj and a bouncer, my drunk companions were bundled into the car and we went home. Their wives were not impressed, and I felt sorry for Jijaji and Akash. They would sober up only to have their ears bitten off by their wives, but it wasn’t my fault, I had warned the pair of them.

Leaving the wives to deal with their drunk husbands, I ushered Raj up to the guestroom and bid him goodnight before I went towards my own bedroom. The light of our bedroom was already turned off so I entered quietly so that I wouldn’t wake Khushi. Stepping into the room quietly, the sight before me was one of the best things I could have asked for. My wife and daughter, cuddled up in bed, fast asleep. I’d forgotten that we had said that Arushi would sleep with us today because we gave Ari’s room to Veera Mausi. Tucking my girls in, I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Coming back out, I got into bed and snuggled down beside my girls. This was perfection.

 

*****

 

When I awoke the next morning, Khushi and Arushi were already up and gone. I must have been more tired than I had thought because I didn’t even feel them leave. I got up and got ready for the day and went downstairs.

As I was descending the stairs I took in my family who were running around still. Honestly, it felt like my wedding day all over again. Rolling my eyes, I reached the bottom of the stairs and greeted Akash, who quite frankly looked super hungover.

 

“Had a good sleep?”

“Are you kidding me bhai, Payal had a go at me last night and then again first thing this morning. I haven’t gotten drunk in years and she was just so pissed off that I did.”

“Teaches you to not over drink next time.”

“Bhai this isn’t done huh, we went out to celebrate you.”

 

Shaking my head, I saw jijaji on the other side of the room and decided that I should go over to him and pull his leg a little too…

 

*****

 

After a morning of pulling the legs of my boys, I had gone back to my bedroom so that I could read through my vows once more, just to make sure that they were perfect. It had taken a few days for me to work on my vows but I was finally happy with them. They were finally perfect to be presented to my lady.

 

*****

 

At around 5pm, I started getting dressed. Khushi had bought me a suit, it was what I would call a typically penguin suit. Black suit, crisp white shirt and black skinny tie. Not my personal cup of tea but I knew she loved it when men wore black suits with white shirts, so for her, I would bite my tongue and just enjoy my outfit.

I was buzzing to see her in the sari that I had bought her. It was a white partially net sari with gold embroidery. On paper it sounded like too much of an ageing combination, but the sari itself was from Sabyasachi, and looked so damn elegant and I was certain that Khushi would look absolutely rocking in it. I had also bought Arushi a dress that she could wear.

When ready, I checked myself out in the mirror before spraying myself with some Tom Ford perfume. I looked great, I smelt great, time to get this show on the road.

 

*****

 

We all arrived at the venue on time. I had really thought that we would be late, but it turned out we all got here on time. The venue was a small hotel reception room that I had decorated so that it looked all pretty. We had deliberated a venue for a long time, and at one point we had almost decided that we would just do it at home, but Nani and Mami had insisted that if we were going to do this, we might as well do it properly.

Our priest was already here, being kept company by a member of the hotel staff. I went up to them, introduced myself and shook hands with them. Calling Khushi over, I introduced them to her.

 

“Should we start Mr Raizada?”

 

I turned to Khushi, and she nodded, signalling that she was ready.

 

“Lets go.”

 

Letting Akash know, he nodded and went off to everyone to get them to settle down. The priest quickly told us how this process was going to work and told us where to stand.

Soon we began.

The start of the ceremony was boring, the priest ran through the usual lines that they do when they are officiating a wedding. Then we got to the good stuff.

 

“Who would like to say their vows first?”

 

Khushi and I had already decided that I would go first and then she would. I had tried to memories my vows but they ended up being far longer than I had anticipated so I just wrote them down so that I could read them out. They started off pretty basic and then become more and more specific to us.

 

“I, Arnav Singh Raizada, vow to always love, protect and support you, Khushi Kumari Gupta, always and forever.

I promise to hold you and cherish you, and I promise that I will never look at another woman other than you. I will be loyal and faithful to you until my dying breath.

I promise to look after you always, in sickness and in health. If you ever fall ill, I will make sure that I tend to you, stay up with you. When the time comes and if we decide to have another child, I will make sure that I tend to you every need and that I make sure that I satisfy every single one of your cravings. Even if it is a case of you demanding I go and get you ice cream at 3am.”

 

 

I looked up from my sheet of paper and looked at Khushi who’s eyes were welling up with tears. This was going well, my vows were having the correct impact on her. I carried on.

 

 

“I promise to always support you and stand by you, even if that means going against someone else I love. You are the most important person in my life and I will always put you first, no matter what.

I promise to always try and be the best version of myself for you, to be the best husband, best friend, best lover, best roommate, and I promise to always try and be the best father for our child.

The time we have spent apart has made me realise how much I love you and how much I need you, and I promise that I will never let you out of my sight ever again. I will be your shadow for the rest of our lives and how your shadow doesn’t leave you, I won’t either.

I vow to be attentive of you, to ensure that you are always comfortable in our life and that you are satisfied. I vow to ensure that I am meeting all your needs.

I, Arnav Singh Raizada vow to move heaven and earth if need be, but I will never let you down. I will always deliver. Forever and always.”

 

 

Tears were streaming down her fave but she had the widest smile on as well, so I knew my vows hit the mark. I took her hand into my own and gave it a squeeze before she took her hand away from me, wiped her tears away and took out her own set of vows.

 

“I, Khushi Kumari Gupta, vow to love, protect and support you for as long as we both live. I vow to stand by you even with things get tough. In the past, I’ve had a habit of running away, but today I vow to you that I will never do that again. I will always stay by you so that we can work through our problems together.

I vow to love and cherish you, to remain faithful to you and to never look at another man ever again. Not even Salman Khan. You are my one and only and I will always remain loyal and faithful to you.

I promise to look after you in sickness and in health and I vow that even when you become unbelievably unbearable, I will still stay by your side and tend to you.

I vow to always be the best version of myself to you and I promise that no matter what happens, I will never take my anger out on you. Even when you leave your socks on the bed, I vow to remain patient with you. I’ll make you pick up your own socks, but I won’t shout at you to do it.”

 

Everyone chuckled at this line. I smirked and gave her a playful shrug. We both knew I would still leave my socks on the bed and we both knew that we’d have an argument over it everyday, but that was the nature of our relationship and neither of us would want it any other way.

She carried on.

 

“I vow to not pester you to watch movies with me when you are working, but I will still make you watch movies with me every other weekend because that’s just our relationship and it’s what you signed up for.

Finally, I vow to do anything for you, to be there to satisfy your every need and to love you unconditionally no matter what life throws at us.”

 

She folded up her piece of paper and I wiped away a tear I didn’t even realise was dripping halfway down my face. Taking her hands into mine once more, I moved in for a quick kiss before the priest diverted our attention back to him to finish the ceremony.

 

*****

 

Ceremony over, we all moved into a smaller hotel reception room where the food was all laid out buffet style and everyone was digging in. The ceremony had gone on without a glitch and everyone had had the best time. Above all, Khushi was absolutely glowing. She had pulled me aside when we were done with the vows and had given me a deep kiss, expressing how much she had loved my vows and how they were so perfect of our relationship. I felt good about myself and I told her how her vows had made me feel.

We could have continued to compliment each other for hours, but Payal came looking for us, forcing us to go back and keep our families entertained.

At the end of the evening as everyone was preparing to leave, Akash and Payal surprised us by telling us that they had booked out the penthouse suite for us for the night.

Khushi objected initially because she didn’t want to be away from Arushi, but Payal reassured her that they would be able to handle her for the evening and that we should take the time to enjoy ourselves. I for one was more than happy to comply.

 

Our guests left and we made our way up to our room. I found it hard to keep myself in check, but the moment we walked in through the door of the suite, I let myself loose and let our night begin…

 

*****

 

Author’s note:

Hi guys, I hope you are doing well and that you have been enjoying the story so far. This is just a note to apologise for this chapter not being quite up to standard. For some reason this chapter was harder to write than I had anticipated. I don’t know why I struggled so much but I did and I am sorry it isn’t of higher quality. 

Unwanted ~ Part 43

Khushi

As Arnav explained to me what he planned to do, I couldn’t believe he was saying what he was saying. He wanted us to renew our wedding vows?

 

“I can’t believe you want to do this.”

“It just feels like something we need to do. Considering how we got married and our attitude towards marriage at the time, it just feels like this is something that we should do.”

“I mean, I want to do this, of course I would love to do this! I just can’t believe that you want to do this too.”

 

He took my hands into his own and he came in for a quick kiss.

 

“I would do anything to make you happy. I’m surprised you haven’t realised that yet.”

“I know it, but this is just… Besides, I am happy.”

“I know, but like I said, this is just something that I want to do. And I thought you would too.”

“I’m just a bit thrown that’s all. You went to speak to Di and you come back with this…”

 

He wrapped his arms around me and came in close to me.

 

“This is my priority. We are what matters. Me, you and Arushi. Everything else comes second. I made that clear to Di and now it’s on her to sort herself out before the function.”

“You actually said that to Di?”

 

I took a step back and looked up at him. I had feared that he would make things worse and perhaps he had.

He took me back into his arms and pulled me down so that we were sat on the edge of the bed.

 

“I asked Di what the issue was, and she said some things, I said some things… But what matters is that we both know where we stand with all the things that we discussed and all we can do is carry on acting normal and wait for her to get over her own personal issues.”

 

Everything that he was saying was going completely over my head. I didn’t understand what he was speaking about. I knew I should have questioned him, asked him to stop being so ambiguous, but I was tired and I didn’t have the willpower to deal with crap any more. I knew I should care more and I should want to know more about Di’s issues so that I can resolve them with her, but quite frankly, for once I want to put myself and my happiness above all. And right now that meant focusing on Arnav and our baby. Nothing else mattered.

 

“Arnav, I’m really tired, can we just leave all of this today and just get to sleep now.”

