Unwanted ~ Part 22

Arnav

My bags packed, I was ready to leave for Mumbai. Di had been annoyed that I was just suddenly leaving like this, but she couldn’t say much. I was leaving for work after all. But regardless, she walked into my room, and I knew she was going to try and convince me to take them with me one last time.

 

“But if you’re going for a long time then you should take Nimisha and Pari with you.”

“Di, I’m going for work. It’s not a holiday.”

“I know, but it’s not good for you to be away from your wife and daughter for so long.”

“Di please. If I take them, they’ll just be a distraction.”

“Chote, your wife and your child are meant to be your priority.”

 

I didn’t want to lose my temper with Di but Di wasn’t the same as she used to be. She was so much more forceful and there was so much more friction between us. Even while we were growing up we didn’t argue as much as we did now.

 

“Di please!”

“What please? You can argue all you like but Nimi and Pari are the most important people in your life. You’re still hung up over her when…”

“Don’t. Don’t say anything against Khushi.”

“You still defend her and care for her, but did she care for you? She just left you.”

“Di please. Just leave okay.”

 

I hated speaking to Di like that, but I couldn’t bare it when she started to speak about Khushi like this.

 

“You may not be able to accept the truth Chote, but one day you will realise that while you pined over her, you missed out so much with Nimisha and Pari.”

 

Turning away, Di left. I seriously don’t understand her sometimes. Initially when I wanted to marry Nimisha, she was against it and went and found Khushi. Now that I’m in love with Khushi, she expects me to accept Nimisha? My life is a joke and this is one of the main reasons why I need to get out of this house.

Stuff packed, passport and boarding pass in my pocket, I was ready to leave. I looked around my bedroom, making sure that I had picked up everything when Nimisha arrived in front of me.

 

“Hey.”

“I need to go, I’ll miss my flight otherwise.”

“Arnav, I know you have time.”

 

Sighing, I let go of my suitcase and folded my arms across my chest.

 

“What is it?”

“I know you aren’t sure when you’re going to be back, but it’s Father’s Day in about a month. Will you be back in time so that you can take Pari to the Father’s Day functions at her school?”

“I don’t know when I’m going to be back. As for the Father’s Day functions, maybe it’s time you got Pari’s real dad to take her.”

 

She stood her, her shoulders down. She looked exhausted.

 

“Arnav… When will you accept us? Pari is your daughter! She doesn’t have any other dad! When will you accept her?”

“I can’t accept her because I know she isn’t mine. Nimisha, no matter what you say, no matter how many times you try to convince me we did it at a party whilst in a drunken state, I still won’t believe you. I know I’ve never touched you like that and I know Pari can’t be my kid.”

“But she is! And I’m your wife!”

“Look, I need to go.”

 

I pushed past her with my things. Six years on she was still trying to convince me that Pari was my daughter when I knew that she couldn’t be. I don’t know what Nimi’s game is, and frankly I couldn’t care less any more. Yes it was hard, having them there all the time, but generally, I didn’t care. Their presence didn’t make much of a difference to me. Sometimes I did feel harsh, treating Pari the way I did. After all she was just a child, innocent, she had no faults of her own. But her mother left a bitter taste in my mouth, had ruined my life, and because of that I couldn’t look at Pari the way I should’ve.

As far as Nimisha being my wife went, yes she was my wife, but not in my eyes or the eyes of the law. As me and Khushi never legally separated, Khushi is still my legally wedded wife.

When Nimisha arrived saying that she was pregnant with my child, Di was adamant that we had to marry in order to save both Nimisha’s name and the name of the Raizada family. I didn’t have much of a choice. I received pressure from everyone to marry Nimi and by this point Khushi had already left me. I fought, saying that I couldn’t and that I wouldn’t, but not a single member of my family listened to me. So I married Nimisha. But the law doesn’t recognise this marriage as I’m still married to Khushi, and so lawfully Nimisha doesn’t get anything from me. And she hasn’t got anything from me. She hasn’t got a penny of my more, nor has she got an ounce of my affection. She may be my wife in a religious sense, but I’m not a religious person. So this marriage and her, mean nothing to me. I’ve never treated her as my wife, never touched her, and I never will. For me there’s only Khushi.

Pushing all those thoughts away, I went looking for Payal. Her bedroom door was shut, so I assumed she was inside. Knocking on her door, I waited. Moments later, Payal came to the door.

 

“Do you need something bhai?”

“Can I quickly speak to you before I leave?”

 

Moving out the door, she let me inside her room. I shut the door behind me.

 

“Payal has Khushi sent any letters?”

“No, I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

“Do you have any of the letters she sent you?”

“I keep all of them, you know that.”

“Is there any sign of an address on any of them?”

“We’ve been through this before. There is absolutely no way to trace where she is from those letters.”

 

Over the past six years, Khushi had been writing letters to Payal. I never received a letter from her, I didn’t hear anything from her after she left. But knowing that she was in touch with Payal was reassuring. At least I knew she was out there somewhere and she was still thinking about us.

 

“I wish I could write back to her once. Just once. There’s so much I want to tell her, so much I want to ask her… She doesn’t even know about me and Akash or about Akshay.”

 

Tears fell down Payal’s face. As much as Payal tried to hide her pain, I always saw it. When she and Akash first got married, it was hard for her, very hard. Knowing she was at her sisters in law’s house but her sister wasn’t here any more. Payal held me responsible for Khushi leaving and I could understand why. She, like everyone else, thought that Pari was mine.

I tried brushing away Payal’s tears but she pushed my hand away and got to her feet.

 

“Please, just go away.”

 

It didn’t even anger me, the way she spoke to me. I understood why she disliked me so much. But I needed her to know and accept the truth. But she couldn’t. Grabbing hold of my things once more, I left her room and made my way downstairs.

At the door, Nani and mami were waiting for me. They both wished that I had a safe journey and that I arrived back home soon. I was just about to cross the threshold to leave, when I heard little feet run across the house towards me.

 

“Papa, papa, wait!”

 

I watched as Pari came running, moving as fast as her little legs would carry her. Finally she arrived by me and hugged my legs.

 

“Come back jaldi papa.”

 

It was awkward and uncomfortable. I wanted to hug her, because she was a sweet child, but at the same time I wanted to push her away, after all she was the reason that Khushi wasn’t with me. I settled for something in between. Patting her head, I told her I’d be back soon and I took my leave.

 

*****

Upon arriving in Mumbai, I suddenly felt so much more free, so much happier. As much as I loved my family, living at home became suffocating. There was this constant pressure to accept Nimisha and Pari, but I couldn’t do it. I know some people, after all these years, would have given in, would have started to accept their circumstances. They would have probably been glad to be reunited with someone they once believe they were in love with. But I couldn’t. Maybe if things had been different between me and Khushi, maybe I would have accepted Nimi by now, but I couldn’t. Me and Khushi hadn’t even been married 6 months when we were ripped apart. We were still very much in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, definitely not ready to part ways. And maybe that’s why I can’t move on. I can’t move on knowing that I was far from done with Khushi.

Over the years I searched high and low for Khushi. I left no stone upturned to find her, but my efforts had been futile. I couldn’t find her. I assumed she’d probably changed her name to ensure that no one recognised her as being associated with the Raizada’s, but I hadn’t expected her to drop her maternal name as well. There was no sign of Khushi Kumari Gupta or Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada anywhere.

At one point I thought maybe she had left India, but after tracking her passport, it became clear that Khushi hadn’t left the country. Khushi was still in India, but I didn’t have the slightest clue where. She was hiding from me and in these six years, she’s failed to let her guard down, failed to leave a trail. She vanished, but I knew in my heart that I would find her. She couldn’t just walk away from me like that. I would find her.

I did think maybe in all this time Khushi had started her life again. Maybe she got married to someone else. She may even have her own child with someone else, but in my heart I knew she wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t. She loved me as much as I loved her, she wouldn’t just give up on me like that, would she?

Jalebi ~ Part 16

“Arnav!”

 

Running forward, Khushi threw herself into Arnav’s arms. Her time in London was done, she’d done everything she’d wanted to do, and now she was back for good. She was ready to finally settle down in Delhi and move forward with her relationship with Arnav.

 

“Hey, I missed you.”

“I missed you too Arnav.”

 

They remained in their embrace for a long moment, taking in the feel of each other, basking in the warmth of each other. Finally breaking apart, Arnav took hold of Khushi’s suitcase and they began making their way down towards his car.

 

“How was your flight?”

“Just felt super long and very tiring.”

“Were you able to sort everything that you wanted to deal with?”

“Yes, I’ve done everything I wanted to do.”

“So are you here for good now?”

“I think so.”

“I can’t believe your parents accepted.”

“I know! I didn’t think they would agree so easily, I was so worried they’d talk to me about Rohan, but it was as though dad was waiting for me to tell him about you.”

 

They’d reached the car and Arnav filled the back with Khushi’s luggage as she got and sat down at the front. Turning in her seat, she looked at the back seat and recalled the time her and Arnav got intimate back there. Arnav slid into his seat and grinned as he realised what Khushi was thinking.

Leaning over, Arnav gently turned Khushi’s face towards his and pressed his lips between hers. Khushi’s arms wound around his neck as she moved closer to him, letting her lips move against his in an intimate dance for dominance. Placing his hands on either side of her neck, Arnav lightly bit down on Khushi’s lip, making her part her lips, allowing his tongue to trace her bottom lip. His hands dropped down to her breasts and at that point Khushi snapped out of it and pulled away.

Arnav’s eyes slowly opened, a look of confusion crossing his face.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… I just don’t want to do this here.”

“Backseat?”

 

Laughing, Khushi ran her finger over his face and moved into him before whispering seductively.

 

“How about we take it back to your apartment, the one that’s mine until further notice?”

 

Smirking, Arnav pulled away and put the car into gear and they were off.

The sexual tension between the two and the anticipation of what was to come was as tangible as anything else, yet they controlled themselves, waiting to finally get to the apartment.

 

“So what else has been happening here?”

“Nothing much. Everyone’s been busy trying to put plans together for Akash and Payal’s wedding.”

“Has anything been decided yet?”

“Not really but I think we’re close to finally deciding on an wedding date, but they’ll finalise it on the night of the engagement. Are your parents going to come for the wedding?”

“I think they will. Papa isn’t too sure about how he feels about coming back, he hasn’t set foot in India in years.”

“Well I hope your parents come, I really want to meet them. Especially your dad.”

“I’m sure he wants to meet you too. Now more than ever.”

 

Taking hold of Khushi’s hand, Arnav placed it on his lap.

 

“You know, I feel so at peace being back with you. I feel like I can let my heart and my mind rest.”

“I’m sorry I asked you to leave like that. I understand it would’ve been confusing for you.”

“It was, but I understand that you needed time to process.”

“Thank you, for being so understanding. Not just now, but right from the beginning. You’ve always respected what I want and put my feelings above yours.”

 

Squeezing her hand, Arnav reassured her that it was all okay. They carried on driving and soon enough they reached their destination. Getting out of the car, Arnav moved to the back to take Khushi’s things out.

Taking a set of keys out of his pocket, Arnav handed them to Khushi, telling her which floor they needed and which apartment number. Khushi led the way while Arnav followed her with her luggage.

Taking the lift, Khushi took them up to the correct floor. They waited in silence, for both were just waiting for the lift to ping so they could get out and find the apartment as quickly as they could.

When finally the lift did reach the floor they needed, they got out and Arnav pointed out which way they should go to find the apartment.

Once at the door, Khushi unlocked the door and stepped in, putting her bag down. Arnav walked in behind her and put down her luggage, shutting the door behind him. Even before he could turn back, Khushi was on him, pushing him back against the door as her lips crashed onto his. Her hands were fumbling with his buttons before he even had the moment to start kissing her back. His hands dropped to her waist as Arnav melted into the kiss, following the rhythm that she had set. Khushi pushed his shirt off his body just as Arnav had started unzipping Khushi’s dress. He went slow, pulling the zip down slowly as he slowed down the pace of the kiss also. He pulled at the zip, and Khushi felt the cold bit of metal move down her back until it finally rested at the base of her spine. Pushing the dress of her shoulders, it fell away, pooling around Khushi’s feet.

Arnav broke the kiss at this point and looked at her.

 

“You’re so god damn beautiful.”

 

Lifting her off her feet, Arnav made his way over to the bedroom, turning the light on before putting her down onto the bed. Coming over her, Arnav settled between her legs, his face falling to her neck so he could place kisses there. Khushi’s fingers bunched into his hair, pulling his face closer to her. His stubble brushed against her skin and Khushi giggled.

 

“Do you find my love making funny?”

“Were not love making though.”

“Am I not expressing my love for you in a physical manner?”

“You are…”

“Then this is also classed as love making.”

“Acha baba. We are love making. And no I’m not laughing at your love making skills, your stubble is tickling me.”

“I can shave it all off if you don’t like it.”

 

Eyes wide, Khushi sat up in the bed and cupped his face.

