Unwanted ~ Part 39

Khushi

After our failed attempt of spending the night together, though we’d said we’d try again soon, we hadn’t. Life kept getting in the way and we just hadn’t had the opportunity to try again.
Arushi had gotten the flu so I didn’t want to leave her at home, and I really didn’t want to take her with me to Arnav’s the first night we slept together again. Perhaps one would say I was a bad mother for wanting to leave my daughter, just so I could go and sleep with my husband, but I knew if Arushi was in the house the first time we did it again, I wouldn’t be able to give Arnav the full attention he deserved. So we wait.

Three weeks passed and after waiting for so long, we had made plans to finally spend the night together. In this time, I had decided to go back onto birth control and it also gave me time to mentally prepare myself to start engaging in a physical relationship with Arnav again.

It felt so weird when I thought about it. It felt like I was preparing myself for the first time, like this hadn’t happened between us before. But the experience was still exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted our first night to be perfect…

 

*****

 

When I got to his house, the first thing I noticed was the beautifully set table.

 

“What’s all this?”

“Some good food for my lady.”

“One could get used to this Arnav, your cooking is becoming a habit for me now.”

“Let it, if you want, I’ll keep cooking for you for the rest of our lives.”

“Arnav…”

“Please, take a seat.”

 

Nodding, I sat down and I waited as Arnav too sat down. Once he was seated, I served us both the food and we began eating, making small talk as we dined.

 

*****

 

After dinner, it was time for dessert. We gave ourselves a little bit of time to recover from the food we had eaten, but we both knew what it was that we really wanted tonight. When we were both ready, he took my hand as he led me to the bedroom before pushing me onto the bed. He came over me, his hand on my waist while his lips found mine.

His hands ran over my body and I wrapped my legs around his waist, bringing him into myself.

Realistically we knew that we should be taking this slowly, giving ourselves time to familiarise ourselves with each other again. But it had been so long, we’d been waiting so long that taking it slow was out of the question. We just wanted to go for it, to come together once again.

As his hands brushed over my naked skin, I felt myself shiver with anticipation. I wanted this, he wanted this… We needed this.

Moving off me, he pulled me up as he proceeded to undress me and I did the same. Hand on my cheek, he closed the distance between us again, his lips on mine, his tongue between my lips, pushing them apart. Locking his hand in mine, he lowered me back into the bed, as he moved over me…

 

*****

 

As I awoke the next morning, I felt super sore. I hadn’t thought that it would hurt quite as much as it did, but it felt like losing my virginity all over again. We should’ve gone slowly, but there was a sense of urgency between the both of us. It had been so long and taking it slow just wasn’t in the question, we just wanted to go for it.

But regardless of that, last night had been amazing. To be with him again, to be one with him again…

When I’d left home I thought I’d have all this back one day, but as time went on, I slowly had lost hope. But now…. Smiling to myself, I pulled the covers tightly around myself as rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. Damn. We were actually together again!

Lost in my own little world, I didn’t even realise when Arnav came back into the room. He came in and sat down beside me. Pulling the covers around myself, I sat up and gave him a peck on the cheek.

 

“Morning.”

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“I had the best nights sleep. I didn’t even realise when you got up.”

 

He gave me a cheeky wink.

 

“I did call you when I woke up but you were so tired out, you didn’t even move.”

“Wow really?”

“Yup, any way, seeing as your up, I’ve made you breakfast.”

 

I hadn’t even realised he’d brought food with him but he had. Reaching over, he picked up the tray he’d brought with him and held it for me as I sat properly.

 

“Pancakes!”

“Just the way you like them, with extra maple syrup!”

 

I ignored him as he smirked.

He remembered. He remembered that I used to love having pancakes made by him the morning after we had sex. I didn’t know why, but I just liked it. I used to find I used to crave pancakes after sex. Though I hadn’t felt it as much today, having the pancakes in front of me made me realise how much I wanted them.

I tucked into my food and he leaned against the headboard and smiled at me.

 

“Would you like some?”

“Nah, I’ve had my breakfast, you enjoy you’re food and then I want to talk to you about something.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

 

He just shook his head and pointed to the food in front of me. What did he want to talk about? I wanted to know now but I knew he’d never tell me until I finished my food.
Eating my pancakes as fast as I could, I kept a close eye on him, trying to work out what was coming. But I didn’t have the faintest of clues. Shrugging to myself, I finished my food as fast as I could and put the plate down.

 

“I’m ready, what did you want to say?”

 

Turning his attention to me, he took my hands in his own and looked into my eyes.

 

“You know I’m not always the best with word so I’m just going to say what’s in my heart. Khushi, will you and Arushi move in with me?”

 

He took me by surprise completely and it must have been noticeable.

 

“Were you not expecting me to say anything like that?”

“I just… I didn’t think… I don’t know.”

“Well, do you want to?”

 

I paused for a moment as I thought about it. Of course I wanted to move in with Arnav! The way we were living our relationship now, it made me feel as though they were a young couple, still only dating, and who had to plan well in advance before they spent time together. I didn’t want this. I wanted us to have a normal relationship like a normal couple. The answer to his question was a simple one.

 

“Of course!”

 

Letting out the breath he had been holding, Arnav threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

 

“I was terrified that you wouldn’t say yes.”

“Why wouldn’t I say yes? I was thrown, but I’d never say no.”

 

He pulled me into himself again, his lips on mine, his hands locked in mine as he took me down onto the bed again…

 

*****

 

When I got home after leaving Arnav’s, all I could think about was what was I meant to say to Arushi? And how was I supposed to ease her into the idea of moving in with Arnav. But I knew it needed to be done.

After me and Arnav we’re finally satisfied with each other, we sat down and had a mature conversation about me and Arushi moving into his place. We knew we wanted to move in together, because we were still together. And he made it clear that he wanted her to get used to having him around all the time before just throwing her into the deep end when we eventually went back to Delhi.

As I walked into the house, Arushi was already waiting and launched herself at me before I could even put my bag down.

 

“Mama!”

“Hey baby! Did you miss me?”

“Lots and lots and LOTS!”

 

Lifting Arushi into my arms, I carried her over to the living room before sitting her down on the sofa. I asked her how she spent yesterday evening and then what she did this morning. She told me about all of it before asking me about Arnav.

 

“Well your papa has said he will come to see you soon, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about before that.”

 

She raised her little eyebrows the way Arnav does and I couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Your papa was saying that maybe it is time that we went and lived with him. But that’s only if you want to.”

 

For a moment, Arushi didn’t respond. I could tell she was processing the information. After what felt like half a lifetime, she finally replied.

 

“Live in his house?”

“Yes.”

“Both of us?”

“Yes of course!”

 

A wide smile played on her lips before she gave me a big hug.

 

“YES YES YES YES YES!”

“So you want to live with your papa?”

“YES YES YES!”

 

Laughing, I picked my baby up into my arms and held her close to myself. Finally, we were going to be a real family!

 

*****

 

A month had passed since Arushi and I moved into Arnav’s place and everything had been going amazingly. I had worried that it would take Arushi a while to settle in, to really get comfortable, but from the very moment she arrived, she was fine. She was just happy to have Arnav around all the time.

When we first moved in, Arushi didn’t sleep through the night. At 2am or 3am, she would come into mine and Arnav’s room to sleep with us, but she got over this quite quickly.

When we moved in, Arnav had already decorated the spare bedroom, all ready for Arushi. He had said he didn’t want his daughter to come home and feel like a stranger in her own house. We had brought all her stuff from Raj and Veera mausi’s house and put it in, and she had been ecstatic to find all her favourite things plus lots of new things.

When I had told Raj and Veera mausi that we were going to move in with Arnav, they had been upset of course, but they understood. They understood that it was finally time for me and Arushi to go home, to finally make up for all the time that we had lost with our family. So with a heavy heart, they accepted that we were leaving and they have us their blessings for our new start.

Being with Arnav all the time again, it felt strange originally. I felt like it was the first time that me and Arnav were living together. But that initial awkward stage didn’t last long. We were soon able to find our flow again, and everything was going great.

Initially, we had been worried to have sex because we didn’t want Arushi to hear us or to walk in on us, but after about a week, Arushi got accustomed to her new surroundings and she started sleeping peacefully through the nights again. And with her sleeping through the nights, it meant we were able to work on ourselves too.

Everything was going great.

 

*****

 

When Arnav returned home one evening, it was clear to me that he was tense. I asked him what the matter was, but he wouldn’t tell me, he just said that he wanted to wait until Arushi was asleep so that we could talk.

So I put Arushi to bed a little earlier than usual and then came and sat down with Arnav.

 

“What’s the matter, I haven’t seen you this tense in so long, is everything okay?”

 

He was tense and he was confused, that was obvious to me. But what the matter was, only he could tell me. I watched as he took a moment before turning to me.

 

“I need to go back to Delhi. I’d been putting off my return for months, but I can’t do it any more, I need to go back.”

“I understand. Of course! Everything is in Delhi. You’re home, your business, it’s understandable. Why are you so tense?”

“Because I don’t want to leave you and Arushi. And you said only the other day that you weren’t sure if it was time for us to go back.”

 

It made sense, of course. He had asked if we wanted to go back home soon and I had said that I wanted some more time. I had used Arushi as an excuse, but the truth was that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back yet. I didn’t know if I was ready to face my family and if I could deal with his. It had been so long and I… I just didn’t know if I could do it yet. But I could see Arnav’s tension and I knew I couldn’t be selfish any more, I needed to do right by him, instead of making things harder for him.

 

“Let’s do it, lets go back to Delhi. All three of us.”

“Are you sure? Arushi?”

“I think Arushi will be fine now. She has us. She’s comfortable with you and she’s good with new people any way. It may take her a while to fully get used to the change, but I think she will be okay.”

“But what if she isn’t.”

“It may take her time but it will be fine. And if she really struggles, then maybe we can just stay in our own little flat until she is accustomed to everyone at home.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

 

We talked through the plan, of how we could make things work, and after over an hour of discussion, we finally knew what we were going to do and how we were going to do it. It was finally going to happen, we were finally going home….

 

*****

 

Author’s note:

Just a short note to say, I hope this update is okay. This is the first chapter I’ve written for this story in over a year and so I was feeling it’s a bit shaky. Please do leave your comments and I will see you all again soon! 

Unwanted ~ Part 38

Arnav

Was I frustrated? Yes.
Was I starting to get super impatient? Yes.
Did I want to get sexually involved with my wife again? Fuck yes.

Initially, I had always made sure to keep a respectable distance between me and Khushi because I wanted to be able to focus on my relationship with Arushi. But now that things were going well for me and Arushi, I wanted to be able to focus on me and Khushi.

It wasn’t just the physical intimacy that I was craving, it was just being with her, speaking to her in person. She was always busy with work, or just busy being a mum. There had been a number of times when I had tried to make plans, but she wasn’t willing to commit because it meant leaving Arushi.

But tonight she was coming over. After much insistence, she had agreed to coming round to mine for dinner. I had just finish laying the table and was just waiting for the last curry to finish cooking.

Just as the curry finished cooking, the doorbell rang. Taking the food off the cooker and placing it on the table, I went to answer the door. There before me, stood Khushi with a box of jalebis.

 

“Hey, come on in.”

 

I let her in first and then shut the door behind her. With the door shut, she handed me the box of jalebis.

 

“I made these for you just before coming, so they’ll still be nice and crispy.”

“Thank you! I’ve been craving your jalebis for the last 6 years.”

 

She laughed, shaking her head as she made her way into the living room. I watched as she took her coat off and draped it neatly over the armrest of the sofa.

 

“Take a seat and I’ll just finish up with dinner.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“No no, you take a seat.”

 

She nodded, sitting down. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed the last of dinner and put it on the table. Just as I was pouring water into our glasses, Khushi walked into the kitchen.

 

“Something smells amazing!”

“It maybe my lasagna or I could be my curry that I’ve cooked.”

“What kind of curry is it?”

“Its a cauliflower one.”

“Oh that sounds great!”

 

Checking the table, I made sure everything was here and then pulled a chair out for her to sit down.

 

“Dinner is ready my lady.”

 

Smiling, Khushi took her seat and I came and sat down opposite her. Let the sexual tension over fine dining begin.

 

*****

 

We finished dinner quite quickly and Khushi had insisted on helping me with tidying up. Because of that, we had tidied up quickly and now I felt at a bit of a loss. Khushi had already mentioned leaving, but I didn’t want her to go yet. I wanted to spend some time with her alone.

We were now sat on the sofa, drinking some coffee. I’d put the TV on for the sake of it being on. Khushi slowly sipped on her coffee and she sent out a text to Raj to check on Arushi.

 

“Is Arushi okay?”

“She’s fine. She’s gone to sleep and Veera mausi is with her.”

“So you’re okay to stay for a while.”

“Yeah, I can stay a little longer.”

 

She gave me a little smile and then went back to her coffee.

This wasn’t enough, nothing was happening. Somehow we’d run out of topics to talk about and this awkward silence was eating me up. I needed to do something. Something needed to happen. Otherwise this would have been a complete waste of time.

I put my mug down and so did she. I watched as she looked up at the clock and then at me.

 

“Arnav I…”

“I don’t want you to go yet.”