 

Nodding, he scooted back towards the middle of the bed, before extending his hand to me. Taking it, he lay back in bed and pulled me down beside him before covering us both with the blanket. Cuddling up, we let our minds rest and let sleep take over our bodies.

 

*****

 

The next morning, Arnav explained his idea of renewing our vows to the rest of the family and they were all thrilled by the idea. Nani needed the idea to be explained to her more than once because she couldn’t grasp why we would want to renew our vows and how it would be different from getting married again, but regardless, she liked the idea and she got on board too.

I noticed that Di didn’t speak much as we all started making plans for the renewal ceremony, but I could tell she wasn’t as detached from it all. She was paying attention and she was nodding along to the different ideas that were being presented. Maybe whatever had been said between her and Arnav were enough and maybe things would start to sort themselves now.

 

*****

 

A few days had passed since we had first put forward the idea of a renewal and things were now in full swing. We had set a date for the ceremony and we had decided that we were going to go for a more western style of a renewal with a priest officiating our vows. We decided that it wanted to be a small, low key, intimate affair with just our families because ultimately, this was for us. If we could do it where it was just the two of us, then that would have been ideal, but we knew that our families would be upset if we didn’t involve them.

When we had first mentioned it, everyone had started getting hyper about all the things that they wanted to do, and Mamiji had even started talking about getting custom outfits, but when we explained we wanted minimal fuss, all of that had gone away.

Arnav had bought me sari but he wasn’t allowing me to see it. I had hoped to get a peak at it, but he had already got it all wrapped up and seeing it would mean unwrapping it.

I had also decided that if he was going to buy me a sari for the occasion then I too would buy him a suit. It had taken me a while to decide if I wanted to get him a sherwani or a suit, but I quickly decided against the sherwani because this wasn’t a wedding. Jiji helped me pick one and it was to arrive in a few days.

 

In all the excitement of what we were going to do, at some point my attention had been slightly diverted from Arushi. When I realised that I wasn’t giving her as much attention as before, I felt horrible about it. As a mother, my first priority should always be my child and I hadn’t been doing that.

After dinner that evening, when I went up with Arushi to put her to bed, I realised that I really needed to speak to her about how she was finding it here, because it wasn’t really a conversation that we had had yet.

Tucking Arushi up, I got into bed with her and took my little girl into my arms.

 

“Ari, tell mama, how are you finding it here. I realised we haven’t really had much time together since we got here.”

 

She looked up at me and smiled.

 

“I like it here.”

“Do you miss our old home?”

“Sometimes. I miss Raj pa… I mean Raj uncle a lot.”

 

I noted how she had almost referred to Raj as ‘papa’ but had stopped herself. It was something which Raj and I had both told her once Arnav had come back into our lives, but it was still something that was taking time for her to get used to. Arnav had said that he didn’t mind if Arushi referred to Raj as papa because he had been there for her entire life and he had been her father figure so it was understandable, but I had seen how Arnav had reacted when Ari had called Raj ‘papa’ in front of him and I knew it was something that needed changing. I didn’t really have to condition her to change how she addressed Raj, it started happening on it’s own accord any way.

 

“I miss him and Veera mausi too. But we’re here now and they are over there so we need to start getting used to not seeing them all the time.”

“Do you think we can go and see them one day?”

 

I thought for a moment. I was really missing them too but I didn’t see how we could go and see them any time soon. There was just so much going on for us that we didn’t really have the time to drop everything and take a trip to Mumbai. And Arnav was back at work full time and I don’t think he would be able to take time off to go with us.

It was then that I had a smart idea.

 

“How about we invite them to come here for the function that we are having? Would you like that?”

 

Arushi’s little face lit up as she took in what I had said.

 

“Yes please! Please tell them to come, I really want them to come.”

“Okay, I will call them tomorrow and see what they say.”

“Please tell them that I really really want them to come.”

“I will don’t worry.”

 

I watched as my little girl snuggled down into bed and it didn’t take her long before she drifted off to sleep. Making sure she was asleep, i got up and made my way back to our bedroom where Arnav was sat on his laptop.

Closing the door, I came over and sat beside him on the bed.

 

“Is Aru asleep?”

“Yeah she’s just drifted off.”

“That’s good, let me just finish the slide that I am working on and then we can get into bed.”

 

Nodding, I decided that while he finished up working, I would take the time to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed.

When I came out of the bathroom, Arnav had packed his things away and was waiting for me to get out of the bathroom so that he could go in.

Finally he came out of the bathroom and got into bed beside me, and wrapped his arm around me.

 

“So how has your day been?”

“It’s been good. Jiji and I went out today and bought Arushi’s new uniform and we also looked at a few things for the renewal but other than that it was a pretty basic day, how about you?”

“It was a pretty decent day at work, I got quite a lot of work done. Khushi, I was thinking maybe we should go on a second honeymoon after the renewal. Just me and you. I did put the idea to Akash and he said he wouldn’t mind him and Payal keeping an eye on Arushi for us. But it would have to be a short trip.”

 

I moved away from him slightly and looked up at him.

 

“I don’t know Arnav, I can’t really imagine leaving Arushi at all. I mean when we go out for a few hours in the evening, that’s different, but I can’t really imagine leaving her for a few days.”

“We could take her but in a way it would be as though we were still here, we would still be full time parents.”

“Because we are parents. Being a parent isn’t a part time job that you can just drop whenever you feel like it.”

“I know, that’s not what I meant. I just mean, if we take Ari, we won’t be able to spend ‘quality time’ together.”

 

He smirked as he ran his hand along my arm and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I felt myself melt under his touch as he pulled me closer to himself, his hands moving over my body as his lips found my neck. I turned into his, wrapping my arms around him as he continued to kiss my neck, my hands running over his chest, still covered by his t-shirt.

This was nice, this was what I missed the most when I was away from him. I missed the feel of his hands on me, his lips on my sensitive skin, it was all of this that I missed. I felt his hands slip under my nightdress and close in on my chest when I remembered that I needed to speak to him about something. Gently pushing his hand away, I moved away from him slightly.

He looked up at me, confused that I stopped what was happening between us.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just needed to talk to you about something before we got distracted.”

“What is it?”

 

A look of concern had taken over.

 

“It’s just Arushi is missing Raj a lot, and she was asking if we could go see him. But I know you’re busy with work and we don’t really have the time to take a trip to see them. So I was wondering… Do you think… I was thinking maybe we could invite them to come to the renewal too. That way Arushi would be able to spend some time with Raj and Veera Mausi would be able to meet everyone.”

 

Arnav thought for a moment, and I was really worried that he would say now, but he simply smiled.

 

“I think that’s a brilliant idea. I think you should definitely invite them. Like you said it is something that Ari needs, but I also think everyone here would love to meet them too. Ari speaks so much about Raj and you so much about Veera Mausi, I think everyone would love to meet them and spend some time with them. I think you should definitely invite them. In fact, if you don’t mind, do you think I could invite them?”

 

I had been worried that Arnav wouldn’t be comfortable with the idea but here he was more than accommodating.

 

“Yeah! Sure! Of course you can call them first. I think you should call maybe Raj and I will call Veera Mausi so they both realise that we want them here.”

“Okay it’s a plan. We’ll call them tomorrow morning. Now if you don’t mind, could we go back to doing what we were doing before you stopped us.”

 

I faked rolling my eyes as he came back towards me, his lips finding my neck as his hands found the hem of my clothes…

 

*****

 

The next morning, the first thing we did was call Raj and Veera Mausi. Arnav called Raj first and after he spoke to him, he handed the phone over to me so that I could speak. We had a short conversation because it didn’t take him much persuasion. He said how he was planning on inviting us back to Mumbai soon anyway because he was missing having Arushi in the house. So he was more than happy to come down and be a part of the celebration.

Once we got off the phone with Raj, we called Veera Mausi. She started the conversation by saying that there was no need for us to call her and Raj separately, we were family and there was no need for so much formality. But she expressed her appreciation that we called to invite her personally.

Concluding the call we hung up and went to tell Shyam jijaji to add Raj and Veera Mausi to the guest list. He had kindly taken responsibility for the guest list and the catering for the event.

As we approached their bedroom, Di came out of her room and looked at us. I was worried she would give me the cold shoulder as she had been doing all these day, but I was surprised when she gave me and Arnav a little smile before carrying on. This threw the both of us because I don’t think either of us had been expecting her to react like that just yet, but I was grateful regardless.

 

*****

 

Days passed and things between me and Di were getting better. It started with her just giving me little smiles every now and again, then she started helping out when she could see I was trying to do something but Aru wasn’t letting me and now she had even started to make small talk with me again.

Arnav was pleased to see the change but we both decided that it would be better if we just went with the flow as opposed to question the change. The last thing we wanted to do was make Di feel uncomfortable.

I was just glad that things were slotting back into place and that too just in time for our renewal ceremony. Everything was going great and I finally was really starting to look forward to it. Our whole family was finally coming back together as it had been once before.

Unwanted ~ Part 42

Arnav

As I awoke, a strange sense of familiarity took over my body. Rubbing my eyes, I vaguely became aware of the of body that was draped over mine. Feeling myself become alert, I looked down at Khushi and pulled the sheets up over her to cover her exposed back. As she felt the soft sheets move along her body, I felt her stir in her sleep, her leg moving against mine as she snuggled closer. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her closer to myself. This felt right, finally felt really right. Even when we had been together like this in Mumbai, it still felt as though something was missing, but now, it was perfect. Everything was perfect.

Looking over at the clock, I realised there was still a little time left before we had to get up. I snuggled down next to Khushi and closed my eyes once more. But just as I felt myself starting to drift off, I heard a little voice at the door.

 

“Mama, papa?”

 

Ah shit. I had forgotten that it was about time that Arushi usually got up. Untangling myself from Khushi, I pulled the covers up around her neck and pulled my t-shirt and sweat pants back on.

