Wilted Heart ~ Interlude IV

Khushi’s POV

I lay back in the bed and held out my hand to him. 

“Khushi…”

I could tell he was confused. Most days it either just happened organically, or he would approach me first. I couldn’t remember the last time I initiated.

“Make love to me.”

My words threw me off so I knew they would’ve thrown him off too. We had never referred to it as making love before. Neither of us had an issue as just referring to it as sex. But I had said what I had said and I couldn’t take it back now. It was out there and it hung in the silence of our bedroom. He didn’t move, and for a moment I felt that I’d blown it. Maybe it was too far for him? Maybe the use of the word ‘love’ had messed with him. 

But I lay there, on my back, my underwear clad breasts rising and falling quite rapidly, anxiety starting to grip me. Was he going to leave me hanging? Was he going to reject me? 

But my anxiety subsided when I saw him beginning to strip his clothes off, leaving only his boxers on. I felt myself smile. He took my hand as he got onto the bed, crawling over my body, his hands on me as his lips found mine. I wrapped my legs around him as he brought his hand up and touched my breast. 

He broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. He was still confused, I knew it. He could tell that something was causing me to be needier than usual. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.”

I let my hands find their way into his hair and pulled him back to me, kissing the tip of his nose and then pecking him on the lips. Pushing him off me, I got him on his back and moved over him. As much as I liked him being on top, right now I felt the need to top. I knew exactly what I wanted from him and I knew this was the best way to get it from him. With his hands on my waist, I leaned down over him, kissing him once more. 

***** 

My legs felt like jelly as I moved off him, panting as I collapsed on the bed beside him. 

“Whoa.”

Biting my lip, I curled into his side, kissing his chest as he wrapped an arm around me. 

“Whoa, that was something.”

It wasn’t the first time that I had been on top, but I think what he was referring to was how I had taken control today. Other times, he’d had to guide me, helped me get us there, but today it was all me. 

It made me feel good about myself, good to know that I knew how to pleasure my husband on my own. 

He turned on his side, his nose on mine as he kissed me softly. 

“You okay?”

His brow was creased ever so slightly as he looked at me. His expression was hard to read. 

“I’m fine, just tired. My legs still feel a bit like jelly but…”

“I don’t mean that, I mean are you okay?” 

I didn’t know how to answer this question because truthfully, I didn’t know the answer to it. I moved away from him slightly and pulled the covers up to my chin. Was I okay? 

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

Gently, he turned my face back to him as he took my hands into his own. 

“What just happened between us, don’t get me wrong, I loved every second of it, but I just felt like… I don’t know Khushi. I felt like…” 

He was onto me, I knew he was, but I wasn’t ready to verbalise my inner turmoil. Not yet at least. I silenced him with a kiss, moving over him once more as my hands wandered along his body. It wasn’t just to stop him from talking, I realised how I wasn’t done. I wanted him again. 

Unravelling the covers, I let myself be exposed to him once more as I kissed his earlobe, his neck, his chest, his abs, and followed my path further down. His hands found their way into my hair as I moved further down his body. 

“Khushi…”

His voice was raspy and I knew he was turned on. I carried on, moving further down his body and I felt his hands tighten in my hair as I neared where I aimed to be. 

“Khu… Ah fuck…”

***** 

At 3 am, I carefully peeled the sheets away from myself and reached out for my nightdress that lay long forgotten on the floor. Arnav was fast asleep, completely spent but I found myself struggling to get to sleep despite the fact that we’d spent the better part of the last 5 hours engaging in various acts of intimacy. Previously, we had done it more than once in one night, but never had we gone as many times as we had done today. By the time I reached out for him the third time, he was already exhausted, but he didn’t deny me. 

Getting out of bed, I reached into my wardrobe for my towel and then headed into the bathroom. I needed a shower, but more than that I needed time to get my head straight. I knew in my heart that more than anything, I was looking for answers tonight. And I had thought that having sex with Arnav would help me find the answers to my questions. But I was wrong. No matter how many times we did it, no matter which way we chose to do it, I didn’t find what I was looking for. I could tell that he knew there was something going on inside me, that I was looking for answers, but I’d shut him down every time he started to verbalise it. 

I knew I couldn’t hide the truth about Manav from him forever, but I knew I couldn’t tell him about him now. Not when I myself didn’t know what I was doing. It wasn’t a case of knowing whether or not I wanted to go back to Manav, I didn’t, it was more about, would I be able to deal with the fact that Manav was still here and that he hadn’t actually left. 

Stepping into the shower, I let the water cascade down on me. I cared for Arnav, I cared for him deeply. I had said to Manav that I loved Arnav but… Did I? Did I actually love him? I knew that for the longest time, I had loved Manav, but when I’d seen him today, I didn’t feel love. I didn’t even feel attraction. But was that because I felt thrown by the fact that he was actually there in front of me?

Squeezing my shower gel onto my hand, I rubbed it onto my body, letting it lather up. 

Yes, I was thrown by Manav, but regardless, I didn’t feel what I once used to feel when I saw him. I didn’t feel relief that he was there. I felt stressed out and confused. But was that again because I didn’t expect him to be there? I was so confused. I didn’t know what to think. I just… 

“Hi.”

I was brought out of my thoughts by the feel of strong arms around and a hard body against me. Turning around, I was faced with Arnav. 

“You’re awake?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I couldn’t sleep, and I just felt like I needed a shower.”

“That’s fine, but you’ve been in here for over half an hour.”

“I have?”

He nodded as he cupped my face and dropped a kiss on my nose. 

Grabbing hold of the detachable shower head, he washed the lather off of me and then washed himself down. He turned off the water and handed me my towel and then reached out for his own one. 

“Let’s go.”

He got out of the shower first and I followed him out. I looked at the clock when I got back into our room and he wasn’t kidding. It was just past 3:40. I’d gone in the shower at 3:04. How had I lost so much time?

As he dressed himself, I saw that he was watching me, his forehead creased. He watched as I got dressed into a fresh set of pyjamas and I watched as he did the same. As we got into bed, I noticed that he’d changed our sheets and the old ones were half poking out of the laundry bin. 

He wrapped his arms around me as he rested his face in the crook of my neck. 

“Why are you awake Arnav?”

“I felt you get up. I thought you just needed the bathroom so I tried to get back to sleep, but when I heard the water running and when you didn’t come back out after 10 minutes, I started to get a little tense.” 

I felt his hold on me tighten as he pulled me closer to himself. 

“You keep avoiding my question Khushi, are you okay?”

“I’m not avoiding your question, I’ve already told you I’m fine.”

“Babe…”

“Arnav it’s almost 4, we should get to sleep, you’ve got work in the morning.” 

He let out an audible sigh and I felt him unlatch his arms from around me as he moved back to his side of the bed. When had he gotten to know me so well? How could he read me like a book? I was being unfair to him. I knew I was blowing hot and cold. He was trying to have a meaningful conversation with me, find out why I was behaving the way I was, and I had used sex as a way to distract him all night. But it wasn’t just to distract him. I needed to know how I felt, what I wanted, and I had thought that by getting intimate with him, it’d help me find my answers. But it hadn’t. 

Sighing, I settled down in bed and let myself finally get to sleep. 

***** 

When I woke up the next morning, Arnav was already out of bed and dressed. I sat up in bed and smiled at him. 

“Good morning.”

“Morning. You’re awake?”

“Of course.”

“I just thought you would sleep in because we didn’t get to sleep until so late last night.”

I got out of bed, walked over to him and looped my arms around his neck. 

“I’m sorry I kept you up so late.”

“No way, you don’t need to apologise. It was…”

He ran his hand along the side of my face and let it rest on the side of my neck. 

“Fun.”

As he said that, he raised his eyebrow suggestively. God this man! How was he so irresistibly gorgeous. Everything he did just made me want wrap myself around him and never let him go. 

Giving me a quick kiss, he broke our embrace and then went to grab his laptop bag. 

“I’m going to head off to the office now, but I’ll see you later.”

“Breakfast?”

“I have an early meeting so I’ll grab something at the office.”

“Are you sure? I can prepare something for you…”

“It’s fine babe. You rest or do whatever you need to do, I’ll sort myself out at the office.”

“Okay fine, but I’ll bring you lunch.”

He came back over to me and kissed the top of my head. 

“Honestly it’s fine, you don’t have to worry. Besides I’m going onto the new construction site at 11 so I’ll probably end up having lunch there. I’ll see you when I get home in the evening.”

I nodded reluctantly and he kissed my head once more before heading out. As he shut the door behind him, I got back into our bed and reached out for my phone. Even before unlocking it, I could I have a bunch of texts from the same unsaved number. For a moment I was a little confused, but as I started reading the messages, it all came rushing back to me. Manav. Saving his number, I read through his texts. He didn’t say much, just that he was glad to have seen me, that he wanted to see me again and that he missed me when he was away from me. Sighing I put my phone down and got out of bed and got ready for my day. I couldn’t be dealing with this right now. I needed to think about what I wanted and what I needed to do before I could speak to him again. 

Leaving my phone upstairs, I went downstairs to get on with my day. 

***** 

Returning to my bedroom a few hours later, I picked my phone up and found that Manav had texted me 3 more times and had called me 3 times as well. I read through his texts. 

*Please answer your phone.*

*Call me back when you can*

*I really need to talk to you, just call me once, or at least reply to your messages.* 

I was struggling to decide what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to reach out to Manav but at the same time I knew him, and I knew that if I didn’t respond to him, he’d keep messaging me and calling me. Perhaps I should speak to Arnav about it, see what he thought. But at the same time I didn’t want to tell him about this. I didn’t know how he would react and what he would think. I didn’t want it to drive a wedge between us but at the same time I knew that if I kept it from him for too long, at some point it would come between us and I didn’t want that. 

After contemplating for a long while, I finally decided that I would call him once, see what he had to say and then put this whole thing to bed. 

I called him and waited patiently as the phone rang. He picked up far sooner than I had expected. 

“Khushi, finally. I’ve been waiting for you to call me all day.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I know, I thought you were and I’m sorry I called and texted so many times, but I really need to speak to you and I was getting worried that you weren’t going to reach out to me again.”

“It’s a lot to take in, I just… I need time to process it all.”

“Is your husband there?”

His voice had a tone of bitterness to it but I ignored it.

“No, he’s at work.”

“So you can speak to me freely.”

“Manav… What do you want.”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you back.”

“Yeah well…”

Yeah well what? It was a simple reply. He couldn’t have me back. Why couldn’t I say that? He picked up on it because he pounced on that.

“You’re not saying that you aren’t available to come back to me, that means you want me.”

“No. No it doesn’t. It means I’m confused and you’re confusing me and this is all just so insane.”

“The fact that you’re confused just means that you still care for me and you would come back to me.”

“No it doesn’t. You were an important part of my life for a long time and then you just vanished and I thought I’d lost you and now… All this…”

“Let’s meet up. I think if I was in front of you, it would help you with your confusion.”

This was a bad idea, I knew it was a bad idea. If I looked into his eyes, I was worried I’d fall week. His eyes always made me weak, the way he looked at me, like he was staring into my soul. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“It just isn’t okay. I’m married and I care for my husband. I know that if I come to see you, I won’t be able to tell Arnav about it, and I don’t want to lie to my husband or hide anything from him. So it’s better I just don’t see you. Besides, like I said before, there’s nothing for us to talk about.”

“There’s so much for us to talk about and you know that Khushi. Just think about it and then come and see me. Anyway, I have to go now. You take care of yourself and we’ll speak soon.”

He disconnected the call before I could say anything else. He was adamant that he wanted to see me, but I knew that’s not what I wanted. I mean I think that’s not what I want? I didn’t even know at this point. Part of me wanted to see him, really sit down with him and ask him what the hell was he thinking, but then the other half of me doesn’t want to go into it because what’s done is done and there’s no point reopening old wounds. I was happy with my life, I was happy with Arnav and I was willing to move on with my life. Meeting with Manav meant letting him back in and that felt like a step in the wrong direction. 

