Khushi had been at her maternal place for 5 days and she had been calling Arnav regularly but he wasn’t picking up her calls, nor was he replaying to any of her text messages. She knew something was very off but she couldn’t work out what the matter was. But she knew that they would be able to work it out and things would be fine when she got back home. It was then the courier came through…
“Khushi bitya, there’s a letter here for you, a big one.”
Looking at Payal, Khushi was confused. She had changed her address for most things, and very rarely did any post come for her here. Regardless, she got to her feet and went to her father who was holding the large envelope. Taking it off him, she made her way back to her bedroom and opened it.
As Khushi pulled out the papers and started reading through, she couldn’t believe what she was reading. How was this real? How could this actually be happening. Feeling her legs give way, Khushi crumbled to the bed, tears pricking her eyes.
Divorce papers…
*****
The day passed excruciatingly slowly and Khushi was still in disbelief that this was actually happening. She knew there was something wrong between them but she had never thought that the issues were that deep that he would want a divorce. Heck, she didn’t even know what the issues were. She had tried to call him, but each time his phone either went to voicemail or he rejected the call. She had left a multitude of messages too, asking him to call her back or to answer her calls. She knew she had to speak to him properly before doing anything else.
The days passed by and he didn’t get back to her.
Khushi felt confused and broken. She couldn’t understand why this was happening, everything had been going great between them. Then why all of a sudden… It just didn’t make sense.
The days passed on by, and Khushi was feeling more and more disheartened. He wasn’t calling her back, he wasn’t replying to her messages, he wasn’t taking her calls. She didn’t know what to do. As Khushi lay in bed, crying over it all, her phone started ringing and she jumped to answer it. It must be Arnav. Only he would get back to her at this hour, Without even checking her caller ID, she took the call.
“Arnav, finally. I’ve been calling you for days, why haven’t you been taking my calls I…”
“Khushi it’s me, Manav…”
Falling silent, Khushi removed the phone from her ear and looked at the caller ID. Indeed it was Manav calling. Sighing, she composed herself before speaking.
“Manav I told you I don’t have anything to say to you, please stop contacting me.”
“Can I meet you?”
“No. I have enough on my plate right now. I cannot be dealing with you on top of that.”
“Is everything okay? What’s going on?”
“I really have to go.”
Disconnecting the call, Khushi threw her phone aside and buried her face into her pillow. She hadn’t yet told anyone about the divorce papers but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hide it for. Curling up into a ball, Khushi tucked a photo of Arnav into her chest and let sleep take over.
*****
Early the next morning, Khushi was awoken by her phone ringing. Looking at the clock, she was confused to see that it was only 5am. Who would call her so early in the…
Arnav? Picking her phone up, her suspicion was correct when she saw his picture and name flash up on her phone. She answered the call.
“What the hell Arnav, I’ve been calling you for days and now you…”
“Nani has been put on a ventilator and we think you should be here. Doctors are saying… They’re saying this is it.”
All other thoughts left Khushi’s mind as she jumped out of bed.
“I’ll be there in a bit.”
“I’ve already sent a car for you. It should be there soon if it’s not already there.”
“I’ll see you in a bit. And Arnav, stay strong, Nani will be fine, I’m coming.”
She disconnected the call and began rushing around to get dressed.
Over at Raizada house, Arnav put his phone back into his pocket and exhaled. He hadn’t even realised he’d been holding his breath but he had. After days of putting distance between himself and Khushi, he now had to call her back himself. But he knew it needed to be done. He’d never be able to live with himself in something happened to Nani and she wasn’t here. Regardless of their issues, she needed to be here for the sake of Nani.
Leaving his bedroom, he went back to nanis room. The doctors were still attending to her and the rest of the family were waiting outside, but they all knew that the time had come when they would have to say goodbye to Nani. Her health had been deteriorating again for days and it just felt like the end this time.
Arnav was glad that he hadn’t mentioned getting a divorce from Khushi yet. If they did lose Nani, he didn’t want her to know that this was happening.
Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and Hari Prakash went to open the door. Arnav braved himself. This was it. She would be back and she would have so many questions for him. Arnav heard Hari Prakash greet Khushi and then heard him tell her that they were all upstairs. He heard her shoes before he saw her, but there she was. She looked tired, the bags under her eyes darker than he had ever seen them, and the moment she saw him, he saw the tears that welled up in her eyes. Before he could move though, Anjali noticed Khushi and ran to her, giving her a tight hug.
“Thank goodness you’re here.”
“Of course Di. There was one where else I would rather be. How is Nani?”
Anjali broke the hug and took a step back from Khushi.
“She’s not good. They’re saying she has very little time left. A few hours at the most.”
Anjali broke down and Shyam came and gathered her into his arms and walked away with her. The tears Khushi had been holding back fell as she slowly approached Arnav. He knew he should’ve stood his ground and kept his distance, but seeing her, knowing what was happening to Nani, he felt weak. Before she could reach him, he walked right up to her, holding his arms out to her and then crumbling in her arms.
“Thank you for coming.”
His legs gave out and he fell to his knees. Kneeling down with him, Khushi took him into her arms as he broke down. She stroked his hair a she finally let out all the tears that he had been holding back. Most of them were for Nani, but some of them were for him, for them. This was all he wanted, to stay in her arms but he knew this was a short lived reality. Soon they would part ways and her arms would be for someone else again. Perhaps her arms were never for him any way. He was running on borrowed time and now all that time had come to and end.
Helping Arnav to his feet, Khushi guided him over to the sofa and sat him down. She then rushed to their bedroom and got him a class of water. If she hadn’t been in a rush to her back to him, she would have realised that he had her picture on his bedside and that in bed was one of her favourite pyjama tops.
Holding the glass for him, Khushi told Arnav to drink and he did so obediently. Putting the glass down, she sat down beside him, taking his hands into her own.
“You need to be strong Arnav. I know how hard that is for you, but if anything happens to Nani, everyone is going to need you to be their rock. You can’t let yourself become weak like this.”
Nodding, Arnav wipes away his tears and turned to Khushi.
“Thanks for coming.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Regardless of what’s happening between us, this family is as much mine as it is yours.”
“I appreciate that.”
“But Arnav, we do need to speak at some point.”
“I know, and we will but…”
Before he could finish his sentence though, Mama ji and Mami ji came out of Nani’s room, head down, tears streaming down their faces.
“She’s gone.”
*****
That night was one of the longest nights of their lives. It passed by in a blur for Arnav, but Khushi was fully aware of everything that was going on and made it her responsibility to stay strong for everyone else.
Preparations for the funeral began and Khushi watched as Arnav made all the necessary arrangements with a heavy heart. As night fell she became acutely aware of the fact that she didn’t know what she was meant to do now. If she went home, it would look bad with everyone else, but she didn’t know if she was welcome to stay. Arnav had been civil with her, but she could tell he was still keeping his distance as much as he could.
At the end of the night, Khushi entered their bedroom and found Arnav slumped on his recliner, fresh tears steaming down his face. Tentatively she went and sat down beside him and placed a hand on his thigh. Brushing her off, he stood up, wiping his eyes.
“I can’t… I can’t deal with this, us, right now. So please just stay away from me while you’re here. I haven’t told anyone about the divorce yet, and now isn’t the right time, and until then you can stay but please, just stay away.”
He finished his monologue and retreated to the bathroom before she could say anything else. She wanted to ask him why, to grab him by the shoulders and demand to know what was going on, but now wasn’t the time and she knew that.
Sighing, she went over to her wardrobe and pulled out her pyjamas and waited for him to come out of the bathroom so she could go in.
As he came out, she went in and when she came back out again, she found that Arnav had taken the duvet and his pillow and had settled down onto the recliner.
“Arnav…”
“I’m not going to get any sleep any way. So you take the bed, I’m fine here.”
“That’s fine but you can rest in bed too…”
“No I can’t. I’m fine here.”