“But…”

 

I scooted closer to her. And then a little more. Enough of this waiting game. What was I waiting for?

 

“Arnav…”

 

Her breathing hitched as I shuffled that little bit closer to her, to the point where there was no longer any space between us. I placed my hand on her knee and I looked into her eyes. I needed to make sure…

She looked straight back at me, her eyes wide with confusion. But she didn’t move.

 

“Arnav…”

 

I moved a little closer to her, my hand moving further up her thigh. I leaned into her and finally her confusion melted away and she gave me a little nervous smile.

 

“I’ve been dying to kiss you.”

 

My sentence came out low and quiet, a whisper almost.

 

“I’m dying for your kiss.”

 

That was all I needed. She wanted this as much as I did, and she wanted it now. I closed my hands around her thigh and moved right in, my lips hovering over hers. Her eyes fluttered shut and then I closed my own. I felt her shudder slightly as our lips met, and her lips felt like they didn’t know quite what to do. But I wasn’t about to break away now.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to myself, pressing my lips further against hers. It took her a moment but she fell into the kiss, her lips easing apart as she started kissing me back. Her arms found their way around my neck and she pulled me further into herself.

I felt my brain start going fuzzy as I started losing myself in the kiss. My hands found her waist and I leaned further into her, making her lean back. I kept going until I was half over her.

We kept kissing, my hand moving along her body, while she ran her hands in my hair. She hooked her leg around my waist, pulling me even closer to herself. I wanted to get closer to her, to touch her, but this angle and this location just wasn’t working, I couldn’t fully get into the mood.

I broke the kiss when we needed air, and then I pulled her up. Getting off the sofa, I scooped her up into my arms.

 

“Arnav…”

“Bedroom.”

 

I waited for her to protest, but she didn’t. Carrying her in my arms, I made my way towards my bedroom. She wrapped her arms around my neck and started kissing my face again.

See at one point I had thought that maybe she didn’t want me as much as I had wanted her, but now, the way she was reacting, it was evident that she had been waiting for this as much as I had.

Once in the bedroom, I put her down onto the bed and then went back to take my shirt off before coming back over her.

I moved her kameez to the side a little, exposing her waist and I placed my hand on her. I felt her shudder slightly before she leaned up to meet my kiss again.

My hands ran all along her body and she did the same. I moved back again and found the edges of her kameez and pulled it off. Her eyes snapped open as she felt me undress her and she sat up, covering her body.

 

“No…”

 

I looked at her, and I could see that she didn’t feel comfortable. Grabbing the blanket at the end of my bed, I draped it around her body. Maybe it was too soon for this, maybe it’d been so long that she just needed some more time.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…

 

I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her.

 

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to, or if you’re not ready, it’s fine. There’s no pressure.”

“It’s not that… I do want to… I’ve missed you so much and I’ve been waiting for this but…”

 

She was tense, I could tell. I wrapped my arm more tightly around her and held her close to myself.

 

“If there’s something bothering you, you can talk to me about it.”

 

She looked down and I waited for her to response. She took a little breath and then looked at me.

 

“I just… I’m not like what I used to be, I’ve changed…”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean my body… It’s nothing like how it was all those years ago. I’m not… I’m not sexy… I don’t look sexy…”

“Hey.”

 

I moved my arm off of her and looked at her. What did she mean she wasn’t sexy? Had she seen herself? How could she think…

 

“I’m fatter and I have stretch marks and I…”

 

I placed my finger on her lips, stopping her from talking.

 

“Khushi, stop. I know you’re not the same as you used to be. I can see the difference but just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you’re any less sexy than you used to be. Khushi, I don’t expect you to be the same! Six and a half years have passed. We’ve gotten olden. Heck, you’ve been pregnant and have given birth to our child. I know the changes that come with that.”

I moved back into her, slowly peeling away the blanket that I had placed around her.
I felt her shiver, but I carried on. I needed to tell her what I thought about her.

I placed my hand on her exposed stomach, tracing my finger along the barely there stretch marks.

 

“These marks… These symbolise the change your body has gone through. They symbolise your journey from a woman to a mother.”

 

I pushed her back slowly, laying her down back onto the bed. I moved over her, my hands on her waist, trailing down to her hips. Maybe I was imagining it, but I’m pretty sure her hips were wider than they used to be, but I wasn’t going to say, just in case I was wrong.

I placed little kisses on her belly before moving back over her, homing in on her breasts.

 

“You’re breasts… I used to think they were perfect before, but now… Bliss, pure heaven. I used to think you were womanly before but now… Fuck Khushi. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Looking at you right now, looking at your breasts… You have no idea how hard it is to keep my control.”

 

She opened her eyes and looked straight into mine.

 

“You really think… You still find me sexy?”

“I find you sexier than ever before.”

 

I watched as a little smile played on her lips before she pulled me back to herself.
I settled myself down between her legs, my hands on her breasts, kneading them gently.

I pulled her off the bed and reached behind her. Unclipping her bra, I carefully took it off her before throwing it over my shoulder. Her breasts fell loose and I felt my control go out the window. Through clothes it was evident that she’d filled out a lot more. Seeing her like this…

I felt myself snap completely. I was on her, a nipple between my lips, my hand on her other breast. She fell further back into the bed, sinking into the mattress as she clutched onto my hair, bringing me closer to herself.

I let my hand trail down her body, letting myself caress her stomach before moving lower.

Her breathing got heavy as I rolled her nipple with my tongue and caressed her over her panties. This was happening. We were happening.

She pulled me up to herself just as I was ready to push a finger into her.
She pulled me towards herself, pressing a kiss onto my lips before breaking away.

 

“Protection.”

“Aren’t you on the…”

“No.”

 

I scooted back a little and hovered over her.

 

“You’re not?”

“No I… I came off the pill after I left home. I mean I went on it for a while after I had Arushi because the doctor said it’d help me regulate again. But I haven’t been on it for ages.”

“Oh… I don’t have any…”

“You don’t?”

“Why would I?”

 

She nodded, understanding what I was saying. I mean really? Why would I have had condoms? Well, technically I probably should have bought some, especially when things started brewing before me and Khushi again, but I hadn’t got any yet.

 

“Maybe we should just go au natural.”

 

Hitting my shoulder playfully, she gathered the blankets around her shoulders and started getting up.

 

“As much as I’d want to, I don’t want anything baby just now. So we’ll wait.”

 

I didn’t want another baby right now either, but I rolled my eyes and pouted for the sake of it any way. I pulled her back to myself and brushed my lips against her.

 

“Next time, we’re going to make it a home run.”

 

Hiding her face in my chest, I felt Khushi’s warm cheeks against my skin and wrapped my arms around her. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace. Finally, finally things were going my way. Finally.

 

Unwanted ~ Part 37

Khushi

It was already 7 and I was fussing. After Arnav had mentioned his plans, I had tried to protest, tell him that it wasn’t going to work, but he was adamant to take me out.
I told him that I wouldn’t be able to leave Arushi, but he spoke to Raj who had said he had no issue looking after Arushi and then putting her to bed.

After stalling for ages, I realised I couldn’t wiggle my way out of it and so agreed to go out with him.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go out with him, it was just… It had been a really long time since we had been alone together and I didn’t know what to expect.

Since we’d met, every time that we had seen each other, we had discussed Arushi and the best way to ease him into her life. We hadn’t had time to focus on ourselves. Now the time had come. He wants us to talk about our relationship. I don’t know if I’m ready to have that conversation just yet.

Pushing my thoughts away, I focused on the task at hand, getting myself dressed. I looked at the little pile of made on my bed and tried to pull myself together. I was going out with my husband. Given, I hadn’t been out with him in years, but I still didn’t need to fuss over clothes this much.

Going back to my wardrobe, I picked out a black lacy kameez and decided this was what would have to do. Getting my myself dressed super quickly, I sat down at my dressing table and picked a few little pieces of jewellery to go with my outfit.

As I was putting my earrings on, there was a little knock on my door. Turning, I saw Raj leaning against the door, smiling at me.

 

“Almost ready?”

“Almost. Do you think I look okay?”

 

I got to my feet so he could see my outfit properly and he gave me a thumbs up.

 

“You look great.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know if I should wear this or the outfit you gifted me last Diwali.”

“Wear this. The dress I gave you isn’t really dinner date friendly, it’s a bit too heavy for that.”

“True.”

 

I turned back and picked my phone up, checking the time. I still had time before I had to leave. Arnav had said he wanted to pick me up, but I didn’t know how I felt about that. So I told him that I would drive myself there. He had been adamant that he wanted to pick me up, but he realised I really didn’t want him to come to collect me. So he agreed to letting me drive myself there.

 

“Khushi, don’t be nervous.”

“How do you know I’m nervous, I’m not nervous.”

 

He walked into my room and moved towards me, smiling at me.

 

“I know you Khushi. And I can tell from your body language that you’re basically freaking out right now.”

 

I took a quick look over Raj’s shoulder and then went over to shut the door.

 

“Okay, yes I am super nervous.”

“Why? You know Arnav and it’s not like you’re seeing him again for the first time.”

“I know all that. It’s just… I don’t know what to expect.”

 

Raj stopped and he nodded. I knew he knew what I meant.

 

“Don’t have any expectations, go in blind and just roll with how things are going.”

 

He had a point. If I had no expectations, I would feel more at ease.

 

“You can talk to Arnav when you meet him about how you want things to go between you guys. That way, you don’t have to be left guessing and he doesn’t have to stress because he doesn’t know what’s going on in your head. Lay it all out for each other and then work from there.”

“This is way you’re my friend! You always know what to say.”

 

I picked my bag and my phone off my bed and I sent Arnav a quick message saying that I was leaving soon.

 

“Have a great night Khushi and don’t worry about Arushi, me and mom have got her.”

“I never worry about Arushi when she’s with you and Mausi. You guys take better care of her than I do.”

 

Raj gave a little laugh before walking out of my room. I followed him out and shut my door. I was just about to go looking for Arushi, when she came running out of Veera Mausi’s bedroom and hugged me.

 

“Where are you going Mama?”

“I told you, I’m going out with your papa.”

“Ohhhh. Will you come back quickly?”

“I’ll try baby. But if I don’t, go to bed when nani tells you.”

“Can you tell papa something?”

“Of course.”

“Tell him he’s the best papa ever!”

 

I kissed the top of her head and smiled. I’d never get over Arushi calling Arnav papa. When they had met and when she wouldn’t call him papa, it did worry me a little. But now, since yesterday, it was just papa, papa, papa! I think Raj was taken aback a bit that Arushi had started calling Arnav papa, but he didn’t say anything, nor did he show anything. But I understood how he must have been feeling. After years and years of being Arushi’s papa, to suddenly not be her papa must be weird.

 

“Khushi, you’re going to start running late.”

 

Looking at my watch, I realised he was right. Giving Arushi one more hug and waving buy to Raj, I was ready to go. Date night with my husband after almost 6 and a half years… This was going to be interesting.

 

*****

 

When I got to the restaurant, Arnav was already waiting for me at the reception. As I approached him, he walked towards me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing a light kiss on my cheek. His lips were soft and warm, like they had been all those years ago.

 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“Reservation for Mr and Mrs Raizada?”

 

The waiter nodded and led us to our table. Arnav’s arm didn’t move off of my waist and I was glad he didn’t. I felt like a teenager, going out for the first time with my crush. I felt so lightheaded, I was sure I’d pass out.

When we got to our table, Arnav took his arm away from my waist but took my hand instead and he pulled a chair out for me. I sat down and then he went across and sat down too.

It felt a little awkward and I didn’t know what to say. Looking at him, I could tell he was feeling the same way.

 

“So Arushi told me to tell you you’re the best papa ever.”

“Did she really?”

“Yeah. She talks about you all the time any way, but since yesterday she’s been completely different. It’s like she’s in awe of you. What did you guys do yesterday?”

 

I watched as he smiled.

 

“Father daughter business. Mom doesn’t need to know what we got up to.”

 

I feigned annoyance and crossed my arms.

 

“Oh nice! Now you’re both keeping secrets from me.”

 

He laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh too. I was so glad that they were getting on, that they were really bonding. I uncrossed my arms and I placed my hand on the table. Arnav put his hand on top of mine.

 

“Khushi, I don’t want to sound like an absolute imbecile, but can we not talk about Arushi this evening. I feel like every time we’ve been meeting recently, or every time we speak on the phone, it’s always about Arushi. And as much as I love speaking about our daughter, I want to take some time for us to talk about us.”

 

I nodded. His request was one that made sense. Since that first day when we met again, we hadn’t really taken any time to talk about ourselves or what we want. And as great as it was to finally be able to talk to him about our daughter, I also wanted to talk to him about him, and about us.

 

“How’s everyone at home?”

“They’re good, I spoke to Di and jijaji just before I came out. They all want me to go home.”

 

Home… We hadn’t really discussed what would happen next, what would happen when he went back to Delhi. I mean, he’d mentioned taking us home, but we hadn’t had a serious conversation about it. Arnav was meant to have gone back ages ago, but he had stayed after meeting me and Arushi. But he was needed in Delhi, and I didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to stay here for.

 

“So have you decided when you’re going to go back?”