Trying to push my thoughts away, I carried on with my day. I couldn’t be thinking about Manav. That was a closed chapter in my life and I couldn’t reopen it. It was done. It was over. 

***** 

Regardless of how many times I told myself not to think about it, I still found myself thinking about it. It was because I was deep in thought about it all that I didn’t even realised when Arnav came home. When he got home, I was busy putting my washed clothes back into the wardrobe. He snuck up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. I jumped slightly but melted into him when I realised it was him.

“Hey babe.”

“Hi.” 

Turning me in his arms, he gave me a light kiss before moving away from me again. 

“How was your day?”

How do I answer that? It had been a relatively normal day, but then the whole Manav thing…

“Khushi?”

“Hm? Oh, it was fine, just a normal day. Yourself?”

He loosened his tie and undid the buttons of his shirt as he nodded. 

“Same, just a regular day.”

“Did you have breakfast and lunch?”

“I did, and I had a very big breakfast and lunch so you don’t need to worry about feeding me doubles at dinner.”

I laughed because he knew me so well. I had thought about feeding him double at dinner. 

“Should I get dinner on now or would you like something light first and have dinner in a little while?”

“I’ll have dinner now thanks.”

“I’ll just go and get it ready, you come down in a bit.”

“Alright.”

***** 

From the moment he walked into the house, I could tell that he was in a good mood and my hunch was further reinforced when his hand wouldn’t leave my thigh as we were having dinner. He was in a good mood, but more than that he was in a romantic mood. 

Though I had nothing to compare it to, I assumed we had a relatively high sex drive. Perhaps it was because it was still pretty new to us and because we were still discovering each other, but we found ourselves having sex at least every other evening if not every single evening. And the mood he was in today, I knew that the moment we got back upstairs, he would be all over me. 

Last night, I had been the insatiable one, I had been needy and I’d wanted him over and over again. But I didn’t feel the same way this evening. I was still confused about all things related to Manav and I just wanted to be on my own so that I could think it over. The last thing I wanted was to be getting intimate with Arnav when I was preoccupied and thinking about Manav. 

The moment we got back up to our room, his hands were on me, bringing me down onto the bed as his hands found their way under my clothes, touching me, feeling me. I should’ve just said no, that I wasn’t in the mood, but I didn’t want to have to tell him why I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t know if he would ask or not, I didn’t think he would because he was always so respectful of my decisions when I said no, but I didn’t want to have to risk the chance of him asking me why. So I went along with it, tried to get myself into the mood. He wanted and needed this tonight and it would be selfish of me to say no when I had essentially used him last night as a means to try and find out how I was feeling. 

I let him undress me and I undressed him. I really tried to push all other thoughts away and just focus on this gorgeous man who was on me, trying to pleasure me and get pleasure from me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get into the right headspace. I knew I should’ve just pushed him away and told him that I wasn’t in the mindset for it tonight, but I didn’t. I let him carry on, trying my best not to make it abundantly obvious that I wasn’t in it. I did what I needed to do, I kissed him back when he kissed me, I moved my hips in time with him and I reassured him that he was doing a good job when he looked into my eyes. When he came, he collapsed on the bed beside me but let his hands move down my body. I caught his hand before it reached its destination and shook my head. 

“But you didn’t finish.”

I curled into him, hiding my face into his chest so that he couldn’t see my face. 

“I did finish.”

“Khushi… I know you and your body and I know you didn’t climax.”

He knew me so well. He knew my body so well. He was right, I didn’t finish, I often didn’t and he always made sure that he did what he needed to do to finish me off too, but I just… I didn’t want to tonight. Having sex with him tonight felt like a task anyway, and while I knew he would give me what I needed, I just knew I wasn’t in the headspace for it. 

“Is everything okay Khushi?”

He gently pushed my shoulders back so that he could see my face and I nodded. 

“I’m just really tired. We didn’t get much sleep last night and I’ve been really busy today…”

“I get it.”

He must have bought it because he let me curl back into him and I felt myself fall asleep. 

***** 

Over the course of the next few days, I kept myself busy so that when evening came, I could tell Arnav I was too tired to do anything. After the other night, I realised it wasn’t fair to get close to him or let him come close to me when I hadn’t yet got my head straight. I knew I wasn’t in the headspace to give him the attention he deserved, so it just felt like the better option to stay away from him. But it didn’t take me long to get my priorities back in order. 

After a few days of deep thought, I realised that there was no need to even consider the whole situation. What was between Manav and I was over now and I had moved on with my life. I was happy with Arnav and the new life that I had. I had thought about it all length and I had debated whether or not to tell Arnav, but ultimately, I decided against it. I didn’t even know how I would approach the topic, how I would explain it all. It just didn’t feel worth it. So I decided not to tell him. 

My mind was set and I knew what I was doing, that was until Manav called me, asking me to meet him. 

***** 

I got back into the car after seeing Manav and my heart was pounding. It all felt so surreal, so insane, I had to pinch myself to convince myself that it had actually happened and he had actually said the things he had said. I couldn’t believe that he had actually suggested that I leave Arnav and go back to him. I couldn’t believe that he suggested I divorce Arnav, take the alimony and go back to him. Back to him who left me hanging for the better part of 2 years. But I was glad that I had met him and had this conversation. If any part of me before had been torn or confused about Manav, all that confusion was now gone. I realised how he really wasn’t the person I wanted to be with any more, how he still thought like a teenager, like everything was a game instead of thinking like a grown adult. It made me realise how erratic and unrefined life was Manav was and would be, and it made me realise how much I enjoyed and appreciated the stability that came with being with Arnav. And it made me realise just how much Arnav means to me. For the first time ever, I had admitted, not only to myself but to someone else as well, that I loved him and that I truly wanted to be with him because I loved him. 

Leaning back in my seat, I smiled it myself as the feeling settled in. The evening had been tiring and intense, but at least I now knew the true depths of my feelings for Arnav. And I couldn’t wait to tell him. 

***** 

When I got home, Arnav was already asleep. So as much as I wanted to speak to him, I knew better than to disturb him after a long day of work. I got ready for bed and then quietly slipped into bed beside him. I’d talk to him tomorrow. I’d express my feeling for him tomorrow…

***** 

When I woke up the next morning he was already gone. This wasn’t anything unusual because often enough when he had an early morning meeting, he’d quiet leave before I got up. I felt slightly bummed because I had really wanted to talk to him, but it was alright, I’d just speak to him in the evening. And perhaps that was for the better because it would mean that I actually had some time to think about what I was actually going to say to him. 

***** 

Sitting in the recliner, I waited for him to come home. It was nearing 9pm and he wasn’t home yet. I’d called him a few times during the day to ask him when he’d be back, to ask if he’d had breakfast and lunch, to just generally check in on him, but he hadn’t been answering his phone, I could only assume he was having a busy day. 

I sat around waiting and waiting and soon enough I found myself getting sleepy but I knew that I needed to stay awake so that I could speak to him. I really needed to speak to him… 

***** 

I felt myself being moved and that’s what woke me up. I opened my eyes and there he was, standing over me after he’d put me down on the bed. 

“Hey.”

“Hi, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Shaking my head, I sat up in bed. I took his hand and brought him down onto the bed beside me. 

“It’s fine, I was trying to wait up for you anyway.”

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to. I missed you so much today. You were gone before I woke up and last night you were a sleep when I got home…”

“I’ve just got a lot on at the moment…”

“I know, but still…”

Pulling him closer to myself, I cuddled into his side, letting my hand find its way under his t-shirt and let it rest of his chest. 

“I called you at lunch.”

“I had a lunch meeting.”

We made little conversation about his day, my hand gently stroking his chest while the other gently stroked his thigh. Everything about him seemed off. He felt tense and I just felt he wasn’t reacting to me the way he usually did. Was it down to him having had a long day and being tired? Or was it something else? 

I let my hand move a little higher on his thigh, gently caressing his leg. 

“Khushi…”

“You’re so tense Arnav? You work far too hard.”

Taking my hands off him, I pressed him down against the headboard and came over him, straddling him. Cupping his face, I looked into his eyes as I smiled, trying to convey so much to him in a single glance. Did he know what I was trying to say? He kept his eyes on me as I slowly pulled my nighty off over my head before moving back into him, cradling the back of his neck as I moved in and kissed the side of his neck. I felt his head fall back against the pillows as I kissed his neck while tracing my hands along his body. 

“Khushi…”

“There’s so much I need to talk to you about Arnav, but for now, let me just relax you.”

Under my hands, I had felt his muscles start to relax, but for some reason, after saying this I felt him tense up again? I tried to push the thoughts away, not overthink it, but something just didn’t sit right with me. Why was he tensing up as I was touching him? In all the time we’d spent together, his body had never reacted like this to my touch or my words? Regardless, I did my best to push the thoughts away as I carried on. Finding the hem of his t-shirt, I pulled it off over his head before moving closer to him again. I left a line of kisses down his body. His eyes, his face, his neck, his chest, his abs… I moved down his body every so slowly and I felt his hand tangle into my hair as I dipped lower and lower down his body. By the time I reached the waistband of his track pants, his hands were clutching my hair relatively tightly. I stroked the bulge in his pants and I felt his hand release my hair and I felt his entire body tense up all over again. 

Gently taking me by the shoulders, he pushed me way before reaching out for his t-shirt and slipping it back on. I was confused and thrown. This was new. He never said no, never pushed me away? 

“Arnav…”

“Not tonight.”

“But I…”

But I what? I didn’t even know what I wanted to say.

“I’m tired Khushi. Not tonight.”

He turned over and I watched as his breathing regulated. I was confused, I didn’t know what to this. Was he trying to avoid me? 

Shaking my thoughts off, I reached out for my nightdress and pulled it back on before settling down beside him, wrapping my arms around him. I was overthinking it. We were fine. He’d just had a long day and wasn’t in the mood, it was fine. 

It was just as I was falling asleep that I felt his hands carefully move my arms off of him. We weren’t okay, something was very wrong. 

***** 

When I awoke the next morning, he was already fully dressed again and ready to go. We made small talk but he didn’t have much to say and strangely enough, I didn’t exactly feel like trying to get much out of him either. 

It was as he was walking out when he told me he was going to London and that I should go home to my parents. As much as I wanted to see my parents, in my heart I knew that perhaps wasn’t the right time to go, but considering he was going away to London and didn’t know when he was going to be back, it felt like it was the best option for me to just go and spend a few days with my parents. 

When he left, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. What was happening between us? When did something go so wrong? Did something actually go wrong? 

Running my hands through my hair, I got out of bed. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it. 

Wilted Heart ~ Part 4

“Hi Khushi.”

It took Khushi a moment to wrap her head around what was happening and who was in front of her. How was this…

“I missed you.”

Khushi grabbed hold of the counter and steadied herself, she was feeling light headed. Closing her eyes briefly, she begged herself to wake up because this had to be some kind of dream, this couldn’t possibly be real. When she finally opened her eyes again, he was still there, very much real. Manav.

“Your cakes ma’am.”

Turning her attention back to the barista, Khushi paid and took the bag from the counter. What was she meant to do? What was she meant to say?

“Say something na Khushi.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“You can start by telling me that you missed me too.”

He took Khushi by the elbow and guided her over to a table, pulled the chair out for her and ushered her to sit. She was still confused, she still felt numb, but she obliged. She deserved an explanation. Manav took a look at the pretty little bag from the lingerie store and raised his eyebrow.

“Lingerie? Nice.”

His voice was dripping in sarcasm and that’s when Khushi felt her find her own voice.

“What the hell is this Manav? What are you doing here? Where have you been? I thought you were…”

Tears pricked her eyes but she fought them back. She couldn’t cry. She needed to stay strong and get to the bottom of this because this was insanity. He was dead? She thought he was dead? They had searched for him for years and had concluded he must have died because only a dead man goes off the radar like that.

“Can we go somewhere else and talk about it?”

“No not really.”

Khushi folder her arms in front of her, her body language showing him that she was closing herself off.

“Please, let’s talk about this properly.”