He turned away and settled down on the recliner and Khushi felt deflated. Nothing made sense, she couldn’t understand why he was behaving like this with her, but she knew better than to push him now. He had just endured one of the biggest losses of his life and she didn’t want to add to his problems. There would be time for them to speak afterwards.
Sighing, Khushi got into bed and turned the lamp off. She was aware that Arnav was still awake, but she didn’t want to say anything to him. Time ticked by slowly and Khushi let out a sigh as she closed her eyes, begging for sleep to take over. But her effort were futile. As she tossed and turned in bed, Arnav watched her every movement. Sighing, he sat up.
“Khushi, you still up?”
Khushi stilled in bed as she thought for a moment. She wanted to talk to him but was now the time? She decided to just speak to him seeing that he was actually wanting to talk to her. Sitting up, she turned on the bedside lamp.
“Yeah… I can’t seem to get to sleep.”
“Me either, there’s just so much going on in my head right now.”
Leaning back against the headboard, Khushi pulled the sheets up to her chest and settled against the pillows.
“Hey Khushi, thank you for being here and for just being so normal about it all.”
“Of course I would be here. This is my family too and I have a responsibility to be here.”
“I know but… Just with everything going on between us…”
Arnav trailed off. He didn’t want to talk about them or about Manav. But he’d opened the box and he knew Khushi wasn’t just going to let it slide.
“I still don’t understand what happened between us.”
She moved the sheets away and got out of bed. She hesitated as she approached him on the recliner, but she pushed aside all doubt and sat down beside him.
Placing her hand on his knee, he looked down at her hand and watched as she stroked his knee slightly with her thumb.
“What happened Arnav? I don’t understand. Everything between us was going perfect and then… I don’t understand.”
He could see the hurt in her eyes and it pained him so deeply. Still focused on her hand, he tried to push all other thoughts away and just focus on her, on them. But no matter what he did, thoughts of Manav came to mind. Her with Manav, what he had seen and heard that day.
Khushi watched him closely, she could clearly see that his mind was working overtime. She didn’t want to have to seduce him to get an answer out of him, but perhaps appealing to him in that manner may help her get an answer out of him. She let herself move her hand further up his thigh, her face close to his.
“What we had was perfect. And it still can be, if you just tell me…”
His eyes met hers and his hand involuntarily find her face. Cupping her face, he scooted closer to her. She moved closer to him.
“Just tell me.” She whispered against his lips.
His hands found their way to the back of her neck and ever so gently he pulled her towards him, his lips finding hers. But before either of them could settle into the kiss, Arnav returned to his senses and moved himself away from her.
“This was a bad idea. I’m just going to go sleep in the guest room.”
“Arnav…”
“No. No I can’t do this. I have far too much on my mind right now and I will not let you take advantage of me.”
Khushi got to her feet and crossed her arms in front of her defensively.
“I’m not taking advantage…”
“Coming close to me, touching me, knowing how you affect me, and you say you weren’t taking advantage of me?”
“I just wanted…”
“Just leave me alone.”
Finally feeling herself reach the end of her tether, Khushi snapped.
“Okay you know what, I’m done. I won’t ask you what’s wrong, I won’t try to come close to you, I won’t bother you. After the funeral tomorrow, I am leaving and I won’t return or call you until you sort yourself out. But if even for a moment you think I’m going to sign those divorce papers, you are mistaken Mr Raizada. If you have such an issue with me that you can’t even bare to be around me, you can tell me what it is. Then and only then will I sign the papers.”
She exhaled and turned away from him, making her way to the bathroom. She needed to get out of the room because she knew she was going to start crying, but she didn’t want him to see.
As the door shut behind Khushi, Arnav too turned away and left for the guest room. Once she was sure he was gone, she came out of the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She knew that she shouldn’t have lost her tempter, that she shouldn’t have snapped at him. After all, he hadn’t been wrong to accuse her of trying to take advantage of him. She knew what she was doing and she had hoped that in his state of vulnerability, she would be able to soften him and get the truth out of him. He had been right and it was because of how well he knew her that it had made her snap.