“As of right now, I don’t have any plans to go back yet, but I’ve been getting calls from Akash and Aman saying I need to start getting back. Important projects and stuff and being lined up and they can’t really go ahead without me.”

“So you’re probably going to have to leave soon?”

 

He looked at me and smiled and squeezed my hand. Maybe he could tell that I was concerned about him leaving.

 

“When I go back, I’m taking you and our baby back with me. So whether I go back next week or next year, you’re both coming with me. I’m not leaving you. No way in hell is that happening.”

 

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back yet but before I could say anything. The waiter arrived with the menus and we took them. Arnav opened his up first and had a look down the list. I opened mine up too and had a look.
Maybe he could tell I was unsure of what to order mix or maybe he wanted to move our attention from going home, but he recommended a bunch of dishes.

 

“Wow that’s a lot of dishes that you’ve tried. Have you been here a lot? Lots of hot dates?”

 

I raised my eyebrow and he looked back at me, his own eyebrow raised.

 

“The last time I went on a hot date, it was near enough six and a half years ago. And I must say, it was a super hot date.”

 

I bit my lip a little and looked down, blushing. He was right, it was a hot date. A super hot date. He’d been busy with work the entire week and I guess we’d both been getting a little frustrated that we weren’t able to spend any time together. This was just before all of the Nimisha stuff happened. He took us out one night so we could spend some time together.

Long story short, we never made it to the cinema or to dinner. We found a secluded road, parked under a tree, and then made our way into the backseat of his car.

He smiled at me knowingly, he knew what I was thinking about.

 

“You should pick what you want to eat.”

 

I looked down the menu, reading what everything was and then took his options into consideration too.

When I finally decided on what I wanted, I told Arnav and he relayed it to the waiter when he came back round.

With our orders placed we settled back down as we waited for our food.

 

“So you may have to start going back soon?”

“Yes, but I’m going to try putting it off for as long as I can. I don’t want to have to leave you and Arushi behind and I know you’re not ready to go back yet.”

“But if you need to go…”

“I’m not going to leave without you and our baby. Work can wait.”

 

I couldn’t help but smile. We mattered to him, and he wanted us in his life.

 

“Have you mentioned to anyone that you found me?”

“No. You told me you didn’t want me to…”

“No I don’t. I was just asking.”

“I see. I haven’t. I want to surprise everyone when I take you and Arushi home.”

 

We carried on talking for a while. About everyone at home. He showed me pictures from Payal and Akash’s wedding. He showed me pictures of the kids and it hit me how he didn’t have any pictures Of Nimisha and Pari. I mean I know he doesn’t see them as his family, but it also helped me to see just how incomplete his life had been for all these years. I had thought he was having a great life with Nimi, but it turns out…

 

“I was thinking the other day Khushi, you know, after I had lunch with Raj. It’s going to be really hard for him when you and Arushi leave.”

 

I looked down at the food which had arrived a few minutes before and I pushed it around my plate a little. Arnav was right, and it was something I had thought about myself as well.
I knew it was going to be hard for Raj. Heck, it was going to be hard for me and Arushi as well. For years, Veera mausi and Raj were our family. They were all we had. And now…

 

“Khushi… I was thinking, maybe we need to start thinking about you and Arushi moving in with me.”

 

I almost chocked on my food. I wasn’t expecting him to say something like that. We hadn’t even spoken about moving in together. We had spoken about going back to Delhi at some point, but we hadn’t spoken about moving in together while we were here.

 

“I just think, if we move in together, it would give Arushi more time to get accustomed to having me around. And this way, we’ll be able to spend even more time together. If we just go to Delhi together, it maybe too much for Arushi at one time. If we just go back home, then Arushi would have to get used to living with me full time, but also the whole family. It may be a bit overwhelming. And when we get back to Delhi, I won’t be able to spend much time with her because of work.”

He had a point and I understood what he was saying. But moving in with him? It’s not that I didn’t want to move in with Arnav, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet.

 

“I don’t know…”
“There’s no rush, nor is there any pressure, but I think it would be helpful for Arushi. And well…”

 

He reached out for me again and placed his hand on top of mine, stroking my skin with his thumb.

 

“I want to be able to spend more time with you as well. Really get our relationship back on track you know.”

 

I did know and I wanted that too. But for some reason the idea of moving in together was giving me palpitations. And not good ones either.

 

“I want to… But I think I just need some time.”

 

He nodded and he smiled. He understood, and that’s all that mattered. He understood and he respected me need for time. What more could I ask for?

 

*****

 

Dinner was done and we were making our way back to our cars. We found his car first and we’re saying goodbye when he placed his hands on my waist and stepped closer to me.

 

“Arnav…”

 

He pushed me back against the car, his hands still on my waist.

 

“I’ve been dying to kiss you. It’s been over six years since I last felt you lips on mine.”

 

I felt myself flush as I looked down. I’d been dying to kiss him too. His hold on my waist tightened as his eyes fluttered shut. I slowly closed mine too as I anticipated what was to come. I felt his breath on my face and I felt my breathing stop altogether. I hadn’t been this close to him in so long and it made me realise just how much I wanted to be close to him.

I felt his lips brush against mine ever so slightly but the sound of a car beeping caused us to jump apart. He was still holding me close when we opened our eyes and looked around us.

He slowly took his hands off me and I couldn’t help but feel slightly disheartened. I wanted to kiss him, but the moment was gone now.
Slowly Arnav took his hands off my waist and smiled.

 

“I guess I should let you get home.”

“Yeah… I should get home.”

 

He nodded and then hugged me quickly before saying goodbye and getting into his car.

I made my way over to my car and I watched as he pulled away. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to him. I didn’t want to have to go to a house where he wasn’t there. Maybe I was ready to move in with him? Maybe it’s the step I need to take… Maybe…

 

*****

 

I watched as Arnav pushed Arushi on the swings and I sat and smiled. They both were laughing and enjoying themselves.

It had been a few days since me and Arnav had been out for dinner. We hadn’t really spoken again about going home or moving in together, but we had spoken. We’d spoken about ourselves and our daughter. And late at night, when neither of us could sleep, we’d have very adult conversations about how we wanted to be together. About what we wanted to do together.

The first time we’d spoken like that on the phone or through text, I had felt slightly awkward. It hadn’t felt natural, I had felt it was slightly forced from my side, like I had to respond with something sexy.

But now, it came naturally. Because I really did want to be with him. Because I really did want to touch him.

Just thinking about it all now made me want him so much more, but I didn’t know when we’d be able to do all the things we wanted to. It was like the opportunity just wasn’t coming. But I was willing to wait. I didn’t mind having to wait. Because once the opportunity did come, and once it happened, I knew it would all be worth waiting for.

I brought myself out of my thoughts and I turned my attention back to my husband and my daughter who were having the time of their lives. Sometimes it feels a little weird watching them together. I had never thought Arnav would make such a good father. For some reason, I had always been under the impression he’d be the awkward dad type. But he wasn’t. He was a natural dad, and I couldn’t help but fall further in love with him…

 

Unwanted ~ Part 36

Arnav

Straightening out my tie, I looked at myself in the mirror. And then I decided to ditch the tie. I wanted to look like her dad, not a teacher. I checked my outfit again and then decided I didn’t want to wear a suit at all. Getting changed, I decided to wear a jumper with a pair of jeans. Brushing my hair again, I made sure it looked just right and sat down.

After a few days of correspondence with Khushi, we finally decided that today was the day that I would meet Arushi. It took me and Khushi a while to decide on a location where we should meet, but we finally decided that the best place would be Arushi’s favourite ice cream parlour.

Both Khushi and I were feeling apprehensive about the meeting, but according to Khushi, Arushi couldn’t wait. I was glad she was feeling so positive about it, I just hoped she would feel as positive when she actually saw me. She made up the excitement levels for both of us.

Looking at my watch, there was still just over an hour until I needed to be at the ice cream parlour. I had time to calm my nerves, to relax myself.

I looked at my watch again. 56 minutes to go.

The countdown had begun.

 

*****

 

Pulling up in front of the ice cream parlour, I saw Khushi’s little car already there, meaning she and Arushi had arrived.

I parked my car and then sat in my seat. This was it, I was about to officially meet my daughter. I was absolutely petrified. What if she realised I was her dad and then decided she didn’t want a dad. Or what if she realised she preferred Raj over me?

What would happen if Arushi didn’t like me? Would we keep trying to make things work until she did like me? Or would just decide it’s better if I just took a step out of our daughters life? Would that put a stop to anything developing between me and Khushi again?

I shook my head. I was acting like her mother’s lover, a potential step father. I was her dad, her own father. It was going to be okay, it was all going to work out.

 

*****

 

As I walked into the ice cream parlour, Khushi looked up from where she and Arushi were sat and waved. I smiled back and slowly made my way over to them.

This was it.

As I approached, I realised just how strong the resemblance between Khushi and Arushi was. It was uncanny. The same eyes, the same hair, the same smile…

Arushi turned when she saw Khushi waving to me. The surprise she felt was evident from the expression on her face. She got to her feet and rushed over to me.

 

“Mr Raichanda! What are you doing here?”

 

Mr Raichanda? Is that what she thought my name was? Khushi too got to her feet and came over to me.

 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

 

She gave me a shy little smile before placing her hand on Arushi’s shoulder.

 

“Let’s go back to our table and finish our ice cream.”

 

Nodding, Arushi turned and went back to her table and Khushi turned her attention back to me.

 

“Come on.”

“Have you told her I’m meeting you guys today.”

“I have. She’s super excited.”

“I’m so nervous Khushi. What if she can’t see me as her dad?”

 

She placed her hand on mine and gave it a squeeze.

 

“She’s been waiting for her dad all her life and she adores you as her teacher. Even if takes her a while, she will accept you as her dad.”

“I really hope so.”

 

Smiling, Khushi turned around when I remembered when I wanted to ask her something. Taking told of her hand, I stopped her in her tracks and pulled her back to myself.

 

“Arnav, Arushi will see!

 

I dropped her hand but I stepped closer to her.

 

“Why does she call me Mr Raichanda?”

 

Tipping her head back, Khushi laughed. She looked so attractive, so beautiful and carefree. How I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her close.
She composed herself and then replied to my question.

 

“I don’t think she can say Raizada so she calls you Raichanda. If she had said Raizada when she first met you I would have realised… I still had a feeling but I never thought she was actually talking about you.”

 

I took a step back, nodding, and she gestured to the table. She went and sat down beside Arushi and I took the seat opposite her. Arushi looked between me and Khushi, her brows knit together.

 

“Mama, when is papa coming?”

 

Her happy carefree expression changed as she shot an anxious glance my way. I realised then that Khushi was struggling and didn’t actually know how to break the news to Arushi, that she hadn’t really thought that far ahead.

So far, Khushi has seemed so calm and collected about all this, I thought, well I relied on her knowing what to do. But looking at her now I realised she didn’t know what to do. I needed to step up.

I cleared my throat and shuffled in my seat. Here goes nothing.

 

“Arushi I…”

 

Her eyes turned to me and Khushi too looked at her, biting her nail.

 

“I’m your dad.”

 

For a moment, there was no expression on Arushi’s face at all. It was almost as though she didn’t hear what I said. Then she blinked slowly and looked at Khushi. Then she blinked again before turning back to me.

 

From the limited time that I had spent with Arushi, I knew this wasn’t a good sign. Arushi always had something to say.

 

“My papa?”

 

I gave a little nod and she turned back to Khushi again.

 

“I don’t understand…”

 

Khushi reached over and took Arushi’s hand and then she placed her hand on mine.

 

“Haan Arushi, this is your papa.”

“But… If Mr Raichanda is my papa, why didn’t he tell me all this time?”

 

Khushi’s hand slipped away from mine and she looked down. This was going to be harder than we thought it was going to be. What were we going to say now? Her question was valid and one I didn’t know how to work around.

Recomposing herself, Khushi placed both her hands on Arushi’s.

 

“We didn’t tell you that Mr Raizada, Arnav, was your dad because we wanted to see how you interacted with him, we wanted to surprise you.”

 

Khushi was uncertain in her response and it was obvious. Arushi seemed to accept the response but she still looked wary. I realised that maybe we should take a bit of a step back, give Arushi a bit of time to take everything in. I got to my feet.

 

“Maybe I should leave and we can speak another time.”

“Wait Arnav.”

 

Getting to her feet, Khushi took hold of my hand and then dropped it again straight away. She gestured for me to sit back down and I did.

 

“Arushi, I know this is a lot for you to take in and you’re only little but whatever has happened has happened. Arnav is your dad. We can work through things slowly and what you want will happen but we just wanted you to know that this is your dad.”

 

Giving a little smile, Arushi nodded and then got to her feet.

 

“Mama can I have some more ice cream?”

“Go ahead and ask the man for some more.”

 

I watched as my little girl walked off before turning my attention back to Khushi.

 

“I feel like this got slightly more messy than I had anticipated it to be.”

“Maybe a little but overall it was okay I guess. We didn’t know what we were really expecting.”

“Will we ever tell her the truth?”

“Maybe one day Arnav, but right now, she’s a child and she doesn’t need to know all the messy details about our lives.”