“We can do it here. I don’t want to go anywhere with you until you tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

Khushi scoffed at his audacity. Was he really asking about trust?

“No I don’t. For almost 3 years, I thought you were dead. You didn’t reach out to me, didn’t reach out to your own family. Allowed everyone to think you were dead and now you think you can waltz back into my life and expect me to say I trust you? It doesn’t work like that.”

He felt his patience slipping, so he decided to stop wanting to go elsewhere with her, here would have to do.

“Fine, I’ll answer anything you want to know.”

“I don’t even know where to start. Actually I do, where the hell have you been?”

Flagging down a barista, Manav ordered them coffee and then started to explain.

“So after the accident, I don’t know how it happened but we got separated. I was taken to a different hospital to you. For a while I was in a coma but not for long. When I came round, I asked for you but they told me that no one had been admitted at the same time as me and that no Khushi had been in the hospital or discharged from it around the same time I was.”

“Okay I get that you couldn’t find me like that, but you know where I live. Why didn’t you come find me at my parents house?”

At this point Manav looked away and gave a sheepish smile.

“It gave me time to reconsider a lot of things and I just realised that we had rushed into marriage to prematurely.”

“Wait this doesn’t make sense, they told me you were dead?”

“They may have assumed the driver was me. Mom and dad said that the accident was serious and he suffered most of the blow… His body was almost unrecognisable.”

“It’s still not making sense to me.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either, but here I am. We’re both here…”

Manav took Khushi’s hand into his own and smiled. Weirdly enough, his smile didn’t melt her heart the way it used to.

“Wait, what do you mean it gave you time to reconsider a lot of things? You’re the one that wanted marriage! You proposed to me? I was only still thinking about it, you were the one that said you didn’t want to wait any longer.”

“I know what I said and let’s be honest, sex was a motivating factor in that decision.”

Pulling her hand out of Manav’s, Khushi felt her temperature increase. Just as she opened her mouth to reply, her phone began to ring. Looking down at it, Khushi felt her anger subside a little. Arnav was calling. She went to answer the call but stopped herself. What was she meant to say? She didn’t want to lie to him but if she answered the phone now, Arnav would know something was wrong and she didn’t know how to explain the Manav situation to him. She rejected the call.

Manav watched Khushi carefully as she did this and it irked him to see the way she smiled upon realising Arnav was calling her. It further irked him to see that her caller display picture for Arnav was him asleep in bed, topless.

The phone rang again and Khushi sighed as she rejected the call again and the put it on silent.

“You can take the call.”

“It’s fine, I’ll speak to him when I get home.”

Looking at her watch, Khushi realised that it was far later than she had thought it was and that Arnav would be getting home soon.

“I have to get going, I don’t have time for this. Arnav is going to be home soon and I need to make sure I have something prepared for him to eat.”

“Is that his name? Arnav. You have a type, Arnav, Manav.”

“I don’t feel comfortable discussing anything about Arnav with you.”

“You don’t need to say anything, your display picture for him and the fact that you’re buying expensive lingerie says enough.”

Feeling her cheeks heat up, Khushi wanted to shrink away and disappear but at the same time, she wasn’t about to shy away. She wasn’t the one that had done anything wrong. 

“Don’t. You don’t have a right to speak with that tone and make me feel guilty. I waited 2 years for you, refused to believe you were gone and when I couldn’t avoid my parents any more, I said yes to remarrying.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t have got married I’m saying you didn’t need to sleep with him.”

His tone was bitter and it stung slightly, but Khushi wasn’t about to take it lying down.

“You have no right to judge me and my decisions when you’re the one that let me believe you were dead for almost 3 years. And not that it’s any of your business, but Arnav and I didn’t start sharing a physical relationship with one another until almost 7 months into our marriage.”

“Marriage. Interesting. You know it’s a crime to be married to multiple people at the same time? That your marriage to him is null and void because you’re still married to me.”

At this point Khushi really did have to stop and think.

“I… We spoke to a lawyer before… They said…”

“They said you could marry again based on the assumption that I was dead. But I’m not. So you’re still my wife.”

Khushi’s phone lit up once more. Arnav again. Picking up her phone, Khushi picked her bags up and got to her feet.

“I can’t do this, I need to go. Arnav will start to worry… I just have to go.”

“Fine. But give me your number, we need to speak again soon.”

“There’s nothing to talk about between us.”

Manav’s expression softened as he stood up.

“I’m still your husband, and I still love you. And I know you still love me. Please Khushi. Let us meet again soon.”

Sighing, Khushi hastily wrote her number down on a napkin before excusing herself.

Once safely back in the car and on her way back to Shantivan, Khushi let the tears that she had been holding back spill over. What the hell was that? How had this happened? What even was happening.

Wiping her tears away and patting her face dry, Khushi shook away all thoughts of Manav. His return didn’t change anything. She was with Arnav now. She couldn’t… She just couldn’t mess around with Arnav for the sake of Manav, she wouldn’t allow herself to do that to him. She couldn’t.

*****

“How was your date with Lavanya?”

“It was… It was great.”

“That’s good to hear. I bet you girls were discussing all kinds of juicy things hence why you couldn’t take my call.”

Khushi looked up at him to check his expression, to see if he was taking a dig at her,  but he wasn’t. He was smiling at here while he scrolled through his phone.

“I’m sorry. We were talking and I…”

“It’s fine, I don’t care that you didn’t take my call. I just wanted to see how your day was going and to tell you that I missed you.”

He was so sweet. He deserved the world. She couldn’t mess around with him. She couldn’t, she had considered telling him about Manav, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. How would he react? What would he say? Would it negatively impact their relationship? But more importantly, Khushi herself hadn’t decided what she wanted. She knew she cared deeply for Arnav but Manav… Manav was her first love, her first kiss, the man she lost her virginity to. There was so much about him that would make him so important to her but Arnav… He accepted her knowing that she may never be able to love him or accept him. He gave her the time and space that she needed.

Getting off the bed, Khushi moved over to Arnav who was sat on the recliner and gently took his phone out of his hand. Sitting down on the recliner, she touched his face gently, tracing his eyes, nose and lips with her finger.

Moving in, one hand on his face, the other on his thigh, Khushi kissed him. Arnav was confused, but he kissed her back. One hand around her waist and the other in his hair, he kissed her back with the same heat as she did. Breaking the kiss, Khushi took his hand, got him to stand up and she led him to the bed. Undressing herself, she lay back on the bed and held out a hand to him.

“Khushi…”

“Make love to me Arnav.”

Arnav felt his breathing stop as he processed her words. Whenever they had had sex before it had either been a case of a make out session getting hot and heavy, or one of them asked the other if they could have sex tonight. Neither of them had referred to it as making love, neither of them had yet expressed their love for each other verbally. This was new. If Arnav hadn’t been overwhelmed by her request and by her semi naked state, he would have questioned it, questioned why she had chosen to word her request like that. But he didn’t.

“Khushi…”

“Please.”

Ridding himself of his own clothes and pulling away her underwear, Arnav fell into Khushi’s arms, locking themselves in an intimate embrace.

***** 

 

Arnav awoke at 5am. Rubbing his eyes, he carefully peeled Khushi off of himself and sat up. Leaning over, he picked up his t-shirt and pulled it back on before turning to Khushi. She was finally fast asleep, completely spent. Brushing her hair out of her face, Arnav smiled at his wife. Tucking her into bed properly, he swung his legs out of bed and got to his feet.

He was feeling troubled and it was causing him to not be able to sleep. There was something bothering him. Something about how Khushi approached him for sex tonight and how she had been while they were doing it just… He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something just didn’t feel right. It was almost as though she was trying to prove something? Shaking his head, Arnav sat down at the recliner and looked over to Khushi who had tucked herself into a little ball after he’d gotten out of bed. Was he overthinking or was there something more going on in her head?

Arnav sat in the recliner for a while, trying to think about what had happened but ultimately shook his thought away. He was overthinking. He was certain of it. As he got to his feet, he noticed Khushi’s phone light up, a text message had come through. He dismissed it. But then 3 more messages came through, back to back, filling her lock screen. Still he dismissed it. It was Khushi’s phone, her business. He wasn’t going to be one of those husbands who looked at who was texting his wife.

Getting back into bed, Arnav pulled Khushi back into his arms and soon drifted off to sleep.

 

*****

A few days had passed since Khushi had met Manav. She had weighed it out in her head, tried to decide if she should tell Arnav About it or not, but ultimately decided against it. It didn’t feel necessary.

She had spoken to Manav on the phone a few times, and they had been texting each other, but Khushi had a relatively dismissive tone towards him. She didn’t want to engage in conversation with him. She still felt cheated. He had been alive that whole time, had even kept tabs on what she was doing with her life, yet he never tried to reach out to her. And now he fell back into her life and expected her to drop everything to be with him again. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do that to Arnav.

Arnav had been watching Khushi closely. There was something about her behaviour that just hadn’t been sitting right with him. She was jittery, distracted and became closed off whenever her phone would make a noise.

Even when they were in bed together, it was almost as though she wasn’t there any more. They had only gotten intimate once after they did it the day she met Manav, and Arnav could tell something had changed in her. There was something missing. The night they did after she’d met Manav, she had been insatiable, she had wanted to go over and over again. But the night after, she had been a passive player. Arnav was certain she didn’t reach her climax but she didn’t say anything, nor did she give him the opportunity to finish her off after he was done. She had been distant. Almost as though their months of proximity had suddenly vanished.

It was clear she didn’t want to talk about it, and Arnav didn’t want to step on her toes, but he knew he had to address the situation soon.

Putting her phone down, she told Arnav that she would go see to Nani, give her her medication and then give her her dinner and then return.

Almost moments after Khushi left the room, her phone came to life. Arnav ignored it. It was her phone and she would come and handle it later. The phone fell silent. But moments later it came back to life. Arnav looked up from his laptop and his eyes fell on her phone. The name staring up at him caused him to rub his eyes. Manav?

Against his better judgement, Arnav reached out for Khushi’s phone and looked at the caller ID. It really did say Manav. But Manav? As in her ex? Or was this another Manav. The phone fell silent again and Arnav moved to put her phone down again but a string of text messages came through. He knew he shouldn’t have read them. He felt bad for invading her privacy like this, but once the first message came through, he couldn’t drag his eyes away. They kept coming through, one after another.

 

*Pick up the phone dammit I need to speak to you.*

*Are you with him, is that why you can’t take my calls?*

*I need to see you Khushi. Babe we need to talk properly. Not over a cup of tea, not in a cafe, alone.*

*Tell him you’re seeing Lavanya again and come meet me please.*

*You know it Khushi, you’re meant to be with me. Just get a divorce from him and we can start our lives again.*

 

Arnav felt his blood run cold. This was Manav. The Manav who he thought was dead. Had Khushi known that he was alive all this time? Surely not. Arnav thought about it. No, he was convinced Khushi hadn’t known that Manav had been alive all this time. If she did, she wouldn’t have married him, she wouldn’t have take their relationship further. She must not have known.

But she knew he was alive. She had seen him. Arnav read the messages again. Had she gone to meet Manav when she had told him that she was going to see Lavanya? Had she lied to him about seeing La? Is that why she had been reacting so different when she had got home that evening? Is that why she had reacted the way she did? Putting her phone down, he pushed all his thoughts away. He had faith in his and Khushi’s relationship. Whatever this was, she would share it with him. She would tell him about Manav. He was certain she wouldn’t hide this from him any more. He was damn sure.

When Khushi finally returned to their bedroom and picked her phone up, Arnav watched her carefully and she read the messages. He watched as she sighed and she responded to the messages. He was certain she was going to tell him.

When she finally finished replying and looked up from her phone, Arnav was sure she was going to tell him.

 

“Arnav…”

“Yeah babe?”

“I…”

 

He watched her carefully. He could tell she was struggling.

 

“Is everything okay?”

“No… I mean… Yes… I…”

 

She stopped and sighed. Composing herself again, she tried again.

 

“Arnav, may I go out to see La?”

 

Taken aback by her request, Arnav felt his heart drop. She lied.