 

“Don’t you dare!”

“What?”

“Don’t you dare shave off your stubble. I love you like this.”

 

Moving in again, Khushi placed small kisses along Arnav’s jaw before taking his lips between hers again. Trying to push her back down onto the bed, Khushi resisted, just holding him more tightly and kissing him faster. His hands slipped down her back and rested on the clasp of her bra. But she broke away, stopping him.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Grabbing a blanket that was sat at the edge of the bed, Khushi clutched it to her chest and draped it over her exposed body.

 

“I… There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Sure.”

“I… Woh…”

 

Taking her hand, Arnav nodded her to continue.

 

“I… I don’t want us to make love again.”

 

Arnav looked up, his hand still on hers, his eyes expressing the confusion that had hit him.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it with you, I do. But I’ve always been brought up to believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. And I know we’ve already done it and that it was I who instigated it that night, but I don’t want us to do it again.”

 

Her point made sense and he understood how she felt. He placed her other hand on hers as well.

 

“Don’t worry, I completely understand. My family are the same. Nani and Di would kill me if they knew that I’d had sex outside of marriage. Especially Di. She follows every ritual and tradition down to the T. It’s okay, I understand.”

 

Placing a kiss on his hand, Khushi moved in to hug him.

 

“Thank you so much for understanding. Growing up in London, my parents always told me to go and find myself. But they always said not to fool around with men. And I’m serious about you Arnav, I really am, but I still can’t ignore what my parents have told me. It was literally the only rule they ever gave me. I know, I’ve gone against them once but…”

“Really Khushi, I understand and I get where you’re coming from. I have no objections and I respect your wishes.”

 

Getting off the bed, Arnav left the room, but returned moments later with the dress that she had been wearing earlier and her suitcases.

 

“You freshen up and get dressed, I’ll make some food for you.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know, but I want to.”

 

Once again Arnav got off the bed and left the room. Khushi remained sitting in the middle of the bed, clutching the sheets around her, smiling at how understanding he was.

 

*****

 

Dinner eaten, Arnav was ready to leave.

 

“If you need anything at all, just call me and I’ll come over straight away. If you don’t, then I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

 

Leaning in on her tip toes, Khushi kissed Arnav lightly before pulling away.

 

“Thank you so much Arnav. I’ll definitely call you if I need anything but you’ve explained everything so I think I’ll be okay.”

“Make sure you lock the door and all the windows before you go to sleep.”

“I will, don’t worry.”

 

Arnav turned to leave, but then he remembered something.

 

“Khushi, I want you to meet my Di.”

“Di?”

“Yes. You’ve never officially met her as my business partner and now that you’re more, I want you to meet the woman who was the most important person in my life before you came along. Don’t get me wrong, Di still is the most important woman in my life, but you are too.”

“Have you told Di about us?”

“No I haven’t. But I want to.”

“Okay! Then I’d love to meet her!”

 

Pulling Khushi into a hug, he hugged her tightly. He thanked her and pressed a kiss onto her neck.

 

“So I’m going to go home and tell Di! I’ll call you later letting you know what she said and we’ll see when she is available to meet you.”

“I can’t wait!”

 

Saying their goodbye Arnav finally took his leave. He didn’t want to leave her, he wanted to stay with her, always. But she didn’t want that right now and he didn’t want to move fast. Their relationship was new and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin that. It may be too early to say, but Arnav knew that he wanted a future with Khushi, that he wanted her in his life forever, but he didn’t want to tell her all this and overwhelm her. Khushi was moving at her own pace in this relationship, and he was certain that she too would soon catch up with his love.

 

*****

 

“Come in.”

 

Pushing the door open slightly, Arnav stepped into his Di’s bedroom and shut the door behind him. He felt nervous, but he wasn’t going to back down, he needed to tell his Di. Khushi made him the happiest he’d been in the longest amount of time, and he needed to share his happiness with his Di.

 

“Chote? You at this time? Is everything okay?”

 

He looked around and saw that his jijaji was sat in the room too, working away. He didn’t want the whole family to know just yet, but there was no point trying to hide this from jijaji, Di would just tell him anyway.

“I need to tell you something.”

Getting to her feet, Anjali started feeling a bit nervous. She could tell that Arnav was feeling worried about whatever he wanted to tell her and this instantly started making her think about the worst things.

 

“Chote, is everything okay? Are you okay?”

 

Taking her hand, he say his sister back down on her bed and perched on the edge beside her. Anjali couldn’t help but feel a little anxious. It was evident in the way that Arnav was acting that whatever it was that he wanted to say was a big deal to him.

 

“Everything is fine, I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Tell me.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Arnav began.

 

“Di… I’m… I… I have a girlfriend.”

 

Anjali let out a sigh of relief, but then shock took over, this wasn’t something she had been expecting at all.

 

“What? Who?”

“Khushi…”

 

At this point Shyam looked up too.

 

“Khushi as in your business partner.”

“Yes jijaji.”

 

Shyam got to his feet, walked over to Arnav and pat him on the back.

 

“Good going Saale Saab! You picked a smart girl! I was always worried you would end up with one of those models that worked for you. Here you’ve picked a girl actually worthy of you.”

“Thanks Jiju.”

“But Chote, how?”

“I’ve had feelings for her a long time Di. But she wanted to keep a distance between us because of the business relationship. But things happened when we went to London and we couldn’t deny our feelings any longer.”

“Is that why you came back early?”

“Haan Di. She wanted some space to think things through and she needed to talk to her parents.”

 

Placing her hand on top of her brothers, Anjali smiled.

 

“I’m guessing she’s serious about you if she’s already told her parents about you, but the real question is are you serious about her?”

“Very serious. You know me Di and you know I’ve never really had anyone in my life before. No other woman has captivated me the way she has. I think she’s the one Di, the one I want to spend my whole life with.”

“Then you have my blessing Chote.”

“Thank you Di! I didn’t want to hide this from you, that’s why I am telling you. But please, Di and jijaji, please don’t tell anyone else. It’s still early stages and we want to take things slowly.”

“Your secret is safe with us Saale Saab. Don’t worry, we won’t say anything until you are ready.”

 

Nodding at his brother in law, Arnav appreciated what they were saying to him. The way they were accepting his relationship and accepting his wishes to remain quiet about it for now.

 

“Di, I want you to meet her. You’ve never met her as my business partner, but I want you to meet her now as my potential life partner.”

“I would love to meet her! Find out when she is free and I will take her out for lunch one day.”

 

The three of them continued talking for a while, Anjali and Shyam teasing Arnav about his new relationship.

 

“Wait! She’s Payal’s cousin. And Payal is marrying Akash. Just imagine, if one day you and Khushi also get married, it’ll be so much fun!”

“Maybe. But marriage is a long time away. We still want to get to know each other better.”

“I understand Chote. Any way, it’s getting late, you should go to bed.”

 

Getting to his feet, Arnav said goodnight to his sister and his brother in law and left their room with a smile on his face. Things were on the way up and nothing could come in the way as they moved further up. He wouldn’t allow anything to come in the way of their happiness.

 

*****

 

Sitting on the bed, Khushi brushed her fingers over her lips, reminiscing the passionate kisses that they had shared not too long ago. This was happening, this was really happening! They were going to try and make their relationship work. Laying back in bed, Khushi remembered all the passionate moments that she and Arnav had shared in the short time that they had admitted their feelings for each other. Pulling a pillow close to her chest, Khushi smiled at what was happening. Her life was changing, coming together in a way she never thought was possible. She was becoming complete.

Arnav too lay on her his bed, looking up at the ceiling, smiling to himself. He felt content, complete… His life felt more colourfully than it had ever done before. Life was perfect.

Unwanted ~ Part 21

Khushi

I looked at my watch, it was still only 2pm. Yawning, I stretched and then picked up the file on my left and opened it up.

Reading through the first couple of lines, I realised it was another business proposal. Closing it again, I put it back on the pile with all the other files that I couldn’t be bothered to work through right now. I know it’s my job but it was tedious as hell.

 

“Khushi, can you hand me the Singhania file. Boss asked for it.”

 

I handed Jai the file he was asking for, along with the notepad with all my notes.
When I had initially taken the job of a PA, I hadn’t realised how much reading and annotating I would actually have to do. I had assumed that I would run around after my boss, making him tea whenever he wanted it and scheduling his appointments. But here, I did more work than boss himself. As well as giving him his food and coffee and scheduling his appointments, I also had to read through all files before they reached him, make any notes and make sure that it was all correct. Basically, I did all the hard work of checking if the proposals were worth his time or not.

It was long and tiring. But one had to work. Especially when one has a little girl to look after as well. After all, as her mother, it’s my responsibility before anyone else’s to make sure that she has everything she needs. My baby was the reason why I dragged myself to work every morning. If I didn’t have her then I probably wouldn’t be working. Making sure she had everything she wanted was my priority and so I would continue doing this job even though I didn’t like it.

Sure our family members cared for her and gave her anything she wanted, but I was still her mother, her mama. I needed to make sure that I had enough money to fulfil any of her little needs at any given time. And seeing as her father…

I pushed that thought away, I didn’t need to think about that right now. But my eyes fell on the two pictures on my desk. The first was of me and Arnav on our honeymoon. A happier time of life. A time of life I deeply missed no matter how much time passed. I wish life could be how it was back then, but too much had happened and too much had changed, we couldn’t go back to being the couple we were on honeymoon all those years ago.

Even though this picture was on my desk, I made sure no one ever saw it. I didn’t need people to start asking me questions about my relationship with Arnav Singh Raizada. It would affect my work life and I didn’t need that. I was doing this job so I had enough money for my daughter, I didn’t need people treating me different because I was Arnav’s wife.
The second picture was of my baby. This is a picture I update all the time, making sure I have the most recent one. The current picture in the frame was one from only a few weeks ago. She looked a lot like me when I was younger, but she had her dad’s temperament and attitude. She was a lot like him. And I kinda liked that.

 

*****

 

I looked at my watch, 5pm. Almost time to go home. Finally! I finished up with the file that I was working on, and then grabbed the next and quickly started working through it.

As I was finishing up with the file, Jai came over once more.

 

“I swear Jai, if you hand me another file that needs proofing, I’m going to kill you today.”

“No no, boss asked you to go up to his cabin.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

 

I let out a loud sigh and put my file down and made my way up the stairs to Raj’s cabin. Knocking on the door, I waited for him to let me in.

 

“Come in.”

 

Pushing the door open, I walked inside.

 

“Take a seat.”

 

I sat down opposite Raj, my boss and my friend.

 

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, did you need something?”

 

Tapping his fingers on the desk, he reached out to open a drawer in his desk, took out an envelope and handed it to me.

 

“What’s this?”

“Khushi…”

“Are you firing me? What the hell? I know I’m not the best PA but Raj, you know I need this job, you more than anyone else knows. I get everything done and I do it by when you want me to get it done. I…”

“Khushi calm down. I’m not firing you.”

 

I looked at the envelope in my hand. What was it? Opening it slowly, I saw that inside was only a small slip of paper. Taking it out I saw that it was a cheque.

 

“What’s this? It isn’t pay day yet?”

 

Looking at the slip, I saw that the cheque was made out to me for 50,000 rupees. Which by the way was far more than what I had ever received in the form of a bonus.

 

“Raj? What the hell?”

“Just take it.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“Raj I can’t, this is a lot of money and I haven’t even done anything to earn it.”

“Look, we’ll talk about it later. Please just take it now. You’ve been working for me for years and I’ve hardly ever given you a decent bonus, so…”

 

Putting the cheque back into the envelope, I thanked him before taking my leave. Raj knew I needed this money and I did really need it. But I couldn’t just accept it like this. Especially knowing that this was way way more than my wage. Should I accept the money? Should I not? I needed to think about it properly.

 

*****

 

Finally the day came to a close and it was time for me to go home. My day was no longer than any other working day, however, I felt exhausted, completely drained. I just wanted to get home and get into bed, but that wouldn’t be possible, not when I have a 5 year old at home waiting for me. I needed to go home, feed her, do her homework with her and then get her off to bed.

Gathering my things together and putting my envelope with the cash into my bag, I made sure my computer was off and left the office.

Once outside, I made my way into the car park to find my car. It was only a little car, but I loved it regardless. I love the sense of freedom that I have, knowing that I can just get into my car and go somewhere when I want, at whatever time.

Getting into the car, I put my bag down in the seat beside me and then set off for the grocery store.

 

*****

 

“Mama!”

 

I’d just shut the door behind me when my little girl came flying into my arms.

 

“Hey baby! Did you miss me?”

“I miss you lots and lots and lots and LOTS mama! Why you take so long?”

“Mama had work. But look what I have for you. Quickly close your eyes!”

 

She took a step back, looking at me with her big eyes and then closed them, waiting for me to give her whatever it was that I had for her. I dipped my hand into my bag and pulled out the giant lollypop and placed it in her little hands.

 

“You can open your eyes now.”