*****
The next day, the funeral went ahead without any hinderances and as she had said, she stayed far away from Arnav.
In the evening, she left to go back to her maternal home with her parents. Anjali asked her to stay back, but one look at Arnav and Khushi knew there was no point her staying here. It would just further fuel the tension and she wasn’t sure how much she and Arnav would be able to keep it under wraps. With a heavy heart, she left Shantivan.
*****
Weeks passed and Khushi stayed true to her word. She didn’t call Arnav, and when she came to Shantivan to check in on everyone, she always made sure that she arrived after he left for work and was gone again before he came home. At first Anjali didn’t say anything, she had assumed they had gotten into a lovers tiff and they would sort things again soon, but as time ticked on and the situation didn’t rectify, she felt the need to intervene. But her efforts had been futile. Neither Arnav nor Khushi were willing to speak about what had happened and ultimately, Anjali realised she needed to leave the situation alone. It was something Arnav and Khushi needed to work through themselves.
At Khushi’s house, her parents had started enquiring why she wasn’t going back, and she didn’t want to stress them out by telling them anything that had happened. So she gave it to them in the most basic way she possibly could. She had simply stated that her and Arnav had had an argument and they had both thought it would be best if they took some time apart.
Manav had been around the house a few times. It was safe to say his presence wasn’t appreciated in the Gupta house. Khushi has no interest in speaking to him and her parents couldn’t quite understand why he did what he did. So though they let him into the house, they weren’t happy to have him there. But Manav remained persistent and came by regularly, hoping that Khushi would take him back.
Late one evening when the rest of the Gupta’s had gone out of town for a wedding, Khushi stayed back. She didn’t want to have to lie to her relatives and tell them that her life was great when quite frankly, it was a complete and utter mess. Curled up on the sofa, Khushi chose to take the time to enjoy tv shows that she hadn’t had the chance to watch yet. To her dismay, she was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sighing, she paused the tv and went to open the door.
“Hi! I heard you were alone so I thought I’d come round and keep you company.”
Before Khushi could protest, Manav had walked into the house, put down the jumbo tub of popcorn that he had bought with him and sat sown on the sofa. Sighing, Khushi shut the door and went back to sit down.
“What are you doing here Manav. I told you, I’d rather you didn’t keep dropping by like this.”
“I know what you said, but I know you hate being alone so I thought I’d come and keep you company for a while. And maybe we could talk about us…”
“I’ve said this to you a million times, there is no us. There stopped being an us when you purposefully stayed away from me for 2 years and then came back into my life only because you thought I would fleece my husband and run off with you.”
“No offence Khushi, but what husband are you talking about? You’ve been here for weeks, no husband in sight.”
His words stung because she knew he was right. She hadn’t heard from her husband in weeks, hasn’t seen him and didn’t even know why he was behaving the way he was. Seeing that Khushi was distracted, Manav went over to the sofa that Khushi was sitting on and sat down beside her.
Wrapping his arm around her, he shuffled closer, his other hand on her knee. Khushi looked at his hand and raised an eyebrow. Shrugging him off, she put some distance between them.
Cocking his head to the side, Manav shuffled closer.
“It’s just me Khushi, you don’t have to put so much distance between us.”
“Yes I do. I don’t appreciate you putting your hands on me.”
“Come on now Khushi, I know you’re mad but you must remember, you’re still my wife. If I want to put my hands on you, I can. But more importantly, why are you acting like I’ve never touched you before?”
“First of all, I am not your wife. Our marriage ceased to exist when you left me for 2 years and when I married Arnav. And secondly, I’m not acting like you haven’t touched me before, I’m just saying I don’t appreciate you touching me now.”
“Have you forgotten our wedding night? How you basically begged me touch you? How you pretty much undressed yourself because you were so eager for us to have…”
“Stop. Stop it, just stop. I’m not denying what happened between us before, I’m not denying that at one time I craved to be intimate with you, but time has changed and I don’t want that any more.”
He moved closer, one hand taking hold of her hands, the other on her cheek.