 

“Today?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a bit late?”

“I know, but she needs me.”

“Everything okay?”

“I just need to go see her. May I?”

 

Her tone was short and clipped. Impatient.

 

“Yeah sure. Should I drive you?”

“No I’ll take one of the drivers.”

“Khushi it’s late. And I’m not doing anything, please let me drive you.”

“Arnav please. I said no.”

 

She was tense, that much was obvious, but she was being so harsh?

 

“Okay, fine. Take one of the drivers.”

“Thank you.”

 

Arnav watched as she got to her feet and got ready. Giving Hari Prakash a call, he told him to get ready and take Khushi. Whether or not Khushi heard, he wasn’t sure. But she didn’t acknowledge that he had called Hari Prakash for her.

Turning his attention back to his laptop, he tried to divert his mind away from Khushi, Manav and the lies she had just told him.

 

“I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay.”

 

Arnav watched as she left. She didn’t even look back and give him a smile. She didn’t come over and give him a kiss. She just left. Arnav knew that he should sit tight and wait for her to come home. Maybe she’d tell him about Manav when she got home?

But a surge of insecurity ripped through Arnav and he found himself grabbing his keys and following Khushi out. Getting into his car, he stayed far behind Hari Prakash, but he followed them still. He had to see Manav for himself. He had to make sure that he wasn’t getting it mixed up. He felt horrible for spying on her, but he needed to know.

They drove for a while and Arnav made sure he kept back far enough so Khushi wouldn’t see him. Finally he saw Khushi’s car indicate and then turn into a quiet neighbourhood. Parking his car, Arnav got out and followed Khushi’s car on foot. He watched as her car parked up in front of a large house and she stepped out. But instead of knocking on the door of the large house, she went round the back. Arnav followed her. Behind the large house was a smaller outhouse and she knocked on the door of that one. She paused and Arnav waited patiently to see who would open the door.

It was Manav. Arnav couldn’t believe it. He had to rub his eyes and really look closely but it was undoubtedly Manav. He had seen his picture enough times to know it was him. So Manav had been alive this whole time?

Arnav knew he should turn back, that he should leave and wait for Khushi at home, but he found himself walking closer to the house and stood near an open window.

 

“Why did you call me here Manav, I told you..”

“I know what you said, but I needed to see you.”

 

Arnav couldn’t see what was going on inside, but he could clearly hear everything that was being said.

 

“I told you…”

“I know. I know. But I needed to speak to you properly once. You weren’t replying to me properly. You haven’t been taking my calls properly and when you did you weren’t speaking to me properly… I needed to see you, to speak to you properly.”

 

Arnav felt a little better about the whole situation. Khushi hadn’t been speaking to Manav, not properly any way.

 

“I needed time to think.”

“I know you did and I feel I have given you time. I can’t hang around Khushi. I can’t sit here with my hands folded while you’re over there with him…”

“Don’t. Don’t speak about me and Arnav.”

“You’re sleeping with him for gods sake! How do you expect me to not talk about it! How do you expect me to not think about it? My wife, my love, is sleeping with another man.”

“He’s my husband!”

“No he isn’t. I am.”

 

Arnav swallowed hard as realisation dawned on him. Manav was alive, meaning his and Khushi’s marriage had no weight. He shook his head. This was a problem to think about later, he had bigger fish to fry now.

 

“Manav why did you call me here.”

“I just needed to see you, touch you…”

 

Feeling the bile rise up within him, Arnav took a step back from the window. He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be witnessing this… But he moved back towards the window.

 

“Maan…”

“Do you know how good it feels to hear you call me Maan again after so long. Tell me na Khushi, doesn’t it feel like old times, doesn’t it feel like we can start again?”

“Stop.”

“I had a thought. Khushi, I have some money saved. Let’s leave here and start life somewhere else, away from everyone… You could get a divorce from Arnav, and we could use the alimony to help us settle down. He has money, we’d be able to get a tidy sum to put towards a house, what do you say Khushi.”

 

There was a pause. Arnav’s head was spinning as he took all the information in. Khushi would never agree, she’d never do that to him. He knew she could never…

 

“Okay.”

 

Arnav felt his entire world stop. She… She agreed? Arnav took a step back from the window and then another. And then another. Turning away, he realised he had heard enough and that he didn’t want to hear any more. Disappointed and broken, Arnav returned to his car and drove home.

Back at the house, Manav was looking at Khushi with wide eyes.

 

“Okay?”

“That’s what I I said. I said okay.”

 

Manav took a step towards Khushi and lifted her into his arms.

 

“I knew you would agree, I knew you would see sense.”

 

Pushing him away from herself, Khushi glared at Manav, her head cocked to the side.

 

“You don’t know me at all. You don’t think a thing about me. If you knew me, you would know that I would never agree to such an absurd idea. I won’t. I will not ask Arnav for a divorce, and I will not take alimony from him.”

“But you said…”

“I was testing you, to see if you actually realised that I wasn’t being serious. And you failed. How can you claim we should be together when you couldn’t even tell that I wasn’t being serious?”

 

Manav took a step towards Khushi, his arm outstretched towards her. She put her hand out and stopped him.

 

“I want to leave, I want to go home. I have nothing to say to you. I thought about all this a lot and I realised, I don’t want to be with you.”

“Khushi…”

“No. I don’t choose you. You let me think you were dead for almost 3 years. You chose yourself over me and now I’m choosing myself over you. And I choose to choose Arnav. Kind, caring, patient Arnav who was ready to wait his entire life for me. I choose him.”

 

As Khushi was saying it, she felt like it was a revelation to herself.

 

“I love him… And I don’t want to let him go. I don’t pick you over him, I pick him… I pick him now and forever more.”

 

Stunned, Manav found himself unable to grasp her words. He watched as she turned away from him  and walked away. He knew he should have gone after her, but it felt futile. She had picked Arnav. He had taken too long to make his return to her life and now there was no space in her life for him.

Running back to the car, Khushi instructed Hari Prakash to take her home. She had to get home. She had to tell Arnav how she felt about him. And she had to tell him about Manav. It felt right, it felt like something he needed to know. He deserved to know about what had been happening and he also deserved to know that she chose him and that she wanted him.

Khushi felt her excitement rise within her as they got closer to the house. She was going to express her to love Arnav! She finally was clear on how she felt about him and what she wanted from their relationship. She wanted forever. She wanted a happily every after. With him. Biting her lip, Khushi thought about how she could tell Arnav and then decided that instead of overthinking it, she was just going to go for it.

Upon entering the house, Khushi went straight up to their bedroom and slowly pushed the door open. But to her surprise the lights were all off. Walking into the room room quietly, she found Arnav was already in bed, curled up and asleep.

Extending her hand. She was going to tap him, but decided against it. He must have been tired and she didn’t want to disturb him. She’d speak to him tomorrow…

 

*****

 

When Khushi awoke the next morning, Arnav had already got out of bed. Getting out of bed herself, Khushi went over and knocked on the bathroom door. When she got no response she carefully pushed the door open. He wasn’t in the bathroom. Maybe he’d already gone down for breakfast?

Getting dressed, Khushi went downstairs, again, no sign of Arnav.

Just as she was leaving the kitchen. She bumped into Anjali.

 

“Di have you seen Arnav?”

“He left for the office. He said he had a lot of work to do so he needed to go in early. He also told me to tell you to not wait up for him tonight because he’s going to be late.”

“Oh. Okay.”

 

Anjali left, leaving Khushi feeling a bit lost. What was she meant to do now. It was okay, she would speak to him when he got home or she would speak to him tomorrow, it would be okay.

 

*****

Arnav crept into the bedroom at 12am. He didn’t actually have a whole lot of work to do, he just chose to make an excuse to avoid Khushi. He wasn’t ready to speak to her. Upon entering their bedroom, he saw Khushi fast asleep on the recliner. She must have tried waiting up for him despite him telling her not to. Shaking his head, Arnav carefully picked Khushi up off the recliner and carried her over to the bed and gently puts her down.

Sighing, Arnav moved away from her and got ready to get into bed.

When Arnav came out of the bathroom, he was surprised to see Khushi sitting up in bed.

 

“You’re awake?”

“I felt you put me in bed and my sleep broke.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No it’s fine.”

 

Arnav stood at the edge of the bed, unsure on what to do. He didn’t want to get into bed with her, but at the same time if he didn’t, she would ask questions and he really didn’t have the energy to deal with anything right now. Sighing, he got into bed and as he did, Khushi came towards him, curling up next to him and tucking her head into his chest.

 

“I missed you so much today. You were gone before I woke up and last night you were asleep when I got home…”

“I’ve just got a lot on at the moment…”

“I know, but still.”

 

He felt as her hand went under his shirt and rested on his chest.

 

“I called you at lunch time.”

“I had a lunch meeting.”

 

Arnav felt as she stroked his chest gently, her other hand gently stroking his thigh.

 

“Khushi…”

“You’re so tense Arnav? You work far too hard.”

 

Taking her hands off him, she pressed him down against the headboard and came over him, straddling him. Shuffling close to him, she decorated his face with a multitude of little kisses as she let her hands settle on his arms. She loved his arms. His strong muscular arms… Moving back slightly, she pulled her nighty off over head head and cradled the back of his neck and as she moved in and kissed his neck. Arnav felt his head fall back against the pillows as she kissed his neck and traced her hands along his body.

 

“Khushi…”

“There’s so much I need to talk to you about Arnav, but for now, let me just relax you.”

 

She had felt his muscles start to loosen up, but upon hearing her words, she felt him tense up again. She found the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up over his head before moving closer to him again. She left a line of kissed down his body, from his face to his neck, to his chest to his abs. She was moving down slowly, and he clutched her hair as he felt her play with the waistband of his track pants. He felt her stroke him and that’s when he realised he needed to put a stop to this. Gently pushing her away, he sat up and reached out for him t-shirt.

 

“Arnav…”

“Not tonight.”

“But I…”

“I’m tired Khushi. Not tonight.”

 

Turning his back to her, Arnav settled down in bed and closed his eyes. Khushi felt confused. He never said no to her. Even when he was tired, he’d never stop her if she wanted to go down on him.

Pushing the thoughts away, Khushi located her nightdress and pulled it back on before snuggling down into bed, wrapping her arm around him. She was surprised to find though that moments later, her gently pushed his arms off of her. Why was he behaving so strangely?

 

*****

 

The next morning Arnav was already fully dressed and ready to leave by the time Khushi woke up.

Jumping out of bed, she placed her hand on Arnav’s shoulder.

 

“You’re leaving earlier again today?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you be back at normal time?”

“No, I’ll be home late.”

“Oh…”

 

He turned away, ready to leave but stopped at the door.

 

“I’m leaving for London tomorrow morning. Emergency meeting for the London branch and I’m going to be gone a few days. You should go to your parents place. You haven’t been back there in a while.”

“I know but Nani…”

“I’ve already spoken to Di and Nani and they also said it was a good idea.”

“But…”

 

Before she could finish, he was gone. Khushi felt confused as she watched him walk away from her. Something wasn’t right. But she couldn’t work out what it was that had come over him. She needed to speak to him when he came home that evening.

It was late by the time Arnav got home that night, but Khushi was wide awake and waiting for him.

 

“You’re still awake?”

“We need to talk.”

 

Arnav put down his laptop bag and shrugged off his jacket.

“Sure, what about?”

 

Getting to her feet, she looped her arms around his neck, more to test his reaction than anything else. She felt him flinch under her touch and that’s when she realised something was definitely not right.

She removed her arms and took a step back from him.

 

“Have I done something wrong?”

 

Her words threw him off guard. He knew she had noticed his change in behaviour, but he hadn’t realised that he had been that obvious about it all.

 

“I just…”

“I know it’s only been 2 days but… I’ve noticed… You’ve been avoiding me. You flinch every time I touch you like my touch is burning your skin. I don’t understand…”

 

This was the perfect opportunity to get it all out. To just tell her what he knew. But he didn’t like confrontation. He knew what she was plotting, she was planning on leaving him to go back to Manav and yet here she was, constantly still trying to get close to him.