 

She had a point. No matter how mature Arushi was for her age, at the end of the day, she was just a child. Even if we tried to explain everything, it would be unfair to let so much onto her. Maybe one day we’d explain, but for now, we just needed to focus on making sure we did right by our little girl.

When Arushi returned, she seemed a lot calmer and a little bubblier. Averting the attention off of the topic of paternity, I asked Khushi how Arushi was allowed to have so much ice cream.

 

“Have you not heard about this place before?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“The ice cream served here is suited for all minorities. So they serve ice cream that’s suitable for diabetics, vegans, vegetarians, those who are lactose intolerant, those who have nut allergies, etc. For a while I was unable to find ice cream that Arushi could have and then this place opened up. We haven’t had ice cream from anywhere else since.”

“Well in that case I better go and get myself a bowl as well.”

 

Arushi giggled as I went up and got myself a bowl of diabetic friendly chocolate ice cream. Coming back to our table, I tucked in.

 

“Sir… I mean papa… I…”

 

Looking up from my bowl, I watched as Arushi tried to string her thoughts together. It was clear the whole teacher becomes father thing was a little hard for her to get her head around.

 

“You don’t have to call me papa yet if you think it’s a bit weird. You can just call me Sir or Mr R…”

 

Khushi looked as though she wanted to protest, but I stopped her. It didn’t matter what Arushi called me, I was her dad all the same. When she was ready, she would address me as her dad.

 

“Mr R, do you like ice cream more or jalebis more?”

“Is that a trick question? Of course I like jalebis more! Especially the ones your mom makes for me.”

“Same! I like jalebis more too!”

 

She put her little hand out to me and I gave her a high five. Khushi laughed as Arushi began telling me about how she could eat jalebis all day every day.

We made small talk. We spoke about the little things Arushi liked and I told her about the things I liked. Khushi sat back with a coffee and smiled as me and Arushi bonded.

 

*****

 

Much, much later, I strapped Arushi into her car seat in the back of Khushi’s car and placed a little kiss on top of her head. Shutting the car door, I took a step back and turned my attention to Khushi.

 

“Drive safe.”

“I will. You drive safe too.”

“Of course.”

 

She gave me a little smile as she started to roll the windows back up.

 

“Wait wait!”

 

Both Khushi and I turned our attention to Arushi. Khushi rolled Arushi’s window down again for her.

 

“Can we go out again one day?”

 

Her eyes were full of hope and excitement, just like how Khushi’s used to get.
I walked back up to Arushi’s window and crouched down so I was just the right height.

 

“Of course we can. I’ll speak to your mama about when I’m free and she can tell me when you’re both free and we can all do something nice together. Make a list of all the things you want us to do.”

 

Nodding enthusiastically, she clapped her hands together. Alerting her that they needed to leave, Khushi rolled Arushi’s window back up and gave me a smile.

This was just the beginning of a new journey. And it was going to be amazing.

 

*****

 

“No no no! You’re wrong! It was a cat!”

“I’m sure it was a baby tiger!”

 

Arushi looked at me as though I was nuts and then shook her head. I offered her my hand and she took as it we made our way back to my car after watching a new animated film at the cinema. Khushi wasn’t with us today because she had work and also because she just wanted me and Arushi to spend more time alone to get to know each other.

 

It’d been just over three weeks since I met Khushi and Arushi at the ice cream shop, and things had been going great. I saw Arushi often because it had been the school holidays. But now school has resumed and I could only see her at the weekends, unless Khushi had time in the evening to bring her round to mine for dinner.
We were juggling, but it was all going well.

As we neared the curb, Arushi took my hand as we prepared to cross the road. Just as we were about to go, a woman called out to Arushi, making us stop and turn. Two women were walking towards us.

 

“Hello auntie.”

“Oh Arushi sweetie, how are you? Where’s your mama?”

“She’s at work.”

 

The first woman turned her attention to me and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Hi I’m Arnav Singh Raizada, I’m Arushi’s…”

“Ah yes yes, I understand.”

 

What did she understand? Who was this woman and why was she looking at me like I was a crook? I watched as she placed a hand on my daughters shoulder.

 

“Be sure to tell your mom that I saw you today. And tell her you both should come by my house soon.”

“I will auntie.”

 

The woman Arushi has been talking to turned away and so we did too, ready to make our way to my car. As we stood at the curb waiting for the light to change again, I heard the woman start talking.

 

“Oh Sheila you know my friend Khushi, that’s her daughter.”

“Oh I see.”

“No you don’t see. She’s a single mother that lives as a paying guest with a man and his mother. To the outside world, it seems as though Raj is Arushi’s dad. But he’s nothing to either of them, Khushi’s just using him. Looks like she’s found another man to…”

 

How dare she? How dare she think like that of my Khushi? And she claims to be Khushi’s friend. I wasn’t going to stand for that.

Turning back, I tapped the woman on the shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I introduced myself properly. I’m Arnav Singh Raizada, Arushi’s father. Khushi’s husband.”

 

I watched as her expression dropped and Arushi’s hand in mine tightened.

 

“Khushi’s husband?”

“I’m going to request you to not speak about my wife or my family, especially if you don’t know the details.”

“Excuse…”

“Why me and Khushi have lived separately up until now is a personal matter and not something that needs to be common knowledge.”

 

With that, I turned away and me and Arushi made our way to the car without looking back. The nerve of some people was unbelievable.

 

Getting to the car, I strapped Arushi in proper and just as I moved back to shut her door, she took hold of my hand. I came back to her, crouching so I was level with her.

 

“What’s the master sweetheart?”

“You shouted at auntie for being rude about mama.”

 

It was a statement, not a question.

 

“Of course I did. You and your mama are important to me, you’re my family and I’m not going to stand for it when people are rude about either of you.”

“Please don’t tell mama, she’ll get upset.”

“I won’t tell, don’t worry.”

“Thanks papa.”

 

As she slowly let go of my hand and smiled at me, I felt my entire body heat up with pride and joy. My daughter called me papa for the first time!

 

*****

 

“You guys back?”

Raj shook my hand and gave Arushi a little hug. To begin with I wasn’t too fond of having him around my wife and daughter all the time, but as I got to know him better, I realised how much of a decent guy he was. He cared for my girls like they were his own family and he accepted me.

 

“We had a great time today didn’t we Arushi?”

 

She nodded and came and gave me a little hug. As Arushi let me go, she went to hold Raj’s hand and dragged him away to tell him all she did.

 

“Wait Raj, where’s Khushi?”

“She came home from work a little while ago, so she’s properly in her room after showering.”

“Can I go through?”

“Sure dude.”

 

I gave him a thumbs up and then made my way to Khushi’s room, stopping at her closed door. I gave it a little knock.

 

“Come in.”

 

I pushed the bedroom door open to find Khushi stood in front of the mirror with the pot of sindoor in her hand. Walking up behind Khushi, I wrapped one arm around her waist and pinched some sindoor with the other hand.

 

“Arnav…”

 

Taking the sindoor, I filled her parting the way I had done all those years ago when I married her.

I watched as Khushi smiled before wrapped my other arm around her too, holding her close to myself, pressing my pelvis against her ass.

 

“Hi.”

 

I dipped my face to her neck and placed a kiss there. She placed her hand on top of mine as she rested her head against my chest.

 

“Arnav, Arushi will…”

“She’s with Raj, telling him all about our day.”

 

I kissed her neck once more before pulling away.

 

“Arushi called me papa.”

 

Spinning in my arms, Khushi looked at me with wide eyes before hugging me.

 

“Oh my goodness! I’m so happy! Finally!”

“Part of my mission is complete, my daughter accepts me. Now for phase two?”

 

Pulling back slightly, she raised her eyebrow.

 

“What’s phase two?”

“Spending time with my wife.”

 

Blushing, Khushi looked down and fiddled with her bracelet. I placed my hands on her waist and she slowly looked up again.

 

“Me, you, dinner, tomorrow night at 8. Be ready babe.”

Unwanted ~ Interlude III

Nimisha

 

Tucking Pari into bed, I made my way back to my room and got changed.

Once changed and ready to get into bed, I turned the TV on and slipped in between my bed sheets. Laying back, resting against the headboard, I watched TV, letting myself unwind after a long day.

This is generally how my evenings went. After getting everything done and getting Pari off to sleep, I’d spend the evening either watching TV, reading a book, or getting work for the next day done. It wasn’t like I had to wait around for a husband. I could do what I want, when I wanted.

Just as my television show was getting to an interesting point, my phone started ringing. Sighing, I picked it up and checked caller ID. Ranveer.

 

“Hey…”

“How are you?”

“I’m good Ranveer, you?”

“I’m missing you and my baby girl. When are you both coming to see me again?”

 

I paused to think for a moment. Switching off the TV, I settled myself down, smiling to myself.

 

“Maybe we can come tomorrow. Pari has vacation from school now so…”

“That sounds great! I can’t wait to take both of you out.”

“I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Nimi maybe we should…”

“I agree, we should.”

“But how? Arnav won’t be pleased…”

“He’ll probably kill us both, but I’m tired of this. I just want to be with you so the three of us can finally be a proper family.”

“I want that too… When is Arnav coming back?”

“He’s meant to be coming back within the next couple of days, but who knows. Di’s been saying he’s been really preoccupied recently so who knows?”

“Hmm. Well let’s think about it. I’ll call you tomorrow morning and we can talk some more. Take care of yourself and give my baby a kiss.”

“I will do. Goodnight Ranveer.”

“Goodnight babe.”

 

I disconnected the call and I couldn’t help but smile to myself. For the longest time now, me and Ranveer have been trying to undo the mess that we had created 6 years ago. And now, finally, we were making headway.

I met Ranveer for the first time over six and a half years ago, not very long after Arnav and Khushi’s fake marriage. I had been upset, paranoid and insecure about my relationship with Arnav, fearful that he would fall in love with the woman that he’d married. I was filled with sorrow that his family didn’t like me. So I took my sorrows and insecurity to a bar.

And that’s where I met Ranveer.

We got talking, well… We got flirting. We both hit it off almost instantly. Maybe we should have realised then that we should just forget about our respective relationships and give a shot to whatever it was between us.

But any way, we got talking, one thing led to another and we ended up spending the night together.

People would assume we moved to fast, and perhaps we did. But we were two individuals who were in love with different people and wanted to be with them, but couldn’t. We wanted attention and we craved intimacy. Something we weren’t getting from our respective partners. So when we found each other, we took the opportunity with both hands.

That night we spent together was such a beautiful night.

The next morning, I was awoke by Ranveer’s phone constantly going off. So I took it upon myself to deal with the issue. I told his girl about us and hoped she’d back off.

But to my dismay, when Ranveer awoke, he expressed his regret regarding what we had done. I was shattered. Maybe it had been naive of me to assume that he would want to give our relationship a go, to assume that I had meant something to him. But I had assumed those things. He apologised, was courteous, But ultimately explained he loved his girl too much to let her go.

Fast forward a couple of days, me and Ranveer meet again. In Bali. When we had met it Delhi, we had briefly explained our situations to each other, but we hadn’t realised that our partners had gotten married to each other. That changed things between us.

We sat down and really spoke. Talking about our feelings about Arnav and Khushi and we realised that as much as we clicked with each other, we wanted to be with Arnav and Khushi. So that’s exactly what we tried to do. We went back to Arnav and Khushi and tried to make things work out with them, but I found that something had changed in Arnav. He didn’t want me anywhere near him. Ranveer too found that Khushi didn’t want to be with him.

He told me he and Khushi had a bad argument, that it was over between them. We’d both been rejected. We were both hurt. It was then we spent another night together. If our first night together had been perfect, this night was heaven. And as a result of that night, god blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. Not that we knew at the time.

Maybe I should have realised then that it was Ranveer that I wanted. But I was stupid, I still went back to Arnav, tried to convince him that I still wanted him, that I still wanted us to be together. But I was stupid. I was trying to convince him when I wasn’t even convinced myself. Maybe I should have avoided the situation altogether because Arnav spotted a love bite and he ended things with me there and then.

Maybe I should have backed off after that. I almost did…

 

*****

 

Time passed and me and Ranveer chose to embrace our relationship. Everything was going well, until we found out that we were pregnant.

Now neither of us really had an issue with having a child together. My family already knew about me and Ranveer and they had no issue with him, and he didn’t mind us having a child. We should have just accepted what was happening and just given your relationship a name. But instead the both of us tried to be smart.

We were stupid. We spoke about what we wanted and we spoke about Arnav and Khushi again. For some reason, both of us decided that we wanted to try to get back with them.
We decided that I would go to Arnav’s house, claiming that my baby was his. And Ranveer hoped that Khushi would leave Arnav and run into his arms.

We were stupid. We should have realised how we felt about each other. We should have embraced our relationship and left Arnav and Khushi alone. But we didn’t.

I went back to Arnav and he straight up denied that my child was his. I lied to him about how Pari could be his and he didn’t buy it. He didn’t buy it for even a moment. After Pari was born, Arnav demanded a paternity test. And that’s exactly what I did. We took a paternity test, but I made sure I swapped Arnav’s sample with Ranveer’s. The reports came back showing a match, but Arnav still failed to believe it. Our plan was futile.
And Khushi didn’t go back to Ranveer either. So we screwed up.