 

I watched as she opened one eye first and then the other. She looked at the big lollypop in her hands and squealed with joy.

 

“Thank you mama! But am I allowed this one?”

“Of course you can have it. Just make sure you don’t eat all of it at once, otherwise you’ll get bugs in your teeth!”

“I promise! I’m going to go and show papa!”

 

I watched as she ran away and made her way up to her papa’s office. Laughing, I walked up the stairs myself. I needed to go and freshen up. As I walked past his office, I could hear them talk about the lollypop.

 

“Papa papa look! Mama got me a big lollypop!”

“Wow! It’s bigger than you! Will you share with me?

“No way! It’s mine!”

“Pleaseeee?”

“No no no no no no no!”

“Well then if I catch you, you have to give it all to me!”

 

I heard her squeal before I saw her run out of the room and towards me.

 

“Mama! Hide me!”

 

She rushed behind me and grabbed hold of my kameez. He ran out of the office after her, laughing as he grabbed hold of her little arm and pulled her back towards himself.

 

“My sweetheart can never hide from me! Nor can you run away from me, I’m much, much faster than you.”

 

Lifting her into the air, she wrapped her little arms around his neck and gave him a big bear hug.

 

“I love you papa! I promise I’ll share with you.”

“I love you too beta.”

 

I watched as he pressed a kiss onto her cheek and then she did the same. Still carry her, he smiled at me before turning around and making his way back to his office. Before he went inside, he turned around.

 

“Khushi, what we discussed in the office, really, I insist, just keep it. If not for yourself, for my Arushi.”

 

He went inside, and I made my way to my bedroom. It didn’t feel right keeping the money, but I guess he had a point. I should keep it, not for myself but the for the sake of his Arushi… Our Arushi.

Jalebi ~ Part 15

 

Arnav’s jet landed in Delhi and he was ready to get off and get home as soon as he could. The last couple of days had been so strange, so unexpected, yet had been so good. Taking his phone out of his pocket, Arnav realised he had no calls or texts from Khushi. Feeling slightly disheartened, Arnav put his phone away, made sure he had his luggage and got into the car that was waiting for him.

 

*****

 

“Arre Chote? What are you doing back?”

“I called my trip short Di. Something important came up.”

 

Anjali looked at her brother. He looked tired and she could tell he was slightly distracted. But she knew that if she pressed the matter, she wouldn’t get a response, he’d never tell her what was really on his mind. Not unless he was ready to tell her and it was evident that he wasn’t.

 

“You go and freshen up, I’ll get some food ready for you.”

“There’s no need Di, I ate on the way here, I’m not hungry.”

“Chote…”

“Please Di, I just want to be left alone.”

 

Leaving his Di hanging, Arnav went off to his room, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t know why he was feeling so angry. When he’d left Khushi, he had felt fine, but on the way here… The more he thought about what had happened, the more he realised he shouldn’t have left. Was she running away from him? Was she trying to run away from what had happened between them? What was going through her head?

He knew that he shouldn’t be reacting like this, not until she actually said something. And he definitely shouldn’t have reacted with Di, but he didn’t know what was going on in Khushi’s head. They had parted on a good note, things had seemed to be going the right way, then why in his heart did something feel wrong?

Picking up his phone, Arnav dialled Khushi’s number, only to find her phone was unreachable.

 

“Dammit!”

 

Throwing his phone aside, Arnav went into the bathroom to freshen up. Maybe a bath would help him to clear his mind.

 

*****

 

Sitting on the edge of the grand bed, Khushi touched the sheets and smiled. Memories of her passionate night with Arnav came back to her. She remembered the way he had touched her, the way he’d kissed her skin, the way his rough hands felt against her sensitive skin. She recalled the way it had felt to have him within her, the way he made her feel so… So complete… He’d made her feel so much and she couldn’t help but want more.

But she knew what she needed to do before she further committed herself to this relationship with Arnav, she needed to talk to her parents…

 

*****

 

“Bhai? You’re back already?”

 

Walking into the in house bar, Akash took a seat next to Arnav, who had a glass of vodka in his hand.

 

“What’s up bhai?”

“What makes you think that something is up.”

“You’re sat in the dark, drinking vodka on your own when you’re meant to be away on a trip in London.”

“Plans change.”

 

Taking the glass out of Arnav’s hand, Akash set it aside, and placed his hand on his brothers shoulder.

 

“Tell me, what happened?”

“I slept with her.”

“With who?”

“With Khushi obviously!”

 

Eyes wide, Akash took in what Arnav was saying. He’d slept with Khushi? His business partner? The woman whose business they were trying to steal?

 

“What the hell? How?”

“You realised it a long time ago that I was interested in her. And I was interested in her. Well turns out she was interested in me too.”

“So what’s the issue? If you both are interested in each other and if you spent the night together, why are you here? Surely you should be with her, making the most of the time alone.”

“She told me to come home Akash. She said she needed time to think about things but she said things between us would be okay. But look, it’s been so long and she hasn’t even sent me a text to ask if I got back okay. It’s been radio silence from her the moment I left.”

 

Taking in what Arnav was saying, Akash felt alarm bells go off in his head. Arnav and Khushi… They were interested in each other. His brother was hung up over the fact that she hadn’t called him in a couple of hours. This was going to complicate things.

 

“Bhai, do you think… Do you think you’re in love with her?”

 

Arnav looked up, his eyes sad.

 

“I know I’m in love with her.”

“But how is that going to work with the business and…”

“We’re both adults, we can keep our personal and private lives separate.”

“But bhai, we wanted to take her business.”

“Akash, I told you ages ago, we can’t. I don’t want to. I never wanted to. And now I definitely don’t want to. Please Akash. Drop this. God has given us so much, we can’t take her business away from her.”

 

It was evident that Arnav was completely taken by this girl. He wasn’t going to let Akash succeed in his plans and Akash knew that he needed to change his game.

 

“Okay, fine, we won’t try to steal her business. But I can still tell you’re feeling uneasy about something.”

“I think I just need some sleep.”

 

With that, Arnav got to his feet, bid Akash goodnight and made his way back to his bedroom. He felt slightly at ease knowing that Akash wasn’t going to do anything underhand regarding Khushi’s business, but Arnav still felt tense. He didn’t know why, but he knew something wasn’t right. Or maybe it was his heart was telling him that something bad was coming? Either way, he knew that he needed to remain vigilant. Nothing could go wrong. He wouldn’t allow it.

 

*****

 

A few days had passed and Khushi was still in London. She and Arnav had spoken on the phone a couple of times and they had texted numerous times. She kept reassuring Arnav that she didn’t regret what happened between them and that she loved him, but Arnav still felt uneasy. It didn’t make sense, but he knew something was off. But what?

 

*****

 

“Papa! I’m home!”

 

Walking into the living room, Khushi announced her entry with her arms wide open.

She’d already greeted her mother at the door and was now looking for her dad.

 

“Arre here comes my little princess.”

 

Karan Kumar Gupta opened his arms and embraced his daughter.

 

“What took you so long? You should’ve come to see your old dad as soon as you got back to England.”

“I know dad, I wanted to, but I had meetings and I needed to go to the office and there was so much work that needed sorting. I’ve barely had time to eat.”

“Lalita, are you hearing this. Our girl has been so busy she hasn’t even been eating properly.”

 

Laughing, Khushi’s mother came and sat down next to her.

 

“It’s a good thing I cooked all of Khushi’s favourite dishes then. I’ll go and get them ready right now.”

“I’ll come with you Ma.”

“No beta, you sit and talk with your dad.”

 

Leaving father and daughter to catch up, Lalita went into the kitchen to prepare the food. She could sense that her daughter needed to talk to her father about something. Call it a mother’s intuition, but she could tell. She didn’t want to disturb them.

Watching her mother leave, Khushi turned to her father, her hands knotted in her lap. She needed to tell her dad about Arnav but she didn’t know how he’d take it. What if he reacted badly and said that she needed to end it with Arnav?

 

“Woh, papa, I need to talk to you about something.”

 

Karan looked at his daughter and he could feel the tension emitting from her body.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Papa… You know…”

 

Placing an arm around his daughter, Karan reassured Khushi that she had nothing to worry about. Taking a deep breath, Khushi began speaking.

 

“You know how you have always said that me and Rohan would one day get married, what if one of us doesn’t want to marry the other?”

 

Looking up at her father, Khushi saw that the question threw him off guard. He wasn’t expecting Khushi to ever say something like this and she knew that. She and Rohan had been brought up to believe that they were only going to marry each other, there was no other option.

 

“Has something happened between you and Rohan?

“No…”

“Has he said or done something to hurt you?”

“No papa…”

“Then why are you asking this question beta?”

“I just… I’m curious.”

“There’s a lot riding on you marrying Rohan, for both families. Promises were made many, many years ago…”

“But what if…”

“What if kya?”

“What if one of us falls in love with someone else.”

 

Karan got to his feet, leaving Khushi on the couch. Khushi realised that this wasn’t going to go well. She should have known. All her life she was told about Rohan, yet here she was, trying to tell her dad she was in love with another man.

 

“Who is it?”

“Who is what?”

“Who is the one that you’re in love with.”

 

Shock took over Khushi’s body. How did her dad know it was her that was in love with someone else? But then she remembered. Her dad always knew.

 

“Arnav Singh Raizada.”

“Your business partner?”

“Jee papa.”

“How long?”

“I… I’ve had feelings for him for a long time, but I’ve never acted on my feelings, not until we came here earlier this week.”

 

Turning back to face his daughter, Karan smiled his widest smile and came back and sat next to his daughter.

 

“Does he feel the same way about you?”

 

Looking away, Khushi blushed as she remembered her passionate night with Arnav. The way he’d caressed her body, the way he’d whispered how much he loved her.

 

“Jee papa.”

“Lalita! Come here quick!”

 

Running back into the living room, Khushi’s mother looked panicked. She looked at her daughter who looked as pale as a ghost and then at her husband who was beaming like a 100 watt bulb.

 

“What happened?”

“Our baby has fallen in love.”

 

Looking at her daughter, Lalita’s eyes widened.

 

“What?”

“You know Arnav, her business partner. She’s in love with him and he’s in love with her! Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I tell you when we saw the merger party pictures that there was something between them! I told you!”

 

Hearing this, Khushi looked up.

 

“Wait? You knew…”

“We saw pictures of you two. The way you were looking at each other, it was undeniable there was something between the two of you. There have been rumours for months.”

“But papa, don’t you have any issues?”

“Why would I? You have fallen in love with a very capable man, one who I am sure loves you dearly otherwise you’d never risk your business.”

“Am I making the right decision?”

“What is your heart saying Khushi?”

“My heart wants this…”

 

Blushing, Khushi realised she couldn’t say any more, not to her parents any way. But they knew what she was trying to say and she watched as they embraced each other.

 

“But mama, papa, what about Rohan’s family.”

“You don’t worry about them, I will talk to them, I will sort it all, don’t worry.”

“But the promises…”

“Rohan’s parents are good people, they will understand. You can’t help who you fall in love with, they will understand.”

 

Feeling a whole lot of weight get off her shoulders, Khushi finally smiled. A real smile. One that showed she was at peace. They ended this conversation here and they all went to the dining room to have their dinner.

During dinner, Khushi felt her phone vibrate, signifying that she had a call and she couldn’t help but feel a blush come on. It was definitely Arnav. Her dad realised this and told Khushi to go into the kitchen and take the call.

Answering the phone, Khushi walked into the kitchen, her cheeks still bright red.

 

“Hello?”

“Khushi?”

“Arnav… Hi. I was going to call you as soon as I got back to the hotel.”

“Are you okay?”

 

Looking around, Khushi made sure that her parents weren’t around, or that they wouldn’t be able to hear her.

 

“Woh, I told my parents about us today.”

 

This caught Arnav off guard. He didn’t realise that Khushi was going to tell her parents about them just yet. He felt himself start to sweat slightly. He was aware of Khushi and Rohan’s relationship, knew that her family wanted her to marry Rohan. What if they said they couldn’t accept her relationship with Arnav? What would he do? He’d only just got her, he couldn’t lose her.

 

“What did they say?”

“They accept our relationship Arnav!”

“What?”

“Haan! Papa said that he had a feeling about us all along and he couldn’t be happier that I found someone like you!”

“You are speaking the truth aren’t you Khushi?”

“Really Arnav! I am!”

“Oh my god. Oh my… I love you Khushi! I can’t believe…”

“I’m coming back to India tomorrow. Arnav… Will you come and collect me from the airport?”

 

Arnav couldn’t believe it. She was coming back! She was coming back to him! Tomorrow! Her parents approved! Arnav let out a breath that he didn’t even realise that he was holding and ran his hand through his hair.

 

“I can’t believe we can finally be together. A proper couple.”

“I can’t either. I love you so much Arnav. Tomorrow can’t come sooner.”

Khushi, I love you

 

The man I hated the most stood before me. I’d almost reached my gate, was ready to go through security when he came and found me.