“One kiss Khushi and it’ll all come back to you, one kiss and you’ll remember why you were so enthusiastic to sleep with me on our wedding night.”
Before she could protest, his lips were on hers, her back pinned against the sofa. He let go of her hands and he felt them move to his shoulders. She wasn’t pushing him away. Smiling against her lips, he nipped at her lip, pushing his tongue into her mouth. His hand moved along her thigh while the other found its way under her clothes and onto her breast. It was at this she came to her senses and pushed him away with all her might.
“What the fu**!”
Jumping away from him, Khushi straightened out her clothes and took another step away from him.
“I said no!”
“You weren’t saying no when I kissed you, nor did you push me away.”
He stood up and took a step towards her. Putting her hand out in front of her, she maintained a distance between them.
“You caught me off guard and it took me a moment to respond. I’d already told you I didn’t want you to touch me and you…”
“You’re behaving as if nothing has ever happened between us before, like this is all new.”
“No I’m not and it’s not that. You know what the issue is. The issue is I don’t want you to come near me like this any more.”
Taking a step away from her, Manav really paused to think. It was the first time he really took the moment to think about all of this.
“You… You’re in love with him?”
“I’m sure I’ve already told you that.”
“You have but… I just didn’t know if you cared for him as your husband or if you were genuinely in love with him and you… You’re really in love with him?”
“Yes I am.”
“Have you slept with him?”
“Manav we had this conversation in the coffee shop that day. I’m not going to talk to you about it again…”
“How often do you sleep with him? Is it a regular…”
“That’s none of your business! I told you that day and I’m telling you again, what’s between me and Arnav is our business and it has nothing to do with you.”
Letting out a scoff, Manav turned away.
“I mean I knew you were fond of him but I just hadn’t realised that… Stupid of me really.”
“What?”
“Despite everything you said, I really thought maybe you just cared for him because he cared for you. That perhaps you were with him because he’s your husband and not because you actually loved him… Was it really that easy for you to get into bed with someone else when you and I only got one night together?”
Khushi felt as though she had been slapped. The question completely threw her off and it took her a moment a compose herself.
“How dare you? Might I remind you, you were the one that left me and stayed away from me because you weren’t sure about what you wanted. I thought you were dead. There was no sign of you. Did you just expect me to keep my life on pause for you?”
“You could have waited a little longer.”
“I wanted to. But there was no sign of you and everyone wanted me to be happy, to get on with my life. And then Arnav came into my life and he just…”
Khushi trailed off as she remembered how hers and Arnav’s relationship had started. How they had gotten to know each other, how she had started letting herself get to know him and open up to him. How she could tell he was falling for her but he was being respectful and keeping his distance from her. How they finally came together…
“I thought I had experienced love but Arnav… He blew me away in a way I never realised I could be blown away.”
“Our relationship didn’t have the time to be nurtured. Give me another chance Khushi, give me an opportunity to blow you away too.”
Khushi shook her head as she played with her ring on her finger.
“That kind of feeling only happens once and I think I felt it with Arnav. I can’t imagine feeling that way about someone else.”
“What are you saying Khushi?”
“I’m saying, I want you to leave and I want you to not contact me again. I don’t think we can be friends but we can’t be more than friends either.”
Everything was happening to quickly and it was all so confusing. Manav stepped towards Khushi once more, his hand on her face.
“Just give me one chance. Let us start again. I can make it all right, you can learn to feel for me.”
Gently removing his hand, Khushi shook her head.
“There’s also another thing you said, you said you thought I slept with him because he was my husband. I think that shows your mentality more than anything. I feel like in your head, when you think about me and him, you assume that I felt I had to get into a physical relationship with him because he’s my husband and he would have shown a sense of entitlement towards me the way you did earlier. But he didn’t. For months he didn’t come near me, he gave me the space that he needed. Even when I knew he was developing feelings for him, he kept his distance. Our relationship progressed from that because I too started developing feelings for him. I respected him more than anyone else ever before. I fell for him, then and only then did I willingly enter a physical relationship with him.”