Both me and Ranveer quickly realised that we should have left things as they were. We made a mess for ourselves and we made a mess for Arnav and Khushi. But instead of just telling Arnav the truth, I chose to long out the lie, carry on living it. I should have backed away the moment I realised that it wasn’t going to work, but I didn’t.

I regretted my decision and I still do. We should have left Arnav and Khushi, we should have just carried on and moved on. But we didn’t. We were both stupid, fighting for a battle that was lost. We should have admitted that Arnav and Khushi were just extras in our lives, extras who led us to each other, but we were stupid.

But things were going to change now. Me and Pari were going to go to Ranveer. We were finally going to be a proper family. As soon as Arnav returned, this game was going to end.

 

Unwanted ~ Part 34

 

Arnav

 

“Khushi?”

 

Wait. What?! I’d been searching high and low and now… Here she was! She was actually here! Right in front of me! Basically in my arms. I’d done it! I’d found my Khushi.

 

“Arnav…”

 

She looked shocked, but not shocked enough. Raj must have gone home and told her that he saw me, that I was Arushi’s teacher.

 

“Hi…”

 

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ears, she looked down at her bag and then up at me again.

 

“I…”

 

I couldn’t believe it. I came here today to start considering tickets so I could go back home. I never in a million years thought that I’d bump into Khushi here.
I took her in. She hadn’t changed much at all. Her face was a little more rounded than it had been before but other than that, she looked pretty much the same.

Finally pulling myself out of my trance, I moved in and took her into my arms, hugging her.

 

“I can’t believe I’ve found you.”

“I…”

“Why did you leave me like that Khushi? I searched the world for you but you managed to vanish into thin air. But it doesn’t matter. It’s late but at least I found you.”

“You we’re looking for me?”

“From the moment I woke up to an empty bed to now. I never stopped.”

 

I wanted to mention Arushi. But I wanted Khushi to tell me about her herself.

 

“So… How have you been?”

 

Really Arnav? Really? I sounded like a teenager, trying to talk to a girl I fancy.

 

“Listen Arnav, I’m really busy, I need to…”

“We need to talk Khushi.”

“I know but I…”

“What are you even doing here?”

 

Now I find my voice. She looked around a little anxious.

 

“I… I came to get tickets…”

“Oh are you going on holiday?”

 

She hesitated for a moment too longer before nodding. She was planning on running away.

 

“Let’s go to my place so we can catch up.”

 

She looked horrified at the idea, and shook her head. I reached out for her, taking her hand into my own.

 

“Please. I need to talk to you.”

 

It was obvious from her expression that she didn’t want to go home with me, but there was no way I was going to let her go today. There was so much we needed to talk about, I needed to make sure that she came with me.

 

“Khushi…”

“Okay, but I need to make a call first.”

“Of course.”

 

I moved away a little to give her some space. This was actually amazing! I found my Khushi! Pulling my own phone out of my pocket, I thought to text Payal, to tell her the good news. But then I thought against it. It would be better to speak to Khushi first. I waited, and in no time Khushi wrapped her call up and came towards me.

 

“My house is only a five minutes walk, but if you want I can call us a cab.”

“Actually, I’ve got my car with me…”

“You drive now?”

 

For the first time, a little smile played on her lips and her cheeks went the lightest shade of pink.

 

“I passed about 3 years ago.”

“Wow! That’s great Khushi! Well I guess lead the way to your car my lady.”

 

Fishing in her bag, I watched as she pulled her keys out and she walked in front of me, leading me back to the car park. I waited until she clicked the car and I saw a little silver Toyota unlock.

 

“Nice car.”

“Thank you. It’s not quite your SUV but…”

“I love it. It’s very you.”

“Do you still have your SUV?”

“I do, although I rarely drive it now. I brought a newer SUV, which is my everyday car, but I didn’t have the heart to part with my original SUV.”

 

She gave a little nod as she got into the car and then I got in too. In no time, we were off.

I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive about her driving, but the moment she got the car going, it was evident she knew what she was doing and that she was a fairly experienced driver.

I directed her towards my place and she got us there in less than five minutes.

Getting out of the car, I made my way over to the door and waited for her as she locked the car and followed me. Placing my hand on the small of her back, I led her in and shut the door behind her. I felt every single muscle in her back tense under my touch.

Leading her into the living room, I told her to take a seat while I went over to the landline and checked voicemail. I had one message.

 

“Hi chote, I’m calling on your landline because I couldn’t get through to you on your phone. Just a quick message to say everything is fine at home but call me when you have the time.”

 

Di. She needed to check in everyday, and if by chance I didn’t speak to her, she’d be sure to leave a message on voicemail. Turning my attention back to Khushi, I asked what she’d like to drink.

 

“Tea or coffee. What am I saying, you want tea of course.”

“No, I’ll have a coffee please.”

 

I felt like she’d hit me round the head.

 

“You drink coffee?”

“Not as much as you used to, but yes. I drink coffee now.”

“Well damn. Let me just go and quickly make you my special coffee and then we can talk.”

 

Going back to the kitchen, I made the coffees as quickly as I could and took out some cakes and biscuits. Putting everything on a tray, I went back into the living room and set the tray on a table. Putting her mug down in front of her, I sat down beside her, keeping a respectable distance between us.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Picking up her cup, she took a sip and smiled.

 

“How did you make this? It’s great.”

“I put my secret ingredient in.”

“Well whatever it is, it tastes great.”

 

She smiled and then turned back to her drink. I watched as she slowly drank her coffee and I too drank mine. I wanted to talk to her, ask her about herself, ask her about our daughter. But I didn’t know how to broach the topic. More than that, I just wanted to take her into my arms, kiss her senseless, maybe take her to bed and make love to her the way I’ve been dreaming about for the last six years. But we needed to take things slowly, we needed to talk about a lot of things first.

When she finished her coffee, she put her mug down and I put mine down too.

 

“So… What did you want to talk about?”

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay. How about you Arnav? And how is everyone at home?”

“Everyone at home is good. Did you know, Akash and Payal got married?”

 

I knew this was new information to her, but watching her expression, watching her jaw drop in shock, I got the reaction that I wanted.

 

“Jiji and Akash… No way?!”

“After you left things were hard for Payal. Me and Payal both tried to help each other through you leaving. And somehow, somewhere along the lines, Akash managed to provide her with the support that she needed and they fell in love. So they got married.”

“I can’t believe…”

“They have a beautiful little boy together now. Akshay. He turned two a couple of months ago.”

“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe…”

 

Pulling out my phone, I showed her a picture of little Akshay with Shalini.

 

“Oh he’s gorgeous! He looks so much like Akash… Wait I guess I have to call him jijaji now! But he has jiji’s eyes.”

“He’s Payal’s happiness. After the wedding, it took her a while to settle. I think she found it hard to be at Shantivan, knowing it was your home but not having you around. But things really changed when she got pregnant. We actually saw Payal smiling and since Akshay was born, she’s always happy.”

“I’m so glad. Who’s this little girl? Is she yours…”

“That’s Shalini. She Di and jijaji’s. She turned five and half recently. Just after you left, Di found out she was about 3 months pregnant.”

 

I watched as Khushi smiled, taking in the two little angels on my screen. Tears gathered in her eyes and she pushed them away.

 

“I can’t believe…”

“Shalini asks about her Bari Mami all the time. And I’m sure little Akshay wouldn’t mind being spoilt by his maasi.”

“I can’t believe… When did so much time pass?”

“You walked away and you never looked back Khushi. But for us, the last six years have dragged on. And I… I’ve missed you. Every second of every day for the past six years.”

 

She looked away from me and looked down, letting out a little sigh.

 

“Have you not missed me Khushi?”

 

Her head snapped up, eyes looking at me questioningly.

 

“Of course I have.”

“Then why did you leave me?”

“You know why.”

 

And I did know why. But that didn’t mean that I agreed.

 

“Did you guys have a boy or a girl?”

“A girl. Nimisha named her Pari.”

 

She gave a little smile, but it was a sad smile. What was she thinking about? What was going through her head? Was she thinking about how much our daughter lost out on because of another little girl?

 

“That’s lovely. I also heard you and Nimisha got married. Congratulations. Do you guys have any other children together? Or are you planning another child?”

 

Was she being serious? Did she really think that me and Nimi…

 

“Pari isn’t mine.”

 

The smile that had been on Khushi’s face a moment ago slipped away.

 

“What?”

“Pari isn’t my child. Me and Nimisha don’t have a child together, nor are we planning a child together. I’m married to her but our marriage doesn’t mean anything, nor is it even accounted for in the eyes of the law. I married her to save her name and to save the Raizada family name.”

 

I moved closer to Khushi, places my hand on her knee.

 

“You’re my wife, my legally wedded wife. The only woman I want to be with, the only woman I want to have a family with. Nimisha and Pari may have my name attached to theirs, but they don’t mean anything to me. They aren’t my family.”

“But… Why would Nimisha say…”

“I don’t know what Nimisha’s game is, and frankly I don’t care any more. I know Pari isn’t my child and Nimi doesn’t even try to convince me that she is any more.”

 

Khushi looked completely confused, she didn’t know what to think and I didn’t blame her. Taking her hands into mine, I turned her face so that she was looking at me.

 

“I told you six years ago and I’m telling you now, I know Pari isn’t mine. I don’t feel for her the way a father should feel about his child. I don’t feel anything towards her. I don’t feel about her the way I feel about Arushi.”

 

Eyes wide, Khushi took her hands out of mine.

 

“W.. Wha… What?”

“I know Khushi.”

“Arushi… She’s not…”

 

Was she actually going to try and convince me that Arushi wasn’t mine? That Arushi wasn’t our baby?

 

“The moment I met her, I was attached to her. The more I looked at her, the more I saw her in you. I was so dumb, I thought she was a relative of yours, maybe a cousin or a niece. I didn’t for a moment think she was your daughter. And then I started speaking to Arushi, I looked at her file and… I started putting the pieces together, tried to make sense of it. And it finally fit me. On parents evening, I expected you to walk through that door with Arushi. But then Raj… But speaking to him also helped because I got a better picture. That evening I was certain that Arushi was our child and I knew I needed to find you.”

“Arnav…”

“How could you do that Khushi? How could you keep me away from my child like that? You left me so that Pari would get her fathers love, but then you let our child grow up without her dad? How could you do that?”

 

Tears started falling and I shuffled closer to her, holding her. I felt tears prick my own eyes.

 

“Not only did you deprive me of having you in my life, you took my daughter away from me. You kept our daughter to yourself, didn’t even give me an indication that she existed… How could you?”

“I… I’m sorry… Raj and Veera mausi kept telling me to talk to you, to tell you about Arushi. But I found out about your marriage and I thought… I was scared… I thought maybe… I thought you didn’t want me any more. And I was scared that if I told you about Arushi, you’d take her from me and raise her with Nimisha… I left you, Arushi was all I had. If I had her taken away I…”

“I’d never have taken her from you.”

 

Placing my arm around her, she tucked herself into my arms, holding onto my collar as she let herself cry.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

I barely heard her little mumble, but I heard it. Pressing a light kiss on the top of her head, I held her close to myself. After years and years, I felt content. This is where she belonged. With me, in my arms. My world was complete.

Well… Almost complete. All that was missing was our little girl. But soon, she too would be in my arms. I was sure of it.

Unwanted ~ Part 33

Khushi

 

I couldn’t believe what Raj was telling me, how could it be true. How could it be possible?

 

“What are you saying Raj? How is that possible?”

“I didn’t think it was possible but he was there, I spoke to him!”

“Are you sure?”

“Khushi, I know what Arnav Singh Raizada looks like. Even before you came into my life, I’d been following Arnav’s work closely. I know who he is.”

“But why would he be teaching five year olds?”

“I told you, he said he was helping a friend out.”

 

Sinking my hand into my hair, I sat down on the sofa. None of this was making any sense to me, how could it be possible…

 

“Has he realised?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, he asked me about Arushi’s dad because he’s read her file and I told him that her dad wasn’t in the picture. He didn’t really ask anything else.”

 

It was clear what I needed to do. Arnav wasn’t dumb, if he had any suspicions, he would start putting pieces together and he’d be able to figure it out. And Raj had told him more than I was comfortable with him knowing. I needed to get out of here.

 

“I need to leave Raj. I need to take Arushi and I need to get out of Mumbai.”

 

My words had caught Raj off guard. I don’t think he thought that I would consider leaving, but I needed to. Arnav couldn’t find us. He had his own life now and his own family. There was no space in his life for me and Arushi.

 

“Leaving… You can’t.”

“I have to. If he finds us…”

“Then we’ll deal with it! You can’t just leave!”

“I have no choice Raj.”

 

He took a step towards me, reaching out to me.

 

“Look, Arnav said he’s leaving soon. How about we all just lie low until he’s out of town. You can’t just uproot your life and move away.”

“I’ve done it before, I can do it again.”

“But things are different this time. It’s not just you. You have to think about Arushi too. This is her home, her life, me and mom, we’re a part of her family. She has friends here. Taking her away will mean having to start all over again and she’s only a child. Starting over for her isn’t as easy as starting over for you.”

“I know but…”

“Please Khushi.”

 

Looking up at Raj, he was practically begging. All he needed to do was get onto his knees and hold his hands together.