 

“Saale Saab, there’s something really important I need to talk to you about.”

“I don’t have time, I need to get on my flight.”

“But if you hear me out, you won’t need to go to London.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I need to tell you the truth about me and Khushi ji.”

 

Now he got my attention. My full attention. He wanted to tell me the truth about him and Khushi? But he’d already told me the truth? The night I got married to Khushi? He told me he was having an affair with her.

I didn’t need to hear anything he had to say so I started turning away but he caught my arm.

 

“Come with me so we can talk about this properly.”

 

I contemplated it for a moment, really thought about it. Had Khushi been telling me the truth? Had Shyam lied to me about him and Khushi? Nodding, I decided that it would be best for me to go with him. Shyam led me out of the airport and he gestured over to his car. Did I trust him enough to get into his car with him? But I got in any way, what did he have to lose?

At first I assumed he would drive us home, then I thought maybe he was talking me to his office, but he carried on driving for miles and miles.

 

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry Saale Saab, we just need to go somewhere so we can talk in peace without anyone getting in the way and overhearing us.”

 

He carried on driving, not saying much. A few moments later however, Shyam parked up. I had a look around, it seemed as though we’d come to some run down warehouse.

 

“Where are we?”

“I have some business here after so…”

 

As Shyam got out of the car while I remained seated for a while. Did I want to go into a building that looked like it was about to fall at any moment? Regardless, I got out of the car and followed Shyam. I needed to know the truth. Had Khushi been telling him the truth the entire time? Had I been wrong about Khushi, was my heart right all along? Was she innocent? I needed to know.

Following Shyam, I walked into the warehouse. The moment I stepped inside, I realised I screwed up. I shouldn’t have come here, I shouldn’t have trusted Shyam. The door shut behind me and I felt hands on me, pulling at me.

 

“What the?”

 

I struggled against the hands holding me, but I realised that there were many of them.  Had Shyam planned this? I looked around me, where had these men come from? How hadn’t I noticed these people? How had I walked into this trap? Was Shyam going to tell me anything useful regarding him and Khushi?

I tried to get the men off me, I needed to get out of here, how had I fallen for this? But there was many of them, forcing me down into a chair.

 

“Shyam?”

“I’m right here Saale Saab. Just sit and then we’ll talk. You don’t need to be worried about anything. I just want to talk to you in peace.”

 

They got me down into the seat and as soon as I was down, one of the guys took hold of my arms and strapped me down, tying my arms down to the armrests of the chair.

I should’ve fought harder, but I didn’t. I was so confused, shocked… What the hell was happening?

Once they had my arms and legs tied down, Shyam came before me, dismissing his goons.

 

“Shyam… What the actual…”

“Saale Saab. You wanted to know the truth so I’m going to tell you the truth.”

“But did you need to have me tied up to tell me the truth?”

“Yes I did. Now sit quietly and listen.”

 

He started walking around, it seemed as though he was trying to work out how he was going to start. Then he turned back to me.

 

“Actually, what do you want to know?”

“Khushi said that she wasn’t having an affair with you, that you lied to her and her family about being married and that the moment she found out the truth she broke off the engagement with you. Is that all true?”

“It is.”

 

I clenched my jaw. What the fuck?

 

“You told me she loved you?”

“I lied to you to make you jealous.”

“Why?”

“Because I loved her! I wanted her! And she wanted you! So when I realised you thought ill of her, that you thought she was with me, I took advantage of that! I didn’t realise that you’d go and marry her.”

“She wanted me…”

 

She wanted me? She wanted me?! I mean I always got the feeling that she cared for me… What she said on holi… I thought of all the times I thought I caught her looking at me in a loving way… But my head had always told me it was all fake… Surely…

 

“She loves me?”

“Yes.”

 

She loves me! Khushi chose me. She wanted me? I thought back to only a little while ago, when she held onto my hand, begging me to listen to her, begging me to not leave her. I thought of the look in her eyes when I told her I knew about her and Shyam’s affair. The way she tried to talk to me… The way she held me hand, trying to stop me from leaving her… How hard she had fought to make me stay so that she could prove her innocence.

 

“You’re so stupid Arnav. If you looked into her eyes, you would’ve seen her love for you. Every time you were remotely close to her, you could tell the way her breathing changed. But you were to blind to see it, too stupid to realise. Do you know, she only agreed to marrying me in the first place was because of you? After you announced your engagement with Lavanya ji, she agreed to marrying me. You broke her, made her feel like you didn’t want her and so she agreed to marry me under duress. Had you not been so cruel to her, then she would never have gotten engaged to me. All of this happened because of YOU Arnav.”

 

I thought back to Diwali, the way I’d gone close to her, the way she had anticipated the moment. The way she tried to speak to me after… The way she looked at me with tear filled eyes when I said I was going to marry Lavanya. I remembered the way I spoke to her in front of Buajis house. Telling her that our moment didn’t mean anything to me. The way her eyes filled with tears once more and they streamed down her face… I knew that moment had meant a lot to her. I knew then that she had feelings for me and that I had feelings for her. She was in love with me and I broke her heart… Because I let my ego get in the way.

 

“Shyam, we need to get home, I need to talk to Khushi.”

“You know that day on the terrace, when you saw her in my arms? The only reason she went up there in the first place was because she thought she was meeting you…”

 

I remembered… I had wanted to tell her that day I loved her. I was following her upstairs so that I could tell her that I was in love with her. But then I saw her in his arms and I thought… God how did I think that?

 

“All she ever wanted was you and your love. And you thought she was after me and your money. It’s so sad you never understood…”

“Jijaji please. Please, we need to go home.”

 

I watched as his expression changed, a sinister smile playing on his lips.

 

“Do you think I’m that stupid? That I’d just tell you the truth and let you run off to her? Do you think I’d tell you the truth and then let you run off to the woman I love? No Saale Saab. I’m telling you the truth because this is the end of your story.”

“I don’t…”

“You don’t understand? I’ll explain. Khushi ji can never be mine now, she loves you too much, but, everything you own, your money, your business, all that can be mine. But I can only have all that if you’re dead…”

“Shyam…”

“If I can’t have the woman I love, I’ll have the next best thing. Money, wealth… You’re going to rot here until I see it fit to kill you.”

“Jijaji please. I’ll give you anything, just let me go to Khushi. I need to make things right with her… I’ll give you money, I’ll buy you a house, I’ll give you whatever you want but please, let me go and make things right with Khushi.”

“Nah. You’ve taken enough from me, insulted me enough, this is where your story ends. It’s such a shame. Poor Khushi ji will be your widow, will mourn for you, probably never be able to move on from losing you… She’ll probably love you forever, mourn everyday for the rest of her life, but she’ll always think that she was never loved by you.”

“I do love her! Shyam please, please I need to go to her.”

 

I felt like I was becoming hysterical. He could take my wealth, take my name, anything. But I needed to get to Khushi. I needed to apologise to her, grovel for her forgiveness. I needed to tell her the truth, that I love her, that I’ve always loved her.

 

“Jijaji please!”

 

I struggled against the bindings, I needed to get free, I needed to go to her. Shyam just stood there laughing. And then he stopped and he looked sinister again.

 

“Tut tut tut… Poor Saale Saab. Played high and mighty all these years and now look. Begging me, ME to let you free. Tut tut tut.”

 

He walked towards me and opened up a little briefcase that was on a little table beside me. He pulled out a syringe with a needle and filled it with some kind of liquid.
No no, he couldn’t… I needed to talk to Khushi! He pulled at the sleeve of my shirt, pulling it up. I tried to struggle but it was no use, I was tied up too tightly. I felt the needle prick me and then I felt nothing more…

 

*****

 

I don’t know how much time had passed. Had it been a few days? Or a few weeks? I couldn’t tell. The room was always completely dark, someone always watching over me. They gave me food to keep me going, gave me my medication but that was it. I was always tied up, unable to even use the bathroom on my own… It was embarrassing…

But I thought of Khushi and that kept me going. I needed to get to Khushi. I needed to apologise, needed to beg… I needed to convince her that I was the stupidest idiot in the world. And then I needed to tell her that I love her.

Since I’d been here, whenever I was awake, all I could think about was all the times she’d looked at me with nothing but love in her eyes. I thought about the times she tried to convince me of her innocence and I insulted her. I thought about the time she told me it mattered to her what I thought about her. That she didn’t care what anyone else thought but couldn’t bare the idea that I thought ill of her. How could I have been so stupid? So blind? I hurt her over and over again… How had I been such an idiot?

I remembered Diwali… I had been so close to kissing her… I knew it felt right at the time, why hadn’t I accepted my feelings then? Maybe then all this wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have had Shyam in her life, we wouldn’t have had this misunderstanding. Maybe we’d have gotten married on happy terms, maybe by now we would have consummated our marriage… God how I wanted to feel her soft skin against mine. How I wanted to run my hands along her body… How I wanted her to moan my name as I pleasured her. I wanted all this, I have done. Then why? Why had I been such an idiot?

I remembered the few times I had woken up beside her… On the recliner on our fake honeymoon and then during those days at Buaji’s house. The way she held me even when she was unconscious… She found comfort in being close to me even when I hurt her… I thought about the innocent look on her face as she slept, the feel of her body draped over mine…

I needed to go home to her. I needed to hold her in my arms, kiss her, love her, touch her, make her mine… I struggled against the me bindings. I needed to see Khushi once, just once! I needed to tell her the truth!

 

“Oi! Stop it!”

 

Shyam wasn’t around so he left his goons.

 

“I need to talk to my wife, please let me speak to her once.”

“Shut up and sit there quietly.”

“Please! I need to tell her I love her! Please!”

 

I begged him, I just needed to speak to her once! He shook his head and looked over to another guy who nodded and walked over to me. I watched as they prepared another syringe.

 

“Please, no I just need to speak to Khushi!”

 

He came over and poked it into my skin and moments later I slipped into darkness.

 

*****

 

More time passed. I don’t know how much time. But I had learnt that begging them did nothing. It just angered them and caused them to give me a shot. I couldn’t deal with that anymore so I remained silent, plotting how I could get away and go back home.

I was sat, minding my own when I saw one of the goon pull my phone out of his pocket and he handed it over to me.

 

“You have one call. Your only and final call to your family. Make something up, tell them your safe and not to worry. Say whatever you need to say because this is the last time you’re going to speak to them.”

 

He handed me the phone and I dialled home. I just needed to get a message to someone, to Khushi… But how?

 

“If you try anything at all, we’ll kill you on the spot and then boss will hurt your precious little wife. So think before you act.”

 

I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t care for my life but Khushi… They couldn’t hurt her. I couldn’t let Shyam hurt her. I dialled home and almost instantly Di answered. She shouted at me for not calling them, for not letting them know I was safe.

I cooked up a bullshit story about being in Scotland and I could tell Di believed me.

I spoke to Nani and mami, taking in their voices, remembering what they sounded like, just in case this was the final time I got to speak to them. Then Akash took the phone. He asked about Scotland and I fed him some more lines.

 

“Akash… Take care of Di and… Keep an eye on Khushi.”

 

If they did kill me, if I couldn’t get away, I needed to make sure that Khushi was safe. I know Akash, I know he’d look out for her, keep her out of harms way. He said he would handle everything until I got back and then he handed the phone over to her.

The moment Khushi took the phone, I could hear her breathing and I could tell she was crying.

 

“Khushi stop crying. Khushi, I’m fine, main theek hoon, stop crying.”

 

She kept crying. How did I let us get to this point, how did I let this happen? I should’ve stayed with her, I should’ve believed her. If I had, I would’ve been with her now, not miles away, trying to comfort her when we both knew something was wrong.

 

“Khushi that’s enough, stop…”

 

It was evident she wasn’t going to stop crying. How had I left her so susceptible to so much pain? How could I have been so stupid? If I hadn’t been so arrogant we could have been happy together right now, we could’ve been together. I could have been with her right this moment, with her in my arms, in my bed. Instead I was miles away from her, trying to comfort her… How had I fucked it all up so badly?

 

“Khushi I love you…”

 

I couldn’t think of what else to say. There was nothing else to say. I listened and I heard her breathing stop, her crying stopped. She was shocked, she couldn’t believe what I said but she heard me. Her mind was probably doing overtime, trying to make sense of what I had just said.

I held the line, waiting for her to maybe say something. In my heart I wished she would tell me she loved me too. If she did, then even if they killed me, at least I would be able to die happy, knowing that it really was me that she wanted. But she didn’t, she just held on and I listened as her breathing resumed and then I cut the call…

Fifty Shades Of Raiada ~ Part 20 ~ Last Part

The day of Arnav and Khushi’s sangeet had finally arrived. Arnav, who up until very recently didn’t believe in marriage at all, didn’t really want to have to go through with all the rituals, and even if he did have to go through with them, he didn’t want to have to do it in the presence of a large audience. But being Arnav Singh Raizada, it meant that whether he liked it or not, his marriage would be a big deal.