As I reached the door, I turned back to the bed to make sure that there was no sign of what had gone on between me and Khushi. That’s when I saw Khushi’s clothes all pilled by the foot of the bed and her bra and panties lying on my bed of the bed.

 

“One second Ari…”

 

Rushing over to her clothes, I pushed them under the bed and went back to the door.

 

“Why you take so long papa?”

“I door was locked and I couldn’t find the key.”

 

Stepping into our room, Arushi raised her little arms, gesturing that she wanted me to pick her up. Picking her up, I shut the door with my foot and sat down with my baby girl on the recliner. I watched as she turned to the door, creasing her forehead.

 

“The door doesn’t need a key?”

 

My kid was smart, a brain as sharp as her mothers.

 

“That’s the thing na. I was so sleepy when I heard you and when I couldn’t open the door, I thought I needed a key to open it.”

“Silly papa.”

 

Wrapping her little arms around my waist, Arushi snuggled into me.

 

“What’s the matter? Still sleepy?”

“Little bit sleepy.”

“Why did you wake up so early then?”

“Sleepy gone.”

“Do you want to have breakfast?”

 

Arushi nodded and I took her hand as we made our way downstairs to the kitchen.

 

“So what do you want to eat?”

“Pancakes?”

“Pancakes? You really are you mothers daughter aren’t you?”

 

Sitting Arushi on the worktop, I got to work. We made small talk as we made our pancakes. We talked about how much she liked her new room, how excited she was to start at her new school, how much fun she was having with her cousins.

 

“I like it here, I have lots of people to play with.”

“And you get to be with me all the time.”

 

She gave a little nod, but the now bubbling pancakes had taken her attention. I had never paid close attention to kids before, but after spending so much time working with little kids and now being a full time father of one, I realised just how easy it was for their attention to be diverted. The smallest of things intrigued them.

Just as I was plating up the last pancake, Payal walked into the kitchen.

 

“Good morning bhai, good morning Aru! You’re both up and in the kitchen very early today.”

“What can I say, like you sister, your niece needs sweets as soon as she wakes up too.”

 

Laughing, Payal came over to where Arushi was sat and lifted her off the worktop and into her arms.

 

“You like pancakes?”

“I like pancakes lots!”

“Okay, next time you want pancakes, tell maasi! I make better pancakes than your papa!”

“Really?”

 

Arushi looked at me with big eyes. Clearly the idea of yummier pancakes meant she was ready to leave my time and join Payal’s.

 

“Your maasi’s pancakes are good but mine are the BEST!”

“Aru your papa is lying to you. Mine are better than his!”

 

I was about to hit back when Arushi lifted her hand to stop us. We both looked at each other, holding back the laughter.

 

“Today I will have papa’s pancakes and tomorrow maasi will make me. Then I will decide who’s are best.”

“Deal!”

 

I plated up the pancakes and put them down onto the table. Payal put Arushi down and she began to eat her food. With my head, I gestured for Payal to come to the kitchen with me.

 

“Payal can you watch Arushi for a few minutes while I quickly go and have a shower? I don’t want to leave her alone…”

“It’s okay bhai, you don’t need to provide me with a reason when asking me to watch Aru. She is my niece after all.”

“Thanks Payal.”

 

As I turned my back to leave, Payal called out to me.

 

“Bhai, just one minute please.”

“Yeah sure, what’s up?”

“I just…”

 

I watched as Payal took a moment to compose herself before she carried on.

 

“I just wanted to apologise.”

“For what?”

“For my behaviour towards you over the passed few years. You are elder to me both in age and relation and I misbehaved you with…”

 

Placing my hand on her shoulder, I stopped her.

 

“Hey, you don’t need to apologise. It’s not fault. The situation was what it was and it was hard for all of us to deal with. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But still, please forgive me.”

“Payal, you are my little sister, you never have to apologise to me. But if it will make you feel better about everything, then don’t worry, you are forgiven.”

“Thank you bhai. I can’t even tell you how horrible I have been feeling. I mean I have always felt bad for my behaviour because at the end of the day you are my husband’s older brother and I felt like rubbish when I disrespected you, but the sister in me couldn’t bring myself to be normal with you.”

“It’s understandable Payal. If I was in your position I’m sure I would have done much worse. You just avoided me, I don’t know what I would have done but I can assure you I would have done worse.”

 

Payal chuckled and then gestured that she was going to go back to Arushi and that I could be on my way. As I made my way back to our room, I couldn’t help but smile. Things really were starting to sort themselves out. The bad phase of life was finally coming to an end and the good phase was finally starting.

 

*****

 

It was a little later and everyone was now up and at the breakfast table. Payal and Khushi had put together a grand breakfast for us all and we were enjoying it wholeheartedly. It felt so good to be sat like this as a family after so long. While we adults sat at the table sipping our tea and talking, our kids sat in the living room, their breakfast done, playing with each other. Baby Akshay was sat in his little bouncer watching his sisters as they tried to make a puzzle. I smiled to myself. Soon enough, we wouldn’t be able to keep Akshay tied up in the bouncer, he would want to be on the floor too, getting in on the action. It felt good watching the kids. Just knowing that my entire family was together again after so long felt amazing.

 

The day dragged on. As it was a Sunday, there was no work to be done and so all of spent the majority of the day either in our own rooms or pottering around with the kids. I spent most of my day walking around behind Arushi. It was fascinating how much kids actually did during the day and how they acted like they were the busiest people in the house. I watched as she playing with Shalini and Akshay, how she went looking to Khushi whenever she needed something. How Payal was almost always only a metre behind Arushi, waiting for when she could come in useful to her niece. I watched as she sat with Nani and told her about her life in Mumbai. I watched as her little face dropped when Nani asked her if she missed Raj.

In a way, I felt jealous that my daughter had such a strong bond with another man, but at the same time I knew it was unfair of me to feel resentful towards Raj. He had been there for Khushi and Arushi when I couldn’t be. He loved Arushi as if she were his own child and never let her feel that she didn’t have a father in her life. I owed that man so much. But still, hearing her speak so fondly of Raj, talk about all the things that they used to do together, it stung a bit.

 

As I watched my daughter interact with the family, I realised that there was one person, and only one person, in the house, who didn’t really seem to be trying to bond with Arushi and that was Di. At first I didn’t really notice anything, however the more I watched, the more I realised that Di was really cold and aloof towards both Arushi and Khushi.

I had noticed when they first came home, but I had put it down to the fact that we had all been apart so long, we all just needed time to readjust to the new situation, but now that time had passed, it just didn’t seem that Di was warming to them. I wanted to talk to Di about it but first I decided to talk to Khushi about it, see if she had noticed it or if I was just overthinking.

 

Just before dinner, I finally got the chance to speak to Khushi alone.

 

“Khushi, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“It’s just, I don’t know how to ask this, but… Is everything okay between you and Di? Has she been normal with you.”

 

Putting down the shirt she was folding, she turned her attention to me fully.

 

“Why do you ask?”

“I’ve just been watching Di around you and Arushi and I just felt like something wasn’t quite right. At first I thought that maybe Di was having an off day but then I kept watching her around everyone else and I thought about how she’s been with you since you got here and I just felt…”

“I just… I did realise and I was going to say something to Di but I just haven’t had the chance yet.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I just didn’t want you to worry. With everything that’s been going on and everything that has happened over time, I just didn’t want to add to all that by telling you that Di was being weird with me. Plus it just didn’t feel like something that would be a big deal, I had just thought that I will speak to Di myself and I will sort it with her.”

“I get all that, but I want you to still tell me these things. If something isn’t right, if something is bothering you, I want to know so that I can help you deal with it.”

 

She smiled and took hold of my hand.

 

“I know you want to be my knight in shining armour all the time, but there are somethings which I can deal with myself.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I’ll go and speak to do after dinner. I was planning to speak to her any way, but now that you have said it too, I feel I should do it. Better to get it over and done with instead of letting the situation fester.”

 

The conversation had reached an organic ending and so I dropped the topic. If Khushi said that she would deal with it, then I was going to let her deal with it without interfering. She was right, there were some battles that she could fight on her own and I should leave her to it so that she could deal with it.

 

*****

 

I sat in bed, waiting for Khushi to come back. After dinner, when everyone else had retreated to their bedrooms, Khushi had caught hold of Di in the kitchen. I had offered to take Arushi to bed. I felt it would be better all round if I just wasn’t around while they spoke.

I didn’t have to wait too long, within half an hour, Khushi returned to our bedroom. Her expression didn’t give much away, but at the same time, I knew her well enough to know that the conversation hadn’t got well. She avoided my eye as she walked around the room, getting ready for bed.

 

“Hey, what happened?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Khushi, tell me, what happened.”

“I told you na, nothing happened, it’s all fine.”

“Khushi, I’m asking you once more, if you don’t tell me what happened, I’m going to go over there myself and get to the bottom of the situation myself.”

“Arnav please, for once listen to me and drop this.”

“Khushi I can tell you’re not happy and Di too isn’t okay. I can’t see you guys like this. I want a happy family, all of us together, happy like before. I don’t there to be tensions between anyone.”

 

Khushi shook her head and grabbed her night clothes and went into the bathroom. It was clear she was going to hold her ground and not tell me anything. The moment the bathroom door closed behind her, I got out of bed and made my way down to Di’s room. I wasn’t going to let this situation fester, nor was I just going to leave it like this. I wanted peace in my life. And knowing that there was tensions between my sister and my wife was enough to cause the peace to go out of the window.

Upon reaching Di’s bedroom, I knocked on the door and waited. Moments later, Di opened the door and smiled when she realised it was me.

 

“Ah chote, you finally remembered your Di.”

 

Ushering me into her room, she gestured for me to sit down. I decided to stay standing.

 

“What brings you to my room at this hour?”

“Where’s jijaji?”

“He’s putting Shalini to bed and then he’s going to the study to get some work done before bed. Did you come for him?”

“No I came to speak to you about something.”