Arnav took a step away from her and turned his back to her.

 

“It’s nothing like what you’re thinking.”

 

She reached out to him, placing his hand on her shoulder.

 

“I know its something.”

 

Arnav looked up at the ceiling. He really didn’t want to get into this at this time of night. Brushing her hand away, he turned to face her.

 

“I just need some space.”

“Space?”

“Yeah I just… We got serious very quickly and I just need some time for myself.”

 

Khushi went round to him, to face him.

 

“We got serious too quickly? Arnav it took us over 6 months to establish any kind of closeness. And it took us even longer than that to actually get intimate.”

“And when we did, we rushed into it, both feet first. We’ve been… Getting intimate almost every single night and I just feel… It’s too much…”

“But you wanted that.”

“I did. And now I’m thinking we should’ve taken some more time…”

“I don’t understand. Are you saying the issue is that we’ve been having too much sex?”

 

She was confused and rightly so. He knew he wasn’t making any sense. He was the one that approached her most nights for sex and now he was speaking in a different tone. He knew how stupid it was making him sound but… He just couldn’t bring himself to mention Manav. Speaking to her about it, asking her about it, would mean the end of all facades, potentially the end of them, and though he was avoiding her, he wasn’t ready to put an end to them just yet.

He turned to her, taking her hands into his own.

 

“I know I’m not making any sense but please. I need space. I need time for myself. I can’t explain it but…”

 

khushi pulled her hands out of his and shook her head.

“I don’t understand you. You know I can tell that you’re hiding something from me. It’s clear as day. But fine, if you want to carry on hiding your thoughts then I’m not going to pressure you into telling me what the issue is. We can discuss it when you get back from London.”

 

She turned away from him and got into bed. Arnav sighed. He had already planned how it was all going to go down in his head. And he knew for a fact that there would be no discussion after he got back from London. It would all be over by then…

*****

Author’s note:

Hi guys, so I had said that this was going to be delayed until later this week, but I felt bad that I was missing an upload day so I have done my best to proofread and edit this as quickly as I can so that I can have it up for you guys tonight.
“He’s Amazing” is probably still going to be late though, but enjoy this in the meantime!

Wilted Heart ~ Interlude III

Khushi’s POV 

Like many mornings, I woke up first this morning. The sun had found its way between the cracks in the curtains and had lit up part of our bedroom. Stretching, I looked over at the clock, still only half 6. I didn’t have to get up for at least another half an hour. Snuggling back down under the covers, I looked at Arnav who was still fast asleep. 

He looked so boyish when he slept, so at peace. Moving his hair out of his eyes, I leaned over and kissed his cheek before looping my arms around him. He was the lightest of sleepers and I should’ve realised that this would’ve woken him up. 

“What’s the big idea?”

His voice was groggy, his forehead creased as his eyes flickered open. 

“Just giving my husband some attention.”

“But I’m still sleeping.”

I cuddled into him further, smiling against his chest. I didn’t need to look up at him to know he was not happy. Regardless of that, he placed a hand on my back and stroked my hair with the other. 

“Good morning.”

“Good morning Arnav.” 

“As much as I appreciate having you against me, I feel really hot.”

I shuffled away back to my side of the bed. I realised that though he did like cuddling and spooning, he didn’t like it first thing in the morning or when he was just about to fall asleep. Any other time, he was absolutely fine with it, but at those two specific times, he just needed his space.

He reached out for his phone, checked the time and then put it back again.

“It’s so early.”

He wasn’t a morning person at the best of times, and now that I’d woken him up earlier then needed, it meant he was going to be slightly grumpy all day now. 

“I’m going to try and get a little more sleep.”

Pulling the covers around him, he settled back down, his eyes closed. 

I was wide awake now, there was no way I was getting back to sleep. I reached out for my own phone and started scrolling through the news feed when I got a bright idea. 

I gave him a gentle poke and he opened one eye. 

“Can I take a picture of you?”

He opened both eyes, it was obvious he was confused. 

“What?”

“Can I take a picture of you?”

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“But right now? Why?”

I put my phone aside and placed my hand on his arm, shuffling closer to him. 

“You look so good when you’re relaxed.”

He smiled as he moved into me, pecking my lips, he moved back again. 

“Okay fine. But I don’t want to see a sleeping pic of me, evidently topless, on your Instagram with all your friends gushing over how hot I am.”

He wiggled his eyebrow at me and I laughed as I grabbed my phone again. 

“I promise I won’t post it anywhere, it’s just for me. Maybe I’ll use it as my contact ID for you. Okay, close your eyes.”

He obliged and I ruffled his hair so it looked messy like how it did when he woke up. Then I snapped the picture. 

“You can open your eyes now.”

He opened his eyes and lay on his back, his arm under his head.

“Got what you wanted?”

“Yup.”

“Can I see?”

I showed him the picture of him that I’d just snapped and he nodded approvingly. 

“Not a bad shot. But to be fair, I don’t think it’s possible to take a bad shot of me.”

I poked him in the side, laughing as I put my phone back and shuffled closer to him. But the moment was short lived. He moved away from me and reached out for his own phone and propped himself up on his elbow. 

“My turn.”

“But I’m not dressed…”

“That’s the whole point of this photo shoot.”

I pondered for a moment as he wiggled his eyebrows at me. 

“Okay fine, but same rules apply to you, you can’t post it anywhere.”

“Aw shucks, I was really looking forward to posting my half naked wife on Facebook.”

He rolled his eyes at me, but I knew he was being playful. I moved back onto my side of the bed, and pulled the sheets up to my chest, making sure I was fully covered. 

“Wait.”

He came back into me, his face inches from mine as he ruffled up my hair the way I had done to him and then pulled the blanket down ever so slightly so that my bare shoulders were on show. I raised my eyebrow at him but let him do what he wanted because he had allowed me to do what I had wanted.

“Perfect.”

He snapped a pic and then turned his phone to me and I had to admit, it was a nice shot. It was the perfect cross between risky and safe. Locking his phone, he put it back down onto his bedside table before snuggling down under the covers again, his hand on my waist. 

“Hey Khushi, we’ve still got some time before we need to get up.”

I knew what he was thinking and I was thinking the same. 

“Should we?”

“Absolutely.”

Kissing the tip of my nose, he grabbed for the tv remote and we picked up from the episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that we’d stopped on. Tucking myself into him, his arm around me, we settled down as the shows theme music began to play. 

This was the life. This was perfect. 

*****

Author’s Note:

Hi guys, hope you’re all doing well. This is just a quick note to say that, I recognise that this chapter is super short, but it is an interlude so. But saying that, I am actually working on the final interlude for this story and it is currently 7000 words and I’m only about halfway done with that so that’s going to be a super long one, hope you guys are ready for it!

While here, I would also like to say that, earlier this week, my blog turned 8! Honestly, I can’t believe that I have been posting on here for eight years! I know that many of you haven’t been here the whole time, but for those of you who have, thank you so much for your continued support over the years and thank you for being so patient with me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it all means to me. So thank you all, sending you all lots and lots of love!

Wilted Heart ~ Part 2

After marriage, time flew by with days becoming weeks and weeks becoming months. Soon Arnav and Khushi were 5 months into their marriage and it still felt like the first month. Things had gone well. In the months after their marriage, they had found a comforting camaraderie.

Against their will, Di and Akash had organised Arnav and Khushi’s honeymoon and had sent them off to Bali for a week. Anjali had hoped it would help to bring the couple closer, to help them take the next steps of their relationship, but Arnav and Khushi maintained their distance throughout the trip. It had become more of an adventure where they explored Bali as opposed to a honeymoon. But they had enjoyed their time together and it had helped them to come closer together as friends.

As promised, upon their return from their honeymoon, Khushi slipped into the role of the perfect bahu as soon as she stepped back into the Raizada house, taking care of every single member.

More than anyone, she had formed a close bond with Nani, who’s health only deteriorated as time went on. But with the new daughter in law in the house, her spirits were high, making her feel a lot better than she actually was. Nani and Khushi would sit together for hours on end with Nani telling Khushi all about how Arnav had been as a child, what he was like as a teenager and what he was like now as an adult. Khushi found it amusing to learn about this side of the man she was sharing her life with. She had always found him to be a little distant, maybe even slightly reserved, but from what Nani was telling her, he was a much warmer person in reality, even if he was far more stubborn in reality than she had actually realised. Hearing all the stories about him made her pay closer attention to him and she had realised she had seem glimpses of the Arnav that Nani spoke of. It made her want to get to know him better, to get to know him more closely so she could really get to see this version of him. 

 

All members of the Raizada house were a fan of Khushi, especially her husband. When they had got married, Arnav knew that he liked Khushi and that she was special, but living under the same roof as her, sharing a room with her, and watching how she interacted with his family, he was in awe of how well she handled everything. He also found that he liked coming home and sitting with her every evening and making conversation about their day or discussing a television show together.

They may not have been having physical relations, but they felt like husband and wife in true essence. He found he depended on her for little things and she knew she could always speak to him about little things that may be bothering her. It was all working well for them.

For a while Khushi had been worried that maybe her affect on the family would start fading after she’d been here a while, but she was surprised to find how much of a hold she actually had on them all, especially Nani. A few weeks back when Nani’s medication had been changed and when Nani has been reluctant to comply with doctors orders, it was only Khushi would was able to coax Nani into taking the new medication and following the new exercise plan set out by the doctor.

As the months went by, Arnav simply watched from a distance how Khushi interacted with his family. Everything about her was perfect. The way she was able to make everyone see her way, the way she took care of everyone. He loved how she always knew how everyone was feeling even without them having to say anything and he also loved how she knew he was feeling. He had always thought he was someone quite hard to read, but it had only taken Khushi a few months before she was able to read him like a book. She knew when he had had a bad day and she was able to tell when he just wanted to sit on his own and work without anyone getting in his way. He really appreciated her. As time went on, he found himself growing more and more fond of her, he didn’t want to say it, but he felt as though perhaps he was falling in love with her. But he knew that he needed to keep his feelings at bay.

There hadn’t been many instances, but there had been a few times when he had seen her shed a tear or two over Manav’s photograph. There had been nights when she would awake, screaming his name, tears streaking her face. Arnav knew that Manav would always be a vital part of her life and he knew that he had to give her time and space so that she could process her loss and move on in her own time.

Sometimes it was more than evident that she missed Manav and if she could, she’d have him back in a heartbeat, but other times they felt so close, it felt as though she was somewhat prepared to to accept Arnav. It felt as though at some point, they would truly accept their marriage. But it still felt a distance away. But he would wait. Arnav had no issue with waiting. When he married Khushi he knew that her never accepting him was a possibility and he was prepared to wait.

It was all going well, everything was working out fine, everything was almost perfect…

*****

Until it wasn’t. A few days before Arnav and Khushi’s 6 month anniversary, Nani fell extremely ill. She had developed pneumonia and more than anything it was really affecting her breathing.

Though she was receiving specialist care and her medication had been carefully adjusted, it seemed her health was only further deteriorating. The doctors felt that her time was coming to an end.

The thought of losing his Nani was affecting Arnav more than anyone else in the house. They were all upset, but it was affecting Arnav the most. He couldn’t bare to think of his life without Nani. When he was alone in life, it was only Nani who had his back. If Nani left now, he would be left with no one.

One evening, after the doctor had completed his check up and had left, Arnav felt his legs give way and he had to sit down on the stairs. His life was crashing down around him, they were losing Nani. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t keep his tears at bay and they cascaded down his face. He felt as though he was drowning, there was no other way to describe what he was feeling. It was overwhelming and soul consuming and the weight of it all was threatening to crush him.

As he sat there on the stairs, his hands over his face, he couldn’t tell when Khushi had come and sat down beside him, her hand on his thigh.

“Arnav…”

He looked up and then down at her hand before sliding it off his leg.

“I want to be alone.”

“That’s what you want but it’s not what you need.”

She put her hand back on his leg and shuffled closer to him.