So to Arnav’s dismay, every function so far had been a very big and public affair. But he could tell that Khushi was enjoying it. She didn’t generally like all the attention that was on her, but she loved all the functions and for her sake, he was trying his best to enjoy them too.

Today was the sangeet, and this was by far the ceremony he was looking forward to least. For the past week, the Raizada’s and Gupta’s had been getting together to practise for the sangeet. Now this was something he didn’t understand. They wanted each performance to seem spontaneous and unplanned, yet they were planned down to the t. To his displeasure, Arnav was made aware that he would have to partake in the performances. But even though quite a few people had been invited to the sangeet, compared to the other ceremonies, it was relatively small, so he was glad that there wouldn’t be much of an audience.

 

*****

 

Sat right in front of the area that had been marked off as the performance area, Arnav sat with his hand clasped in Khushi’s.

As the evening went on, their family members all did little performances for them. Arnav found some to be slightly cringy, however on the whole their families and friends had made a grand effort for them and he appreciated that. He especially liked Lavanya and NKs perform to Desi Girl. He’d enjoyed because he loved how fitting the song actually was to his and Khushi’s relationship. She was his Desi Girl and she had rocked his world in more ways than one.

Soon enough, it was time for the performance he had been dreading. It was a dance off between the boys and the girls. On the boys team, it was himself, Akash, Shyam and NK, while on the girls team, they had Khushi, Anjali, Payal and Lavanya.

As they all took their places, the music started up.

 

This was a number that Khushi found from somewhere, and was adamant that they did the dance off to this song. He couldn’t help but see why she had chosen the song. She had taken a risk by choosing to come back to him and due to that she knew she’d always be his queen.

The girls danced around their respective partners, while the boys tried to carry out their dance moves. It was evident that the girls were now improvising and it was throwing the boys off, making them forget what they were meant to be doing. It didn’t take long for the boys to completely forget and for the girls to win.

 

“We won! We won!”

 

The girls rejoiced while the boys sulked. Everyone took their seats once more while Anjali took to the microphone.

 

“Now we have a special performance from the bride for her groom.”

 

Arnav looked up at this point. He hadn’t been aware that Khushi was going to do her own piece. The lights dimmed down and a spot light came on, focusing on Khushi.

 

 

“Bole churiya… Bole kangana…”

 

Arnav felt a smile spread across his lips. He couldn’t help it. Something about her performing this song for him did something inside him. He was well aware of the lyrics, well aware of what they meant and he realised what she was trying to show him.

As Khushi danced, everyone watched her in awe before other girls and danced behind her. Khushi danced around Arnav, clicking her bangles together, coming as close to him as she could without it seeming inappropriate.

Arnav knew when the male part of the song was coming, and so braced himself. He was going to do this for his Khushi.

When the male parts came, Arnav gave his best performance shocking everyone. But once he got into the performance, he too began to enjoy it. Then Khushi’s lines came back again and he took in all the words she was performing it.

 

“Hai hai main marjawa marjawa tere bin… ab tho meri raath kat thi thaare gin gin…”

“Aake mere dunya mein vaapas na jaana…”

 

It was obvious why she had picked this song. It was obvious what she was trying to tell him. And he understood every word of what the song was saying.

The Raizada’s and the Gupta’s also joined in and everyone danced together with and around Arnav and Khushi.

It was a happy night that came to a happy closing.

 

*****

 

As seasons changed and time went on, a year passed since Arnav and Khushi had gotten married.

Things had been going very well. For a while, Khushi had been worried that what she could give Arnav wouldn’t be enough, that he would start missing his old way of life. But it seemed that he really had turned over a new leaf for her. There had been no mention of the playroom since they had gotten married, he hadn’t even hinted at it. It seemed as they were well and truly past that phase of their life.

One evening, Arnav had been working out of town and had told Khushi that due to bad weather, he would stay at his penthouse apartment. Khushi decided that she too would join him, after all there was nothing else for her to do. So despite the bad weather, she made her way to the penthouse apartment.

Once arriving at the penthouse, she checked their bedroom to see if he was in there, he wasn’t. Walking through the apartment, Arnav wasn’t anywhere to be found, so she started making her way up the stairs. Maybe he was in the upstairs office.

The room which had for 5 months been her bedroom, was now Arnav’s extra office space.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she saw a woman leaving the playroom. Stopping dead in her tracks, Khushi glared at the woman, who looked startled to see Khushi there.

 

“What the hell? Who are you?”

 

Feeling her blood running cold, Khushi started feeling light headed. What was another woman doing in their home? What was another woman doing coming out of the playroom? Surely Arnav didn’t… He wouldn’t?! Would he?

Before Khushi could think any more, Arnav too walked out of the playroom. Seeing Khushi stood there, he stopped.

 

“Khushi… Woh… Ishaani, thanks for your assistance, I’ll be in touch with you very soon.”

 

The woman nodded and walked past Khushi, giving her a small smile as she left.

 

“Arnav…”

 

She stopped, making sure that the other woman was gone. When she heard the doors of the elevator clang shut, she let it all out.

 

“WHAT THE HELL ARNAV? What the hell is going on here?”

“I swear it’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Arnav have you been… I refuse to believe that you have but… Have you been using the playroom with other women? HOW COULD YOU?”

 

Arnav walked towards Khushi, his hand outstretched. Khushi moved back, stepping away from him. She couldn’t believe this. Had he really not changed? Had he just found someone else to… UGH.

 

“Khushi, listen to me.”

 

Shaking her head angrily, Khushi could feel the tears prickling her eyes. Arnav realised that Khushi wasn’t going to hear him out, so he took her by the wrist and led her over to the playroom. Khushi struggled against his hold, wanting to pull away, but Arnav was much stronger than she would ever.

Pushing the door open of the playroom, he pulled Khushi inside. Once inside, Khushi’s eyes widened as she looked around the room. It was completely empty and had been painted. The old dark walls were gone, and the room was now a plain white.

 

“What…”

“If you heard me out I would have explained myself. I got rid of all the equipment that was in here a while back, and I want us to move into the penthouse. For this to be our permanent home. But before we could do that I needed to change some things around.”

“That woman…”

“She’s an interior decorator! I wanted her to check out all the bedrooms upstairs, so that she could look at the sizes. Then she would be able to give us a good indication as to which room we should use for what purpose.”

“I don’t…”

“When I’ve been coming here, it’s because I’ve been trying to get the planning of the renovations sorted. I’ve decided that I don’t want our bedroom to be downstairs any more, I want our bedroom to be upstairs and to turn our current bedroom into either a gym or a study. Ishaani is helping me to decide which of these rooms would be suitable for our bedroom, etc etc.”

 

Finally understanding what was going on, Khushi let out the breath that she was holding and rushed into Arnav’s arms.

 

“I’m so sorry! I assumed… God I… I’m so sorry Arnav, please forgive me. I’m such a horrid wife. I thought you were… Oh god, I can’t believe I actually thought…”

“No I’m sorry, I should’ve just told you what I’ve been doing here. I just wanted to surprise you…”

“I’m so sorry…”

 

Cupping Khushi’s face, Arnav placed a light kiss on her lips before pulling away again.

 

“When I got you back into my life, I said that I would never do anything that you didn’t like. You wanted me to change the way I lived my life and for you I did. We both know that wasn’t an easy transition, but I did it, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m content with the relationship we share and I would never, EVER, seek pleasure of any kind from another woman.”

“I know…”

“I belong to you. Only you Khushi and nothing is about to change that.”

“I love you so much Arnav. Again I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, I can understand. That was a big part of my life, I can understand what was going through your head. But now you see, this room doesn’t exist, this part of my life is gone. I don’t need it any more and I don’t miss it either.”

 

Looking around the room, she took in the emptiness again. He was right, that part of him was all gone. Now they had an empty room, a blank canvas, an opening to start a new chapter in their lives.

 

*****

 

Walking up the stairs, Khushi couldn’t believe that it was hers and Arnav’s third anniversary tomorrow! Time had flown by. It still felt as though they had only gotten married yesterday, but somehow three years had passed.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Khushi made her way down the long corridor and stopped in front of the last door at the end of the corridor. The door to the playroom.

Pushing the door open, Khushi couldn’t help but smile at the sight before her.

 

Arnav was laying on the floor with their little 10 month old Aarav by his side. They were both looking up at the ceiling, watching the projections of the stars moving from one side to another.

Little Aarav kicked his little legs and laughed as the colours of the stars changed, while Arnav just lay there, arms tucked behind his head, staring up at the stars.

The room which she had once loathed, the room which she had once been afraid of to an extent, was now her favourite room in their home.

When Arnav and Khushi had found out that they were expecting a baby, Arnav set to work right away, buying furniture for the nursery and toys. He brought so many toys for their baby that half of them didn’t fit in the nursery any more. It was then that they decided that they would give their baby a play room. A room where the baby would have all his or her toys. It just so happened that this was the only room that was still empty, that didn’t have a purpose for it. Arnav had said that he didn’t mind redecorating again, moving his office into here so the baby’s playroom wouldn’t be in this room, but Khushi no longer minded. That chapter of their lives was long over, it was a distant memory, it didn’t bother her anymore.

She couldn’t believe how far they had come in their relationship. There had once been a time when Arnav didn’t believe in marriage, when Arnav hadn’t even believed in love. When he didn’t believe in the idea of love making. Now he was a tender lover, someone who handled her with great care, who whispered words of love in her ears every time he came near her. Now he was the father of her baby, a baby who was conceived out of love and passion.

When Khushi found out that she was pregnant, she had been a little nervous about what Arnav would say and how he would react. They had talked about children, and they were planning a child in the near future, but Khushi hadn’t thought she would fall pregnant so soon after coming off her birth control. She got pregnant almost immediately after and had been worried Arnav would react badly because it was all happening so soon.

But he had been ecstatic, happier than she had been when she first realised she was pregnant. He went out that very day and spent hundreds and hundreds buying things for their baby.

From the moment Aarav had arrived in their lives, Arnav’s priorities switched completely. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his baby. Work was forgotten about for an extended periods of time. At night, if Aarav started to cry whilst they were making love, Arnav would be out of bed faster than anything and he would be there to sooth his son. At times, it seemed as though Arnav forgot about her completely, and this wasn’t something she minded. It filled her heart to see her boys together.

Leaning against the doorframe, Khushi watched as Arnav tucked their son into his arms and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Of all the shades of Raizada that she had seen, this most definitely was her favourite.

 

*The End*

Unwanted ~ Part 20

Arnav

 

** 6 years later **

 

Sat at my recliner, I was checking my emails when she came running into my room.

 

“Papa!”

 

I ignored her. She knew not to disturb me when I was working.

 

“Papa! Listen to me.”

“Pari, I’m working.”

“Please listen me!”

 

I went back to my work, I didn’t need this right now. She stood there, clapping her little hands and stamping her feet. I could feel my temper rising, but I knew I really shouldn’t snap at her. But she kept going, not giving up.

 

“Pari! I’m working! Go!”

 

Di came running into the room. Now I’m done for. Pari rushed into Di’s arms and Di held her close to herself, all the while looking at me in a very angry manner. Here we go again.

 

“Chote! How many times have I told you not to shout at her?”

“I was working Di.”

“She’s a child! You can’t shout at her like that. You’re too much Arnav. Too much.”

“Di please, I don’t need this right now, it’s too early in the morning.”

“No Chote, you need to be aware your actions have consequences. You can’t just bark at her and get away with it.”

 

I knew what was coming next, the line Di always hit me, I knew it word for word.

 

“You’re not just a boss any more, you’re a dad, 5 and a half years since you’ve been a dad and you still don’t get it. You can’t speak to your child the way you talk to you’re employees.”

“Di please. Just take her and go.”

“The her you’re talking about is your daughter. Not a goat like Laxmi. You can’t just tell her to get lost and expect her to listen.”

 

I shut my laptop and put my hand to my head. The same argument between me and Di, all the time. Pari was five and a half, and in the last 5 and a half years, we had this argument at least 3 times a week, every week.

 

“Shouldn’t she be getting ready for school any way. Where’s her mother? Can you tell her she needs to control her kid.”

“Her mother, your WIFE, has gone to work. And if you paid closer attention to your daughter, you’d know that she’s ill and isn’t allowed to go to school.”

 

Di dropped to her knees so she was the same height as Pari.

 

“Pari beta, go and play with Akshay.”

 

Pari ran off to go and find Akshay. Di stood up, her hands on her hips.

 

“Chote, you really need to stop behaving like this towards her.”

“How am I supposed to behave then Di?”

“The way Akash is with Akshay or the way your jijaji has always been with Shalini.”

“There’s a difference between them and me. They wanted to be fathers. I didn’t choose this, I didn’t want this. I was just told one day I was going to be a dad.”

 

Di shook her head. She was tired of this argument and so was I.

 

“Chote please. Please look at what you’re doing to this family. You’re ripping it in two.”

 

I looked away and shook my head. Di didn’t have a clue what she was on about. She never did, not in terms of this.