“So I was right, you finally have found some time for your Di? Or did your wife complain about me and so you’re here now to tell me off?”

“I… I don’t know what happened between you and Khushi, she wouldn’t tell me anything, that’s why I’m here to get to the bottom of the situation.”

“What situation, there is no situation.”

“Well clearly there is something. I have noticed that something isn’t quite right between the two of you and Khushi even admitted that much. And I know that she was going to speak to you about it, but when she came back to our room, she won’t tell me anything that happened and I can tell that she is more stressed now than she was before. So clearly something happened between the two of you and I want to know what it is so we can sort out the issue.”

 

There was an elongated pause and I could tell that Di was taking in everything that I had said and she was thinking about what she wanted to say before she actually said it.

 

“If Khushi says there is no problem then I suggest you listen to her and just accept that there is no issue.”

“No, she didn’t say that there wasn’t an issue, she just wouldn’t tell me what the issue is, and like I said, I don’t need Khushi to tell me that there is an issue. I have noticed it myself. I have noticed how distant you have been with Khushi since we’ve been back and I have also noticed how distant you have been with Arushi as well. So please, let’s stop wasting time and let’s just deal with this.”

 

Di watched me closely as I spoke, but I could tell from her expression that she wasn’t planning on saying anything to me.

 

“Fine, if you don’t want to tell me anything, I’ll just go and tell Nani and then she can sort the issue out.”

“Okay fine, I’ll tell you. I just…”

 

She paused and I knew from the way that she was looking at me that whatever came next, I wasn’t going to like it.

 

“I just, I can’t get all cosy and become best friends with her, not after everything that she did and everything that has happened.”

“She didn’t do anything, what are you talking about?”

“Are we all really going to forget about the fact that she left and we didn’t hear from here for years, and then all of a sudden you find her again and you come home and we are all expected to play happy families again.”

“What happened has happened, it’s over now. What’s the point of talking about it still and what’s the point of holding it against her. We all made mistakes, but it’s a part of the past now, we are all just trying to move on and start our lives again. So I want you too to accept the passed and just move on too. I just want peace. I finally have my entire family together again and I want to enjoy my life.”

“I’m sorry chote, I can’t just act like all that didn’t happen and that I didn’t see you go through all that, I can’t forgive her for just leaving like that. And on top of all that she hid your child from you.”

“I get all that but we know why she did it. It’s not her fault that she made the decision to leave. I’m sure if you were in her situation you would have done the same.”

“Maybe I would have, but when I realised I was pregnant, I would have come home.”

“Look, I get it that you have your reservations, but for the first time in years I feel happy and I have my whole family together. Please just try and be happy with me.”

“I can’t. I can’t accept Khushi any more.”

“Di, I think you’re forgetting that you were the one that was adamant that I marry her in the first place. If you hadn’t been so stubborn about it all, I was going to marry Nimi.”

“I made a mistake, I should have just let you marry Nimisha.”

 

I paused and took a step back. What the hell? Why was Di speaking like this?

 

“What the hell is wrong with you Di? I’m sorry that I am speaking like this but what the f… That’s my wife and the mother of my child that you are speaking about and I don’t appreciate…”

“I would like you to leave now.”

“No, I’m not going to leave until we resolve this issue.”

“There is nothing left to say. I have said all that I wanted to say and you know how I feel now. So I suggest we just leave this here and move on.”

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I want peace, I don’t want any bad feelings and tension.”

“Arnav stop pressing the matter and just leave.”

“I won’t until you tell me what the real issue is because I know there is more to this.”

“Fine. You want to know the full story? Then I’ll tell you. I don’t accept Khushi, I will not accept Khushi and I don’t want her here. Ever since she has entered your life, our relationship has been non-existent. After you got married, you only had time for her. You never sat down and talked to me, you never had time for me. The moment you got home, you just wanted to be with your wife. And then she left and again all your time, you spent moping over her. In all those years you never gave me the time of day. If anything, our relationship deteriorated after she left. Then you left for Mumbai and clearly you got busy with her because you didn’t even have time to call me any more. And now that you’re back, all your spare time you spend with her and your child. You don’t care about anyone else, you don’t think about anyone else. You don’t even ask me if I am okay forget actually sitting down and having a proper conversation with me. She ruined everything and I regret that I ever chose her to be your wife.”

 

If I hadn’t been standing right here and if Di hadn’t been speaking to me directly, I would never believe that my Di was capable of speaking like this. I couldn’t believe that all of this was because she was… She was jealous? I didn’t even know what to say, what was I meant to say?

 

“I don’t even know what to say, why didn’t you just tell me that you wanted more attention?”

 

Clearly that was not the right thing to say. I watched as Di’s nose flare. Shit.

 

“I didn’t realise that I needed to beg my brother for attention. I would have thought he would just known that sometimes he needs to spend time with his sister. Clearly I was wrong.”

 

I knew I shouldn’t let myself get angry, I understood her insecurity, but there was something about her tone that just really pissed me off. She was a grown ass woman but she was acting like an absolute child about this. I knew I should let myself breathe before I spoke but I was just so angry.

 

“I can’t believe you are behaving and speaking like this Di! This is just… I’m a married man and I am a father. My wife and my child are my priority. You’re being so difficult with me about this, but I’m sure if jijaji prioritised his sister over you and Shalini you would be annoyed.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Yes it is! It’s exactly the same. You are telling me that I should put you before my wife and daughter, so now I am asking you, how would you feel if jijaji’s sister put him in this position and asked him to choose between you and her.”

“I am not asking you to choose…”

“Yes you are. You spoke about my behaviour after marriage. I was a newly wed! I wanted to spend time with my new wife and you’re telling me you were jealous of her because I was spending more time with her than I was with you. And than you mentioned about now. After all these years I have got my wife back and I recently found out I have a child. You are holding the fact that I want to reconnect with my wife and that I want to get to know my daughter against me. Had our lives gone ahead as normal, I would have had time for you, it would have been a naturally process as things settled down. But our lives haven’t been normal. Me and Khushi never had the time to just be a couple. We went from being newly weds to being separated for 6 years. I can’t believe you’re really holding it against me that I want to spend time with her.”

“Even if I explained myself you wouldn’t understand.”

“That’s because there is nothing to understand. You are being irrational and are acting childish. I’m sorry Di, but it’s true, you’re behaviour is just out of line and I am sure if I told Nani this, she would agree with me too.”

“If that’s really how you feel then fine, please leave. I would like to get some rest now.”

“I will leave, but I want you to say that you will start making more of an effort to make my wife and child feel welcome.”

“I cannot promise that.”

“Di…”

“I can’t accept Khushi I’m sorry.”

“If you can’t accept Khushi and if you can’t make her feel welcome in her own home then I will have no choice but to take my wife and daughter and leave. I want us all to be happy, and if you can’t accept them and make them feel welcome then it better that we just don’t stay here.”

“Would you really?”

“Yes Di, I really would. I have had enough tension and drama in my life to last me a lifetime. I just want to be happy now and not have to worry about stupid things.”

 

I watched Di carefully. She was deep in thought but I knew she would be stubborn about it. I turned to leave the room and it was just as I was leaving that I realised that there was something else I wanted to say and something else I wanted to do.

 

“I want to do my marriage vows with Khushi again. Not marry her again but just do our vows again. I will have to speak to her and see what she says, but if we go ahead with the idea, I really want you to be accepting of it all and I want you to give us your blessings again.”

 

Di looked at me with wide eyes, clearly she had never expected me to say this and let’s be honest, I hadn’t thought I would say this either. But the thought had just come to me and it just felt right.

As I left Di’s room, I thought about it and I knew this was something I wanted to do. When Khushi and I had got married, we hadn’t planned on it being a long haul thing. It was a bit of a game for us. We had both used marriage as a means to reach our ultimate goals, and maybe that’s why god punished us by keeping us apart for so long. We had treated marriage as a game and not respected it as it was happening. It only felt right that we should rectify our mistakes. And after everything we had been though, renewing our vows felt like something we needed to do before we really started afresh with our lives.

 

I just hoped that Khushi would get on board and not think it was insanity.

Unwanted ~ Part 41

Khushi

A few days had passed since we had returned home and slowly things were starting to finally feel like they were fitting into place.

The first day when we had got here Arushi had been super overwhelmed after seeing everyone and had wanted to go straight back to Mumbai. But after explaining to her that this was our home, our real home and that we had to slowly get used to being here, she understood. But despite that, for the first few days, she did stay close to me most of the time, not really going to anyone else, not even Arnav.

Bedtime had been a hassle too. The bedroom that was next to ours, the day we got home, Arnav had made quick arrangements to get some nice pink bedding in for Arushi and had unpacked some of her toys so she would feel at home, but she refused to sleep in her bed. I’d said I would stay with her, and only then did she agree to sleep in her new room. The night after the first was a repeat telecast. She refused to sleep on her own, so I stayed with her again that night.

On the third night, she had fallen asleep in her bed on her own, but after maybe an hour or so, she came into mine and Arnav’s bed.

The fourth night however, she finally slept in her own bed, the whole night through. The nights after that were the same and we finally concluded that Arushi was starting to feel at home here. And now that Arushi was feeling better, it made me feel a whole lot better too.

Though Arnav had been trying to spend as much time with us as possible, he was struggling. As he’d been away for so long, his work had piled up and he was having to spend more time at the office than he was at the house. It meant that me and him got less time to spend together, but it was okay.

But it was also because he was out of the house so much that he hadn’t noticed that Di wasn’t okay with me.

At first, I hadn’t realised it myself, but then I noticed and I realised. If there was anyone in the house that didn’t seem happy that I was back, it was Di. I didn’t know why she was behaving like this with me, but I knew that I should try to address it as soon as possible. I had wanted to ask Arnav, but I didn’t want to stress him out. So I asked Jiji.