 

“Please don’t leave. You and Arushi are a huge part of my life, I don’t know what I’d do if you both weren’t around.”

“But Arnav…”

“He’ll leave soon. And even if he doesn’t, I’ll protect you and Arushi. Even if he wants to take you both back, or if he tried to take Arushi from you, I will protect you both and I’ll fight him. I’ll do anything, just don’t leave.”

 

Over the years, Raj has done so much for both me and Arushi and he’s never asked for anything. He cared for us without asking for anything in return. I realised it was unfair just to walk away from him now but… What if Arnav found us?

 

“I don’t know…”

“Marry me Khushi. I know, I know how you feel regarding this idea, but I’m not asking you to marry me because I want marriage. I’m asking you to marry me so I can have some form of legality over you and Arushi. That way even if Arnav tried to do anything, it would be harder.”

“But marriage…”

“Please just think about it.”

 

What do I say, what do I do? I don’t want to get married. Can I even get married? I’m still married to Arnav. But Raj had a point. If I was married to him, it would change a lot. But I couldn’t marry Raj. I wouldn’t be doing it for the right reasons.

 

“At least think about it.”

“I will.”

 

And I meant it. I would think about it. Because at the end of the day, if I wasn’t going to go back to Arnav then I would have to start thinking about what I was going to do and how I was going to spend the rest of my life.

Still highly confused, I made my way up to my room.

There was no doubt about how Raj felt about me and Arushi, he really cared for us both and we cared for him. But did I care for him enough to actually want to get married to him?

Instead of going to my room, I walk passed Arushi’s and saw that she was sat doing her homework. Whatever decision I made, I needed to make sure that it was the best option for my daughter. I had to put her first. My little girl did need a dad. As much as she had Raj, she needed a real dad. Maybe Raj could be a real dad. As real as he can be without being her biological father?

Thinking about everything that Raj had told me about his meeting with Arnav, there was no doubt that Arnav wouldn’t be a good father. He was a teacher of five year olds and he was able to handle them all so well. But then he does have his own child… Maybe it’s because he’s a good father to his child, that’s helped him to be such a good teacher.

I felt so confused. So so confused.

Feeling a hand close around my shoulder, I turned to find Veera mausi looking at me intently.

Guiding me away from Arushi’s room, she led me back to mine and sat me down.

 

“What are you thinking about dear?”

“I’m just thinking about everything Raj has told me today.”

“It must be a lot to take in.”

 

That was an understand statement. It wasn’t a lot, it was an insane amount.

 

“He’s here mausi. Right here! And he’s been in such close proximity to our daughter. In my heart, as much as I say I don’t want Arushi bear Arnav, I’ve always wanted her to meet him, to know him. And to find out that she has been around him, has got to know him…”

 

Placing her hand on mine, she made it clear that she understood what I was trying to say, what I was thinking.

 

“What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, from what I heard from you and Raj, it sounds like he’s thinking the same way I am. But I do understand your dilemma. Well regardless of whatever decision you make, I’ll stand by your decision. You’re like a daughter to me any way, so whether or not you marry me son, I will still support you.”

 

I know how much it means to Veera mausi that I marriage Raj. But the fact that she supports and respects what I want, means a lot.

 

*****

 

Days passed and I started to feel slightly more at ease. The school term had ended so Arushi no longer had to be in such close proximity of Arnav and soon he’d be leaving.
I had thought about Raj and his proposal, but I realised that I couldn’t. No matter what security I could get by marrying him, it wasn’t worth it. I would never be able to give Raj the love her deserves and I don’t want him to have to sacrifice the chance of finding true love and happiness for my sake.

Moving further on from that, I realised that regardless of whether Arnav was still here or not, me and Arushi needed to leave. If we stayed, Raj would never be able to move forward with his life. And I wanted him to be happy, to get married, to have children of his own. It was due to all that of that I decided me and Arushi were going to Goa. Next week.

 

*****

 

“Raj, Veera mausi, I would like to speak to you about something.”

 

It was after dinner and Arushi had already gone to bed.

 

“What is it dear?”

 

Putting my spoon down and pushing my plate away from me, I took a deep breath.

 

“I have decided that… I… I have decided that me and Arushi are leaving here.”

“What?”

 

Mausi looked at me with big eyes, and Raj dropped his spoon, which clattered onto the floor.

 

“Khushi…”

“I know this wasn’t the response that you both were expecting, however, I think this is the best option for myself and Arushi.”

 

Veera mausi was the first to recover, while Raj continued to stare at me dumbstruck.

 

“But where will you go? And why?”

“I’ve been looking into moving to Goa. And it’s because I just feel like I need to move on with life. I have burdened you and Raj with my problems for so long. I think the time has come for me and Arushi to start our own life.”

 

Pushing his chair back, Raj got to his feet.

 

“What the hell Khushi!”

 

He wasn’t impressed.

 

“How can… How can you just decide that you’re going to leave like that?”

“It wasn’t an easy decision…”

“Arnav’s going to leave, that’s if he hasn’t left already. Why can’t you stay? Why are you…”

 

He didn’t finish what he was saying because he’d already turned away from me. Walking over to where he was standing, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

 

“Raj… Please look at me.”

 

He shook his head and remained with his back to me.

 

“Raj I know you’re angry and I know you weren’t expecting this, but I really think…”

“No I get it, you don’t see me and ma as being a part of your family, that’s why you’re leaving us. I told you how much you and Arushi mean to me and you’re still… If you were telling me you were going to back Arnav, I would accept that. But to leave us just to go somewhere else…”

“I’m sorry…”

 

He turned to face me, and looked me straight in the eye.

 

“You can leave, I won’t stop you, but I hope to god Arnav finds you. You haven’t even left and I already feel betrayed. Only god knows how he would have felt when you walked out on him without even telling him.”

 

I was gobsmacked. Raj had never spoken to me like that. But he was angry and I could understand why he was reacting like this. He loved Arushi as if she were his own and I was taking her away. I understood.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Shaking his head, he left the dining room and made his way up to his room, leaving me with Veera mausi.

 

“Mausi…”

“I have always said that I will respect whatever decision you make, but I will have to admit, I am disappointed you have chosen not to marry Raj.”

“I can’t mausi. You know that and you know why. I’m still married to Arnav. And more than that, I still love Arnav. It would be unfair on Raj. I’d never be able to accept him or love him the way he deserves. In fact… I am leaving for his sake. While I am here, I don’t think he will marry. Maybe once I leave, he will start considering his own marriage. I will forever be grateful to the both of you, and it is due to how much I care about you both that I have come to this decision.”

 

I could tell that mausi was taking in what I was saying, that she was comprehending and she was understanding.

 

“I just wish you weren’t leaving. You really are the daughter I never had.”

 

Rushing over to her, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a huge hug.

 

“Thank you mausi. Thank you so much.”

 

Tears rolled down my eyes as I realised what this meant. I was leaving. Really leaving. I was leaving the people who accepted a complete stranger and loved her and her child like their own. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this.

 

“Our home is going to be incomplete without you and Arushi.”

“And my life is going to be incomplete without you and Raj, but I think this is the best for all of us.”

 

Me And Veera Mausi hugged each other, realising that this was the end of a chapter in both our lives. And although this wasn’t the happiest of endings, it was an ending still full of hope. There was no way I was going to forget about Raj and Mausi, nor would I lose touch with them, but there comes a point in everyone’s life when we need to leave our comfort zone and move forward. And it was time for me and Arushi to do just that.

 

*****

 

Waking up early the next morning, I got my stuff together and grabbed my keys. I needed to go and buy plane tickets for myself and Arushi.

After Raj had calmed down, he’d come to find me. He’d asked me what my plan was, where was I going to stay, and more important, how was I going to get there.

Initially I had thought that I would just drive there, however after looking at the route, and looking at how long it would take, I decided against it. Me and Arushi were going to go to Goa via plane and Raj was going to drive my car down there and then come back via flight. I told him about the flat that I had found that was up for rent and told him that I had already spoken to the landlord.

I think he was quite surprised when he realised just how much I had actually decided and sorted in the short space of time.

Letting Veera Mausi know that I was going to get our tickets sorted and after asking her to keep an eye on Arushi, I left to go to the travel agent that I had spoken to. Taking my leave, I left the house, got into my car and made my way into town.

 

*****

 

Parking my car, I got out, locked it, and then made my way down to the travel agents office. Upon arriving at the door of the travel agents, I stopped to take my phone out so I could tell the agent exactly which flight it was that I had looked into and that I wanted.

Fumbling with my bag, I dropped my keys in and tried to locate my phone. Just as I managed to fish my phone out, someone bumped into me, causing me to drop it back into my bag.

 

“Dammit.”

“Khushi?”

 

Shit. Shit shit shit. Even without looking up I knew exactly who I’d bumped into. SHIT.

 

Slowly looking up, I found myself looking into a pair of molten brown eyes. A pair of eyes that didn’t look necessarily surprised to see me, especially because he’s seeing me after six long years, but still surprised.

 

“Arnav…”

 

 

Unwanted ~ Part 32

Arnav

After the initial paranoia on my birthday about what was going on with Nimisha and Pari, I realised that I really didn’t care. It didn’t bother me what was going on with them. If they weren’t bothering me, then that was a good thing.

My time here in Mumbai and at the school was almost over. I had a week left and after that, I would be in my way back to Delhi, back to my usual life. In a way, I was looking forward to going back, but at the same time I wasn’t. I was going to miss the kids. There was a little boy, Sumit, who I really got along with. He was a funny little guy, always knew the right things to say.

And then of course there was Arushi. The stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger. Even after all this time, I didn’t know why this child felt so familiar, like I should know her.

I’m sure if I said this out loud, or if I explained how I was drawn to this child, people would think wrongly of it, that they’d disapprove of it. Probably never let me work with kids again. But it was nothing like that. This child felt like someone close to me, like a relative. It’s an indescribable feeling. If anything, I guess it’s the way a father would feel towards his child. But there was no reason for me to feel paternal towards this child.

 

*****

 

I was in full flow, teaching the children how to put letters together to make new sounds. I was teaching them the concept that s and h together make a “sh” sound. And it was then that my phone started ringing. Reaching over my desk, I muted my phone so that I could carry on. Just as I was getting back into my flow, my phone started ringing once more. This time I picked my phone up off the desk. Payal was calling me? Why was Payal calling? And why was it so urgent that she needed to get hold of me right now? Had something happened? Khushi?

As it dawned on me that Payal could be calling me with something regarding Khushi, I knew I needed to answer the call.

But I couldn’t take a personal call while in the middle of a lesson. Looking at the time, I saw that there wasn’t long until the children would go for their lunch. I’d have to call Payal back then.

 

*****

 

Time seemed to crawl along, but soon enough it was lunchtime. The moment I got all the children to the canteen, I ran back to the classroom and called Payal back.

 

“Payal…”

“Bhai! I only realised after the second call you were in class but…”

“Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“I got a letter. From Khushi.”

 

I felt like I stopped breathing for a moment. There must have been something in that letter. Otherwise why else would Payal have been so desperate to try to get a hold of me?

 

“What… What did the letter say?”

 

There was a pause, maybe it was for only a few seconds, but it felt like eternity.

 

“Payal…”

“She said she saw you.”

 

Now I really did stop breathing. Khushi saw me? Meaning Khushi was… She’s here? In Mumbai.

 

“Should I read the letter to you?”

“Yes please.”

 

There was another pause and there was some rustling, but then Payal came back to the phone and she started reading the letter out to me. The moment she started reading and as I started taking the words in, it was abundantly clear that Khushi had seen me and that she didn’t want to be seen. I understood her insecurities and I understood her confusion.

 

“Payal, whatever you do, don’t tell anyone at home about this. About the fact that Khushi saw me and that I know where she is.”

“Of course.”

“Let me find her and then we’ll decide how to go forward. But for now, let’s keep this between us.”

“Okay bhai. Please, find her. She’s close by. Please find her.”

“I promise you Payal. I am going to find her and I’m going to bring her back.”

 

At that point, I wasn’t just making a promise to Payal, but to myself and Khushi as well. I was going to find her regardless of anything else. Even if it was the last thing I did, I was going to find her. But how was the real question.

 

*****

 

After thinking about all things Khushi related for a while, it became clear that I could leave Mumbai like I planned to. So I’d be leaving this job still, but I couldn’t go back to Delhi yet. I needed to find her. I wasn’t going to go back to Delhi without her.

But how was I meant to find her?

Just as the lunch break was coming to an end, Veer walked into my classroom.

 

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m good Arnav, yourself? How do you feel that you’re leaving at the end of the week?”

“I’m glad that I’m nearly done, but at the same time, I’m really going to miss the kids.”

“I’m sure they’re going to miss you too. Any way, I came to let you know that on Wednesday evening, you have to hold a parents evening and meet with the parents of the kids. As it’s the end of term, you need to give progress reports.”

“That’s fine. What do I need to do to prepare?”

“Just take out the file for the kids of your class, write the letters to the parents and specify what time you’d like to come in.”

 

It seemed straight forward enough. I told Veer that I’d get it all sorted and just as he was about to leave, I decided I should try my luck.