She knew it was strange talking about her sex life with her ex husband, but she knew it needed to be out there. She needed him to understand her feelings for Arnav and why she was essentially choosing Arnav over Manav. Manav listened patiently. He still was trying to comprehend being rejected but it stung less knowing that there was a legitimate reason for her to pick Arnav, and that it hadn’t been instantaneous, that she had waited for him but he himself blew it my taking such a long time and to come back.
Silence fell between them as they both processed all that had been said, and Manav realised that there was no coming back for him. She wasn’t about to take him back.
“So there’s no future at all for us?”
“Even if Arnav and I don’t work out, there’s no future for me and you now. That ship has sailed and sunk.”
Manav nodded and hung his head.
“So I guess this is the end of a road for us?”
“Our journey ended a long time ago, but yes, I think this is the definitive end for us.”
Moving in to give her one last hug, Manav dropped his head and turned away. Khushi watched as he left. She was sad to see him go, there was so much history between them, but this had to be done. There was no future for them and they both needed to move forward with their lives. It was the end of the road for them.
*****
It had been a few weeks since Khushi and Manav’s encounter at her house. Khushi hadn’t heard from either men since. Manav had finally realised that it was time for him to bow out and Arnav still wasn’t reaching out to her. She had kept her word and she hadn’t gone running after him either, nor had she been desperately trying to reach him any more. She left it all up to god. If it was to work out between them, then it would, she couldn’t fight any more. It was exhausting and at the end of it all, she was just getting hurt over and over again.
One evening, as Arnav left the office and went into his local cafe to pick up a coffee before he headed to another meeting, a person on the other side of the street caught his attention. The stopped in his tracks and took a good look at the other person. Manav.
Shaking his head, Arnav was ready to walk away and carry on with his day, but Manav saw him and called out to him, stopping him in his tracks again. Arnav thought to himself, should he rush away and pretend he didn’t recognise Manav or should he actually see what he had to say. Before Arnav could finish pondering over his choices, Manav had approached him.
“Hi…”
Arnav was still confused. What was he meant to say, how was he meant to react.
“We’ve not met before but I’m… I’m Manav.”
Manav pauses. He thought that upon hearing his name Arnav would react but when he didn’t, he realised he had to say something more.
“I’m Khushi’s… Khushi and I…”
“I know who you are.”
Arnav’s response surprised himself. It came out far harsher than he thought it was going to. But at the same time he didn’t care. He didn’t need to fake pleasantries with this guy.
“I just saw you across the street and I thought… Well I just thought it would be nice to say hi to you…”
“I’m busy, I have to get going. Excuse me.”
Arnav brushes passed and it took Manav a moment to realise what had happened. He couldn’t quite understand why Arnav had reacted so badly towards him. As it had been a while since he had last seen Khushi, he had assumed that things between Arnav and Khushi were fine again and so he didn’t think that Arnav would react so badly to him.
“Hey hold up.”
Arnav halted and Manav rushed back up to him.
“Listen dude…”
“I really don’t want to speak to you.”
Manav felt as though he was being rejected by a woman he was interested in. It didn’t make sense to him why Arnav was reacting so badly when he was just trying to be nice.
“Can I take you for a coffee and maybe we can…”
“Manav, I’m not your friend. We don’t even know each other. I don’t want to go to coffee with you. I’m sorry, excuse me.”
Arnav made to walk away once more but Manav blocked his path. Arnav could feel his temper rising. He clenched his hands at his side and hoped that Manav would move out of his way before he lost his temper.
“Look here buddy, I’m being nice to you, the least you can do is listen to me.”
“Listen buddy, I have nothing to say to you.”
“Yes you do. You’re sleeping with the love of my life and then you have the audacity to speak to me like an asshole.”
The mention of Khushi in this manner didn’t do Manav any favours. It further angered Arnav.
“I’m not sleeping with anyone at the moment but even if I was, it’s none of your business. You’ve got what you wanted. She picked you to start with, she waited years for you, and when she finally started accepting me, you came back and she picked you again. So I’m sorry I’m not prepared to be best buddies with you.”