She hadn’t noticed it, she was just glad that I was home. But she said to just ignore it. She just put Di’s behaviour down to the fact that everything had changed and that it was taking her a while to readjust to it all again. Perhaps it was that, but it had to be something else too. But I was going to leave it for now. Right now my priority was my little girl and making sure she was comfortable here.

 

*****

 

As we sat down for dinner later that evening, engrossed in conversation, none of us noticed Nimisha and Pari slowly descend the stairs and come and stand before us, bags packed. Di was the first to react.

 

“Nimisha? What’s all this?”

 

Putting her bag down, Nimisha took Pari’s hand.

 

“I have decided that the time has come for me and Pari to leave.”

“How can you…”

 

She turned to me and gave me a funny look before turning back to Di.

 

“Pari and I have never had much of a place in this house. This has never been our home, and now that Khushi is back…”

“Nimi you don’t need to leave, you’re the mother of Arnav’s eldest child.”

 

At this point Arnav got to his feet, ready to protest, but was stopped by Nimisha shaking her head.

 

“I… I don’t know how to say this but Pari… She’s not Arnav’s.”

 

It took me a moment to realise what she was saying but as her words finally sunk in, I could feel anger starting to coarse through my body. Arnav was the first person to react.

 

“What did you say?”

“I said Pari isn’t yours.”

 

I turned to Arnav and placed my hand on his arm because I knew he was about to lose his top. He opened his mouth to say something but Di beat him to it.

 

“Nimi please don’t feel you have to say such things just because Khushi is back. Pari is yours and Arnav’s and no matter what happens that won’t change. Whether you are Arnav’s wife or not, Pari will always be Arnav’s child.”

 

If I wasn’t already mad at Nimisha, I would be mad at Di. What the hell was she doing and what the hell was her problem. But that was a situation for another point of time, now we needed to handle Nimi and get to the bottom of what she was saying. I turned my attention to her. I needed answers.

 

“Nimisha, stop playing games. Cut all the crap and explain yourself. Is Pari Arnav’s child or not?”

 

I watched as Nimi paused and composed herself. I already knew what she was going to say but I still needed to hear it clearly from her mouth.

 

“Arnav is not the father of my child.”

“You’re so lucky there are kids in the room otherwise I would slap you so hard I…”

 

Arnav put his hand on my shoulder and I knew that I needed to calm down. I watched as Jiji ushered the kids and took them into the other room. Everyone moved away from the table and we all moved over to Nimi. Nani was the first one to address her.

 

“I think we all need to sit down and you need to explain yourself young lady.”

 

We all moved over to the living room and sat down. Arnav sat down close to me, his arm protectively around me and his other hand resting firmly on my knee. I was getting impatient, this whole thing was being drawn out. And everyone was being so calm about it? She had just said that Pari wasn’t Arnav’s child, yet no one seemed to be reacting? We just needed to know what the hell was going on and then send this girl on her way.

None of us spoke, I think we all needed a moment to compose ourselves properly and mentally prepare for what was going to happen next. Nani took lead of the conversation.

As Nani questioned Nimisha, she began to explain herself, I felt my temperature increase and I could feel the same happening to Arnav too. His hold on me was getting tighter and I could tell it was only about time before he lost his cool.

But before Arnav could speak, I spoke.

 

“So you’re telling me, all these years, I stayed away, kept my child away from her father, and my husband away from his daughter for absolutely no reason?”

“I’m sorry…”

“You’re sorry? Sorry? Is that all you have to say for yourself? Do you even understand…”

“It was stupid, it was ill thought out and if I could take it all back then I would but I can’t.”

“Maybe when you first came up with this crazy idea you thought something of it, but why did you keep playing along all these years? Why didn’t you admit the truth sooner?”

“You were already gone and no one knew where you were. It didn’t feel like it was worth saying anything.”

 

At this comment, I could tell Arnav really got mad.

 

“Do you even understand the amount of tension and distress that you have caused? Even if Khushi wasn’t here, I deserved to know the truth. I always said Pari wasn’t mine, but you kept lying to all of us. For years, Payal hated me because I was the cause of all the problems. There have been tension between me and Di for years because I didn’t accept you and now you’re telling us… I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve to be lied to for all these years.”

 

He shook his head and turned away from her. 

 

“I know, I know I have caused a lot of harm and it is naive of me to expect for you guys to forgive me, but I really am sorry.”

 

Arnav got to his feet and turned to leave. Just as he got to the bottom of the stairs, he turned back to Nimisha. 

 

“Make sure you take all your crap with you. Because after today I never want to see you anywhere near this house or my family ever again. If you leave anything behind, you’ll find it all at the dumpsite.”

 

Before she could reply though he was already gone. Nimisha turned back to me. 

 

“I really am sorry.”

“I can’t believe you and Ranveer… Just leave honestly. I don’t want to hear anything more from you and I don’t think anyone else wants to have anything more to do with you. Just leave.”

 

I got up too and left. I didn’t want to have to deal with this any more either. The whole situation was just insanity and now knowing that I had spent so much time away from my husband over a lie, it just made me so much more angry at myself for leaving. I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have been so weak. Had I just stuck it out, it would have been hard but perhaps it wouldn’t have taken Nimisha this long to admit the truth and for this chapter to have been closed. Because I had been weak, Arushi and Arnav had lost out on so much time together. 

As I made my way up to my bedroom, I knew I needed to apologise to Arnav too. I opened our door, I saw that Arnav was standing by the door to the poolside, looking out at the blue water. Closing our bedroom door, I walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. It took him a moment to realise that I was there, but I watched as he wiped his eyes before turning his attention to me. 

 

“Is she gone?”

“She’s going.”

“Finally.”

 

Taking his hand, I led him over to the old recliner and got him to sit down as I sat beside him. Wiping his eyes, I took his hand in my own. 

 

“Why are you crying?”

“I just… I don’t know to be honest with you. This is all just so much more overwhelming than I ever thought it could be. I always knew Pari wasn’t mine, but… Just hearing her finally say it… And then I just can’t stop thinking about all the time that we lost because of her…”

“I’ve been thinking about that too. Had she not done all of this, we could have been together the whole time. It’s just… Insane that she and Ranveer did all this and that they played along for so long. It just doesn’t make sense to me. They’re just both deranged.”

 

He half scoffed and half laughed as I said this. He turned his attention to me and looked into my eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Cupping his face, I dropped light peck on his lips. 

 

“You have nothing to apologise for. If anything, I should be saying sorry to you. I shouldn’t have been so weak, I shouldn’t have left. I should have been here to deal with it with you. Had I stayed, this game of theirs wouldn’t have lasted so long, I’m so…”

 

He silenced me with a kiss. It wasn’t a peck like I had given him either, it was a mind clearing, soul stealing kiss. With one hand on my waist and the other on my face, he shuffled closer to me as he deepened the kiss. I let him. I felt his hand came down onto my thigh and I could feel his hand moving up slightly the longer we kissed. When I felt his hand creeping too far up, I had to stop him.

 

“Not now…”

“I need you.”

“I know and I need you too, but it’s the middle of the day and we’re not home alone any more.”

 

I watched as he moved back a bit, the irritation evident. 

 

“I miss when we were newly weds and when we were able to just lock ourselves away for an hour or two in the middle of the day.”

 

I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did. And he was annoyed that I was laughing but his annoyance melted away a moment later and he laughed with me.

He wrapped his arms around me and just looked into my eyes for a moment before he spoke. 

 

“You know, even when everyone tried to convince me that Pari was mine, I just knew she wasn’t. I felt like I was going crazy, I really started to doubt myself and sometimes I did think that maybe she was mine. But inside, I knew she wasn’t. It drove me crazy but I just knew it. Everyone in this house told me that I should accept Pari and Nimi but I couldn’t. I always just knew.”

 

Placing my hand on his knee, I gave it a squeeze. 

 

“You should always listen to your gut. If your gut told you that something wasn’t right, then you should know that something isn’t right.”

“I’m just so glad that I stood my ground and that I didn’t listen to them. Had I listened to them, I may not have you in my arms right now.”

 

I gave him a quick kiss and then rested my forehead against his. This was nice, this was right. This is how things were meant to be. How had we lived without this for so long? When we both finally came back to our full senses, we decided we should go back downstairs. As we approached the door though, he blocked it, and turned to me. 

 

“Just know though, you might have stopped me now, but tonight, we will do it. It’s been six years since we last made love in our bed and I can’t wait any longer.”

 

It took me a moment to put together what he was saying, but then I realised he had circled back to what I had stopped from happening between us not too long ago. Cupping his face, I dropped a quick kiss on his lips.

 

“I won’t make you wait any longer.”

 

*****

 

The rest of the day passed slowly. After Nimisha left, Di went up to her room and refused to see anyone. I wanted to speak to her, there was clearly a problem, and I needed to address it, but I knew that now wasn’t the time. It was clear the whole family were still trying to comprehend everything that had happened and that it would take them time to really accept it and move forward, but I was glad. It meant that Arnav and I could really try and move forward in our lives and we didn’t have to keep looking over our shoulders to see what Nimi was doing. 

As the evening crept on, the mood began to pick up slightly but I started feeling more and more nervous. It didn’t really make sense, because it wasn’t like it would be the first time that Arnav and I would sleep together, but the idea of doing it in our marital bed again after so long was causing me to be equal parts anxious and excited. 

Dinner ended and I put Arushi to bed. I stayed with her for a while, to make sure she was fully asleep before I got up to go back to our room. As I pushed the door open, I noticed the room was far darker than usual. Shutting the door and locking it, I walked further into the room and made my way over to the light switch and attempted to click it on, but as I went to flick the switch, Arnav stopped me and swept me off my feet. 

 

“Arnav…”

“Don’t turn the lights on.”

“But I can’t see anything, I can’t see you.”