 

“Hey Veer, random as it is, I just wanted to ask, have you seen Khushi around Mumbai?”

“You wife?”

“Yeah?”

“No I haven’t. Why? Is she here?”

“I don’t know, was just curious.”

 

I watched Veer. He seemed to be racking his brains, trying to remember if he had seen her. I told him not to worry about it and he left just as the kids started coming back to class.

I turned away, and it was then then that I heard a little voice behind me.

 

“My mama’s name is Khushi.”

 

Turning around, my eyes widened as I saw the source of the little voice. Arushi.

 

*****

 

For the rest of that afternoon, I was completely dazed. Arushi’s mother was called Khushi. Once the children left at the end of the day, I remained in the classroom, in my chair, thinking.

Slowly all the pieces of information I knew about Arushi started fitting together.

The mother who made amazing jalebis, single mother. Father with the same birthday as me. A father who wasn’t in the picture because he was working in Delhi. A diabetic…

Running a hand through my hair, I realised that this was insane. Was Arushi… Was she… I couldn’t even think about it, couldn’t comprehend. It felt like a huge bag of bricks had just been dropped on my head. I recalled everything I had thought and felt since I first met Arushi. That feeling of knowing her. I thought back to how I thought she was a relative of Khushi’s. Never for a moment did I even consider that maybe this child was… I couldn’t even say it.

I needed to check my facts before I got ahead of myself. Getting to my feet, I pretty much ran down to the office and asked for the staff for all the files on the kids in my class.

Once I got them, I took them back to my classroom and dug out Arushi’s one first.

 

Name: Arushi Singhania.

Singhania? Where did this name from? I carried on reading.

Mother : Khushi Singhania.

This must be how Khushi went under the radar. She used a different surname, one I would never have thought of. I carried on reading through her file, looking for any details that could refer to her father. But there was no father listed, no contact details for a dad. The only mention of her father was in the notes, where it said that Arushi had diabetes and that it was inherited from her dad.

Leaning back in my chair, I put my hands on my head, taking it all in, trying to comprehend.

Looking at the date of birth, I counted back 9 months. And sure enough, it went back to around the time Khushi left me. If this was my Khushi and I was right, then it means that Khushi was very, very early pregnant when she left me. Too early to tell. She probably hadn’t known herself at the time that she was pregnant.

Putting all the pieces together, I had conclusive evidence to believe that Arushi’s mother and my Khushi were the same person. And that Arushi… Arushi was my… My daughter.

I couldn’t believe it. COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. I had a daughter. Arushi…

Oh my god.

 

*****

 

Parents evening time had arrived and I met one parent after another. As I ticked the kids off, I got closer and closer to Arushi’s name, meaning closer to Khushi. How would she react when she saw me? Would she turn and bolt? Or would she just freeze up?

Time went on as I carried on meeting with the other parents until finally, I was awaiting on Arushi and her mother…

Sitting in my chair, I leaned back, shut my eyes, and tried to steady my breathing.

It was then there was a knock on my door.

Sitting up straight, I smoothed down my tie and ran my hand through my hair.

 

“Come in.”

 

This was it. If my suspicions were correct, then Khushi would be walking in now.

Arushi rushed into the room, and following close behind her was… A man? Arushi said hi, but my eyes remained fixed on the man in front of me, who also looked taken aback upon seeing me.

Who was he? Where was Khushi? Pulling myself together, I got to my feet and put my hand out to the man.

 

“Hi, I’m Ar…”

”Arnav Singh Raizada.”

 

As he walked towards me, he shook his head, pulled himself together and came and shook my hand.

 

“I’m Raj Singhania, Arushi’s father.”

 

Arushi’s father? But I thought Arushi didn’t have a dad? What on earth? What was happening?

 

“Please take a seat.”

 

Raj sat down opposite me, while Arushi went to the back of the classroom and started playing with the little toys that I’d left out.

 

“I didn’t realise you teach Mr Raizada.”

“I don’t. My friend owns the school so I’m just doing him a favour. This is my last couple of days.”

“Oh I see. Well seeing as I’ve had the pleasure to meet you, I’d just like to say that I’m a huge fan of your work and your business. I’ve been following the performance of your business very carefully.”

”Thanks. But we can discuss that later, let’s talk about Arushi.”

 

I still didn’t understand what was going on. Who this guy actually was. Nothing was making sense, but for now, I needed to do my job.
So I opened up my file and I started talking through all the notes that I’d made on Arushi over the past couple of months.

 

“So all in all, you have a very talented child and she’s a pleasure to work with.”

 

Looking up from her toys, Arushi smiled at me and then looked away again.

Now that I’d actually thought about it, her resemblance with Khushi was striking. She had to be my Khushi’s daughter. And she had to be my daughter. I was sure if it.

As the meeting neared it end, I realised that I needed to ask Raj more otherwise I’d never be able to rest in peace.

 

“I’m sorry if this is intrusive, but when I was looking at the records of children when inviting parents, I didn’t realise that Arushi had a father. I mean, you’re not listed as her father. I was under the impression her dad wasn’t in the picture?”

 

I don’t think Raj expected me to ask this because he looked slightly taken aback. But I knew I had to ask him. Given everything that I had learnt, I didn’t understand how he fit into the equation.

 

“I… I’m not really her dad.”

”What do you mean?”

 

I watched as he turned to Arushi who was in her own little world before he turned back to me. Letting out a little sigh, I watched as he recomposed himself.

 

“Arushi and her mother are paying guests at my house. They live with me and my mother, have done for over 6 years now. Well her mother has been with us for over six years, Arushi came into the picture afterwards.

A couple of years ago, Arushi got teased by the children in school about how she didn’t have a dad. So I guess you can say I stepped up for the role. But she knows I’m not actually her dad so it’s okay.”

 

If my suspicions were correct about Arushi being mine and Khushi’s child, then that means Arushi suffered a whole lot because I wasn’t around. But in my defence, I didn’t even know she existed.

 

“Where is Arushi’s father?”

 

Raj hesitated. Did he know who Arushi’s father was? Did he know that I was her dad?

 

“He… He doesn’t live around here.”

 

Looking at his watch, Raj got to his feet.

 

“I’m sorry to call out meeting short but I need to get going.”

 

He was escaping. My questions were making him uncomfortable and that further solidified my suspicions. I was damn sure Arushi was my Khushi’s child. Mine and Khushi’s child. She had to be. Answer Raj knew Arushi was mine.

I needed to find Khushi and I needed to find her soon. If this really was my Khushi and if Arushi really was my daughter, it means I’ve missed out on years with her and I need to fix things to make up for lost time. I needed to find Khushi.

 

I needed to.

Unwanted ~ Part 30

 

Arnav

 

Happy birthday to me! I’ve reached the grand old age of 33 and don’t have a lot to show for myself. I mean obviously I have my business empire, but other than that, not a lot. I don’t know where my wife is and my life hasn’t really progressed much in the last six years.

But for the first time in six years, I’m actually looking forward to my birthday. I get to spend the day around a group of young people who I have gotten very attached to. In order to celebrate, I have brought some chocolates to share with the kids.

It’s going to be a good day, I could tell.

 

*****

 

Just before the children went for their lunch, I decided to distribute the chocolates that I had brought with me.

 

“So it’s my birthday today and I have brought some chocolates for everyone!”

 

There was a slight yelp of joy as I started going round each desk, letting each child pick a chocolate. One by one I went through them all until I reached Arushi. Now unlike all the other kids, she hadn’t been anticipating my arrival with the treats. She was sat at her desk, drawing what looked like dresses.

 

“Here you go Arushi, choose one.”

“No thank you sir.”

“Why not? Don’t you like chocolate?”

“I do, but I’m not allowed to have normal chocolate. I can only eat special chocolate my mama buys me.”

“Why’s that?”

“I have sugar ki bimaari.”

“You’re diabetic?”

 

I could feel my eyes widen as I waited for a response from her. She nodded her little head just as the bell went off, signalling lunchtime.

I dismissed the children once I was sure that another member of staff was outside, ready to take them. I watched Arushi slowly put her things away.

 

“But you eat jalebis?”

“My mama makes me special ones, just for me.”

“I’m diabetic too.”

 

Getting to her feet, she rushed over to the door where her friend was waiting for her. Turning around, she gave me a little wave.

 

“I’ll tell my mama to make some special ones for you too sir.”

 

*****

 

All throughout lunchtime, I couldn’t stop thinking about Arushi and the little revelation that she had made. I should’ve known. As her teacher, I should’ve known that she was diabetic.

But that wasn’t all. There was something else about this matter that was troubling me and I didn’t know what it was and why.

I knew that children could get diabetes, but Arushi was so young? She’s only 5? It wasn’t fair that such a young child should have diabetes. They should be able to enjoy their life, eat as much sugar as they want without having to think anything of it. They shouldn’t have to turn down sweets and chocolates. It wasn’t fair.

 

*****

 

At the end of the day, I watched as all the children got picked up by their parents. Once all my kids were gone, I was ready to go back to my classroom when I saw Arushi still sat on the small wall, waiting.

I made my way over to the wall and sat down on it beside her.

 

“Your mama isn’t here yet?”

“Mama has work so she can’t get me any way. But Priya wasn’t here today so Naina aunty hasn’t come either.”

“So who are you waiting for?”

 

Arushi shrugged her shoulders as she swung her little feet.

 

“Have you always had diabetes Arushi?”

 

She nodded without looking up.

 

“Does your mum have diabetes?”

 

Shaking her head, she looked up at me.

 

“Mama said papa has diabetes. That’s why she knows how to make special jalebis. She used to make it for papa all the time.”

“Oh, I see.”

 

Turning around, she looked back towards the main gate. There were still quite a lot of children around.

 

“Do you want me to call home to make sure that someone is coming to take you?”

“It’s okay. Someone always comes.”

 

We sat in silence for a while.

 

“Do you have any plans of what to do when you go home?”

“No. Play with mama and then dinner and then bed maybe.”

“Do you get a lot of time to play with your mama?”

“Lots and lots of time.”

 

Her face lit up as we spoke about her mother and it was evident that they shared a close relationship. It must be hard for her mother, being a single parent…

 

“Are you going to do anything when you go home sir? On my birthday, mama takes me to the park!”

“When I go home, I’ll probably call my family and then plan next weeks lessons.”

“No cake?”

“I live on my own, so no cake.”

“Do you not have any family?”

 

If this were an adult asking, I would find them to be very rude and intrusive. But Arushi was just a child and she was curious.

 

“I do, but my family live in Delhi. So I can’t see them for my birthday.”

“Oh… Mama says she used to live in Delhi before, a long time ago. My papa too.”

 

So Arushi’s parents lived in Delhi? Could it be possible that I knew her parents? Shaking my head, I pushed the thought away. I was being crazy. Delhi was huge and there were tonnes and tonnes of people. The chances of actually knowing her parents were slim to none.

 

“Did I tell you sir, it’s my dad’s birthday today too! Me and mama did pooja for papa’s birthday in the morning.”

“Really? That’s such a coincidence!”

 

So Arushi’s father had the same birthday as me. I wanted to ask if she had spoken to her father, or made him a card to wish him, but I still hadn’t established if Arushi’s parents were separated or if her father was no longer alive. If he wasn’t alive, I didn’t want to upset her by asking if she’d spoke to him.

Something about this child intrigued me and I wanted to know more about her and her family. But how was I to do that?

Looking over her shoulder once more, I saw Arushi’s face light up as she saw a man in the distance.

 

“Arushi!”

 

The man called out and Arushi jumped to her feet, grabbing her bag that was on the floor.

 

“I have to go now sir!”

“Is that someone to pick you up?”

 

She nodded her little head frantically as she ran round the wall and started making her way down the gates. I watched as she ran off. The man looked a similar age to me, maybe slightly shorter than me. I watched as he stopped where he was, a smile on his face as his eyes fixed on the little girl running towards him.

I kept watching, he knelt down slightly as Arushi approached and she threw her little arms around him, and he lifted her up.

Who was this man? I knew Arushi’s dad was out of the picture, but who was this? Whoever it was, it was evident that he and Arushi shared a close bond. They both looked delighted to be together as they made their way down the path and out the school gates.
I had never thought that Arushi may have any other family other than her mother. This man could be her uncle.

Shaking my head, I got off the wall and made my way back tinny classroom. I was getting far too invested…

 

*****

 

When I finally got home that evening, the first thing I did was check my phone for all my messages. There was a whole stack from friends and employees wishing me a happy birthday. And then of course there was a whole lot of messages from my family.

 

Turning FaceTime on, I gave Di a call. She answered on the second ring.

 

“Hi Di.”

“Happy birthday Chote!”

“Thanks Di. How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright, you?”

“I’ve been good too. Just keeping myself busy.”

“When are you coming back Chote? We’re all really missing you.”

“I’m missing you guys too. I should be able to start thinking about coming back soon. Veer has been interviewing potential candidates like crazy. But it’s midterm now. So anyone he hires, they won’t be able to start until the new term begins.”

“That’s fine, there’s only a few weeks left.”

 

There was a pause as me and Di just took each other in. They hadn’t been apart for this long in a very long time and Arnav could tell it was unsettling Anjali.

 

“Di, I promise, I’ll be back soon. Or why don’t you come and visit me for a few days?”