“I know this is a shitty time, but this isn’t the end of the road. Arnav, we’ve been here before, not this exact place but Nani has been ill before and she’s recovered and I have faith she’ll recover this time too. But if you become weak like this…”

“I can’t do it Khushi, I can’t put on a face and act like I think everything’s going to be alright when we know it’s not. She might recover from the pneumonia, but it’s going to take it out of her and I can’t… I can’t…”

He felt the last of his resolve crumbling. But he didn’t want to break down in front of Khushi. It didn’t take Khushi long to realise what was going through his mind. She could tell he was battling with himself.

“Hey, talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not I just…”

“You are. Arnav speak to me. I promise you’ll feel better if we talk through this.”

“I just… I can’t lose her.”

Giving his leg a squeeze, she shuffled closer to him, her shoulder against his.

“You won’t lose her. She’s still got a lot of fight in her. She will overcome this, I’m telling you now.”

“She might overcome this now but at some point… If Nani leaves me, I’m all alone, I don’t have anyone else. Everyone else has their partner and I…”

Finally his biggest fear was out there and Khushi felt so overwhelmed that he had vocalised it to her. She also felt slightly guilty that he would feel alone despite her being there. She was his partner but he still feared he would be alone if Nani left. 

Reaching out, she took his face in her hands and turned him to face her.

“You will never be alone, you’ll always have me. I’m here with you, always. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise you. I’ll always be right here beside you.”

He looked into her eyes as she slowly took her hands off his face. Her eyes were red, she’d cried too.

“Promise me you’ll never leave me?”

“I promise.”

Khushi backed away slightly, getting ready to get to her feet, when Arnav took hold of her wrist and brought her close to himself.

“You’ll never leave me?”

“Never.”

He felt tears roll down his cheeks, he hadn’t even realised how emotional her words had made him, but they had.

“I need you in my life so god damn much.”

“I know you do, and I’m here for you, forever and always.”

Feeling an overwhelming surge of emotion, Arnav took Khushi into his arms and hugged her tightly. The tears fell onto her back as she stroked his back, holding him close to herself.

“Shh… It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay, I’ve got you.”

Arnav was unsure how long the moment lasted, but as he moved back slightly, he realised he didn’t want to move away from her. He wanted to keep her close.

He moved back in towards her again, taking her wrist once more and bring her closer to himself. He kept bringing her closer to himself, their noses now touching.

One hand still on her wrist, the other found it’s way to her cheek. Arnav was vaguely aware of what he was doing and what was going through his head as he shifted closer to her. He knew he should’ve given her a moment to process what was happening but he went for it regardless.

Moving right in, Arnav closed the gap between them, taking her lips between his own. He realised how she had parted her lips to accommodate him and how her hands slowly found their way to his cheeks.

Arnav moved back, and he watched as Khushi’s eyes fluttered open.

“I… I’m sorry, I should’ve… I just really wanted to…”

He couldn’t finish what he was saying because she moved back in, one hand on his thigh the other on his cheek as she kissed him again. While their first kiss had been soft and tentative, there was a lot more confidence in this kiss. Arnav wrapped his arms around Khushi and pulled her even closer, her chest she pressed flush against his own. He felt her hands explore him a little as they dropped from his face to his neck to his chest.

It felt wrong, that they were making out while Nani was so ill, but at the same time it felt so right. They were finally taking that next step.

When they finally broke apart, Khushi looked down, a shy smiling playing on her lips. Taking her hands into his his own, Arnav kissed her hands before cupping her face once more.

“I want you to know there’s no rush for anything, we can take our time.”

“I know, right now Nani’s health is our main focus.”

“But…”

“But what?”

“It just felt like there was a but coming.”

Khushi smiled and took one of Arnav’s hands into her own.

“You’ve grown time know me so well. I was going to say nanis health is our main focus but I would like to explore our relationship more too. I feel ready…”

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. She didn’t need to finish what she was saying, he understood what she meant. They were finally ready to make a real go at their relationship.

Wilted Heart ~ Interlude I

Arnav’s POV

I looked over at her and watched her as she looked out of the window, watching the city pass us by. For the first time all day, she finally looked at ease. 

Dragging my eyes away from her, I focused on the road. We’d been on five dates now and it finally felt as though we were getting somewhere. After our initial meeting, I had assumed that when we went out, Khushi would be quite comfortable with me and that conversation would flow easily. But I found that despite us texting regularly and calling each other from time to time, every time we actually met to go out, it was almost as though I was meeting her for the first time again. She was timid, sometimes distant and often enough quite absent minded. And the car rides home were almost always ghostly silent. 

When with Khushi, I also realised that I couldn’t take the main road in and out of the city as that’s where her and her husband had had their accident. 

Her husband… It felt so strange to think of him like that considering soon I was going to be her husband, but somehow referring to him as her ex didn’t feel right either. Because he wasn’t her ex, they hadn’t broke up and so it felt to refer to their parting as such. 

I shook my head and put my entire mind back onto the road. She had insisted that though she wasn’t ready to fully move on, she didn’t want me to think about Manav or let him impact our relationship. She said that she was willing to give us a fair shot, and I knew that if I let myself get wound up about her past, I wouldn’t be doing her justice. 

“Arnav…”

Her calling my name brought me out of my thoughts. 

“Yes?”

“Could we stop at Starbucks. I feel like a chai.”

“Yeah, sure.”

For our date today, I had decided to take her to the aquarium. When she had told me she’d never been, I knew that’s somewhere I wanted to take her and I was glad I did. Though conversation about life was minimal, we spoke about the fish that we saw, and I loved the look in her eyes when she saw brightly coloured, exotic fish. 

She’d let me hold her hand as we walked along the underwater tunnel, watching the larger fish swim over her heads. At one point she clutched onto me as a fish that looked suspiciously like a shark swam over us. She moved away again quite quickly, but her hand stayed locked in mine. And though I’m ashamed to admit it, the feel of her hand in mine, her holding me so tightly, it did something to me. I knew I had to keep hold of my feelings, we were just friends, barely even friends still, but I couldn’t let my feelings for her get too intense or romantic, because it could just throw a spanner in the works and I knew that the best way to get through to her, was to just respect her space and be her friend. 

After our date with the fishes, we had had a bite to eat at the restaurant in the aquarium, and while the decor was lovely, it was unfortunate that the food wasn’t as good. 

As we pulled up to the Starbucks, I turned to her. 

“Drive thru or eat in?”

“Drive thru please, but then can we find somewhere nice to park up?”

“Yeah we can do that.”

She smiled before turning away and I pulled into Starbucks. Getting to the window I placed our order and then drove round to the next window. 

“I love how you already know my go to order.”

I chuckled before opening up my Starbucks app, ready to pay for our drinks. We’d been to Starbucks a few times and she always ordered the same thing. 

“I just remember from last time, and because she said that was your go to order.”

“But it’s quite specific so the fact that you remember it perfectly is impressive.”

Before I could respond, the guy handed us our drinks and before I could show the guy my app, Khushi leaned over me and got her app scanned instead. 

“Thank you ma’am, have a nice day.”

I was slightly thrown. She had argued with me last time when I had insisted on paying, so I had assumed she’d just let me pay without any arguments this time because she hadn’t said anything. But more than that, the feel over her body across mine, was sending me off slightly. But she moved away as quickly as she had moved into me and sat back in her seat, looking quite smug with herself. 

Handing her the cups, I put the car into gear and we drove off before parking up on a high hill. 

As I cut the engine, she handed me my drink. 

“So, what on earth was that back there miss?”

“What was what?”

She looked smug, a twinkle in her eye. 

“You forgot what I told you the first time we went out, when you’re with me, I pay.”

“I know, I know, and that’s why I don’t argue when we go out for meals or when we go places, but at least let me pay for our Starbucks.” 

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t. But like how you don’t have to pay for everything when we go out but you do, the same way I can pay if I want to.”

“Well thank you anyway.”

“You’re welcome.”

I could’ve argued the matter further, reassured her that I didn’t mind footing the entire bills when we went out, but if her paying for our Starbucks order made her happy and was something she genuinely wanted to do, then I wasn’t going to stop her. I think more than anything, she just wanted to play a more active part in our equation, and I wasn’t going to take that away from her. 

I watched as she sipped on her chai. She leaned back in her seat, smiling to herself. She brought her hand to my knee as she turned to me. 

“I know sometimes I seem a bit distant when we go out, but I really enjoyed myself today.” 

“I’m glad you did. And you don’t have to worry about being distant, you’re still really good company.”

She smiled and then suddenly because aware of the fact that her hand was still resting on my knee. She pulled her hand away and instantly I missed it. She turned her attention back to the front of the car and looked out of the window as she sipped on her chai. She looked at the sky and then at her watch and gasped. 

“Arnav it’s almost sunset! Can we go outside and watch the sunset?”

She was right, the sky was starting to change colour and by the looks of it, it seemed we were going to get a colourful sunset this evening. Nodding, I opened my door and got out of the car and she did the same. Grabbing a tissue, I came round to the front of the car and wiped down the bonnet. 

“Do you want to sit down?”

She looked at me, her head tilted to the side slightly. 

“Okay.”

I watched as she tried to get on herself, but my car was quite high and she couldn’t quite get on. 

“May I help you up?”

She paused for a moment, and I thought she was going to say no, but she nodded slightly and then with a small voice replied, 

“Yes please.”

Handing my coffee to her, I held her by the waist and gently lifted her onto the bonnet. She scooted back slightly and then I sat down beside her. My car was big, but the bonnet didn’t have all that space for the both of us to sit far away from one another, so my leg rested against herself. At first, I could feel her leg slightly tense, but then, as she handed my coffee back to me, I felt her ease up. 

We watched the sky and drank in silence, but it was a calming silence. 

“I’m so glad we stopped, I feel like it’s going to be a pinky-purple sunset tonight.”  

I turned to look at her, and there she was, sat beside me, staring up at the colour changing sky. Though the sky looked beautiful, Khushi looking up with her eyes wide, taking it all in, with the dimming lights casting a shadow over her face, was just so much more beautiful to me. Her face glowed like the moon and in that moment, I became extremely aware of how lucky I was to be in her presence in that moment. 

She was honestly breathtaking. 

As the sky continued to change colours, we sat and watched in silence before she turned to me and put her hand on mine. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me watch the sunset.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“Manav never…”

She stopped and quickly took her hand off of mine. Other than the first time we met, we hadn’t spoken about Manav and her past very much. It was a topic she was trying keep separate from us and I respected that. She knew that I knew everything that was important to know, and that I knew what our deal was. 

I put my hand on hers, and gently turned her face towards me. 

“Hey… I know it’s weird and a bit awkward, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about Manav. Like I said I know it’s weird, but I know that’s a part of your life, and that he will always be important to you. I know that and respect that. So if he comes up in conversation or you just want to tell me something about him, you can. I’m willing to listen. When I said I was interested in you and that I wanted to marry you, I accepted everything about you, past and all.”

She paused for a moment and I could tell she was taking in everything that I had just said. 

“Thank you, for just being so supportive and understanding all the time. I can’t even tell you how much it means to me.”

I gave her had a squeeze and smiled at her. She was silent for a moment before turning back to me. 

“I’ve always loved watching the sunrise and the sunset, but Manav, he just found it pointless. For example, if we were driving along and the sun was setting and if I asked him if we could stop to watch, he’d dismiss it. His reply was always ‘the sun rises and sets everyday, why waste your time watching it.’”

I couldn’t help but feel Manav had a point. If I hadn’t been with Khushi right now, I’d have never thought to stop to watch the sunset. 

The remainder of the time, we spent in silence. When the sun had finally set, Khushi was ready to jump off the bonnet and get back into the car, but I stopped her. 

“Just wait here one second, I want to do something.”

She was confused, but she stayed put. I rushed round to the passenger side of the car and opened up the glovebox and took out what I was looking for. Looking at the item in my hand, I couldn’t decide if this was the right time for this or not, but I thought to just go for it. Camping back to Khushi, I helped her off the bonnet and then dropped to one knee. She gasped when she realised what I was doing.