“Wait… What crap are you saying? When did she pick me?”
“Cut the shit out. I heard you two.”
Arnav recapped what he’d heard that night when he’d followed Khushi, what he’d seen on her phone… Manav listened, and he felt his jaw drop.
“You absolute idiot, you have it all wrong.”
“How dare you…”
“Did you actually talk to her about that evening? Did you actually ask her what actually happened and what she said.”
“I…”
Manav shook his head and laughed.
“She cares so much for you and you haven’t even given her a chance to tell you what happened? You didn’t even care to try and find out from her.”
“I…”
Suddenly everything that Arnav had felt sure about seemed muddled and he was confused. Manav realised that Arnav was thrown and gestured to a Starbucks a few meters down the road.
The two men walked to Starbucks in silence, Arnav trying to recall all that had happened and Manav preparing himself to tell Arnav all that had happened. At one time, Manav had thought that he could manipulate Arnav, turn him further against Khushi so he could get Khushi back. But then he thought about Khushi and knew that no matter what happened she wouldn’t be happy with him anymore. She wanted Arnav now.
Upon arriving at Starbucks, Manav told Arnav to pick a table while he placed an order.
“Manav I’m really confused.”
“I can tell.”
The coffee arrived and Manav began to tell Arnav everything. He started his story right from when the accident took place and then carried on right to present day. Arnav listened as he took it all in. Manav explained to him how Khushi had no idea he was alive, that she hadn’t really been willing to give him the time of day. He told Arnav about how distant Khushi had been with him and how she had flat out rejected his plans to leave Arnav.
Arnav felt his heart drop. He had mistrusted Khushi and had thought the worst of her. He had thought Khushi was cheating on him and was going to leave him. He was so wrong…
When Manav finished telling Arnav everything, he paused and waited for Arnav to respond.
“I’ve fucked up man.”
Arnav sat back in his chair, recalling all the things he’d said and done in the last few months. How he’d denied her, how he’d pushed her away. And for what? A misunderstanding. Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he contemplated calling her, but before he could call her, Manav took his phone off him.
“What the…”
“Go to her! She’s a 15 minute drive away. GO TO HER.”
“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”
Manav put Arnav’s phone down between them again.
“If you love her, and you want her the way I think you do, that’s a risk you’re going to have to take. Go to her. Fight with her for her. Don’t get out of it easy by just calling her. Go to her dude!”
Arnav got to his feet and grabbed his phone. Before he rushed off her turned back to Manav who was still sat at the table. Walking back to the table, Arnav placed his hand on Manav’s shoulder.
“We didn’t start off right, but thank you.”
Manav got to his feet and gave Arnav a small smile.
“I feel it’s quite natural for both of us to be passive aggressive towards each other. But the reality of the matter is that she wants you and she wants to be with you, so there’s no point me trying to get between you both.”
“Thank you.”
Giving each other a meaningful nod, Arnav rushed off again. It was finally time to set things right.
*****
“What are you…”
Khushi stopped in her tracks. There he was. After so long. Here he was.
“Can I come I?”
Khushi hesitated for a moment before stepping aside and letting him in. Arnav looked around the house, it seemed awfully quiet. We’re they home alone?
“Where is everyone?”
“They’ve gone to Lucknow to see Buaji. Arnav… What are you doing here all of a sudden?”
“May I sit?”
Khushi gestured for him to sit down and he patted the seat beside him. She refused to sit down and stood to the side, her arms folded over her chest. Sighing, Arnav stood up and moved over to him, gently touching her arm.
“Please sit down.”
Sighing, Khushi took a seat in one of the armchairs and Arnav took his seat on the sofa.
“I know you’re mad…”
“Mad is an understatement Mr Raizada.”
“I know, just hear me out.”
“Arnav I don’t even know what to say to you. You shut yourself off from me and then send me divorce papers, refuse to speak to me and tell me what actually happened and now you’ve turned up at my door with your tail between your legs, asking me to hear you out. I’m sure you can see why this is all madness in my opinion.”