 

He didn’t say anything, just bought his lips to mine and silenced me with a kiss. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I snuggled into him as I let myself kiss him back. I felt his arms tighten around me as he carried me over to the bed and gently put me down. Breaking the kiss, he reached over to his bedside table, and I heard him flip a switch.  Above our head, a string of fairy lights came on. They weren’t bright, they were the softest shade of white, just about bright enough that I could see him. Smiling I moved back into kiss him. Our lips met and he pulled me over himself, his hands on my waist, holding me close to his body. Involuntarily, my body moved against his, causing a friction to grow between us. 

When we came up for air, I rid myself of my clothes and he did the same. The feel of his skin against mine was still enough to give me goosebumps, but the feel of his lips and his hands on my bare skin was enough to make me feel like I was going to explode. Flipping me onto my bad, I let him overpower me and take the lead. 

As his hands touched me in the most intimate of ways, he stopped for a moment and looked into my eyes. 

 

“You ready?”

“Always.”

Unwanted ~ Part 40

Arnav

As we stood in front of the door of Shantivan, I felt Arushi’s hand tighten in mine. I looked down at my little girl, he looked as pale as a sheet.

I knelt down before her and took her little hands in mine.

 

“What’s the matter Aaru?”

 

I called her Aaru and Khushi called her Ari. Arushi loved both names and found it highly amusing when me and Khushi pretended to fight over her name. Now though, me calling her Aaru didn’t bring a bright smile to her face.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Scary.”

 

She was only little and wasn’t too good at expressing her feelings but I knew what she meant. Shantivan was a huge house and I think the size of the house as well as the impact of what was happening really got to her. All her life she had lived a certain way and now all of a sudden, everything was changing. I turned to Khushi, she would be able to deal with this better than I would.

 

“Don’t be scared Ari. There’s nothing to be worried of. This is our home! Inside you have lots of family members just waiting to meet you.”

“Yes lots and lots of family members. You have a badi naani and dada and dadu and chachu, bua and maasi… And your cousins! Remember I told you about Shalini and Akshay?”

 

Her little eyes widened hearing Shalini and Akshay’s names. The idea of having other children in the house was something she seemed most excited about when Khushi and I had spoken to Arushi about coming home.

Standing up to my full height again, I took Arushi’s little hand in my own as we stood in front of the door. I rang the doorbell and we waited for someone to come and open the door.

Just as I could hear someone on the other side, Khushi’s phone rang.

 

“It’s Raj, let me quickly speak to him and then I’ll be inside.”

 

I nodded and she took the call as me and Arushi waited for the door to be opened. We waited patiently and I could feel the tension building within me. What was taking them so long? Why weren’t they just opening the door?

Finally, Hari Prakash opened the door. He let us in but I could tell he was baffled to see Arushi with me, trying to work out who she was. I hadn’t told anyone about finding Khushi and Arushi yet. Me and Khushi had discussed it, but in the end, we realised it was better we didn’t tel anyone at home because then there would’ve been the pressure from them for us to go home. Plus if they knew I was bringing Khushi back, they would’ve gone into a weird zone and I didn’t want them to make Khushi or Arushi awkward. So hoping for the best, we decided to just keep the matter to ourselves and throw the family into the deep end when we got here.

As we walked into the main part of the house, I felt Arushi’s hold on me tighten as we started seeing the other members of the family. It was tea time and everyone was sat around the table in the dining hall.

Di was the first to see me.

 

“Chote! What a pleasant surprise! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home!”

 

Di gave me a big hug and it was only after she left me go that she noticed Arushi clinging onto me.

Kneeling down to Arushi’s height, Di crooked her head to the side as she looked at my little girl.

 

“Hello? Who are you?”

“A… Ar… Arushi…”

 

Her voice was low, almost a whisper and I could tell the whole experience was getting far to overwhelming for her. I looked over my shoulder to see if Khushi was coming. If Khushi came, then perhaps Arushi would feel a little more at ease.

Coming up to full height, Di turned her attention back to me.

 

“Chote, what’s going on, who’s this little girl? Is she a family member? She looks so familiar?”

 

As I prepped myself to tell everyone, Payal came forward and knelt down in front of Arushi, taking her little hands into her own.

 

“What did you say your name was?”

“Arushi.”

 

I watched as Payal’s eyes widened, her hands slowly moving to Arushi’s cheeks.

 

“Arushi?”

 

Arushi gave a little nod before looking at me. Payal stood, tears gathering in her eyes.

 

“She’s yours and Khushi’s? She’s your child isn’t she? Is Khushi with you?”

 

I was stunned that Payal had worked it out so quickly. Lifting Arushi into my arms, I nodded in response to Payal’s questions.

 

“How did you know?”

“Khushi always loved the idea of merging her name and her husband’s name to make the name of her children. Arushi is the perfect blend of both your names. And she looks exactly like Khushi did when she was that big. I realised instantly…”

 

I watched as the fact hit home to everyone else, as they all slowly came forward around us. The doorbell rang and Payal went running for the door. Upon opening the door, I could hear Payal squealing with joy and then I heard Khushi too. Mami, Nani and Akash went running, leaving Shyam jiju and Di with me. Jiju came and stroked Arushi’s cheek, smiling at her before introducing himself as her pupa ji. I smiled as Arushi gave him her sweetest smile and offered her hand to him to shake.

As everyone came back to the main area, Khushi came and stood before me and took Arushi from my arms.

 

“Chote can you tell us what the hell is going on? You’ve been in Mumbai for months, you don’t tell us what you’ve been up to and you don’t tell us when you’re going to come back, and when you do return, you have Khushi and a child with you. What on earth is happening?”

 

I ushered everyone to sit down and they all did. Payal went to arrange for tea and snacks for me and Khushi, and I started to explain to everyone everything that had happened and how I had found Khushi and Arushi.

 

*****

 

They had a lot of questions and so much that they needed to take time to digest, but everyone came to terms with the change of events. Everyone embraced Khushi and happily welcomed her back and did their best to make Arushi comfortable. Everyone except Di…

Nani told Khushi and Arushi to take some rest, and Payal went with them up to my room. I hung back to deal with Di. I waited until everyone cleared out of the living room before getting hold of Di.

 

“Di, what’s up?”

“Nothing up, why are you asking me?”

“Because I can tell something isn’t right. Everyone seems to be so happy to see Khushi and Arushi but you… I just feel like you aren’t pleased to see them.”

“I’m just shocked, nothing else.”

“No it’s something else, I can tell. Everyone was shocked but your reaction is saying something else to me.”

 

I watched as Di composed herself.

 

“It’s just… Everyone is acting like nothing has happened. Like 6 years haven’t passed, like she didn’t just abandon you in the middle of the night…”

“Di you know why all that happened. She thought she was doing what’s best for me and Pari and Nimisha.”

“Yes but…”

“No Di. I don’t know what you’re holding against Khushi but I need you to drop it. After years, I have my entire family with me, together. I want to enjoy this. I have my wife back and I have a daughter! My own child that I made with the woman I love, and I want to get to know her better in our own house. I just want to finally start living my life. For more than six years, I have been in limbo, but the last few months, I finally feel like I have my own life back and I want to carry on feeling like that. I don’t want to be lost again.”

 

I left Di speechless, that was clear to me. I also knew there was something going on in her head but I also knew that she wouldn’t say anything. But it didn’t matter. Right now I wanted to focus on Khushi and Arushi and make sure that they were okay, they were what mattered the most right now.

Turning away from Di, I made my way up to my bedroom.

Upon entering our room, I realised there was a mini party going on. Payal, Akash and Akshay were sat with Khushi on the bed, and Shalini was sat on the floor with Arushi, showing her some books.

 

“What’s going on here?”

 

They all turned to me, smiled and then got up.

 

“Hey you guys don’t need to leave.”

“We know, but you guys need time to yourselves so.”

 

They filed out, taking Shalini with them. Arushi came to me and wrapped herself around legs.

 

“Papa when can we go home?”

“This is home beta, this is our home.”

“I miss Raj papa.”

 

I turned to Khushi who was clearly taken aback by this comment.
Khushi came over to us and peeled Arushi off of my leg.

 

“Arnav, can you give us a few moments please? I think me and Arushi need some mommy and baby time.”

 

Nodding, I left the room and shut the door behind me. Though Arushi was comfortable with me, I knew there were times when she just needed Khushi, or when only Khushi could speak to her properly.

I made my way downstairs, to go and kill some time in the living room when I saw Nimisha and Pari return home. I had forgotten about them but I realised that now was the time when I needed to speak to Nimisha.

 

“Nimi, I need to speak to you?”

 

She looked at me, surprised that I was back and that I was speaking to her so normally.

 

“Arnav… When did you… You should’ve called me and let me know, I would’ve been home when you got home.”

“It doesn’t matter. Can we go to your room and speak?”

 

She nodded as she led the way to her room. Pari had already run off, she was probably already playing with Shalini.

As Nimi and I entered her bedroom, she shut the door behind us, put down her bag and turned to me.

 

“It’s good to see you.”

 

She came in to give me a hug, but I held out my hand. That wasn’t necessary.

 

“Arnav…”

“I’m not going to beat around the bush and waste our time, I’m going to tell you the matter as it is. While I was in Mumbai, I found Khushi.”

“What?”

 

It was clear she hadn’t been expecting that.

 

“You found Khushi?”

“Yes. And she’s here too.”

“What!”

 

Whatever was going on in Nimisha’s head, this hadn’t been something she had been prepared for.

 

“And not just Khushi, we have a daughter too. Who’s also here. So, I just thought you should know.”

 

Eyes wide, Nimisha looked at me, her face becoming paler as seconds passed. Her games had lasted long enough. I was done with them. She had always known what importance she had in my life, and now she should definitely now what I want and what I don’t. Though I didn’t explicitly tell her to leave, I hoped she knew that I wanted her to leave now. I knew Pari wasn’t mine, and she wasn’t my wife. Before it was different, but now with Khushi and Arushi here, I needed Nimisha out. I just needed to start living a normal life again with my family.