“Khushi Kumari Gupta, I have no idea if my timing is right or not, but I’ve had this ring with me all the time since our third date. Getting to know you, it’s just further reiterated the fact that I want to be with you. I know our situation is a little strange and there’s going to be a lot of adjusting and cooperating from the both of us, but I really want this to work between us. In the instance of arrange marriages, a lot of the time there isn’t a chance like this for the guy to present his lady with a ring on one knee, but from the moment I realised that I wanted to be with you, I knew I wanted to do this. So…”

I opened up the ring box and she gasped once more taking the ring in. It was a bespoke, custom designed ring that I had made just for her. 

“Khushi, will you do me the honour of accepting my ring and accepting my hand in marriage? Will you marry me Khushi?”

Tears streamed down her face and I was suddenly feeling anxious that maybe I had done something wrong, maybe the timing wasn’t right. But with tears still flowing, she smiled and nodded her head. 

“I will… I will marry you Arnav.”

I let out the breath I didn’t realise I was holding and slipped the ring onto her finger. A perfect fit. 

“Arnav it’s so beautiful I… I love it so much, thank you.”

I kissed the ring on her finger as she helped me up. She gave me a fleeting hug before pulling away just as quickly. 

“I’m glad you like it and that it fits.” 

My hand on her lower back, I led her to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her. Once she was in, I went round to my side and got in too. For the rest of the journey, we didn’t speak much, but I kept a close eye on Khushi. She was playing with the ring on her finger, a small, shy smile on her lips. 

When we finally pulled up to her front door, she unbuckled her seat belt and then turned to me. 

“Thank you for today, I had a lot of fun.”

“I did too. Thank you for allowing me to take you out again.”

“Will you call me later?”

Her voice was slightly lower when she said this, and even in the semi darkness I could see her cheeks turning rosy. 

“Yes I’ll call you later tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Well I guess, I have to get going now. Bye Arnav.”

She turned away and got out of the car and j watched her as she made her way to the door and went into the house. She gave me a small wave before going inside. I should’ve got going at that point myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to drive away. Driving away would mean leaving her here again and all I wanted to do was take her home with me. But alas the time for that hadn’t come yet. 

Putting the car into gear, I made my way home, the thought of the day when she’d finally go home with me keeping me hopeful. 

Wilted Heart ~ Part 1

“Chote, we have a whole album of rishtas for you, can you just take one good look and see if there’s anyone you like? Nani is doing my head in, she wants you married soon.”

“I know Di! But I’m not interested right now.”

“Please Chote, have a look. You never know there might be someone in there who you like the look and sound of.”

“Di you know I hate this concept of having an album. You make it seem like I’m shopping for shoes and not a wife? It’s kind of degrading. I’m pretty sure the women featured in here won’t appreciate knowing that I picked them the same way that I pick my shoes.”

“I know it’s a problematic method! But it’s the easiest way of keeping the pictures and information of all the girls together in one place. It’s so hard to get hold of you and to show you all the pictures, this way is so much easier to keep track of everything.”

“It makes sense but it’s still stupid, I don’t like it.”

“Chote, you can give me a lecture of feminism later, right now can you just take one look through the book, please.”

Sighing, Arnav held out his hand and took the album from Anjali. 

Arnav Singh Raizada, no formal and lengthy introduction needed, naam tho suna hi hoga. And even if you hadn’t heard of him, you are sure to know of someone like Arnav. Charismatic business man, great at what he does, great with the ladies, but is also know for having a short temper.  For years, Arnav had been avoiding marriage, but since turning 26, his Nani was persistent that he needed to get married. And with Nani’s health deteriorating all the time, Anjali too wanted Arnav to get married soon. If anything happened to Nani, Anjali wanted someone by  Arnav’s side, who’d be able to comfort him the way she knew Shyam would comfort her. 

“Have a good look Chote, there are some really pretty and educated girls in there. Notice how I said pretty first because I know how shallow you can be sometimes.”

Arnav gave Anjali the side eye, he was not impressed at being called shallow but he knew his sister did have a point. Sighing, he opened up the album that his Di had compiled and started flicking through the pages.

“I’m sure there is someone perfect for you in there. Please have a good look. Don’t just flick through.”

Arnav didn’t believe that he would find someone for him in this little book, but for the sake of his Di, he would take a good look. After all, there was no harm really in having a look. 

He’d never really given much attention to the girls that Di and Nani selected for him. Up until recently, he had been in a relationship. However now that he was single again, maybe it was time to take marriage seriously. More specifically the concept of an arranged marriage seriously. His way clearly hadn’t worked out for him, so maybe their method would work. But at the same time, he still didn’t want to find someone through Di and Nani, he didn’t think they quite understood what he wanted in a woman, but again, he wasn’t exactly finding someone on his own either.  So might as well give this a go.

Once Anjali left Arnav alone with the book, Arnav logged off of his laptop, and put it aside as he opened the book. For once, he was actually going to give this task his full attention.  

The moment he flicked the book open, he was inundated with bright pictures of smiling girls, with a brief description underneath. 

Given, some of the girls were very pretty, but after reading their background, Arnav couldn’t imagine himself with any of these girls. They just didn’t seem like the type of women who he would pick for himself. He just couldn’t see himself clicking with any of these girls. 

He kept flicking until he finally got to the back of the album. He was ready to shut the book and put it aside and never open it again, but the last picture caught his attention. 

The girl in the picture was wearing a simple red sari. The red looked striking against her milky skin. It almost look like she was glowing. Her eyes were the lightest shade of brown he had ever seen in his life, almost golden. And her long dark hair cascaded down her back.  

She looked so timid, so shy, so innocent. She definitely wasn’t the type of woman who would usually catch his attention, he liked his women bold. He liked a woman who knew what she wanted and how she wanted it. This girl didn’t seem like she would say anything, even if things weren’t going her way at all. But regardless of all that, she had caught his attention and he couldn’t that his eyes off her. There was something about her, something that really spoke to him and he didn’t know what it was. She was just… Captivating. 

Reading her description, he realised she was fairly educated. She’d done her degree here in Delhi itself and had graduated a while back. She was an English literature graduate. Normally this would have made him roll his eyes. He believed English lit was a weak option, for people who believed in romance far too much. But for her, English lit seemed perfect, and it didn’t make him want to roll him eyes. Call it stereotyping, but he could really imagine her with a whole stack of books, looking up at the nights sky, staring at the moon and thinking if a price really existed like the ones she spent so much time reading about.

In his head he was creating a whole character sketch of her and he knew he was getting ahead of himself but everything about her… Everything about her just seemed to fit, so put together as though someone had spent extra time curating her… Maybe… Maybe this girl could be the one? 

Pulling her photograph out of the book, he turned it around to have a look at her name.

“Khushi Kumari Gupta…”

***** 

After leaving the matter to brew for a few days, Arnav realised that he couldn’t take his mind off Khushi. He didn’t want to give his Di the satisfaction that he had picked a girl that she has already selected, but he had to admit, Di did good. But to be fair, there were about 20 girls to pick from. The fact that there was one good one in there shouldn’t have been too shocking. 

Sat in the study, Arnav waited for his Di to arrive so that he could tell her that he had picked Khushi. 

“What’s the matter Chote, why have you called me here like I’m one of your business associates?” 

“Because I don’t know how to talk to you about this so I’m using the style I’m best accustomed to. I feel comfortable like this.”

Anjali looked at her brother who looked highly confused. 

“Just tell me Chote, you don’t have to be nervous.”

Taking a deep breath, Arnav opened the book that was sat beside him and flicked it open to Khushi’s page. 

“I like her.”

Anjali’s eyes widened with surprise and she covered her mouth as she gasped. 

“Oh my goodness! I knew you’d like someone in here.”

Taking the book from Arnav, Anjali looked at the girl that he was showing her. Her expression fell slightly as she recognised who Arnav was talking about. 

“This girl?”

“Yes Di. Khushi… I like her.”

“Are you sure Chote, I mean…”

“I choose Khushi. She’s my one and only choice. If you have an issue with the girl I have selected then we are back to square one as none of the other girls interested me at all.”

“Okay, fine but there’s something you need to know about her first…”

***** 

Khushi’s parents looked at each other as they disconnected the call from the Raizada family. 

“Arnav has picked Khushi.”

“What do we do now Garima?”

“We tell Khushi and see what she thinks.”

“Do you think she’ll agree?”

“Probably not, but it’s been 2 years, if she lets this rishta go, who knows if we’ll be able to get another good one like that again.”

Shashi sighed and slowly took his glasses off. It had been 2 years since Khushi and Manav had had their accident, yet Khushi was still mourning. She wasn’t crying as much as she had done at the start, but Shashi could still hear her cry every other night. 

“Should we go and talk to her?”

Nodding slowly, Shashi go to his feet and he and his wife slowly made their way to their daughters bedroom. 

Upon approaching her bedroom door, they both took a deep breath and knocked on the door. They waited a moment before slowly pushing the door open. 

Shashi and Garima watched as Khushi put her book down that she was reading and they took a seat on the sofa by the foot of her bed. 

“Khushi bitya, there something we need to talk to you about…”

***** 

After talking to Khushi for almost an hour, she finally agreed on meeting Arnav once before any further talks took place. 

“If he doesn’t understand me, and if he isn’t willing to give me time and space that I still need, then it will definitely be a no from me.”

“We’ve made sure that the Raizada family know your circumstances and Anjali bitya said that Arnav understands everything you’ve been through and he will be happy to give you time. But yes, we understand that’s something that you’re going to need to talk to him about as well.”

“Well I guess if we have an understanding… I have no issue to meet him. But I cannot guarantee that I will say yes to this rishta. I’m willing to try, because I know I cannot sit like this forever, but if I don’t get the right vibes then…”

“We understand bitya.”

The conversation concluded and Khushi’s parents kissed the top of her head in turn before leaving her alone in her room once more. 

Turning to the photograph of her and Manav, tears rolled down Khushi’s face as she took hold of the photograph and pulled it close to herself.

“Am I doing the right thing Manav? Is it right for me to even consider marrying someone else? Is this what you want me to do?”

Khushi sat in her bed, waiting for some kind of sign, anything to give an indication as to whether she was doing the right thing or not. But no sign came. 

Sighing, Khushi put the photo back and clutched her pillow close to herself. 

When had life got so complicated? Why was it so hard to make a decision? And why… Why did it feel like Manav was still close by? How could she move on when she wasn’t even sure if he was really gone? But he had to be gone, otherwise he would have come back. It’d been 2 years, he wouldn’t have just left her hanging like this.

Yes. He wouldn’t do that to her. He really was gone. And now it was time for her to finally try and move on too. She had to.

*****

Arnav and Khushi sat opposite each other in silence, smiling at each other politely when eye contact was made.

Arnav looked at his watch. Only 5 minutes had passed yet it felt so much longer. He needed to do something, he needed to say something, otherwise his chances would be over before he actually got a proper chance.

“I’m Arnav.”

This caused Khushi to look up a give a slight smirk.

“I know. I’m Khushi.”

“I know… I mean…”

Mentally whacking himself, Arnav took a deep breath and tried again.

“How are you?”

“I’m good thank you. You?”

“I’m good too.”

Arnav asked her small questions and she did the same back. They made small talk, slowly being more at ease around each other.

Khushi found herself liking Arnav’s company. His calming nature didn’t make her feel nervous and she felt… Safe? It was a weird feeling, but there was something about this stranger that just felt so… Known? It was insane. she knew she had never crossed paths with him before but still.

As time ticked on and as they spoke more and more, Khushi realised that before anything else could go further, she needed to speak to him about the most important thing.

“Arnav ji, there’s something I need to talk to you about before we go any further.”

“Please call me Arnav, and go ahead.”

Bracing herself, Khushi took a deep breath and composed herself.

“As you know, I was married before and my husband… He got taken away from me far too soon.”

“I know, I’m really sorry for your loss. No one deserves to go through that, especially not so soon after getting married. I’m truly very sorry.”