“I know… I can’t even begin to excuse my behaviour but at least let me explain.”
Arnav sighed as he prepared himself. He began telling Khushi everything that had happened. Khushi listened intently and Arnav watched her expression as he explained. She was hard to read. She wasn’t giving anything away but he carried on.
“So you see… I messed up and I can’t even tell you how ashamed I am…”
“I just… I don’t know what to say Arnav.”
He got off his seat and moved over to where Khushi was sitting and dropped to his knees in front of her. Placing his hands on her knee, he looked up at her, desperation in his eyes.
“I know what I did was unforgivable, I really should’ve spoken to you and just cleared things up with you, but I was an idiot, and I was insecure and I thought… I just thought, given the opportunity to go back to your first love, you would go back to Manav.”
“But if you knew when he returned… I mean the day I met him, I came home to you that evening and I asked you to make love to me. And we did and I…”
“I know and when I found out about Manav later and when I thought back to that day, I just thought you were trying to convince yourself of something, I don’t know what I thought but…”
“You didn’t trust me to respect you and our relationship.”
“Khushi…”
She pushed his hands off of her lap and stood up.
“There’s no two ways about it, you didn’t trust me. I realise it was my mistake too for not telling you as soon as I knew Manav was back, but at the same time I didn’t really get the opportunity to tell you because by the time I was prepared to do it, you had already closed yourself off from me.”
“I know I just…”
Khushi turned to face Arnav, took his hands and helped him off the floor.
“We could go round speaking about this for days, and we would get nothing out of it. At the end of the day we were both wrong, but at least I tried to speak to you about it all instead of pushing you away. You should’ve given me the opportunity to speak to you, or you should have spoken to me about it. Either way I think this shows that we both need more time to get to know one another.”
Arnav listened as she spoke. He knew she was right, there was no point interjecting.
She took a step closer to him, her hand on his cheek.
“I don’t want to draw this out longer than necessary and so I will say we should just drop this topic here…”
Arnav sighed a sigh of relieve and wrapped his arms around her.
“Thank you Khushi, I promise you I’ll never…”
She pulled away from him, shaking her head.
“Let me finish please. What I was saying is that we will drop this here now. Mistakes were made but we should learn from it and move forwards. Arnav, I care deeply about you and I know you about me, but I feel we need to take a step back in our relationship.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I am willing to come home with you today, if that’s what you want, but I want us to take our relationship slowly. So that means I want us to start sleeping separately again and I would like to hit pause on our physical relationship until we are in a better place in our relationship.”
Arnav paused and really let it sink in what she was saying. He didn’t like the thought of having to stay away from her again but if this was his only option then he was going to take it. He knew that what she is saying made sense though.
“I accept. I will respect your wishes and we’ll sleep away from each other, anything. I just need you back with me so I can redeem myself for being a fool.”
He held out his hand to her and she took it. She thought about it for a moment but then found herself wrapping her arms around him and giving him a tight hug.
“I missed you, so much. I really thought that that was the end of our relationship.”
“I’m sorry I put you through that Khushi. I promise you I’ll never put you through that again. Ever.”
“You better not… I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it another time. I love you… So much.”
Khushi felt Arnav still in her arms and she bit down on her tongue. She told him she loved him, for the first time. She hadn’t wanted to tell him that yet, she wanted to wait until he said it first. She pulled herself away from him and tried to break out of his hold, but he held onto her, his eyes locked onto hers. Hand reaching up to her cheek, he cupped her face and smiled.
“I love you too. I have done for a long time now. And I know I haven’t behaved like a man in love recently, but I do. I really love you.”
She placed her hand on his cheek and rubbed the side of his face with her thumb as she rested her forehead against his.
They had a long way to go in their relationship, but this was the start of a long and beautiful journey. Despite all that had happened between her and Arnav over the last few months, her heart felt really alive. It had a reason to pulsate again. She was finally on her way to her happily ever after..
Tanzeela’s Creative Writing Corner 