 

“When was the last time you and Payal were able to look each other in the eye and have a good conversation? When was the last time you were able to sit with any of us and just enjoy everyone’s company and enjoy your time with the kids? And let’s not even get started on your marriage.”

“My marriage is a joke Di and you know it.”

“I understand you weren’t ready to become a father, I get that Chote, but you were blessed with a beautiful little girl. You should do what you need to do to make things work for your little girl.”

“Di please. You know better than anyone else how I feel about everything. I don’t want to argue about this any more. Please just leave me.”

 

I could tell Di was tired and she felt deflated. I hated seeing Di like this, but what could I do? In my heart I couldn’t accept Pari, and I don’t know if I ever will be able to. It sounds harsh, she’s only a little girl, but… Di left and I opened up my laptop again and went scrolling through all my old pictures. Pictures of me and Khushi, from our marriage, from our honeymoon, from just after our honeymoon. Pictures from a better time, a time before we knew a storm was brewing between us, a time before Pari.

If time could be turned back, I’d go back to our honeymoon. Everything was so good, so peaceful back then. We were so happy, everything was so perfect. I missed her, I missed the way things were.

Di liked to believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, that there’s some goodness to come from what has happened. But 6 years have passed since our honeymoon, 6 years since I was truly happy and content with my life.

Clicking off of the pictures, I knew I needed to come to terms with my life as they were. However my life was 6 years ago, it would never be like that ever again, no matter how much I looked at the old pictures and pined for the past. Some things just couldn’t go back to being the same.

Pushing my laptop aside, I went to go look for Pari. She wasn’t hard to find, she was in Payal and Akash’s bedroom, playing with 2 year old Akshay. They were both sat on the floor and Pari was teaching him how to clap his hands in time with her, I took a seat next to the both of them.

 

“Are you guys playing?”

“I’m teaching him patty cake.”

“Your buaji tells me your ill, what’s wrong?”

“Mama said I have a temperature.”

 

I placed my hand on her little cheek and then her forehead, and indeed, she did have a temperature.

Little Shalini rushed into the room, looking for Pari.

 

“Pari, Pari! Are you ready? We need to go school!”

 

I watched as Pari shook her little head before she explained to Shalini that her mother told her she had to stay at home today. Looking slightly deflated, Shalini gave Pari a hug and then left for school. Shalini was a couple of months younger than Pari and the both of them were the best of friends. They were like two peas in a pod, they did everything together.

 

“Have you had medicine Pari?”

“Yes papa.”

 

Nodding, I got to my feet and was just leaving when Payal walked into her bedroom. She stood at the doorway, staring at me.

 

“I just came to check on Pari, she’s ill.”

“I know, Di told me to keep an eye on her.”

“Oh okay.”

 

Stepping aside, Payal moved out of the way so that I could get out of the room. Our interaction quota for the day was up. Nodding, I moved to leave when I remembered there was something I needed to ask her.

 

“Payal have you…”

“No I haven’t. Not since the one two weeks ago. If I do get another one, then I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you.”

“Hm.”

 

My relationship with Payal sucked. I couldn’t remember the last time I was able to have a normal, carefree conversation with her. I mean, I understand why she’s so hostile towards me, but… And the awkwardness between me and Payal took a toll on my relationship with Akash.

Even when I held little Akshay, I saw the way Payal looked at me. It was obvious she didn’t want me anywhere near her son. And this was all happening because of Pari. Before Pari, I had a great relationship with everyone. But now, it was me against the Raizada’s and I hated it. I needed to get out of here, just needed some time away from this house and all the people.

Going back to my room, I heard my phone ringing and so rushed to answer it. Looking at the called ID, I saw that it was from AR in Mumbai. Weird, they hardly ever bothered me on my personal phone. Taking the call, I sat down, listening to hear what they had to say.

 

It seemed as though my prayers had been heard. I was going to Mumbai to deal with some major issues within the business. Finally, time away from this house and these people. Time for a new adventure.

 

*****

 

Author’s Note:

So here we go guys! The beginning of a new chapter of Unwanted! I know a lot of you guys have been waiting for this for so long, so I am so glad that we are finally resuming this story. I’m hoping you guys are really going to enjoy it because it took me a while to get the planning of it all right. Because I alternate between Arnav and Khushi’s point of view, it took a while to make sure that I was weaving the story carefully so that I wasn’t giving too much away all in one go.

So the first couple of updates of this story will be shorter than usual because I don’t want to give everything away, but once we really get into the story, the chapters will start getting longer again.

I hope you guys have enjoyed the beginning and can’t wait to hear what you all think!  

Jalebi ~ Part 14

 

Arnav and Khushi took their leave from everyone who was still there from the conference and then made their way back up to their room.

The moment they had left the dining area, Khushi slipped her hand into Arnav’s. They maintained a respectable distance between them, but their hands remained locked in each other’s.

 

 

When they arrived at their room, Khushi took the key card out of her bag and unlocked the door, pulling Arnav in behind her. Slamming the door shut, Khushi pushed Arnav up against the door and she kissed him. The kiss was fast and intense. Khushi shrugged out of her blazer and then began pushing Arnav’s suit jacket off of his shoulders. Their respective jackets fell to the floor. Khushi’s fingers were already busy, first loosening his tie and pulling it off and then unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt. Arnav’s hands were in Khushi hair, his fingers burning the skin on her scalp. Arnav pulled back slightly, breaking their kiss.

 

“Khushi are you sure? I know you wanted to put your business first…”

 

Pulling him back onto her, Khushi silenced him with a kiss. She knew what she had said, but she’d been fighting her feelings for him for over a year now, enough was enough. She wanted him and he wanted to be with her. Nothing else mattered. Maybe she should be taking things slower, but she was desperate to feel him…

Arnav realised that Khushi full well knew what she was doing and couldn’t help but feel excited. He took hold of Khushi’s waist and spun her round so that it was her that had her back against the door, and he was looming over her.

Arnav’s hands moved round her back, fumbling with the zip of her dress before pulling it all the way down. As he pulled the zip further down, the more it came away from her body. Breaking the kiss, Arnav watched as the dress came away from her and slipped off her shoulders completely. He pushed the dress down and watched as it pooled around her feet. He took a step back and took in her body. She was wearing black silky lingerie. He took in her full breasts, her nipples poking through the material of her bra and his eyes travelled down to her panties. Khushi felt his glare down there and she pushed her thighs together.

Moving back into her, Arnav placed his hand on her exposed waist as Khushi kicked her heels off her feet. The height difference between them increased and Arnav liked it. He lifted her chin up and pressed his lips between hers, all the while letting his hands feel her waist.

He lifted her off her feet ever so slightly and pressed her hard against the door and held her there, his body holding her up. Khushi locked her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. His hands moved up her ribcage and rested on either side of her breasts, and his lips slipped down to her neck. Throwing her head back ever so slightly, Khushi allowed Arnav further exposure of her neck and he continued to place a trail of kisses on her neck.

Holding onto her, Arnav carried Khushi over to the bed and placed her down, then proceeded to part with his trousers which were starting to suffocate his member. Trousers off, he came over again again, one hand on her breast, the other trailing up her thighs. Khushi’s arms remained locked around his neck.

Slipping his hand under her bra, Arnav let his fingers play with one of Khushi’s hard nipples. He strummed at the little pebble before lowering his head over it. Khushi’s body lifted off the bed slightly, her hips brushed with his. His hands fumbled round her back and unclasped her bra. He pulled the straps out from under her and then carried on slowly pulling the straps down off her shoulders. He went slowly, giving her the opportunity to stop him if she wanted to. But she didn’t. Her breathing increased as he slowly began to pull it away from her.

Once her bra was off, Arnav took a moment to take her in in her full glory. She had beautiful breasts. They were round and perky, untouched, all his. He placed his hands on either side of either breast and pushed them together.

 

“You have such sexy boobs.”

 

Khushi bit her lip, suppressing a smile. She’d never had an issue with her chest region but never thought it was anything special either. But hearing him complement her, and feeling the way he treated them, she couldn’t help but feel proud of them.

Arnav felt his member harden and strained within the confinement of his boxers. He wanted to pull them away, but he didn’t want to come across as being presumptive, even though it was clear where things were going between them.

Arnav trailed kisses down from her breasts to her belly button and then lower still.

Khushi grabbed hold of his hair as he moved lower still, kissing the insides of her thighs. Khushi pushed her thighs together, trying to stop the feeling the was brewing within her down there. Arnav hooked his fingers into either side of her panties and slowly began to pull them away, again giving her enough time to stop him if she wanted to. But she didn’t. He pulled them away and then moved back to place a kiss down there.

 

“Arnav…”

 

He came back over her, his lips between hers in a passionate kiss, pressing his tongue against hers. Arnav pulled away, he needed to ask, make sure.

 

“Khushi, do you want this?”

“Do you?”

“Fuck yes I do. I want you so bad, I have done for the longest time.”

“Then I’m yours for the taking.”

 

He kissed her again, hard and fast before pushing a finger into her. She was wet, so ready for him. Arnav pulled back and pulled his boxers away. Khushi’s eyes fluttered open and she took him in. All of him. He was gorgeous, so muscular and tanned. All man. All hers.

Arnav reached out to the bedside table and pulled out a box of condoms that he’d seen earlier. The perks of staying at fancy hotels, free condoms in the bedside tables. He opened the box and pulled one out. Ripping the pack open with his teeth, Arnav took the condom out and pulled it over his length.

Holding his length, he rubbed it along the length of her entrance and Khushi felt herself going breathless. He wasn’t even doing anything and it already felt so good, like they were made to do this together.

He lowered himself against her, his lips near her ear.

 

“I love you Khushi Kumari Gupta.”

“I love you too Arnav Singh Raizada.”

 

Taking that as the permission he was waiting for, Arnav dipped his length into her slightly. Khushi gasped out, and her back lifted off the bed ever so slightly.

 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

 

Slowly and carefully, Arnav pushed himself further into her until he reached the barrier, signifying her virginity was still intact.

 

“Khushi, are you sure?”

“I’ve never been surer of anything.”

“This might hurt a bit, hold onto me.”

 

Wrapping her arms around him and holding him close, Khushi braced herself for what was to come. Arnav took a deep breath himself, and pulled back slightly, before diving straight in, all the way, breaking her wall down. Khushi gasped and held Arnav close, tears prickling her eyes.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He felt her nod against his shoulder. Arnav held still, allowing her body to get used to him. He held her close, and felt her muscles adjust around him. When he felt her body was ready, Arnav began to move, pulling back slightly before thrusting back. It took them a while to establish a pace and to get to grips with what they were doing, but it didn’t take long. It was almost as though they’d done it a million times before, Arnav knew exactly how fast he needed to go. Khushi wrapped a leg around his waist, holding him close to herself.

 

“Mm Arnav…”

 

Her breathing was fast and shallow, her hand holding on tightly to his upper arm. Arnav groaned as he felt her walls tighten around him. He kept going, feeling her muscles contract around his faster. She was close and he knew he was too.

They carried on, but not long after, Khushi spiralled off into oblivion and Arnav did too. He held himself still for a moment and Khushi held onto Arnav as the waves stopped crashing around her.

Slowly, Arnav began to pull away, pulling off the used condom and throwing it in the bin. He rolled back next to Khushi, and draped his around her.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Moving into him, Khushi placed a light kiss on his lips and buried her head into his chest. Her eyes felt heavy and soon enough, Khushi fell asleep.

 

*****

 

The next morning came around faster than either of them had expected it to. Their night had been filled with passion, rolling over to each other over and over again, reaching out to the other so that they could make love again and again.

Arnav woke up first. He rolled over and turned to Khushi who was still fast asleep. Even as she slept, she held the sheets close to her, covering her naked body from him. Arnav shuffled closer to her, reaching out for her under the sheets and placing a hand on her waist.

He pushed her off her side and onto her back and came over her. He placed little kisses all over her place and began moving down her body. He had reached the valley between her breasts when Khushi finally began to wake up.

 

“Good morning.”

 

Arnav came up and placed a kiss on her lips and Khushi draped her arms around him.

 

“Good morning.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I feel great.”

 

Pulling away from her, Arnav lay down on his side of the bed and ran his finger down along the side of her face.

 

“Last night was amazing.”

 

A blush crept along Khushi’s face. She wanted to tell him it was amazing for her too, but she didn’t know how to verbalise what she wanted to say. Arnav moved closer, his hands creeping up to her breasts.

 

“Maybe we can have another round?”

 

Shaking her head, Khushi clutched the sheets against her chest and sat up.

 

“Can I go and have a shower?”

“Yeah sure! Of course you can.”

 

Looking around her, she saw Arnav’s shirt lying on the floor, the closest item of clothing.

She picked it up and turned away from him so she could put it on. Arnav watched, something about her putting his shirt on turned him on so much more than anything else. Khushi got out of bed, gathered her things and went into the bathroom.