Unwanted ~ Part 39

Khushi

After our failed attempt of spending the night together, though we’d said we’d try again soon, we hadn’t. Life kept getting in the way and we just hadn’t had the opportunity to try again.
Arushi had gotten the flu so I didn’t want to leave her at home, and I really didn’t want to take her with me to Arnav’s the first night we slept together again. Perhaps one would say I was a bad mother for wanting to leave my daughter, just so I could go and sleep with my husband, but I knew if Arushi was in the house the first time we did it again, I wouldn’t be able to give Arnav the full attention he deserved. So we wait.

Three weeks passed and after waiting for so long, we had made plans to finally spend the night together. In this time, I had decided to go back onto birth control and it also gave me time to mentally prepare myself to start engaging in a physical relationship with Arnav again.

It felt so weird when I thought about it. It felt like I was preparing myself for the first time, like this hadn’t happened between us before. But the experience was still exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted our first night to be perfect…

 

*****

 

When I got to his house, the first thing I noticed was the beautifully set table.

 

“What’s all this?”

“Some good food for my lady.”

“One could get used to this Arnav, your cooking is becoming a habit for me now.”

“Let it, if you want, I’ll keep cooking for you for the rest of our lives.”

“Arnav…”

“Please, take a seat.”

 

Nodding, I sat down and I waited as Arnav too sat down. Once he was seated, I served us both the food and we began eating, making small talk as we dined.

 

*****

 

After dinner, it was time for dessert. We gave ourselves a little bit of time to recover from the food we had eaten, but we both knew what it was that we really wanted tonight. When we were both ready, he took my hand as he led me to the bedroom before pushing me onto the bed. He came over me, his hand on my waist while his lips found mine.

His hands ran over my body and I wrapped my legs around his waist, bringing him into myself.

Realistically we knew that we should be taking this slowly, giving ourselves time to familiarise ourselves with each other again. But it had been so long, we’d been waiting so long that taking it slow was out of the question. We just wanted to go for it, to come together once again.

As his hands brushed over my naked skin, I felt myself shiver with anticipation. I wanted this, he wanted this… We needed this.

Moving off me, he pulled me up as he proceeded to undress me and I did the same. Hand on my cheek, he closed the distance between us again, his lips on mine, his tongue between my lips, pushing them apart. Locking his hand in mine, he lowered me back into the bed, as he moved over me…

 

*****

 

As I awoke the next morning, I felt super sore. I hadn’t thought that it would hurt quite as much as it did, but it felt like losing my virginity all over again. We should’ve gone slowly, but there was a sense of urgency between the both of us. It had been so long and taking it slow just wasn’t in the question, we just wanted to go for it.

But regardless of that, last night had been amazing. To be with him again, to be one with him again…

When I’d left home I thought I’d have all this back one day, but as time went on, I slowly had lost hope. But now…. Smiling to myself, I pulled the covers tightly around myself as rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. Damn. We were actually together again!

Lost in my own little world, I didn’t even realise when Arnav came back into the room. He came in and sat down beside me. Pulling the covers around myself, I sat up and gave him a peck on the cheek.

 

“Morning.”

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“I had the best nights sleep. I didn’t even realise when you got up.”

 

He gave me a cheeky wink.

 

“I did call you when I woke up but you were so tired out, you didn’t even move.”

“Wow really?”

“Yup, any way, seeing as your up, I’ve made you breakfast.”

 

I hadn’t even realised he’d brought food with him but he had. Reaching over, he picked up the tray he’d brought with him and held it for me as I sat properly.

 

“Pancakes!”

“Just the way you like them, with extra maple syrup!”

 

I ignored him as he smirked.

He remembered. He remembered that I used to love having pancakes made by him the morning after we had sex. I didn’t know why, but I just liked it. I used to find I used to crave pancakes after sex. Though I hadn’t felt it as much today, having the pancakes in front of me made me realise how much I wanted them.

I tucked into my food and he leaned against the headboard and smiled at me.

 

“Would you like some?”

“Nah, I’ve had my breakfast, you enjoy you’re food and then I want to talk to you about something.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

 

He just shook his head and pointed to the food in front of me. What did he want to talk about? I wanted to know now but I knew he’d never tell me until I finished my food.
Eating my pancakes as fast as I could, I kept a close eye on him, trying to work out what was coming. But I didn’t have the faintest of clues. Shrugging to myself, I finished my food as fast as I could and put the plate down.

 

“I’m ready, what did you want to say?”

 

Turning his attention to me, he took my hands in his own and looked into my eyes.

 

“You know I’m not always the best with word so I’m just going to say what’s in my heart. Khushi, will you and Arushi move in with me?”

 

He took me by surprise completely and it must have been noticeable.

 

“Were you not expecting me to say anything like that?”

“I just… I didn’t think… I don’t know.”

“Well, do you want to?”

 

I paused for a moment as I thought about it. Of course I wanted to move in with Arnav! The way we were living our relationship now, it made me feel as though they were a young couple, still only dating, and who had to plan well in advance before they spent time together. I didn’t want this. I wanted us to have a normal relationship like a normal couple. The answer to his question was a simple one.

 

“Of course!”

 

Letting out the breath he had been holding, Arnav threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

 

“I was terrified that you wouldn’t say yes.”

“Why wouldn’t I say yes? I was thrown, but I’d never say no.”

 

He pulled me into himself again, his lips on mine, his hands locked in mine as he took me down onto the bed again…

 

*****

 

When I got home after leaving Arnav’s, all I could think about was what was I meant to say to Arushi? And how was I supposed to ease her into the idea of moving in with Arnav. But I knew it needed to be done.

After me and Arnav we’re finally satisfied with each other, we sat down and had a mature conversation about me and Arushi moving into his place. We knew we wanted to move in together, because we were still together. And he made it clear that he wanted her to get used to having him around all the time before just throwing her into the deep end when we eventually went back to Delhi.

As I walked into the house, Arushi was already waiting and launched herself at me before I could even put my bag down.

 

“Mama!”

“Hey baby! Did you miss me?”

“Lots and lots and LOTS!”

 

Lifting Arushi into my arms, I carried her over to the living room before sitting her down on the sofa. I asked her how she spent yesterday evening and then what she did this morning. She told me about all of it before asking me about Arnav.

 

“Well your papa has said he will come to see you soon, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about before that.”

 

She raised her little eyebrows the way Arnav does and I couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Your papa was saying that maybe it is time that we went and lived with him. But that’s only if you want to.”

 

For a moment, Arushi didn’t respond. I could tell she was processing the information. After what felt like half a lifetime, she finally replied.

 

“Live in his house?”

“Yes.”

“Both of us?”

“Yes of course!”

 

A wide smile played on her lips before she gave me a big hug.

 

“YES YES YES YES YES!”

“So you want to live with your papa?”

“YES YES YES!”

 

Laughing, I picked my baby up into my arms and held her close to myself. Finally, we were going to be a real family!

 

*****

 

A month had passed since Arushi and I moved into Arnav’s place and everything had been going amazingly. I had worried that it would take Arushi a while to settle in, to really get comfortable, but from the very moment she arrived, she was fine. She was just happy to have Arnav around all the time.

When we first moved in, Arushi didn’t sleep through the night. At 2am or 3am, she would come into mine and Arnav’s room to sleep with us, but she got over this quite quickly.

When we moved in, Arnav had already decorated the spare bedroom, all ready for Arushi. He had said he didn’t want his daughter to come home and feel like a stranger in her own house. We had brought all her stuff from Raj and Veera mausi’s house and put it in, and she had been ecstatic to find all her favourite things plus lots of new things.

When I had told Raj and Veera mausi that we were going to move in with Arnav, they had been upset of course, but they understood. They understood that it was finally time for me and Arushi to go home, to finally make up for all the time that we had lost with our family. So with a heavy heart, they accepted that we were leaving and they have us their blessings for our new start.

Being with Arnav all the time again, it felt strange originally. I felt like it was the first time that me and Arnav were living together. But that initial awkward stage didn’t last long. We were soon able to find our flow again, and everything was going great.

Initially, we had been worried to have sex because we didn’t want Arushi to hear us or to walk in on us, but after about a week, Arushi got accustomed to her new surroundings and she started sleeping peacefully through the nights again. And with her sleeping through the nights, it meant we were able to work on ourselves too.

Everything was going great.

 

*****

 

When Arnav returned home one evening, it was clear to me that he was tense. I asked him what the matter was, but he wouldn’t tell me, he just said that he wanted to wait until Arushi was asleep so that we could talk.

So I put Arushi to bed a little earlier than usual and then came and sat down with Arnav.

 

“What’s the matter, I haven’t seen you this tense in so long, is everything okay?”

 

He was tense and he was confused, that was obvious to me. But what the matter was, only he could tell me. I watched as he took a moment before turning to me.

 

“I need to go back to Delhi. I’d been putting off my return for months, but I can’t do it any more, I need to go back.”

“I understand. Of course! Everything is in Delhi. You’re home, your business, it’s understandable. Why are you so tense?”

“Because I don’t want to leave you and Arushi. And you said only the other day that you weren’t sure if it was time for us to go back.”

 

It made sense, of course. He had asked if we wanted to go back home soon and I had said that I wanted some more time. I had used Arushi as an excuse, but the truth was that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back yet. I didn’t know if I was ready to face my family and if I could deal with his. It had been so long and I… I just didn’t know if I could do it yet. But I could see Arnav’s tension and I knew I couldn’t be selfish any more, I needed to do right by him, instead of making things harder for him.

 

“Let’s do it, lets go back to Delhi. All three of us.”

“Are you sure? Arushi?”

“I think Arushi will be fine now. She has us. She’s comfortable with you and she’s good with new people any way. It may take her a while to fully get used to the change, but I think she will be okay.”

“But what if she isn’t.”

“It may take her time but it will be fine. And if she really struggles, then maybe we can just stay in our own little flat until she is accustomed to everyone at home.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

 

We talked through the plan, of how we could make things work, and after over an hour of discussion, we finally knew what we were going to do and how we were going to do it. It was finally going to happen, we were finally going home….