“Thank you…”

Tears welled up in Khushi’s eyes but she knew she couldn’t fall weak. She needed to speak to Arnav and make sure that they had an understanding.

“I just… I want you to know that I don’t know if I will ever be able to be your wife, in the true sense. I will do my best to look after your family and fulfil my duties as a bahu but…”

“I understand. Your husband, he was your college sweetheart and even before you could start sharing your life he… I get it. Honestly speaking, I like you Khushi. When I saw your picture and then when I read the information about you, I liked you. You sound like the type of person that it would be nice to live with and I know you’ll take care of my family. The main reason why I’m even here is because of Di and Nani. They want me to get married. I feel like you’d be the perfect bahu for the Raizada family. But more than that, I feel you would be good company. Someone to come home to and to just sit with and have a nice cup of tea with as we speak about our day. You could say I could pick any woman, but I just feel that it would be a lot more pleasurable to go on this journey with someone who I am interested in, but also someone who understands I don’t want a wife for the usual reasons why a man would take a wife. I am doing it for my family, the same way that you are considering this for the sake of your parents.”

“Thank you for understanding. And again, I will do everything that’s expected of me in terms of being the daughter in law of your family. And I will try to be the best roommate and companion that you could ask for.”

She smiled and he laughed slightly. From the things they said to each other, it reminded him of how he had asked people questions before agreeing to be their flatmate when he was at university and realised that this was a similar concept. They were potentially going to marry and live with each other but they were not going to be husband and wife in the traditional sense. They were just going to be two people bound together by holy matrimony and they were going to share a room, but htey weren’t really going to be sharing the same life. It was a slightly bizarre concept. Shaking his thoughts away, he realised that Khushi was waiting on him to say something.

“As long as we have an understanding, as long as we can be honest with each other, we can make this relationship work.”

“I believe we can make this work.”

“We can live together as friends.”

“Friends… That would be nice.”

After speaking some more, Khushi took all the information in and realised that they had a mutual understand, that it seemed that it could work out between them. Maybe this was what was destined for her, and maybe this would work out well. Maybe…

*****

After spending a long time speaking about life and little things, Arnav checked his watch and realised that he should make a move.

Before taking his leave from Khushi, he asked for her number.

“I’ll call you, it’ll be nice to speak to you some more.”

“I feel the same way.”

“‘Maybe I can take you out for dinner one day?”

Smiling, Khushi nodded. She wouldn’t mind seeing Arnav again. He was nice and conversation with him was easy once they got over the initial awkwardness.

As Arnav took his leave, Khushi realised that her parents would come into her room any moment, asking how the meeting with Arnav had gone and what she wanted going forward.

*****

“So what did you think of her Chote?”

“She’s great! I had expected it to be a little hard to speak to her but it wasn’t. I mean obviously it wasn’t the easiest, but once she got talking it was all good.”

“So…”

“I like her and I think she likes me too. I’ve got her number so maybe I’ll speak to her again soon and she said she wouldn’t mind going out for dinner with me one day.”

“Sounds like it all went great!”

“I hate to admit it but, it went amazing Di! Thank you for showing me that dumb book of yours. Without it, I’d never have found Khushi! Thank you Di.”

“I’m just glad that it all worked out.”

“I mean it’s still to early to tell, but I like to think that even if it doesn’t work out, at least we will be able to stay friends.”

Anjali left Arnav so that he could change and freshen up. Loosening his tie, he took a seat on his recliner and leaned back, playing out what had happened earlier in the day. Initially he had been nervous that she wouldn’t agree to meeting him, or that she’d tell him that she wasn’t interested, or that she just wouldn’t be the type of person he’d be able to live his life with but she…

She was perfect. Just damn perfect. They had decided that they would move forward as friends and that they would fulfil this relationship as friends, but in his heart, he could feel that they would be able to move passed just being friends. It was a dangerous thought, and he knew he was getting ahead of himself, but after meeting her, he couldn’t help but feel that they would one day share something more. He didn’t know how to explain how and why he was feeling this way but he was certain that they would. That with time, they’d be able to take their relationship forward. He was sure of it.

*****

One loud knock on Khushi’s bedroom door brought her out of her thoughts.

“Come in.”

Shashi and Garima walked in tentatively, not quite sure what to expect.

“Khushi…”

“Before you ask, yes things went well, yes I like him and yes… I don’t mind meeting him again.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Khushi’s parents looked to each other.

“So marriage?”

“If both families are happy with this rishta, if he wants this rishta, then I have no objections.”

“Are you sure?”

Pausing for a moment, Khushi unconsciously looked at her photo of Manav on her bedside table. Turning back to her parents she nodded.

“Manav… He’s gone. I’ve had my life on hold for the last 2 years. He’s not coming back I mean he can’t… He can’t come back and I accept that. I’m sure he’d want me to move on with my life too. And Arnav is nice. He seems like a great person. Of course I need to get to know him a little better but I have a feeling that we can make things work. He understands me, and he respects me. I don’t think all men would be so understanding of my situation, so yes, I would like to give him and this relationship a chance.”

After talking everything through, it seemed that Khushi really was serious and that the Gupta family needed to speak to the Raizada’s. This rishta was going to happen.

*****

Five months, a thousand phone call hours, a million text messages and at least 10 dinner dates later, Arnav and Khushi’s wedding day finally arrived.

Standing in front of the mirror, Khushi looked at herself as Payal faffed around behind her, making sure her bag was properly packed.

Rolling her eyes, Khushi turned to Payal.

“Jiji, it’s fine, I’m packed, can you just leave it now?”

“I’m just making sure.”

Shaking her head, Khushi turned away and looked at herself in the mirror again, giving herself a small, sad smile.

She couldn’t quite believe that this day had arrived, that this was actually happening. 2 and a half years ago, she had been stood in a similar spot, over the moon to be getting ready to get married to the man of her dreams and now…

Arnav was a good man, a kind man, but he wasn’t Manav. But she knew in her heart that Manav wouldn’t want her to hold on like this, she knew he would want her to be happy. So with a heavy heart, Khushi nodded to Payal, signalling that she was ready to go.

*****

Marriage rituals done, Arnav and Khushi sat in the back of his car in silence as they made their way through Mumbai traffic and towards Shantivan. Placing his hand on her own, Arnav gave Khushi’s hand a squeeze.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just been a really long day.”

Nodding, Arnav took his hand off Khushi’s as she turned away to look out of the window.

“Khushi.”

“Hm?”

“You look beautiful today.”

Turning to him properly, Khushi smiled.

“Thank you, you look really good yourself.”

Smiling to one another, they didn’t know quite know how to proceed with the conversation and so decided to remain quiet before turning away again. The silence between them wasn’t awkward, nor was it uncomfortable, it was just there. Soothing almost.

Feeling herself relax in the silence and the warmth of the car, Khushi settled in her seat and let her eyes shut. She felt at peace for the first time in two years.

Wilted Heart ~ Prologue

Stood in front of her bedroom mirror, Khushi checked her outfit one last time before turning to Payal.

“Are you sure I look okay?”

“You look stunning. He isn’t going to know what hit him when he sees you.”

“Jiji, I’m so excited, I can’t believe that this is happening to me. I never thought I would meet someone in college and that they would steal my heart.”

“Did he steal your heart, or did you steal his?”

Looking down, Khushi smiled as she thought about the journey that they had shared so far. They had come a long way. When they had first met, she hadn’t liked him at all, in fact she had hated him. He was rude, arrogant, stubborn, everything she wasn’t and everything she hated in a man. But as time passed and she had gotten to know him, things changed. She realised that underneath, he was really sweet and loving. She fell in love with him and to her delight, he fell in love with her too.

They had decided to date, though it wasn’t exactly official. They hid the truth about their relationship because they weren’t ready for the pressure from their families for marriage. But as time passed, they realised that they did want to spend their lives together and that they were ready for marriage.

For Khushi’s family, it had been a bit of a shock that she had found someone that she was so fond of and whom she wanted to marry. But they were happy that she was happy and were willing to get her married to him if that was what she wanted. They had been concerned about what Payal would think, and how she would feel, having her younger sister get married before her, but Payal didn’t mind. She was happy for Khushi.

After months of planning, the big day finally arrived and Khushi couldn’t be happier. She was finally going to marry the man of dreams…

*****

Hearing the lock of the door click shut, Khushi tightened her hold around her knees and took a deep breath. She could feel the pace of her heart increasing to the point where it just felt like one continuous long heartbeat.

She felt the dip of the bed as he sat down beside her. Khushi felt him lean towards her as he slowly placed his hand on her.

“You look beautiful babe. The perfect bride.”

His voice was low and husky. Slowly and carefully, he unpinned the dupatta off her head and let it down.

“I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, for this moment… For you to really be mine…”

Blushing, Khushi looked away from him. How could she tell him she felt exactly the same way?

Leaning in, he placed his hand on her waist, before moving towards her slowly. He leaned in further and finally, placed his lips on hers. Their first kiss as man and wife…

*****

Loading the car up with their bags, the new mister and missus were finally ready to set off for their honeymoon. Once the car was packed, the new couple got into the back.

“Baby aren’t you going to drive?”

“No, the driver can drive so he can bring the car back home with him after dropping us to the airport.”

Nodding, Khushi cuddled into her husband’s side. They were soon off, Khushi letting herself settle down beside her husband. But she found it difficult to truly settle down. She felt uneasy, like something wasn’t quite right. She felt something wrong, like something was going to happen…

“Khushi what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… I just… I feel…”

Wrapping his arm tightly around her, he nuzzled into her neck. Giggling, Khushi settled down and let her mind rest… It was all…

*CRASH*

*****

*Three day’s later*

Slowly opening her eyes, Khushi attempted to lift her head but was unable to do so. Reaching up, Khushi clutched the back of her head, trying to remember what happened.

Flashes of the accident came back to her and her eyes shot open.

“Manav!”

The nurse that had been nearby cane rushing over to Khushi.

“Ma’am…”

“My husband! Where is he…”

“Ma’am…”

The nurse tried to calm Khushi down, but realised her attempts were futile so she called for a doctor. The doctor too arrived and tried to calm Khushi down but found her to become more and more hysteric the more he attempted to get her to relax.

When he realised his attempts were completely futile, he injected a sedative into her drip bag and soon Khushi felt her eyes become heavy once more…

*****

A few hours later, Khushi came round once more and found Payal sat beside her.

“Oh my god Khushi!”

Wrapping her arms around her sister, Payal pulled Khushi close to herself.

“Thank god you’re okay.”

“Jiji… Manav?”

Khushi waited as Payal pulled away slowly. How was Payal meant to tell her that…

“Jiji, tell me nah, where is he?”

“Khushi…”

“Just tell me! I keep asking, but no one tells me where he is.”

Taking Khushi’s hands into her own, Payal attempted to keep her tears at bay. She didn’t want to have to be the one to tell Khushi, but it seemed like she had no choice but to tell her. If she didn’t tell Khushi, she knew that she would just become more and more hysterical.

“Khushi… I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry jiji? What’s happening? Tell me!”

Payal paused, trying to bring all her thoughts together, to try and find an easy way to tell Khushi the truth. But there wasn’t an easy way. There never was with news like this. She just had to bite the bullet and tell Khushi that…

Tears fell from Payal’s eyes as she finally gathered the courage to tell Khushi the truth.

“Manav… He’s dead.”

*****

*Disclaimer* This story is inspired by a VM that I had watched. The VM is no longer available, however if I do find it again, I will like it here so you guys can watch it. So yes, the concept isn’t entirely my own, however, how I have decided to play with the story is all my own work. 

Author’s Note:

I have been trying to get this story written for so long but I have been so busy that it just hasn’t been happening. As you all know, in the middle I just stopped writing altogether so I didn’t finish this story and then when I did start, I realised I needed to finish my other stories before I could start this one.

Some of you may feel you have read this before, or you may even see your comments in the comments section, that is because this was up, along with the first chapter, but then I took them both down so that I could post it altogether again. Now this is up, I will be posting chapter 1 in 2 weeks time.