 

*****

 

Letting the water cascade down her body, Khushi couldn’t help but recall what had happened last night. It truly was magical and she loved every moment of it, but she also realised she had some big decisions to make. Yesterday she had let herself rush into making a decision, but now… Maybe she should have thought things through before letting herself jump into bed with him.

Finishing up her shower, Khushi got out and got dressed, bracing herself so that she could face Arnav again.

She came out of the bathroom to find that he was still in bed, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, smiling. She came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

“Arnav, can we talk?”

“Yeah sure, what’s up?”

“Do you want to have a shower first?”

“No it’s alright, you tell me what’s on your mind first.”

“I… I don’t know how to say this…”

 

She hesitated and Arnav suddenly got a sick feeling in his stomach. Did she regret what they did? He sat up, reaching out to her. Khushi took his hand in hers and smiled.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Arnav, I was thinking… I want you to go back to India.”

“What?”

“I want you to go back. As soon as possible.”

“But why? I thought we were going to stay and see the sites and you were going to take me to see your parents. Do you regret…”

“No, no, god know. I don’t regret what happened between us. It’s just… I have a lot that I need to think about. And I want to do it here, in England. I want to get my head straight before going back to India.”

“But why can’t I stay with you?”

“I feel like I just need my own time.”

 

Arnav ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Okay, I’ll go back… But what does this mean for us?”

“That’s something I need to think about. I mean…”

“So you don’t know if you want to be with me?”

“No Arnav, I know I want to be with you, that’s one thing I’m sure of. I just need to think about everything else surrounding us. What us being together is going to mean for the people around us and our businesses.”

“But when you come back to India, we can be together, right?”

 

Leaning in, she pressed her lips between Arnav’s and cupped his face.

 

“It would take a lot for me to decide that we shouldn’t be together.”

 

*****

 

Arnav had had a shower and they have ordered breakfast up to their room. They ate slowly, enjoy each other’s company. When food was done, Arnav started packing his bags.

As much as Khushi wanted him to go, she couldn’t help but feel sad. She wanted him to stay, wanted to spend more time with him, but she knew there was a lot she needed to do before she could fully commit herself to him like that and he seemed to understand that.

When the bags were packed and Arnav had arranged his flight back, he was getting ready to leave.

 

“So when are you coming back to India?”

“I should be back within the week.”

“Do you want me to send the jet?”

“No it’s fine, I’ll make my own way back.”

“Can I collect you from the airport?”

 

Nodding, Khushi hugged him. Tears prickled her eyes. Why was it so hard to say bye to him. She was going to be back with him very soon. Arnav sensed her tears and pulled her away and wiped her tears away.

 

“Hey, it’s only for a couple of days, and then we’ll be back together. And I’ll call you and text you.”

“I don’t even know why I’m feeling so emotional.”

“I have that affect on women.”

 

Laughing, Khushi playfully hit him and Arnav pulled her back into himself. Lifting her chin, he moved into kiss her. Khushi rose up on her tip toes, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips between his. The kiss wasn’t exactly heavy, but nor was it light. It was the kiss of two lovers who didn’t want to part so soon, yet knew they had to for now. But the prospect of tomorrow was there, shining bright only a little distance away from them.

 

“Come back soon okay?”

“I will do.”

 

Arnav grabbed his bags, made sure he had everything with him and took his leave.

 

“I love you Khushi.”

“I love you too Arnav.”

“Come back soon.”

“I will, I promise.”

 

Arnav left and soon couldn’t come soon enough.

Fifty Shades of Raizada ~ Part 19

“Arnav stop.”

 

Pushing him away from herself, Khushi got to her feet and sorted the straps of her dress out.

It had been 2 months since they’d found each other again and things were going well. Arnav had said that he cared about her enough to give up his previous ways, that he was ready to try and have a relationship with her that she approved of. He was letting her lead the way and Khushi had told Arnav that she wanted to get to know him properly and that she wanted him to get to know her properly. This meant that they went out on date nights like normal couples. They went to restaurants and cinemas, spent time together in public places instead of being locked away. Khushi was happy with the way things were going. She’d gotten to know about the little things that Arnav liked and disliked and she was happy that he too was taking an interest in finding out little things about her too.

Arnav on the other hand wasn’t as happy as Khushi. He was happy that he had Khushi back in his life, but he was deprived. He hadn’t gone so long without utilising the playroom. And Khushi was refraining from any kind of sexual relations until they really got things sorted. Maybe if they were getting intimate then he wouldn’t be so frustrated. But again, he didn’t want to complain, he was just glad that he had Khushi back in his life.

 

“Khushi can’t we…”

“No. We can’t. I know you’re finding this hard, but Arnav, you respecting my wishes just shows me that you really do care for me and you really do want to make this work.”

 

Getting off the bed, he walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I’d do anything for you. Hell, I’m already doing so much more than I’d ever thought I’d do for a woman. I can’t believe I’m actually going to these therapy sessions for you.”

 

Placing a light kiss on his cheek, Khushi smiled.

 

“You doing all this is showing me how much you actually want me. I know now that I really do mean more to you than just you wanting me to be your submissive.”

 

Wrapping his arm around her, Arnav placed a kiss on Khushi’s forehead. It was hard, completely changing his lifestyle for her, but gradually he could feel himself changing.
Before, if he wasn’t using the playroom at least once every week, he’d be in a horrid mood for the rest of the week. Now, he hadn’t used the room in over 7 months and he wasn’t craving it the way he used to. He was craving Khushi, not the room and what he did in the room. If Khushi would just let him have sex with her now, he would be content. He didn’t feel like he needed to room any more for pleasure.

Arnav had also started going to therapy sessions. Khushi had insisted that they would do him good, that they would help him to resolve issues that he had within himself. He had been reluctant at first, had refused, but under duress he went to the first one. He had found it helpful to talk to someone who understand what he had gone through and who understood what he was going through. The sessions were helping him more than he would like to admit, but he was glad that Khushi was making him go to them.

 

*****

 

Pulling up in front of Khushi and Lavanya’s apartment, Arnav took his key out of the ignition.

 

“So… I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me to see Di and everyone else at Shantivan tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry it’s last minute, Di only called me last night and forgot to tell you earlier.”

“What time tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow evening.”

“Okay.”

 

Leaning over, Arnav pressed a kiss onto Khushi cheek before moving back. But Khushi caught him by the sleeve and moved her face closer to his.

 

“Just a kiss on the cheek? Mr Raizada, I think you’re losing your touch.”

 

Moving into him, Khushi pressed her lips between his and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Arnav placed his hands on Khushi’s waist, bringing her closer to himself. So close that her breasts brushed against his chest.

Lips parted, they let their tongues meet, caressing each other’s. Arnav’s hands moved up to her neck and then down again over her breasts.

Arnav shifted in his seat to get closer to Khushi, but his elbow hit the horn of the car. The loud sound of the horn made them jerk apart and look around. Laughing at what just happened, Khushi loved back slightly while Arnav ran his hand down her cheek before sighing and moving away.

 

“I’ll come and pick you up tomorrow evening.”

 

Placing a quick kiss on his cheek before she left the the car, Khushi nodded, signifying that she would be ready for him to pick her up.

Once out of the car, Khushi stood on the sidewalk and watched Arnav pull off. Turning around, she made her way up to her apartment.

As soon as Khushi opened the door, she was faced by Lavanya who stood there with her arms folded across her chest.

 

“Hi.”

“Do you hi me Khushi. What the hell is going on?”

“What do you mean? Nothing is going on!”

“Khushi, don’t you dare lie to me. You’re seeing Arnav again.”

“You knew I was seeing him again?”

“I knew that you were meeting with him, I didn’t realise you were in a relationship with him again. And I guess I wouldn’t have found out if you weren’t being idiots and fooling around in the front of the car. Which by the way is the stupidest thing ever. Didn’t anyone ever teach either of you that you don’t fool around in the front of the car, you take it to the backseat.”

“We weren’t fooling around, we just kissed and then the stupid horn went off.”

“But why are you kissing him at all?”

“La…”

 

Brushing past Lavanya, Khushi entered the main living space, put her bag down and then made her way into the kitchen to find some food. La followed her.

 

“Khushi, I don’t know what went down between you two before that made you break up, but those 6 months were killer. I’ve known you for so long, but seeing you those 6 months almost killed me.”

“Then you know that being with him matters to me.”

“I get that! I really do! But that night when you came home after the break up, you were broken beyond anything Khushi.”

“I know, I was… But… I don’t know how to explain it… I love him La, I really do. Initially, I probably shouldn’t have loved him, but now, over the last 2 months, he’s changed so much for me. For me La! For little me!”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I don’t think I will get hurt. And if he does hurt me again, I give you full permission to go and cut him up like you threatened to do the first time.”

 

Pouring herself a glass of orange juice, Khushi took a sip.

 

“Are you sleeping with him again?”

 

Spitting out the sip of juice that she’d just taken, Khushi looked at La with wide eyes.

 

“What the hell?”

“It’s a genuine question, are you sleeping with him again?”

“You can’t ask me that, that’s personal.”

“Oh please Khushi. When has anything been a secret between us. Just tell me.”

“Laaaaa…”

“Khushi! Just answer the question.”

“No, I’m not. We haven’t… Not since we’ve got back together, we haven’t.”

“Keep it that way. Until you know for definite that things are going to work out for the long run.”

“Okay baba, I won’t get intimate with him like that until things are 100% going the right way? Happy now? Can we end this super awkward conversation?”

 

Satisfied with the answer that she had received from Khushi, Lavanya nodded and went back into the living room. Lavanya had always been much more open about her sex life, but Khushi found it slightly awkward and didn’t like answering questions like that. But she knew Lavanya cared about her, hence why she was questioning her like that. She couldn’t help but feel grateful for her friend, who always had her back, no matter what.

Picking up her food, Khushi too went into the living room and sat down beside Lavanya, who was watching tv.

 

“Is NK going to come round tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know, maybe? Why?”

“Arnav invited me to Shantivan. I wanted to make sure that you’ll have company, otherwise I won’t go.”

“We don’t have plans but I’ll ask him. It’s all this wedding prep, he’s always so busy doing one thing or other. This is why I just wanted to elope.”

 

Laughing, Khushi shook her head. As long as she had known Lavanya, La had always said that when she got married, she didn’t want a big ceremony with lots of rituals. That she’d happily just elope. But now the time had come, to Lavanya’s distaste, NK was one of those people who did want a big wedding with lots of rituals. Khushi was totally convinced that if Lavanya wasn’t completely in love with NK, then she would have called the wedding off entirely.

 

“I can’t believe you’re getting married soon. I always thought I would get married before you.”

“I honestly thought the same Khushi, but looks like life played a different game with us.”

 

When Lavanya and NK had told Khushi that they were going to get married, Khushi had been ecstatic. She was so happy that her friends had found love and that they were ready to spend the rest of their lives together.

Of course, behind the scenes Khushi had felt very disheartened. This was due to the fact that her best friend was going to get married and was going to leave her, and she would remain here on her own, no sign of any change in the future. But now she felt a lot happier. La was going to get married to the man of her dreams, and Khushi had Arnav back. Arnav who was willing to change himself so that they could stay together. Maybe things were going to work out.

 

*****

 

“Khushi! It’s so good to see you again!”

 

Anjali threw her arms around Khushi and pulled her into a big hug. During their relationship, she had only come back to the Raizada house twice with Arnav and after they broke up she had lost touch with them completely. But right now, it felt so good to be back again.

 

“I’m so glad you and Chote worked things out, I really think you are perfect for Chote and our family.”

 

Blushing, Khushi looked between Arnav and Anjali before looking down.

 

“All love for Khushi, what about me Di? If you’re like this before I’ve even married her, what are you doing to be like after marriage?”

 

Arnav’s words made her look up. Marriage. He was talking about marriage as though it was something that was round the corner, something that he had actually been thinking about. He was speaking about it so casually, so comfortable. Surely he hadn’t… But maybe… Maybe he had?

 

“Di, where’s Nani? I need to talk to her about something.”

“She’s in her room. Both of you go up to see her and then Khushi come back down! There’s something I want to show you!”

 

Nodding, Khushi followed Arnav up to his Nani’s room.

 

*****

 

Anjali and Payal were showing Khushi lots of different colour samples for the living room when Arnav and Nani came downstairs.

 

“Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Arnav.

 

“What’s the matter Chote?”

 

Sweeping his gaze of Khushi and the Raizada’s, Arnav braced himself for what he was about to say.

 

“As you all know, for the longest time, I didn’t believe in the institution of marriage. Hell, I didn’t even believe in love. I didn’t believe that love actually existed. But since meeting Khushi… My life has changed in more ways than one. You all have noticed it, and I will confirm it, Khushi has changed me. For better, or for worse, she’s changed me completely.