“I’d love to. But Shalini has school and I can’t just leave her and come.”

“I understand Di.”

 

Me and Di made small talk. We spoke for a while. For the first time in a long time, me and Di were able to have a long conversation without arguing.

Once we were done, she passed the phone over to Akash and then to Nani and then back to Di.

 

“I was going to pass the phone to Nimisha, but she’s gone out with Pari. Maybe you can call them later, or they’ll call you?”

 

I nodded. I didn’t want to argue with Di by saying that I wasn’t going to call them. Wishing me a happy birthday once more, Di ended the call and I put my phone aside.

My time here really was almost up. There was only about another 2 weeks of the term and then the kids would go on holiday. And when they came back, they would have a new teacher.

As much as I was glad to be almost done, it was also hard. I’d really started enjoying teaching and I’d really grown fond of the kids around me. They’d become a part of my life and I loved seeing how far they’d come in terms of their education since I first starts with them.

When I’d arrived they were learning the letters H, I and J. Now, most of them knew the entire alphabet! We’d come a long way and my journey with them was almost at its ends.
As much as I had achieved a lot, I also didn’t achieve a lot. I had no new information regarding Khushi, no new leads. Nothing. Mumbai was cold. There was no sign of Khushi here. But regardless of the that, my heart told me that I needed to be here, that I was close.

Feelings were telling me to stay, the facts were telling me to move along.

Laying back in my bed, I looked up at the ceiling. If only a sign would just fall from the sky. But of course, nothing came.

Sighing, I got comfortable in bed, letting myself rest. Shutting my eyes, I was ready to take a short nap.

 

Just as I was about to drift off, a thought hit me.

Nimisha and Pari hadn’t called me today.

Now of course, to some this wouldn’t seem like a big deal, but to me, this was something noteworthy.

When I’d first moved here, Nimisha called me constantly. Sometimes with the pretence that she was missing me, other times saying Pari needed to talk to me.

As time went on, she called less and less frequently. But what stood out about today was that it was my birthday. Nimisha would never miss my birthday. Looking at the clock, I realised it was almost 7. The entire day was almost done and Nimi hasn’t called me? In a bit, Pari would go to sleep and wouldn’t be able to speak to me?

That was strange. It seemed out of character. And Di had said they were out. Where could they be at this time of evening?

Call me paranoid but something wasn’t fitting for me. Something was going on. Otherwise Nimisha wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of making a song and dance about our relationship. Something wasn’t right. Something was going on. But I didn’t know how I felt about it. Do I feel happy that Nimisha has left me alone, or should I be suspicious as to what she’s up to?

All of a sudden, I felt torn all over again. Something wasn’t right. I knew.

Unwanted ~ Part 29

 

Khushi

 

By the time I got home from work, Arushi was already home and she was already changed out of her school clothes. Taking my little girl into my arms, I held her close and told her I missed her lots and lots.

 

“I missed you too mama.”

“So tell me, what did my princess do in school today.”

“Nothing.”

 

I could tell something wasn’t right. Normally she’d come running to me and she wouldn’t stop talking about her day. She’d tell me every little detail and if she missed something, it would mean needing to go through the whole story all over again.

 

“Arushi, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Beta, you know you can’t hide anything from me.”

 

I watched as her expressions changed, it was evident she was trying to figure out what to do.

 

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow and I don’t want to do the Father’s Day event.”

 

This came as a shock to me. Ever since Arushi had started school, she had never wanted to not go to school. Even when she was ill, it was a struggle to keep her home. So now for her to tell me she didn’t want to go, I knew something was wrong.

 

“Did something happen?”

 

She shook her head but I knew my daughter well enough to know she was lying. Taking her into my arms, I pulled her to myself and sat down on the floor with her on my lap.

 

“Tell me Ari, what happened?”

 

Looking up at me, I saw the little tears in the corner of her eyes. I watched as she tried to make them go away, but they didn’t and ended falling onto her little cheeks.

 

“The people in my class said I can’t do the Father’s Day presentation because I don’t have a real dad.”

 

I gasped and I held my baby close to myself. When did kids become so cruel? How could such young children be so mean to each other?

 

“Did you tell your teacher?”

“I did. He made them sit near the wall.”

“The naughty wall?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Baby, you have a dad. Raj is going to do to the presentation with you.”

“But he isn’t my real papa. Mama why can’t you call papa and tell him to come? I want my papa!”

“Arushi, you know your dad live far away and he’s very busy…”

“But can’t he come for one day? It’s not fair! I’ve never even seen my papa! Doesn’t he love me?”

 

I shook my head, holding her tighter.

 

“Of course he loves you baby! You’re our baby. But he just can’t…”

“He can’t come to see me.”

 

Arushi’s face fell and hen she wiggled out of my arms.

 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to play in my room.”

 

She walked away and I watched her go. What was I doing? For the first time ever, Arushi was questioning her fathers love for her. How could I do that to her? How could I keep lying to her like this? She thought Arnav didn’t love her, hence why he never came. How could I tell her that he doesn’t even know she exists? How do I tell my daughter that everything I’ve told her about why her dad isn’t with us is a lie?

 

“You’re realising how much of a mess you’ve made, aren’t you?”

 

Turning, I saw Raj stood in the doorway. When had he arrived. Stepping into the room, he looked over his shoulder before shutting the door behind himself.

 

“Ma is with Arushi.”

“Did you need something Raj?”

“No not really, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Arushi. Khushi, what are you doing to that poor little girl?

“What am I doing to her?”

“You’re torturing her! She’s only a five year old! She’s never met her real father, never even spoken to him…”

“You know why that is!”

“I do! And you know that I didn’t approve of your decision at the time and I still don’t. You left Arnav because you didn’t want to deprive his child of its fathers love, but look at what you’re doing to Arushi.”

“What am I doing to her?”

“You’re making her question whether her dad loves her or not! And I can’t blame her. The poor child has never seen it spoken to her dad. She doesn’t even know what he looks like or what his name is! He’s just a story to her.”

“She has you. So she’s feeling a bit down today, but come tomorrow, she’ll be completely over all this and she’ll be ready to rehearse for the Father’s Day event with you again.”

“Yes she has me, and I love her like my own, but at the end of the day she isn’t mine and she knows that. She knows her dad is out there somewhere and it’s understandable that she’s curious and wants to know more about him.”

 

I hated having this conversation. Why didn’t they just accept that I couldn’t let Arushi meet Arnav or let her speak to him. Why didn’t they understand that I couldn’t just torpedo into his life and drop Arushi on him?

 

“Khushi, listen to me. Arushi is still little. As she gets older she’s only going to have more and more questions. And as she gets older, your excuse he lives to far and is too busy isn’t going to bode well. Please Khushi, try and put this all aside.”

“I don’t understand what you expect me to do! I’ve said it time and time again, I can’t tell Arnav anything! Why don’t you understand?”

“Are you really that selfish Khushi? You’re thinking about the inconvenience it’ll cause you to tell Arnav the truth and you’re thinking about his happiness, but you’re completely overlooking Arushi’s feelings.”

“What inconvenience will it cause me? How dare you call me selfish? I’m thinking about everyone accept myself when I try to make decisions regarding this!”

 

My temper was rising fast. Raj was always so kind and supportive but today? Why was he speaking to me like this!

 

“You’re worried about all the questions you’ll have to answer if you go to Arnav now and tell him about his daughter. You know it’s going to put you in a tricky spot and you want to avoid that.”

“No, that’s not my reasoning at all! I’m thinking solely about Arnav and Arushi. Have you even for a moment thought about either of them? You’re only looking at the situation from one side, I’m looking at it from both. Do you think I enjoy being away from my husband, away from the love of my life? Do you think it’s easy for me to live my life? Do you think I enjoy seeing my fatherless daughter pine for her dad? No I don’t Raj! It kills me every time. But have you thought what would happen if I introduce Arushi to Arnav and he refuses to acknowledge her? What if I take her to him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with either of us?”

“Then Arushi will know her dad is scum and maybe it will be easier for you all to move on.”

“But yes, there is a slight selfishness to my decision too. What if I take Arushi to Arnav and he wants to keep her? What if he’s happy with Nimisha and his other child and he decides that he wants full custody for Arushi? What if he’s content with his life but having Arushi would make it better? He’s far more financially stable than I am. He would win a custody battle. I could lose my daughter. Have you thought of that?”

 

It was obvious from Raj’s expression that he hadn’t thought of that. That he hadn’t for a moment considered that taking Arushi to Arnav could mean us all losing her. But he knew as much as I did that this could be something that could happen.

We had all seen the pictures and the articles of Arnav and Nimisha on their wedding and at high profile events over the years. It seemed as though they were happy together. If I took Arushi to Arnav, he may decide he wants to keep our baby, but he doesn’t need me. He may throw me out of their lives and keep Arushi. And I couldn’t let that happen. Arushi was my reason to live, the reason I got up in the morning, the reason why I kept living this life. If I lost her…

 

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Well I had. Do you see why Raj it’s so hard to decide what to do?”

“I do but…”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future, but for now I want to leave things as they are.”

 

It was obvious Raj wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. He just nodded, acknowledging what I had said. He looked down at his feet and the turned his attention back to me.

 

“So you still love him?”

 

This question threw me off slightly. I wasn’t expecting Raj to ask me something like that.
Sighing, I sat down on my bed and took the photo of Arnav out of my bedside drawer and looked at it. It was one of my favourite pictures of Arnav. It was one that I had taken of him on our honeymoon. It was one of the first pictures I took of him after we slept together for the first time.

 

“I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a moment.”

 

Coming over to the bed, Raj sat down beside me.

 

“It’s been six years Khushi…”

“I know but I can’t just stop…”

“Let me finish what I was trying to say. I was saying, it’s been six years and you still love him as much as ever. Maybe you should try reaching out to him. If in over six years you haven’t been able to stop loving him, I don’t think you will ever be able to. For yourself and Arushi, maybe you need to reach out to him.”

 

Raj was right. It had been six years and not a moment went by when I didn’t think about Arnav. When I lay in my bed cold bed alone, I thought of Arnav. When I woke up, I thought about Arnav. When I looked at our daughter, I thought of him. He was always on my mind, always in my thoughts. To someone, it may seem insane. We were only together for six months and yet six years later I haven’t been able to get over him. But that’s just how it was. Those six months with him were the best six months of my life and I cherish every single moment from that time.

 

“I was happy with him. Our lives were going great, everything was perfect. It’s hard not to still love him when he never did anything to make me feel anything less for him. We never argued, he always took care of all my little needs and he was always there for me. How can I not still love him?”

 

I looked to Raj, awaiting his response. I could see that he saw things the way I saw them, that he understood what I meant.

 

“I understand.”

“In my heart, I hope that maybe one day I can reach out to him again. But as time goes on, I feel like it’s becoming harder and harder to reach out to him. He’s probably settled into his life now, he’s probably happy with Nimisha and their child. They may even have another child by now. I can’t enter his life again now. I could make a mess for him.”

“But what if he too has been struggling to move on, just as you have?”

“He got married to Nimisha. He wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t ready to move on.”

 

Raj went silent once more. He knew I had a point.

 

“If he’s moved on, don’t you think maybe you should try too?”

“Maybe one day. But right now, I have Arushi and I want to be the best mother to her. I don’t want to divert my attention.”

“So what, you’re not ruling out the chances of getting married again?”

“I don’t know Raj. I honestly haven’t thought about it. I don’t want to get married again. Heck, I’m still married to Arnav. I can’t even think about getting married again. But maybe one day I will think about it seriously. But as of now, I’m fine as I am.”

 

He remained seated beside me for a while. He didn’t say anything, nor did he move. He turned to me, wanting to say something, but he must have thought against it because he turned away once more and slowly got to his feet.

 

“As long as your happy and you know what you’re doing, I can’t really say anything more.”

“I appreciate you’re concern for me and Arushi, but I think we’ll be okay.”

 

Nodding, Raj made his way over to the door and slowly opened it. He turned back to me, but then shook his head and turned away once more and left.

I did understand Raj’s concern, I really did. He cared for me and Arushi and so he wanted the best for the both of us. But at the end of the day, how I decided to go about this was my business.

I turned my attention back to my photograph of Arnav. I missed him, so, so much. Every single day, all the time. No matter what happened and how much changed, he would always be my other half, my better half. He completed me, made me whole. And even if he did have someone else and his own life now, for me, he would always be my other half. The man who completed me.

Whenever Raj and Veera asked me about getting married again, I always made it sound like it would be something that I would consider one day, but the truth was I don’t see myself ever thinking about getting married again. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving Arnav or ever stop wanting to be with him. I could marry someone else, but at the end of the day, my heart belonged to Arnav, so it seemed pointless even considering marriage.

Yes, making Arushi understand would only get harder as she got older, but once she got to a certain age, I would tell her the truth. Why I left her dad and why he isn’t with us. Maybe one day she’d understand, but for now, what she knew was enough.

In my heart, there was still hope. Maybe one day things would get better and me, Arnav and Arushi could be a proper family. But until then, hope is all we have. I would carry on praying for him and for us and maybe Devi Maiyya would make things easier for us all. I had faith and I had hope. Maybe one day…

 

Just maybe.