 

*****

 

Author’s note:

Just a short note to say, I hope this update is okay. This is the first chapter I’ve written for this story in over a year and so I was feeling it’s a bit shaky. Please do leave your comments and I will see you all again soon! 

Unwanted ~ Part 38

Arnav

Was I frustrated? Yes.
Was I starting to get super impatient? Yes.
Did I want to get sexually involved with my wife again? Fuck yes.

Initially, I had always made sure to keep a respectable distance between me and Khushi because I wanted to be able to focus on my relationship with Arushi. But now that things were going well for me and Arushi, I wanted to be able to focus on me and Khushi.

It wasn’t just the physical intimacy that I was craving, it was just being with her, speaking to her in person. She was always busy with work, or just busy being a mum. There had been a number of times when I had tried to make plans, but she wasn’t willing to commit because it meant leaving Arushi.

But tonight she was coming over. After much insistence, she had agreed to coming round to mine for dinner. I had just finish laying the table and was just waiting for the last curry to finish cooking.

Just as the curry finished cooking, the doorbell rang. Taking the food off the cooker and placing it on the table, I went to answer the door. There before me, stood Khushi with a box of jalebis.

 

“Hey, come on in.”

 

I let her in first and then shut the door behind her. With the door shut, she handed me the box of jalebis.

 

“I made these for you just before coming, so they’ll still be nice and crispy.”

“Thank you! I’ve been craving your jalebis for the last 6 years.”

 

She laughed, shaking her head as she made her way into the living room. I watched as she took her coat off and draped it neatly over the armrest of the sofa.

 

“Take a seat and I’ll just finish up with dinner.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“No no, you take a seat.”

 

She nodded, sitting down. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed the last of dinner and put it on the table. Just as I was pouring water into our glasses, Khushi walked into the kitchen.

 

“Something smells amazing!”

“It maybe my lasagna or I could be my curry that I’ve cooked.”

“What kind of curry is it?”

“Its a cauliflower one.”

“Oh that sounds great!”

 

Checking the table, I made sure everything was here and then pulled a chair out for her to sit down.

 

“Dinner is ready my lady.”

 

Smiling, Khushi took her seat and I came and sat down opposite her. Let the sexual tension over fine dining begin.

 

*****

 

We finished dinner quite quickly and Khushi had insisted on helping me with tidying up. Because of that, we had tidied up quickly and now I felt at a bit of a loss. Khushi had already mentioned leaving, but I didn’t want her to go yet. I wanted to spend some time with her alone.

We were now sat on the sofa, drinking some coffee. I’d put the TV on for the sake of it being on. Khushi slowly sipped on her coffee and she sent out a text to Raj to check on Arushi.

 

“Is Arushi okay?”

“She’s fine. She’s gone to sleep and Veera mausi is with her.”

“So you’re okay to stay for a while.”

“Yeah, I can stay a little longer.”

 

She gave me a little smile and then went back to her coffee.

This wasn’t enough, nothing was happening. Somehow we’d run out of topics to talk about and this awkward silence was eating me up. I needed to do something. Something needed to happen. Otherwise this would have been a complete waste of time.

I put my mug down and so did she. I watched as she looked up at the clock and then at me.

 

“Arnav I…”

“I don’t want you to go yet.”

“But…”

 

I scooted closer to her. And then a little more. Enough of this waiting game. What was I waiting for?

 

“Arnav…”

 

Her breathing hitched as I shuffled that little bit closer to her, to the point where there was no longer any space between us. I placed my hand on her knee and I looked into her eyes. I needed to make sure…

She looked straight back at me, her eyes wide with confusion. But she didn’t move.

 

“Arnav…”

 

I moved a little closer to her, my hand moving further up her thigh. I leaned into her and finally her confusion melted away and she gave me a little nervous smile.

 

“I’ve been dying to kiss you.”

 

My sentence came out low and quiet, a whisper almost.

 

“I’m dying for your kiss.”

 

That was all I needed. She wanted this as much as I did, and she wanted it now. I closed my hands around her thigh and moved right in, my lips hovering over hers. Her eyes fluttered shut and then I closed my own. I felt her shudder slightly as our lips met, and her lips felt like they didn’t know quite what to do. But I wasn’t about to break away now.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to myself, pressing my lips further against hers. It took her a moment but she fell into the kiss, her lips easing apart as she started kissing me back. Her arms found their way around my neck and she pulled me further into herself.

I felt my brain start going fuzzy as I started losing myself in the kiss. My hands found her waist and I leaned further into her, making her lean back. I kept going until I was half over her.

We kept kissing, my hand moving along her body, while she ran her hands in my hair. She hooked her leg around my waist, pulling me even closer to herself. I wanted to get closer to her, to touch her, but this angle and this location just wasn’t working, I couldn’t fully get into the mood.

I broke the kiss when we needed air, and then I pulled her up. Getting off the sofa, I scooped her up into my arms.

 

“Arnav…”

“Bedroom.”

 

I waited for her to protest, but she didn’t. Carrying her in my arms, I made my way towards my bedroom. She wrapped her arms around my neck and started kissing my face again.

See at one point I had thought that maybe she didn’t want me as much as I had wanted her, but now, the way she was reacting, it was evident that she had been waiting for this as much as I had.

Once in the bedroom, I put her down onto the bed and then went back to take my shirt off before coming back over her.

I moved her kameez to the side a little, exposing her waist and I placed my hand on her. I felt her shudder slightly before she leaned up to meet my kiss again.

My hands ran all along her body and she did the same. I moved back again and found the edges of her kameez and pulled it off. Her eyes snapped open as she felt me undress her and she sat up, covering her body.

 

“No…”

 

I looked at her, and I could see that she didn’t feel comfortable. Grabbing the blanket at the end of my bed, I draped it around her body. Maybe it was too soon for this, maybe it’d been so long that she just needed some more time.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…

 

I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her.

 

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to, or if you’re not ready, it’s fine. There’s no pressure.”

“It’s not that… I do want to… I’ve missed you so much and I’ve been waiting for this but…”

 

She was tense, I could tell. I wrapped my arm more tightly around her and held her close to myself.

 

“If there’s something bothering you, you can talk to me about it.”

 

She looked down and I waited for her to response. She took a little breath and then looked at me.

 

“I just… I’m not like what I used to be, I’ve changed…”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean my body… It’s nothing like how it was all those years ago. I’m not… I’m not sexy… I don’t look sexy…”

“Hey.”

 

I moved my arm off of her and looked at her. What did she mean she wasn’t sexy? Had she seen herself? How could she think…

 

“I’m fatter and I have stretch marks and I…”

 

I placed my finger on her lips, stopping her from talking.

 

“Khushi, stop. I know you’re not the same as you used to be. I can see the difference but just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you’re any less sexy than you used to be. Khushi, I don’t expect you to be the same! Six and a half years have passed. We’ve gotten olden. Heck, you’ve been pregnant and have given birth to our child. I know the changes that come with that.”

I moved back into her, slowly peeling away the blanket that I had placed around her.
I felt her shiver, but I carried on. I needed to tell her what I thought about her.

I placed my hand on her exposed stomach, tracing my finger along the barely there stretch marks.

 

“These marks… These symbolise the change your body has gone through. They symbolise your journey from a woman to a mother.”

 

I pushed her back slowly, laying her down back onto the bed. I moved over her, my hands on her waist, trailing down to her hips. Maybe I was imagining it, but I’m pretty sure her hips were wider than they used to be, but I wasn’t going to say, just in case I was wrong.

I placed little kisses on her belly before moving back over her, homing in on her breasts.

 

“You’re breasts… I used to think they were perfect before, but now… Bliss, pure heaven. I used to think you were womanly before but now… Fuck Khushi. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Looking at you right now, looking at your breasts… You have no idea how hard it is to keep my control.”

 

She opened her eyes and looked straight into mine.

 

“You really think… You still find me sexy?”

“I find you sexier than ever before.”

 

I watched as a little smile played on her lips before she pulled me back to herself.
I settled myself down between her legs, my hands on her breasts, kneading them gently.

I pulled her off the bed and reached behind her. Unclipping her bra, I carefully took it off her before throwing it over my shoulder. Her breasts fell loose and I felt my control go out the window. Through clothes it was evident that she’d filled out a lot more. Seeing her like this…

I felt myself snap completely. I was on her, a nipple between my lips, my hand on her other breast. She fell further back into the bed, sinking into the mattress as she clutched onto my hair, bringing me closer to herself.

I let my hand trail down her body, letting myself caress her stomach before moving lower.

Her breathing got heavy as I rolled her nipple with my tongue and caressed her over her panties. This was happening. We were happening.

She pulled me up to herself just as I was ready to push a finger into her.
She pulled me towards herself, pressing a kiss onto my lips before breaking away.

 

“Protection.”

“Aren’t you on the…”

“No.”

 

I scooted back a little and hovered over her.

 

“You’re not?”

“No I… I came off the pill after I left home. I mean I went on it for a while after I had Arushi because the doctor said it’d help me regulate again. But I haven’t been on it for ages.”

“Oh… I don’t have any…”

“You don’t?”

“Why would I?”

 

She nodded, understanding what I was saying. I mean really? Why would I have had condoms? Well, technically I probably should have bought some, especially when things started brewing before me and Khushi again, but I hadn’t got any yet.

 

“Maybe we should just go au natural.”

 

Hitting my shoulder playfully, she gathered the blankets around her shoulders and started getting up.

 

“As much as I’d want to, I don’t want anything baby just now. So we’ll wait.”

 

I didn’t want another baby right now either, but I rolled my eyes and pouted for the sake of it any way. I pulled her back to myself and brushed my lips against her.

 

“Next time, we’re going to make it a home run.”

 

Hiding her face in my chest, I felt Khushi’s warm cheeks against my skin and wrapped my arms around her. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace. Finally, finally things were going my way. Finally.