I’m not going to hide the truth from you guys because you all know anyway, but me and Khushi did break up. I messed up, fucked up on a major scale and I hurt Khushi in a way I can’t believe I hurt her. But despite all that, she’s here, with me, willing to give me another chance and I don’t want to let her go. So…”

 

Arnav walked over to Khushi, took her by the hand and made her get up from the sofa, before he dipped down onto one knee himself. Khushi’s eyes widened as she looked down at him, and Anjali and Payal both gasped, realising what was happening.

 

“Khushi Kumari Gupta, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife. I know I’m not perfect and I know I have a long way to go before I become the perfect man for you, but I promise you… I promise I will become that man. So will you? Will you marry me?”

 

Hand over her mouth and tears falling from her eyes, Khushi couldn’t believe this was happening. Arnav pulling out a ring box from his pocket and opened it up, revealing a yellow gold ring with a blue diamond in it.

This was a dream! Surely it was a dream! Arnav wasn’t actually on his knee in front of her. He couldn’t be! This wasn’t her Arnav, not the Arnav she knew.

 

“Will you marry me baby?”

 

Tears fell from her eyes thick and fast. She felt choked up due to emotions and couldn’t form any words, so simply nodded.

 

“Y… Ye… I… I… Yes… I will…”

 

Getting off his knee, Arnav slipped the ring onto Khushi’s finger before pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head.

The Raizada’s all got to their feet and clapped and cheered for the newly engaged couple.

Pulling apart, Khushi looked at the ring on her finger. It was definitely not a new design ring, but it was a classic and she loved it.

 

“Chote, isn’t that Mama’s engagement ring?”

“Haan Di, it is. Nani had it and I wanted to ask Nani if I could give it to Khushi.”

 

Gasping, Khushi looked at the ring on her finger. It had been Arnav’s mother’s. No wonder it was such a classic piece.

Nani came over to Khushi and Khushi took Nani’s blessings.

 

“God bless you my child. When Chote called me last night to ask if he could give you his Ma’a engagement ring, I was overjoyed. My daughter had always said that she would give her daughter in law her engagement ring. She may not be here herself to give you this ring, but Khushi, I am sure she is watching from above, more than happy that Chote has picked you to be his bride. This isn’t just your late mother in laws ring Khushi, this is her blessing to you.”

“It’s beautiful. I love it!”

“You know Bitya, Chote has already spoken to your parents as well. He’s had me speak to them as well.”

 

Turning her attention to Arnav, Khushi raised her eyebrow.

 

“He wants to do things properly, he wanted everyone’s permission and blessings before he asked you himself. After your parents said yes to both me and him, and after I said yes, we didn’t see any point waiting before he asked you.”

 

Turning her attention back to Arnav, Khushi walked towards him.

 

“I can’t believe…”

“You wanted me to prove that I was committed to you, that I really did love you and care for you. It took some soul searching, but ultimately, I realised that I cared for you in a way I have never cared for anyone. I care for my family in one way, but the way I feel about you… It’s completely different. It’s so much more intense and I think that’s love.”

“This is actually happening? Is this actually happening?”

 

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Arnav placed a light kiss on Khushi’s lips.

 

“It really is baby, it really is.”

Fifty Shades of Raizada ~ Part 18

Six months had passed since Khushi had left Arnav and there hadn’t been a single day when she hadn’t missed him. One could question why she missed him so when they barely shared a relationship outside of the playroom, but Khushi had fallen in love with him. There was something about him that drew her to him like a moth to a flame. But Khushi knew that if a moth got too close to the flame then the moth would burn. And she’d been burnt by Arnav. She couldn’t go back to him after that.

In these six months, Khushi had used all her time and energy to try and establish herself. She was making use of her degree and had gotten a job at a publishing firm. She was enjoying her work, it kept her busy and her mind off Arnav. But when she came home to Lavanya and NK, cuddled up together on the sofa, she couldn’t help but wish that she had that too. It was at times like that that she missed Arnav the most.

But Khushi knew that she and Arnav couldn’t be together and she couldn’t stay with him. She’d only end up hurt and more alone.

 

*****

 

“La, I might be home late tonight, so don’t worry about food for me. I’ll have something at work.”

“Khush, you work too hard. This is going to be the third night this week you’re going to come home late. And it’s only Thursday! Are you sure you’re working late or have you met someone but just aren’t telling me about it.”

“You know I’m not looking for a relationship.”

“I know but…”

“I’m focusing on me and work. Like you should too sometimes!”

 

La rolled her eyes and left Khushi to carry on getting ready. She knew something had gone down between Arnav and Khushi, but Khushi never said what happened. She just knew that when it ended, Khushi was completely broken, but she was adamant that she wouldn’t get back together with Arnav. La didn’t know what happened, but she knew it changed Khushi on a completely different level, and she wasn’t sure how much she actually liked the new Khushi.

 

*****

 

As Khushi got into work, she was greeted by all her colleagues. In the short time that Khushi had been at the firm, she had managed to make herself a lot of new friends and a lot of people who respected her.

 

“Good morning Khushi. Sir has said that he’s emailed you everything you need to know about the new project that you are meant to be working on. He said you have until tomorrow to get the first draft sorted.”

 

Nodding, Khushi left and made her way over to her little desk. She was happy here. She was in control of her own life and she was free to do things as she wanted.

Just as she was about to start working a text message came through. For a moment, her heart almost leapt out of her chest, for some reason she was under the impression it was Arnav, but looked at her phone to find it was only La.

Annoyed at herself for wanting it to be him, Khushi pushed her phone away and began working.

Arnav hadn’t bothered trying to call or text her after she left that day. He hadn’t attempted once to try and take her back. The doors of the lift had closed between them and that was it. They were done. Some part of her had wished he would reach out to her, but he hadn’t. Evidently he hadn’t felt as strongly about her as she had him.
Shaking the thoughts of Arnav away, Khushi began working.

 

*****

 

It was nearing 9 pm when Khushi finally submitted her work and started packing her things away. She was exhausted but glad that she’d got all her work done.

Putting her things into her bag, Khushi got to her feet. Everyone else has already gone, only she remained and her boss who was busy working away in his office. Saying goodbye to the security guard, Khushi clocked out and left, making her way down to the bus stop. It was already dark out, but it didn’t really bother Khushi, she was used to leaving in the dark and walking down to the bus stop on her own. And it was only a 10 minutes walk from her office so she didn’t mind.

She was only about two minutes away from the bus stop when she felt a hand close around her shoulder. Turning around, she was met with a tall man with eyes as dark as the night looking down at her.

 

“Where you off to?”

“Bus stop.”

 

Shrugging away from his grasp, Khushi turned away and carried on walking to the bus stop.

 

“Hey hey, wait up.”

“Leave me alone please.”

“Listen, let me drop you off.”

“No thank you.”

 

Once again, she turned away, and tried to hurry away but the man grabbed hold of her hand.

 

“Stop walking away and listen to me.”

“Please just let me go!”

 

His hand around her wrist tightened and he began trying to pull her away in the opposite direction.

 

“Please, please let me go!”

 

Tears rolled down Khushi’s checks as she tried to pull herself away from the man. She prayed to god to send her a guardian angel, to send anyone to help her.

Before she could even finish her prayer, the mans hand was pulled away from hers and the he was on the floor.

 

“The woman has been asking you to let her go. If she says no, you let her go.”

 

The voice hit her like a tonne of bricks. She recognised that voice better than she would be able to recognise her own. Looking up at the person who saved her, Khushi was shocked to find Arnav staring at her intently.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Nodding, Khushi couldn’t understand what had just happened. Where had Arnav come from all of a sudden? Arnav put his hand out and Khushi took it tentatively. Not because she wanted to touch him, but because there was a sense of calmness that came with holding onto him.

 

“Can I take you back to my apartment so you can relax a bit or would you just like me to take you home?”

 

Khushi’s hand in Arnav’s tightened. She wanted to go home with him, talk to him, but she couldn’t forget about the way that they had parted. His punishment…

 

“Take me back to my place please.”

 

Wrapping an arm around her, Arnav led Khushi over to his car which he had parked haphazardly on the sidewalk. Helping Khushi into the car, he then went over and took his own seat.

Putting the car into gear, they were off. Khushi looked around the car and instantly memories of what they had done here before came back to her. She remembered that time they’d got intimate in the back of the car and she couldn’t help but blush. Things had been so different then. What they had shared at that point of time had been passionate. It hadn’t been weird and laden with rules. It had been just them, sharing their feelings for each other, letting go after holding back for so long.

 

“How did you… How did you find me?”

“I…”

 

Arnav stopped and Khushi watched. It looked as though he was racking his brains, trying to work out what he should say. Finally, he exhaled and began talking.

 

“I’ve been… I’ve been following you. Ever since you left me. Just to make sure that you were okay.”

“You’ve been what?!”

“Don’t be angry. I just wanted to make sure that you were safe and that you were doing okay.”

“You’ve been stalking me?!”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Why couldn’t you just call me and ask how I was like a normal person.”

“I didn’t know if you’d speak to me, but I needed to make sure that you were okay.”

 

Shaking her head, Khushi looked out of the window. Who did he think he was and why did he think it was acceptable to stalk her?

 

“Khushi don’t get angry.”

“Do you expect me to just be cool with the fact that you’ve been following me around like a creepy stalker? What the hell Arnav.”

“I care for you okay! That’s why I did what I did! Why can’t you understand that? I wasn’t going to jump you when you were least expecting me, I was just keeping an eye out for you.”

“You don’t need to, I’m no one to you.”

“You know you mean a lot to me.”

“Do I really? Is that why you punished me for wanting out? If you cared about me you wouldn’t have hurt me like that.”

 

Finding a safe place to stop, Arnav pulled up.

 

“I’m sorry for how things ended. I… I’ve missed you so much Khushi. The moment the doors shut behind you, I wanted to go after you, take you into my arms and kiss you…”

“Really Arnav? You wanted to take me into your arms and kiss me? Can I remind you that during the duration of our relationship, the only time you held me and kissed me was in that stupid room of yours.”

“And it was then that I realised how much you meant to me. Normally, I let women go, I don’t want to be with them any more. But you, you left me and I still wanted you. I was with you for so long and I still wanted you. That’s how I know you’re different.”

“You just hadn’t got bored of me yet. It doesn’t mean anything. If I had stayed, you probably would gave got bored of me soon after and would have chucked me out any way. The only reason you’re still hung up about this is because I chose to leave you.”

“It does mean something Khushi! And no I’m not still feeling like this because you left me, I’m feeling like this because I care about you.”

 

Shaking her head, she looked away.

 

“Please just take me home.”

“I want you back.”

“But I don’t want to be with you Arnav! Just let me go, forget about me.”

“I can’t! You don’t get it. I’ve never cared about another woman. I care about you!”

“You keep saying that, but I’ve never felt cared by you. As for you following me around, I know you need control. How do I know you weren’t just following me around because you weren’t ready to see me with anyone else?”

 

Slamming his fist against the steering wheel, Arnav knew that he was running out of chances. If he didn’t say something that made her believe him, then he may lose her completely and he wasn’t about to accept that.

 

“I know I care about you Khushi. I don’t know if it’s love, but I know I care. Give me one chance, just one, to search these feelings.”

“I can’t…”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to get hurt while helping you find your feelings. I can’t put myself through that.”

“Please.”

“I just can’t…”

 

She seemed adamant that her answer was no. That she wasn’t about to go back.

 

“Khushi, please. No playroom, no dominating, no punishments. Just me and you, and you’ll lead the way while I find me feet.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to have a normal relationship. One without your room.”

“I have never tried it, but I want to prove to you that I care about you. And if I need to give that part of me up, then I am willing to do it. I want you Khushi, I need you. Please let me try and fix this between us.”

 

She felt so overwhelmed. She hadn’t expected this, hadn’t expected Arnav to be willing to walk away from his world for her sake. That’s what she wanted, what she had hoped for, but she had lost hope of it ever happening.

Khushi wanted to say yes, this is what she wanted, a chance at a normal relationship with Arnav, but she didn’t know if he could do it.

 

“I don’t know…”

“How about I let you think about it for a while? And when you’ve made a decision you’ll let me know?”

 

This sounded like a good idea. She wanted this, god knew how much she did, but… Could he really change? Could he really walk away from a part of his life that helped make him who he is? Had she unknowingly actually changed him that he was ready to leave everything behind and start a new type of life with her?

 

“I will think about it. But I need you to think about something too.”

“Anything.”

“I want you to really think about us. If I agree to this, I want long term, I want forever. Arnav… I will think about this, but I need you to think too. Do you really want me for me, do you really care about me because I’m important to you? I need you to think about all these things. Because if you don’t think that you care for me, or that I am really, really important to you, then you’ll never be able to give me what I want. And if you can’t give me what I want then there’s no point us wasting our time.”

“I will. I will think about everything. I promise. Thank you Khushi! Thank you so much.”

 

Taking her hand into his, he pressed a kiss against her knuckles before pulling away and getting the car back into gear. The mood within the car lightened slightly and both Arnav and Khushi felt hopeful. Maybe there was a future for them after all?